I'm on the struggle bus today.

I'm on the struggle bus today.

I went to bed early last night and had planned to wake up early today but I had nightmares and ended up sleeping until LATE this afternoon.  Despite being up and doing things I still feel really tired and drowsy.  It's probably a little breakthrough depression.  It's not like I've been doing a lot of self-care lately.

So this past week I've focused more on my to-do list than anything else.  We really got a lot done and that's been great.  However, I didn't skate for a whole week so I basically didn't get any exercise other than doing housework.  I didn't get any sunshine because I was working indoors.  I didn't actually have fun because chores aren't fun outside of the satisfaction of them being done.  I guess the way I'm feeling today actually makes sense and I have only myself to blame.  Noted.

Yesterday was sunny and cool and we all decided to go to the park.  Shaun and the kids walked and I skated.  I was SO STUPIDLY HAPPY to have my wheels back on that I honestly could have cried.  We ended up not staying long because the weather (despite being a good temperature with plenty of sun) was SO WINDY.  The gusts were cold and strong enough to literally push me when I was on flat ground.  I did get a workout, though, because skating even slightly uphill can be tough.  Doing it against wind resistance on top of that is next-level.  I'm feeling that in my thighs today.

Other stuff on my mind:  It's almost 2022.  I keep thinking it's 2020 so it's messing with my brain a lot.  This year (2021) has been the most unsettled and weird year of my life.  So much happened that was out of the norm and just... what the hell?  You know?  I think a lot of people are feeling that (or that's what the internet says, anyway).  I'm hoping that 2022 will bring me a job and some much-welcome stability.

Another thing that is on my mind is that like... y'all know we're still in a pandemic, right?  I try not to put my judgy-pants on but my goodness the holiday photos and lack of masks and distancing really got my anxiety up, especially for a bunch of my Alabama friends and family because I know a bunch of y'all (loudly and proudly) aren't vaccinated.  I don't really know what to say except that I hope everyone will be ok.  I know a lot of reports say that Omicron is milder than Delta, but I've read that it's still very dangerous for unvaccinated people (as would also be the very real possibility of the hospitals filling up and being unable to care for everyone).

I don't know.  The pandemic in general is weighing heavily on me at the moment - probably because there is another surge in progress.  To my knowledge I have only lost one person that I actually know to COVID (a distant friend).  Anxiety keeps telling me that my luck with that will run out eventually and that the next surge will take out people closer to me.  It is, uh, very taxing (to say the least) trying to live like this.  But we're all in this together so I am definitely not alone or special in my struggle.

Anyway.  I guess I've put my thoughts out there and now I'm off to do something else.  I don't know what with my low-energy ass, but something.  Love to you all.  ❤

Poor Shaun...

Poor Shaun just wants to play his game but a bunch of the fur-kids are demanding snuggles. What a hard life. 😂😂😂

Shaun better get comfy because I'm joining the pile! 😂❤️

It's not easy to see and it'll be melted away soon, but...

It's not easy to see and it'll be melted away soon, but we woke up to snow this morning! We saw some on the mountain earlier this week but it actually made it to us this time!

Edit:  An hour later, it's gone. Best snow ever!

I haven't skated since Wednesday.

I haven't skated since Wednesday. It hasn't been intentional and I've wanted to go a bunch of different times but, you know - holidays. And hormones. And weather. And chores.

I had energy yesterday but spent the whole day doing housework. Between yesterday and today we got a bunch of stuff checked off of our to-do list. I'm kind of hoping to knock most of it out within the next few days. That'll feel nice if we can manage it.

I'm headachy and crampy and grumpy today so that's been a ton of fun. 😂 I didn't sleep well last night, either... I think I had my tea too late in the day. What I'm saying is that I've been a beautiful ray of sunshine ALL DAY LONG. 🤪 For real, though, I'm exhausted and either going to call it a night soon or fall asleep here on this couch in a pile of cats.

I hope you all are doing well. I'm not 100% but tomorrow is a new day. ❤️

I've gotta share what the kids got me today.

I've gotta share what the kids got me today.

This drawing was done by Shadow. It's a mesa in the desert and it's so thoughtful because he knows how much I love it here (probably because I say it out loud nearly every day). 😂 He's been practicing his art and learning new techniques and I am living for all of it.

 

This pin is from Kira and when I say she SLAYED the gift-giving this year, I mean it. She got a custom mug made for Shadow and some jerky for Shaun, and this pin that I am in love with for me.

