I'm supposed to be studying, but I feel like I won't be able to concentrate until I get some things out.

I'm supposed to be studying, but I feel like I won't be able to concentrate until I get some things out.

In general I am doing ok.  The Cymbalta seems to be helping.  My sleep is a little janky still, but I think that can still work itself out.  I'm more motivated and active than I have been in months, so overall any negative like waking up in the middle of the night is by far outweighed by the fact that I can do things, and that I want to.  Maybe now that I have a little bit of energy I need to make exercise a priority.  Maybe I need to burn some of it off.

As far as I can tell I'm doing ok in my math class.  It's been a long time (about 3 years now) since I've seen Calculus, which is what we use to solve Differential Equations, but I feel like it's coming back to me and I have been putting in the effort.  We have our first quiz on Tuesday, so I guess then I'll see exactly how ok (or not) I'm doing.  Calculus is so detailed and I love it so I'm actually really enjoying the class, but one little mistake can throw the whole thing off.  Needless to say, the anxiety is real.

Besides that I am feeling super disconnected from so many people.  Obviously, with us staying in for 6 months now that was bound to happen.  But it's really more than that.  It's more like an emotional disconnect and it is really getting to me.  I have a few friends who I know are busy, but I almost never hear from them unless it's a meme even when I've shared that I'm going through stuff.  A great many people have disappointed me with anti-mask / anti-BLM / pro-Trump / "I'm going out even though it's a pandemic" posts and to be honest that has made me reevaluate a lot of relationships.

I feel like so many people are just... stupid.  Or worse, ignorant.  And I feel resentful because the pandemic could have BEEN over, and if we bothered to care about justice and equality then we wouldn't be so divided.  I don't know.  But a lot of stuff is getting to me and is on my mind and I don't even know what to do with it because it's not like I can fix any of it myself.  It's extremely frustrating and that is pretty much all I can say about it.  I mean, it's not really, but it's all I'm going to post on a public forum.

Well, unfortunately for me this was not cathartic in the least, so uh, enjoy, or something.  If you're not feeling too ok I guess take solace in the fact that you are not alone.