I'm in my feelings and I'm going to write until I'm empty.
TL;DR: rambling. It's ok to skip this.
The people who owned this house before us had kids and dogs (as evidenced by the leash hangers and dog shampoo / Legos and other toys we found left behind). The carpet here looks pretty new and had definitely been vacuumed before we moved in but it was obvious it hadn't been shampooed or steam-cleaned due to the furniture marks left behind and some other minor stains. I'm bringing this up because Cubba has been house-trained for years but for whatever reason has decided that it's ok to pee and poop in the upstairs hallway. It is most definitely not. He doesn't do it anywhere else in the house so I'm wondering if he's smelling old stains that we can't see or smell. He is (for now) banished to downstairs.
Another fun thing Cubba has decided to do is eat the blinds when left alone for 0.2 seconds. We had them up the other day and he could see out and apparently he GREATLY enjoyed that. Now, having the blinds down or closed is obviously a sin and will not be tolerated. Shaun is going to buy some vertical blinds so Cubba can just stick his head through and hopefully he'll not destroy those. In the before(Albuquerque[AndDogsAllUpInTheHouse])times, we preferred vertical blinds anyway because cats are also awful with any other kind. So I guess it's only a little nuisance but dang, these dogs are doing the most.
As for Rose she won't go upstairs; we can barely get her in the house as it is so she hasn't been an issue up there. Her diarrhea has cleared up, thank goodness. I think it was caused by a combination of stress and eating cat food. She is still hesitant to come in or do anything once inside but she does come in of her own free will and the cat food is out of her reach. She is not making any messes indoors so that is nice. But you know that weird sit she does? I'll add a picture because I don't expect y'all to remember my life. Anyway, we've caught her doing that a few times before but the other day she went full-on scooting and stomping on her girly bits with her front paws. I've seen dogs scratch their butts in a similar fashion but usually their tail is straight out behind them. Hers is not. We're taking her to the vet as soon as we can but most are booked out at least a month. I don't think she's in pain and she doesn't do this consistently but damn if she's not a strange one and I'd like to have her checked out just in case.
I'm not a super fan of us having to keep eyeballs on the dogs at all times but I know this is part of settling them in. It's limiting and I'm not that into it. I'm at a point where I want to be free (and since the kids are basically grown I kind of can be). I've said it before and I'm saying it now that I haven't bonded to Cubba or Rose in the way that I had to my previous pack that ended with Booka's death. It's nothing against these two but Booka passing marked the end of an era for me. I still have nightmares about being separated from those six: Scooter, Emma, Booka, Nappy, Lowrider, and Faith. Things have gotten easier over the years; I can see photos of them and smile while remembering the happy times instead of breaking down and crying. But there is a hole where my six pack was. And settling Cubba and Rose in is more of a chore for me than I feel it should be. Things are different. I am different.
Before anyone worries about them, please know that we do the best we can for anyone in our care. These dogs are happy and healthy and fed and loved. I'm still not convinced that Rose will be her best self with us (rather than a pack of dogs) but literally no rescue has responded to my plea for help with her. So as per usual we'll just do the best we can and continue on. And here I'd like to reiterate that my feelings are just a reflection of me; it is nothing against either of these pups. I dealt with far worse when I was fostering and it didn't phase me because I was different and I had my pack.
Well, enough about dogs. Shaun and I found a great bed and ordered it. I called to check on delivery and it won't be here until sometime in NOVEMBER. Until then we are sleeping on our mattress on the floor (well, I'm mostly on the couch because of dogs for now, but anyway). It's comfortable enough but it's a little hard to set up the bedroom without the largest object in there to work around. It's not like we don't have plenty of other rooms to finish setting up but I'm feeling overwhelmed and not doing the best at prioritizing currently. I don't know. I worked on my surviving plants yesterday and today to keep them from dying so maybe that is what I should have been doing. I don't know if I mentioned this yet but I lost probably at this point half of my succulents between the humidity in Talladega and the move here. I'm sad about that. It's not that I need a million plants to be happy but a lot of them were given to me by friends or had special meaning or were unique.
What else can I tell you about? Oh, that on my new ID I got to choose "X" as my gender. Hell yeah! Nothing there but a big ol' X.
The only other big thing on my mind is my nightmares. My deceased dog pack is in them, of course, as are any of the people in my life who've ever tried to control me (be it from work, family, or romantic relationships). I'm so far away from any of that now (both time and distance-wise) and yet it haunts me. (It's not like it didn't occasionally come up before, but this is a pretty large resurgence over the last few days.) And what's absurd is that I know I'm not helpless and I know I'm not easily controlled and I'm super-duper reinforced by my husband now, so... wtf. Maybe it's just that my anxiety is out of control (I've been back on the full dose of my meds for almost a week [after only a few days of trying to lower it], but it takes time to balance out) and my mind is dreaming up all of the bad things that could have or almost did happen. Brains are weird but I guess maybe that should be expected of a pile of wrinkly meat with electricity in it. Or so the memes say.
I'm really unhappy about my hair right now. Kira and I both want a haircut but it hasn't been a priority. But it's about to be for me because I don't feel like myself with all of this hair on my head. It needs to go far, far away. I can shave it myself if I have to but it's nice to have a little left for shade. I can't imagine being completely bald with the way the sun is out here... at least not until hat season, but then I'd be cold enough that I'd wish I had some hair. I don't think sunblock on my scalp is my jam right now. At least not until I get desperate enough. Ha.
Our new neighborhood is dressing up for Halloween and we're HERE FOR IT. It looks like we need to make use of that coupon we got in the mail from Spirit Halloween. This might be the first year that I've lived somewhere nice enough that people take their kids Trick-Or-Treating in my neighborhood. I need to consult with my neighbors and confirm before we go out and buy a ton of candy that I would inevitably eat. Or on the flip side - end up with too little and disappoint a bunch of kids. I'm not a huge fan of holidays but I am honestly not trying to be THAT person.
I might be anxious in part because I miss my husband. I know how stupid that sounds because I'm here with him but we haven't had any quality time in almost 3 weeks. We get to have a little down-time balloon-watching in the yard with the dogs first thing in the morning. We have shows we watch together and I've played some video games with him, but that's not enough for me right now. Those are the "we're gearing up for the day" or "Shit I'm tired, let's relax" kind of moments. We haven't had any in-restaurant dinners or anything even though like, 70% of NM has had at least their first COVID shots (look it up - we're like #9 in the country right now). It might be time we have a date-night. I really need to just stop what I'm doing and look at his beautiful face for like an hour. That usually sets me straight.
In an attempt to make myself feel normal I pushed and oiled my cuticles today and shaped my nails. They needed the love after digging in dirt for 2 days. Now if I could find the time to paint them that would be GREAT. I have missed that SO BAD. Honestly I have so much polish within arms reach, but no idea where my base and topcoats are, nor my acetone to clean my edges. Ah, the joys of moving. Maybe the next thing I unpack and arrange should be my nail stuff.
Well, I'm getting sleepy and the cat fountain is too loud so it probably needs water and it's bothering me so I'm going to check on it regardless, but what I'm saying is that I'm about to make my rounds and go to sleep. Goodnight, Internet. I love you.