BEFORE Y'ALL JUDGE ME TOO HARSHLY:  I think I've made it pretty clear that I'm not Christian and I don't believe in gods. For me logic dictates that I don't believe in devils, either (and I don't. I worship no one). THAT BEING SAID, I do support The Satanic Temple with my Amazon purchases because I'm a fan of their work regarding human rights and bodily autonomy. And to be completely honest, Baphomet is fucking adorable to me (look, I love animals and y'all already knew that). I guess I'm out of all of my closets now. 😂

So this pin that says "Hail Skatin'" was an unexpected delightful surprise and my day is made.

Happy "Whatever You Celebrate" to you and yours today and always.

🖤,

Blucifer 😈

(I swear that's just the name I've picked for myself if I decide to join roller derby. I'm really not off the deep end, y'all, but I couldn't not sign off on this post with it. 😅😂❤️)

She loves to be tucked in with blankets.

She loves to be tucked in with blankets. She's under a seasonally-appropriate one today.

I, uh... I don't know if Bastian realizes that she's not just a pile of blankets, but Rose is reacting to this nonsense by (of course) not moving. 😂😂😂

Apparently, I've been having some pretty vivid dreams lately.

Apparently, I've been having some pretty vivid dreams lately.

Because I'm a light sleeper I know that when Shaun wakes up in the morning he comes to my side of the bed and kisses me before going downstairs. (/swoon) He told me that the day before yesterday when he came to my side of the bed I popped up suddenly before he could kiss me and told him that I was having fight dreams. This morning I mumbled something to him about bugs and asked that he open the blinds.

Usually I remember my dreams for better or worse, but not these two. I'm pretty curious about what my brain was doing in my sleep, but that's ok I guess. At least I'm giving Shaun clues to tell me about later. 😂😂😂

We drove around last night looking at decorations.

We drove around last night looking at decorations. I asked Shaun to get this photo for me because this person decorated their beautiful, giant agave with lights and I loved it so much. I'm glad he also got the Luminarias in the photo. I've never seen them anywhere else. They are everywhere here and they're so beautiful. Here's a little info about them:

"The glowing brown sacks that adorn Albuquerque walkways, churches, and homes each holiday season are called luminarias and date back more than 300 years. The New Mexican tradition began when the Spanish villages along the Rio Grande displayed the unique and easy to make Christmas lanterns, called luminarias to welcome the Christ child into the world. A traditional luminaria is a brown paper bag, which has been folded at the top, filled will a couple cups of sand and a votive candle."

I did the ultimate form of self-care today:

I did the ultimate form of self-care today:  I made up my loft! I've MISSED that bed so, so much for about a year now. It was December of last year that I needed to disassemble it, pack it away, and move to Talladega. It stayed in storage in the basement the whole time we were there and then in storage in our garage here for a while after we moved because we had bigger settling-in priorities.

It's been built for a while now, but I didn't have a mattress until around my birthday last month. I've wanted to make it up and go up there so many times but between the job search, unpacking, doctors appointments, cleaning, skating, and low-energy days it just wasn't able to happen until now.

I am so excited. This bed / desk / pull-out floor bed / drawers combo is part of my very essence. It is my Nest. I bought it from a guy on CraigsList in GA when I lived in AL in my first home. Then when I moved in with Shaun it went in my bedroom there. Then it traveled to Talladega and from there, New Mexico!

Shaun hates moving my Nest because it has to be disassembled every time we move it and then put back together (kind of like a jigsaw puzzle). It doesn't help that I'm stupid protective of it, either. 😂😂😂 I just can't help it. I don't know what to say besides this is the thing that makes a home for me. I'm really grateful that our bedroom here has room for it, plus room for the king-size bed we share.

And before y'all think I'm TOO ridiculous, know that Shaun ALSO has a loft with a desk in his Cave downstairs. If I'm a little weird, well - he's definitely my match. We're both just 39-year-old kids living our best lives. 😊😊😊

My Nest made up with the comforter my mom made me.

Pic from the side. Y'all don't get to see my messy desk. Avert your eyes and quit trying. 😂

Y'all like my skate videos? This is a good one. 😜

Y'all like my skate videos?  This is a good one. 😜

Higher ramp. It didn't go so well. But hey, I made it to the bottom. 😂😂😂

I had fun today but Vanessa skated CIRCLES around me (not literally). She nailed every one of her goals, including this ramp that took me out. That's ok. I got some practice and exercise in and it was a good time. ❤️❤️❤️

Axial Tilt.

