I'm home. Was not my plan, but...

I'm home.  Was not my plan, but these antibiotics have my stomach all jacked and I have a test due in Discrete CS this evening, anyway.  I would prefer to be here to do it.

I have really gotta show y'all examples of what I'm learning.  (Or rather, trying desperately to learn.  LOL)  Maybe I'll do that in the next few days.  I think most of you will understand my struggle.

Last night Shaun encouraged me to see what kind of bad grades I could get and still keep my scholarship (just as a worse-case scenario).  I have wanted to do that, but I never have the courage to do it alone.  LOL  I could make a C in 10 classes and still not lose it.  I could even make a D in two classes, although I think I'd have to re-take those classes because it doesn't count if it's for your major.  So knowing that I have some wiggle room has eased my anxiety quite a bit.

Anyway.  I'm off to take my exam and hit the books.  It's time to get on track!

Hey, friends. I'm feeling a bit better today.

Hey, friends.  I'm feeling a bit better today.  I've been on antibiotics since Friday.  Not starting antidepressants just yet, but I have them if I need them.

I'm working on Programming homework and chilling.  I have a plan for this coming week and I feel like it's a solid one.  I'm planning to go to tutoring every day before and / or after class.  I have got to get on top of things and I think the extra time in the math lab with tutors available will help.  If not, I might be screwed.  But the kids and Shaun both know the plan and are down with it.  They're going to handle things around the house until I get right, which I greatly appreciate.

So, that's what's up.  I'm feeling optimistic that I can get on track, which is much better than feeling like I've got an elephant on my chest.  If nothing else I've got perseverance going for me because (I might have said this before, but if not...) all of my classes are down to about half the size they were at the beginning of the semester.  That's a little scary, but I do think that showing up and carrying on counts for something and I can do that much.

Anyway.  I hope we all have a great week.  ❤

Heading to bed FAR too late.

Heading to bed FAR too late.  I've been studying for a Linear Algebra quiz that I'm pretty sure I will also fail.  I feel like I am stressed beyond function.  It might be time to get back on antidepressants because I feel like I'm just not super cool right lately.  I'm pretty sure I should be settled in at JSU by now and that I should feel more excited and motivated than I do.  Right now I honestly want to quit and I know that deep down, I don't, but my motivation and mojo are gone.  I'm empty.

When I'm ok I do fine with pressure and deadlines, but I look at everything I'm supposed to do to stay on top of this schoolwork and all I want to do is sleep.  The sole purpose of me freelancing and not working all the time was so I could focus on school, and for whatever reason or reasons, I am currently not doing it and / or not able to do it.

Admittedly, there were a few big transitions happening over the last few weeks, but things are pretty good right now.  I just don't feel like I have recovered and I'm not sure that I will without help.  I feel more and more that sinking feeling that crept up on me after the shit storm that was last year.  I don't want that again.  It was a dark place.

I'm heading to the C.A.R.E.S. clinic tomorrow, anyway.  I'm pretty sure I'm battling an infection of some sort, so I will ask the doctor about refilling my Celexa.  Might as well.  The last thing I need to do is let this ride and wreck my grades.  That won't help anything at all.

I hope you all are doing well.  If you're not, please take the time to take care of yourselves.  You gotta do what you gotta do.  ❤

In happy news:

In happy news:  It was a dress-up day at Saks High for homecoming week.  Quirky day, I think?  So Shadow is wearing some of Shaun's old clothes, and Kira has on a necktie and suspenders, plus some pants she decorated with a Sharpie.  Shaun took them to school and snapped this photo.  I hate that I didn't see them off, but I was up late studying, so... I missed out, but it's ok.

P. S.  I'm totally shocked that Kira isn't in the front seat DJ'ing.   It's a party wherever she goes.  That is why she's gonna kick ass at being the mascot on Friday.  😃  💙💙💙  I can't wait!

Officially failed my first test at JSU.

Hey, am I crazy or is it pretty common knowledge...

Hey, am I crazy or is it pretty common knowledge how to unfollow someone and / or hide a post on here?  Legit asking for myself because I need to know.

Yesterday, I saw two instances where people were complaining about other people's posts.  On the first one someone actually asked a friend to take down something so they didn't have to see it.  😮  On the second there was a potentially inflammatory vague-book post about another person having to do with what said person posted on their Facebook.  Someone beat me to telling the first person how to hide or unfollow, but I did tell the second person in case they didn't know.  I was doing it in the spirit of being helpful (and I thought I was nice about it, but I was admittedly terribly sleepy), but it doesn't appear that it was taken that way because as far as I can tell I am now unfriended and / or blocked.  It could just be that this person quit Facebook again because this wouldn't be the first time, but the timing makes me wonder...

