I'm kind of sad.

I'm kind of sad. I don't think my cat is going to die, but he definitely feels bad and I hate that. I'm going to find out Monday what meds I need to keep on hand for when he has a flare up.

I think I'm sleeping on the couch with him this weekend. After we get the nausea and vomiting under control, he'll be sleeping with me every night in my room if he and Adrian get along.

We went to Cakes and Pops Paleteria this evening.

We went to Cakes and Pops Paleteria this evening. I got a delicious concoction of strawberries, cream, and pecans, Kira got a tamale and a strawberry pancake platter with crumbled marzipan, and Shadow got DoriNachos which had like, parmesan, corn, cucumbers, and some other stuff served on Dorito's in the bag. Pretty good stuff. We'll definitely be back.

Shaun didn't get anything. He got impatient waiting for the kids to be ready to go and ate coffee ice cream before we left. 😂 I guess we need to leave earlier next time.

I felt mostly better by the next day after I felt bad, but...

I felt mostly better by the next day after I felt bad, but my Scar kitty is sick again. I'm pretty sure he ate some non-special-just-for-him food and upset his gut. We're giving him gabapentin to help with the nausea and taking him to the vet on Monday.

I told him that if he feels better soon, he can move into my bedroom to be up my butt while I work and sleep. What he doesn't know is that it would help me control what food he finds so this doesn't happen again.

I guess it's time for another exclusive post because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

I guess it's time for another exclusive post because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.  But I have something I need to get on the outside of me, so here I go.

Out of the 4 of us (me, Shaun, Shadow, and Kira) I am EASILY the most social.  I like having friends and getting to know people and having folks to do things with, like skate or do nails or go to the thrift store or grab a boba or whatever.  But I have found that since we moved to New Mexico (2+ years ago now) I'm actually pretty good without having the physical presence of friends around me constantly.  I am both surprised and unburdened by that.

I feel like COVID changed a lot for me.  There was a time when it was easier to focus on the things that drew me to another person for whatever reason, but since the pandemic started the first thing I think about is the safety of myself and my family.  I realize that the newer strains of COVID are not killer like they once were, but I don't want to be sick, nor am I willing to risk me or my family getting long-COVID.  It sounds terrible and affects a person for who-even-knows how long.  It's not a risk I'm willing to take for myself, nor anyone I care about.

I saw how most people in the south treated the pandemic and it scared me how little regard anyone had for anyone else.  No one cared if they were asymptomatically carrying the virus - they weren't going to be burdened by wearing a mask to protect anyone else.  People weren't staying home or getting vaccinated to prevent the spread of the disease, either.  And I feel like that was the beginning of the end of me caring to have an in-person relationship with most people.

The lack of care regarding anyone who is not yourself is not an attractive trait to me.  It never has been.  I am not an uncaring person myself and I need that reciprocated.  It frequently wasn't reciprocated during my time in Alabama, so I avoided most people right up until we left.  And once we left I was SO RELIEVED.  If I'm far away, no one can reasonably expect to see me frequently, can they?

Our little family of 4 has by and large been an island since we arrived at our new home.  I made a skate friend, but she got injured and stopped skating so we are social media friends now.  I made another friend, but she and her husband didn't vaccinate or wear masks, so despite everything that we had in common seeing her was always a stress for me.  She and her husband almost always wanted to hang out in our house.  The kids were uncomfortable and frankly, so was I.  When she blocked me over not sharing a GoFundMe that she created (literally no one else I know knows her, so how would it have helped?), I was honestly relieved.

What I have found that I do enjoy is having people visit, or visiting people.  I had a good friend stay a week-ish in April and I took that time off work and we explored and ate went on adventures and had a wonderful time.  Shaun and I masked when we felt we needed to.  Our friend didn't, but she was also vaccinated and we were by and large outdoors, anyway.  I have another friend coming in a week or so and I am hoping for another great experience.