Axial Tilt.

I'm so frustrated right now. The only thing about this time of year that I enjoy is knowing that the days will be getting longer. It's extra good for me this year because it means more sunshine for skating.

I'm declaring here and now that Christmas 2021 is the last Christian holiday that I will actively be participating in. I have reasons.

For one:  I am not Christian. I don't believe in any gods at all. But IF I was into Christian holidays for religious purposes I would be furious about how commercialized they have become. Pretty much all meaning is lost and the point is to spend money, consume goods, decorate, and maybe go to church even if you don't any other time of the year. How shitty. 😂 If I was a Christian, I'd be celebrating a LOT differently than most people I know. 

For two:  I really don't understand doing something just because it's always been done. Like, so what? Why? I grew up doing these rituals and now I don't want to keep repeating them, especially when I could do ANYTHING else. I could do ANYTHING I want on a certain day, but no, I *choose* to do something I've done before? Is it special to repeat a ritual? Is it comforting? For me personally, no. It's really grating, actually. In math and computer science we use algorithms and we automate as much as possible to avoid doing exactly this. Let a machine do the repetitive work. Let me move on!

If you enjoy holidays then more power to you. I'm just saying that I don't, and that after this year I'm opting out. No more Christian holidays for me. Shaun and the kids can do whatever they want. I'll give enough effort to them and only them to not ruin their day because I love them. And therein lies the trap. 😕

EDITED TO ADD:

Anyone who receives a package from me, know I did that because I wanted to. I'm pretty sure that gift-giving is my love language. I just don't enjoy the thought of having to do it certain times of the year whether I'm feeling it or not. ❤️

I'm getting some rare cuddles...

I'm getting some rare cuddles from my li'l Gramson, Leon. 😍😍😍 He's definitely his mama's boy so I feel special. 😊😊😊

Today was gorgeous and I got my skate on.

It's a sunny 43°F out.

It's a sunny 43°F out. Comfortable in the sun, cooler in the shade, balloons in the distance. Perfection.

Look at all this yard work that needs to be done. We gotta sweep our gravel back into place every once in a while because the dogs and coyotes make a mess when they play. We also gotta scoop the poop. It's so hard y'all, let me tell you. 😛

For real, I do NOT miss the rain and storms and humidity of the south, or fighting back nature at every turn. We've been here for 3 months now and I still love it. I was never an outdoorsy person in Alabama, but here I'm up for hiking, biking, skating, whatever. Even when it's down in the 30s all you gotta do is catch a sun beam to warm up.

For those of you who love the south:  I'm so happy that you're happy. I sincerely mean that. But for me this has been life-changing. I'm still in awe at how much I love being outside now. I'm so much more active than I've been since probably band camp back in high school. This is so nourishing for my body and my mind. It's exactly what I needed and I'm so grateful. ❤️❤️❤️

Six years later and he's still my favorite person...

Six years later and he's still my favorite person - so much so that I captured him as my spouse and stook my claim on him until I die! I've never been so sure of anything or anyone else in my life!

We've come a long, long way together. From living separately and me refusing his help to me allowing him to treat me to lunch sometimes to me letting him help support me through college. From getting married to moving in together to finally sharing a bedroom. I knew early on that he was my person but he patiently let (and often agreed with) me and our slow and out-of-order relationship progression.

Now here we are - 13 years strong, a home we chose together in a place we chose together, with our amazing kids, weird dogs, and too many cats. We've been slowly but surely building towards this for years and it feels good, man. New goals and adventures are being planned and I can't wait to see where we are in another 13 years.

Happy "Made It Official" Day, Shaun! ❤️

Today was vet day for the dogs.

Today was vet day for the dogs. We were updating their shots, getting microchips, and checking out Rose's back end.

Cubba was happy and good for his physical exam, but the second his doctor tried to take his temperature (bootily) that was over. He shrieked and bucked and was snapping and snarling and NOT behaving. The vet couldn't do shots or anything after that, even with him muzzled. We were sent home with a sedative and we're going to try again Friday.

I have never in my life seen Cubba act like that. I've taken him to the vet before by myself and he was a perfect gentleman. I don't know if it's because his previous doctor put him up on the table for examination or if it's because Shaun was with us this time or what, but he showed out. I was shocked and embarrassed. Just WOW.

