I'm still on the struggle bus, but ...

I'm still on the struggle bus, but I did my walking, my Duolingo, and leg day today. Better late than never.

I went to bed early last night and woke up around 1 am with prickly itching in my downstairs. I scratched before I could stop myself and I noticed some skin changes. I'm really sad about that. I'm still on medication for Lichen Sclerosus, so I thought it would stop my labia from changing and/or disappearing. I don't want them to disappear! They are still there, but I'm distraught. Like, do these changes mean that I'm still in an active flare? I don't know anything. I might look for a dermatologist or something.

I'm in physical distress with whatever is happening down there, plus my hormone situation. It's also causing quite a bit of mental distress, too. I feel really scared and sad and then I take my Testosterone and get rage-y on top of that. I think I handled today better than yesterday. I didn't tell Shaun not to talk to me or look at me, but I was pretty rude to him when Toebean let me know he was hungry for his special food that keeps him from getting stones and Shaun hadn't fed him. 😬  Shaun is basically handling everything around the house at this point, and I'm saving all of my energy and politeness for work, since both are very limited.

So far, I feel that the Testosterone has helped my joint pains some. I am still achy, but not as bad. It's only been 3 days, though, so there's plenty of time for me to feel better.

I woke up around noon and I'm heading back to bed at not-even 10. I feel like my batteries are low and it sucks. I do not know how to function like this.

Goodnight, friends. I hope y'all are having a better time than I am. ❤️

Harley snuggs.

Harley snuggs.

Toebean snuggs.

Toebean snuggs.

It's beautiful out.

It's beautiful out. Look what I missed while bed-rotting today.

I'm about to go to bed because I'm exhausted...

I'm about to go to bed because I'm exhausted, despite sleeping as long as I wanted to today.

So last night I saw someone post about a music video with Roseanne in it. I made Shaun look it up on YouTube on the TV. That was... Something.

After that, there was a video talking about Jafar Jackson and how he sounds so much like Michael. I made Shaun watch that with me, too.

Being tired and done with my bullshit, he turned the TV off because he was going to bed (around 9 last night). Having just learned of Jafar's existence and wanting to know more, I opened the YouTube app on my phone. It presented me with a pimple-popping video and I COULD NOT look away. So I sat here on the couch until 2:30 this morning watching disgusting, grossly-satisfying video after video. I could not stop. For 5 hours I sat here, trapped and entranced. I'm afraid I've now ruined my YouTube algorithm and I'm scared to open it again. Apparently I'm defenseless against pimple-popping videos. Not super shocking since I'm such a skin-picker, myself.

Anyway, I didn't make it out of the bedroom today until around 2 this afternoon. I did do my walking, but not my delayed leg day from yesterday. I will try again tomorrow.

I thought I was ok, but then I found out that my face looked mad. I didn't feel mad, but over the course of the day I asked Shaun to stop talking to me, and then eventually to stop looking at me. So I guess I've felt some kind of way. Like "We can watch TV together, but do not perceive me." 😂 He just went to bed... in his game room. He said it was probably safer that way. 😂😂😂

I really need to do my nails. I've had this gel overlay on for 3-ish weeks. Maybe 4. I cut my nails recently because they were getting too long, but the gel is starting to lift and that's probably causing damage. But I obviously didn't feel like doing nails today. On top of my mood, I've felt tired and also foggy. I can't blame the hormones because I'm the one who stayed up late, but I'm sure they are doing something. I'm on day 2 of Testosterone and started my Hypothyroid meds today.  I should probably be resting and taking it easy while my body adjusts. So, goodnight. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Shaun took the boys out for errands today.

Shaun took the boys out for errands today. A certain someone is WORN. OUT. 😂

Also, look at these precious cookies he got them!

When we gave them the cookies, Bear did the goofiest thing (imagine that). 😂 He took his from me, laid it down to smell it, then decided to take it to the grass for a picnic. But when he picked it up, he was like <| instead of <- with his mouth. He was carrying it on the edges with his mouth propped wide open. 😂 I would've gotten a picture, but we were wrangling Cub so he wouldn't steal from Bear. Gosh, he's such a goober. 😂😂😂

I started my Testosterone today.

I started my Testosterone today. They warned me it was bitter and offered to flavor it. I chose watermelon. It's not bad. It has to melt under my tongue.

They said it could take up to 3 weeks to normalize my levels and feel better.

I am hoping with everything I have that it helps me sleep.