In November I am going back to Alabama for 2 weeks.  I will see who I can, but I will be masked when not in my hotel room or around unvaccinated / mixed company.  I am driving because the airports are full of disgusting, sickly people and I'm 100% sure that's how I got COVID when I visited home from Cincinnati.  I am going to do my best to maintain my safety and still have a good time.  But I will be relieved when it's over and I can go back home to my safe space.

I feel like short bursts of people are working out for me.  The rest of the time I am so happy to be left alone because that is the only time I don't have to think about exhausting shit like "Are they vaccinated?  They're coughing.  Why aren't they wearing a mask?  Do they wear a mask when they go out to try to minimize what they pick up?  Who / what have they been exposed to recently that they're not telling me?" and on and on and on.  If most people refuse to look out for others, then it becomes a situation where I have to look out for myself.  And this is what that looks like:  Me, working from home, staying to myself and enjoying the company of Shaun and the kids and the pets 48/52 weeks of the year.

It shocked me by how NOT upset I was by this revelation.  If it's less stressful to not have real-life in-person relationships, then so be it.  I can do that.  Social media exists.  I write, I do nails, I skate, I have pets and plants, I have my best friend and the kids here with me.  We're about to have a pool and a swing set.  I really can't think of anything to want for.  I'll probably get an online therapist eventually (for unrelated reasons), but yeah.  I think I'm just over the IRL social part of my life, at least for now.  🤷

We gotta change the couch blankets, but...

We gotta change the couch blankets, but... Look at this puppy.

Tryna swatch, and she just...

Tryna swatch, and she just...

I swear, she's the worst cat!

I was doing well today...

I was doing well today, then around noon my nose started itching and it's been down hill since then. Did a sinus rinse and it helped nothing. I'm sneezy and my nose is running like a faucet. Just took some allergy meds and am calling it a night. Hopefully tomorrow won't be worse.

Ooh, I didn't notice this one was sprouting a crown of flowers.

Ooh, I didn't notice this one was sprouting a crown of flowers. I should be more attentive!

We went to Einstein Bros to pick up lunch again...

Adrian is the cuddliest little kitty. 😻

Adrian is the cuddliest little kitty. 😻

Since Sindar's been gone, Adrian has decided that we are besties. Almost anytime I get up for any reason she sprints to accompany me. She cuddles all night long and likes to sleep with her paws tucked under my neck. She spends a lot of my work day napping in my lap. And she's been prissing and prancing around the room now that she's the only cat in here. 😂

I noticed a few days ago that when I come back into the room to get ready for bed there is a warm spot in front of the door when I walk in. Apparently she's started waiting there for me to come back. Why is she so sweet!? 😭😭😭 I saw her stretching like I woke her up when I came in last night, so that confirmed my suspicion that she's been laying / napping there. There are FAR more comfy spaces in this room, but I guess I won't slip by her this way.

Shaun picked up Sindar's cremains today.

Shaun picked up Sindar's cremains today. We don't normally cremate our pets, but she was his eldest and I don't think he was ready to let her go. She came back in a beautiful box and with this keychain of her fur. We both had a little cry. She is missed, but I feel such relief not hearing her meowing for reasons we never quite figured out. I am grateful for her peace.

We just took Cub to Einstein Bros to pick up our lunch....

Y'all, she gloved up to get this bacon and gave to us in a separate package and everything. 😂❤️

Me, Shaun, Kira, and Shadow...

I did not plan / stage this, but...

I did not plan / stage this, but when I saw it I had to get a photo. 😂😂😂

Just looked over and saw Adrian dangling. 😂😂😂

Just looked over and saw Adrian dangling. 😂😂😂 This is one of my favorite things she does because it looks so damn goofy. 🤣

She was almost asleep, but I guess I took her picture too loud and now she's in my lap. 🙄😂😝

We get so many rainbows here. I love it.

We get so many rainbows here. I love it.