On to Rose - she was a great patient. Of course, when she's scared she freezes up and shrinks herself and that's about all. The vet examined her thoroughly, especially after I showed him the video of her smashing the cooch and scooting. He said he'd never seen that before, but the weird sit made him suspect hip or back trouble. He determined that she didn't seem painful in her hips or back, though.

After that he took her into another room with better lighting to check her bottom visually and see if they could express her anal glands. They did express her glands and reported back that they were full. (I ALMOST tried that myself the other night but Rose was being herself and not coming to me so I didn't.) Now we need to wait and see if that alleviated the problem or not. We're hoping that's all it was because it's the cheapest, easiest, and least-invasive solution to her problems.

After she came back into the room with us Rose got on the bench with us and hid in the corner behind Shaun. I'm talking full-on squeezed behind him, face down and in the corner "you can't see me" style. The nurse offered her some treats and she took them, though. She wasn't so shook she could turn down snacks. 😂😂😂

Anyway, there's the update on that. I can't believe we have to tranq Cub for his visit, but we'll do what we have to do. With coyotes coming in the yard we definitely want to be prepared with rabies prevention, and with him being the escape artist he is we'd feel tons better with him having a chip. I'll let y'all know if that vet visit is eventful, but hopefully it won't be. ❤️

Shaun took me to the Star Heights skate park near home.

Shaun took me to the Star Heights skate park near home. It's pretty nice. The concrete segments have filling in between them so it's not too rough going over the cracks. It's also pretty level and has a few ramps and things. The ramps are higher than the one I tackled before, but that's ok. I'll work up to them eventually.

It was fun and the weather was nice in the 50s F, but the sun was rough. I had sunglasses on but I need a visor, too. I didn't stay as long as I would have liked, but after the falls I've taken over the last few days I'm sore (with surprisingly no visible bruises) so I'm going easy on myself. I did practice skating backwards and doing cross-pulls, though, and it went well so I'm happy.

Tomorrow we have doctor and vet appointments so I'm not counting on having time to skate. Maybe it'll be a heavy chore day and I'll get a bunch of stuff out of the way. We'll see. For now I'm off to see what I feel like checking off my list with the rest of my day. ❤️

My gosh, I feel like I'm battling depression right now.

My gosh, I feel like I'm battling depression right now. My energy and motivation are just low.

 

The only thing I have motivation for is skating. I didn't feel like leaving the house, though, so I tried to skate outside of my house... where there's a not-insignificant downhill slope. Obviously, I fell a couple of times - right on my ass... On the same spot I fell yesterday. I'll probably have a bruised butt tomorrow. Fun times. I came back inside and pouted on the couch in my skates and padding until my feet fell asleep.

 

The only other thing I've scraped up energy for is moving my plants inside with the help of Shadow and Shaun. They're in the garage. It gets cold in there, but probably (hopefully) not freezing. We'll see who survives but it's not looking good. So I'm still bummed about that.

Other than that I made a list of things to do this week and I'm hoping that I get some stuff accomplished. I work best with a list so hopefully that'll do me some good. We'll see.

Overall, things are pretty good but I get intense about my hobbies so not being able to skate and seeing my plants look so rough has brought me down today. But tomorrow will probably be better. Shaun is usually up for going to skate parks when they're empty so maybe I'll get some exercise / practice in. I'm sure that'll lift my mood.

Anyway. I hope you all are doing well. I'm off to have some dinner and see if I can muster up some energy for anything else. If not, I'm calling it a night. ❤️

I am so sad. I have killed EVEN MORE of my plants.

I am so sad. I have killed EVEN MORE of my plants. It's been really cold so I watered them the other day when it wasn't going below freezing for a few days. It got down to 17° F last night, though, and I was feeling pretty crappy and didn't think to bring anyone in. Now a lot of them are floppy and mushy.

I really don't want outdoor plants. I never signed up for that. I don't have anywhere inside for them, though, and the sunroom is still delayed because of COVID. I feel so guilty and stupid. 😞

I wanted to skate outside today but the weather had other plans.

I'm sharing this again because I'm so proud of it

I'm sharing this again because I'm so proud of it - and to show a couple of my wipeouts. It's ok to laugh. 😝 I know I sure do, then I get up and try again. 🤷‍♂️

This is part of the reason I'm so sore today. 😂😂😂 I fell about 5 times before I made it up AND down this ramp standing.

I'm also sore because my "relaxing" skate around the rink turned into a whole-body workout of me absolutely FIGHTING to gain any speed. I definitely want to go again with appropriate wheels on and see how that goes.