So if most of you know how to do that I will keep my supposed helpfulness to myself in the future.  If you don't - leave me a message or comment and I'll show you what's up.  Just let me know something, please, so I can know how tech-savvy my friends are. Because generally speaking if I see someone complaining about something they have control over I assume that they don't know all of their options and need help.  Because like, why else would you do that?  Complaining is not a hobby.  😂

Anyway, if I wasn't unfriended / blocked and I just can't find you - know that I ain't mad at ya regardless.  But if I was, no worries there, either.  I can still see your value as a person even if we are not the same, (though I did unfollow you).  I say this with all the love in the world, and no hard feelings or anything, but...

I have tons of schoolwork due this week...

Y'all, my life feels weird.

Y'all, my life feels weird.  Some good, some less good, but there has been a lot going on.

We've got Kira pretty much settled in now, so that is fantastic.  I was pretty stressed out through the transition, but I think most of that is done now.  She is really great and a joy to have around.  🙂  I'm also really excited because she gets to be the mascot at the homecoming game next week.  I think it's basically a try-out, so it's possible that she will be the mascot the rest of the year.  Paws crossed!  😃

School... man, I know I've been distracted, ok, but I'm not having the best time.  JSU is beautiful and I do love all of my instructors, but I've got two that jump around through tough material, and with their accents and the jumping around and with this not being easy stuff I don't feel so great about two of my classes.  Y'all, I haven't even made a bad grade yet (worst is a 7/10 on a quiz; the rest of my assignments have been A's), but I know deep down that I am not off to a great start.  I have a couple of exams coming up and I feel really stressed about it.  🙁

On the bright side:  Things are calming down.  Shaun took the kids out today, so I've been alone and studying for quite a while.  I think I'm gonna take a break and get a shower before everyone gets back.  If I'm smart and doing the right things I'll study some more this evening and also spend a good part of tomorrow on it, as well.  I know I will feel tons better if I can just get to a good place on things.

I hate to admit that even though I'd planned to just do school instead of work so that I could concentrate on school I've felt more like a housewife than anything for the last two weeks.  All of the moving stuff and re-arranging and cleaning out and running errands... it has legit been wearing me out.  Thankfully, I've not missed a class (and I don't plan to), but that is more than I can say for a good many of my classmates.  Which, I'm not even going to get started on that, but seriously - classes have been in for less than a month...  👀

Anyway.  I'm off.  I have plenty to do.  I hope you all are doing well.  I have really missed having time to properly socialize on the Internet, but, well, things have been happening IRL, so that is where I've been.  ❤❤❤

You might have noticed that I've been quieter than usual lately....

You might have noticed that I've been quieter than usual lately.  I have and it's because we've been going through a transition.  It seems that I'm having quite a few of those right about now.  LOL

I'd like for you to meet Kira because you'll be hearing about her now just as much as you hear about Shadow.  She's officially part of the family now.  💕

It's uncanny how well she fits in with us.  If I didn't know better I'd say that she's our long lost child.  She is goofy like Shaun, artistic, always singing and dancing, and interested in learning to play percussion, (which I am more than thrilled to help her with).  She is not high-maintenance at all, so of course I love that, as well.

The biggest thing is how amazing she is with the animals.  Turns out, the baby "field mice" I'm rehabbing are actually rats, but anyway, she's been a huge help with them.  She seems to love all of the creatures here.  She isn't afraid of anyone and doesn't think they're gross.  In fact I've seen her go around and pet / tell the animals goodnight.  She's a girl after my own heart.  ❤

So anyway.  We've got a new kid.  😃  I know that our living setup is far from conventional, but we're happy and healthy, so that is what's important.  Between our two houses we have plenty of space - it's just a matter of figuring out how to best arrange things.  But seriously, I am super happy to have another girl around.  It feels really nice.  💗

Here it is. 😃

Here it is.  😃

My boy nailed it.

If anyone is bored tomorrow night...

If anyone is bored tomorrow night come to the Saks game and hear my kiddo sing the National Anthem. I'm so excited. 😀

Pardon my absence, Internet, but I have been pre-occupied.

Pardon my absence, Internet, but I have been pre-occupied.  This is a family group chat with me, Shaun, Shadow, and his girlfriend, Kira.  We're all super dorks and have been enjoying each other's company.  Shaun has named us, apparently.  😂😂😂  It was too good not to share. 😃

Tfw...