If I'm not super social or responsive

On this day 2 years ago...

On this day 2 years ago we were halfway through our journey to our new home.  I didn't get to make a "Happy 1 Year Anniversary in Our New Home!" post last year because, well... I wasn't here.  I guess I'll always be 5 months shy of being here as long as the rest of the family, but I made the sacrifice of my time here to jump-start my career in Cincinnati and so far that has paid off.

I never did write about what it took to get us all here, though.  It wasn't an easy trip, but it went about as well as it could.

We left the house in Talladega for the last time with my dad seeing us off.  He came to help us finish loading the truck and brought someone to help do the last bit of cleaning in the house.

We left with a large U-Haul full of our possessions and a van full of animals.  Shaun and Shadow rode with the stuff, while me and Kira rode with the animals.  The (expected) distress of the animals as we began our journey broke Kira's heart a little and I felt that, too.  But they eventually calmed down and just rode.  We stopped often for bathroom breaks, both for us and the dogs.  It went about as well as it could - no one was injured, lost, sick, or dead.  Stressed?  Absolutely.  But we all made the first half of our journey in one piece.

We ended up at a hotel somewhere halfway between Alabama and New Mexico.  It was likely in Texas.  Me and the kids shared a hotel room to get some rest.  Shaun (poor, sweet, caring Shaun) "slept" in the van with the animals because they obviously could not be left alone.  He did not get much rest, as you might imagine.  Nevertheless, we got on the road the next morning and continued our journey.

At some point late in the evening there was a traffic jam.  It took HOURS for it to clear up.  We walked the dogs.  Kira had to pee so bad that she peed in a cup in the van.  (She was so, so proud of being able to do that.)  Eventually it cleared and we were on our way again.

We got to our new house super late that night.  We were all exhausted.  The only thing we really had to do was unpack the animals so they could begin to settle in.  The cats were easy enough.  We knew that Sindar and Adrian would share the bedroom with me and Shaun.  Leon was obviously bunking with Kira.  The rest of the cats had the run of the house.  Anansi (the tarantula) was easy, as well.  She was in her tank for the whole ride, so we just put her tank somewhere safe.  We put the dogs in the covered dog kennel outside since they were not reliably house-trained.  The weather was nice and cool.  We gave them blankets and food and water.

Next, it was time to move Bruce (the ball python).  He was in a cat carrier because his tank was in the truck.  I (stupidly) reached for him without thinking that he might be stressed or hungry, and he struck my hand and immediately wrapped it up.  It took a few minutes for me and Shaun to get him to let go.  I know that sounds scary, but it wasn't too bad.  He barely left a mark.  The cats have done more damage to both me and Shaun.  Anyway, we got him loose and put into his tank to let him settle, and then we all went to bed.

Overall, it could have been worse.  It was a 2-day move carrying everything I hold dear halfway across the country.  Many of my plants died before the move (due to humidity), during (falling and breaking in the truck), and after (I had to adjust to how to care for them in this new environment), but I'm grateful for all of us who made it safe and sound.

Life in New Mexico has been great to us.  The state welcomed all 4 of us jobless heathens with healthcare.  There is free college, too.  The weather has been amazing with no natural disasters.  The food is the best I've ever had.  There is plenty to do:  Hiking to see the Petroglyphs, balloon rides, skate parks, going to the mountain (whether by tram or by car it's a beautiful view), we have Santa Fe with all that it offers (including MeowWolf and the burning of Zozobra), White Sands, Balloon Fiesta, the Badlands, ruins to visit, the calderas with Elk and Prairie dogs, and that doesn't even count what all is in Albuquerque!  We've been here for 2 years (as of tomorrow!) and still haven't seen it all.

Anyway, that's the story of our move - two years later.  I'm sure I've forgotten many of the details that I wanted to remember by now, but what's important is that we made it.