Anyway, if you need me I'll be where I've been all day - on the couch resting this body. It's earned a break.

I went to a skating rink tonight...

I went to a skating rink tonight...

with my outdoor wheels on. 😂😂😂

I did not realize the extent to which soft wheels would slow me down. I won't be making that mistake again. My gosh - I got a workout. I was drenched in sweat doing my literal best to catch up with Vanessa. It didn't happen even once. 😂😂😂

Good times, though. 😁😁😁

Check it out! I made it over a ramp! I'm so excited. It was a great day. ❤️

We made up for lost time on chores yesterday, so...

We made up for lost time on chores yesterday, so I was skating today no matter what. And OMG, it was the best skate I've had yet!

Today was my first time going to the park alone. Shaun usually skates with me to be supportive but I don't really need that. 😂 If I want to do something there's not a lot that will stop me. I'm not complaining about his sweetness, though. 💕 He's the best husbang and I'm so lucky. ❤️

There were a few skateboarders there at first but they were practicing on a big ramp so we were out of each other's way. Then they left and it was just me and my ear buds. Holy shit, y'all. For whatever reason I decided to see how fast I could go. It probably wasn't anything to more experienced skaters but I felt like I was flying. I LOVED IT.

So, I feel that in my abs and my thighs already. I'm not mad at it. I honestly can't believe this is exercise that I am loving so much. It's crazy. I want to do it all the time.

Anyway, that's my update for the day. I'm off to have dinner and maybe do my nails. My polish is chipping and that just won't do.

❤️❤️❤️

Booster arm is only mildly sore to the touch, but...

Big Shock: I fell asleep after I sat down on the couch. 😂

Big Shock: I fell asleep after I sat down on the couch. 😂

Woke up to my 18-lb kitty Balthazar creeping across my booster arm so he could be my little spoon. 😫

Then he sneezed in my face. Like, SO up close, directly on my lips. 🤮

I'm, uh, going to brush my teeth and get in my bed. I'm just done with this day. Goodnight, friends. 😴

I'm TIRED. I woke up and showered and thought "I'm gonna do some housework today."

I'm TIRED. I woke up and showered and thought "I'm gonna do some housework today."

That was false. 😂

I took Kira to her appointment today, making today the 3rd day in a row I've gone to the clinic (my appointment was Wednesday, Shaun's was Thursday, and today was Kira's). After we got out we picked up dinner, then came home and ate it and I've been tired ever since. I think my booster shot is making my body do some work. I've only had a slight headache which Tylenol fixed, so that's not too bad. But the energy-drain is REAL.

I'm hoping I get to my chores tomorrow. If I'm lucky I'll even get to skate. Paws crossed that goes as planned. For now I'm in "rest mode" until I go to bed, which probably won't be too long from now.

I hope you all are doing well and staying safe. Have a good night, friends! ❤️

Haha. My flu shot arm hurts, but my COVID booster arm hurts worse.

Skate leash!

Skate leash! It's so pretty to me and makes my heart happy. ❤️

I didn't skate yesterday because of my migraine. I also didn't skate today because I went to an appointment with Shaun. We ended up getting our COVID booster shots together. I came home and slept. I'm pretty much never 100% the day after a migraine, but the vaccinations yesterday and today could have possibly tired me out, too. I don't know. Hopefully, I'll get to ride my feet again tomorrow. We'll see.

Current Status:

Current Status:

Recovering from one of the worst and longest migraines of my life. I had no idea it was coming. It started around midnight last night and I was in so much pain that I was sweating. I slept maybe 3 hours total before I had to get up for a doctor's appointment.  Current meds dulled it just enough to allow me to go. 

Appointment went well. Doctors and nurses were kind. Gave me an ice pack for my head and did the appointment with lights off. Got my flu vaccine and had blood work done. Got a new migraine med prescribed. Have a follow-up in a month for a physical. Am set up for a mammogram referral. Also getting set up with behavioral health to handle my anxiety and depression and meds.

Glad I went. Other than that I've been on the couch all day. Got some puppy kisses and kitty cuddles. Slept off the nausea, thank goodness. Finally ate about an hour ago. Still feel like crap and am exhausted, but much better than earlier.

I skated yesterday. Got a super cute skate leash in the mail today. Looking at my skates gave me a little happy boost. I'll post another pic soon. I also think I'm growing some leg muscles. Super cool. For now, I've gotta finish getting right. Love to you all. ❤️