Cub just had the most hilarious and cute crisis. 😂

Cub just had the most hilarious and cute crisis. 😂

We went out for my lunch break because we had errands to run.  We took Cub with us because why not?  We decided to hit the Einstein Bros drive-through for lunch because they are pretty good and they have doggie bagels.  They also have coffee shakes, which Shaun is into.

So we got our order and as I was getting the doggie bagel out of the bag for Cub, he was trying his best to get to Shaun's coffee shake... I'm assuming because it had a bunch of whipped cream on top (which Shaun doesn't normally get).  I gave Cub his bagel and he sat it down in the back seat and made it clear he wanted "his" pup cup.  Since we had an empty cup left over from a previous pup cup, Shaun told me to just scoop the whipped cream off of his shake for Cub because he didn't want it anyway.  So I did that.

In the meantime, Cub had picked up his bagel again (they are SUPER hard) and was just holding it excitedly.  He was going from window to window with his bagel in his mouth.  It looked like he wanted to show it off, goofy boy.  So I called his name to give him his whipped cream and he came to get it... with the bagel still in his mouth. 😂😂😂 He desperately didn't want to put his bagel down, but kept trying to lick his whipped cream anyway.  It was too funny; me and Shaun were both cracking up watching him try to lick with a bagel in his mouth.  He was drooling, his little eyebrows looked distraught - I could tell he didn't want to have to choose between treats.

After he figured out that he couldn't eat whipped cream with a bagel already in his mouth, Cub had another idea:  He took the whole cup of whipped cream from me - with the bagel still in his mouth!  I usually hold it for him while he eats his whipped cream so he doesn't make a huge mess in the car, but I legit did not see that coming.  He struggled with what to do for a good minute or so before he put the cup AND the bagel down.  Then he licked the cup until he got it cleaned and resumed holding his bagel before he decided to eat it.  What a problem-solver.  😂

Thankfully, he (somehow) didn't make a mess in the car.  Then we hit the CVS drive-through where he got ANOTHER treat!  What a day!  You would think he'd be satisfied, but when we got home and Shaun was still drinking his coffee shake, Cub kept looking at him and licking his lips while giving puppy eyes.  I do believe he thinks that Shaun stole "his" big, giant pup cup.  I guess that's just a good reason for us to try to remember to say "hold the whip" on Shaun's drinks.  We can't have this puppy out here thinking we're doing him dirty.  😂😂😂

I wasn't going to post this because it feels like a brag and that's not usually how I roll, but...

I wasn't going to post this because it feels like a brag and that's not usually how I roll, but I should be able to post the things I'm excited about to my own page. I can't keep it a secret forever, anyway. So... We're having a pool installed. It should be ready by the upcoming summer and I'm pumped about it.

We've been researching the pros and cons for months and we finally signed the contract last week, as well as picked out the pool, cement, and cover colors.

The weather here is usually beautiful (even in the summer), but this past summer was pretty hot.  We mostly stayed indoors and that is not something I've done since we left Alabama.  Not to mention that Shaun keeps tweaking his back somehow and could use a gentle form of exercise (well, we all could, really).  Kira was asking for a pool before we moved so we're sure she and Shadow will make good use of it.  We're also pretty sure that Cub likes to play in the water, as well, because when we lived in Talladega he would go splash in the pond across the road.  So we are getting a pool with a small splash pad in case that's all he wants to do, although he'd be perfectly welcome to full-on swim if he wants to.

So that's some news that I've been sitting on for a bit.

I'm pretty excited, but probably not for the reason you'd think.  Yeah, I'mma put on my little floaties and get in there, too, BUT... there has to be at least a 4-foot concrete sidewalk around the pool... and if you know me then you already know I'm going to be skating on that.  (The pool comes with an automatic cover that can hold a grown adult, so don't be worried about me falling in.)  After the pool is done we'll have to do a bit of work in the yard, but I'm excited for that because we're also putting in a swing set.  Not a crap one - one that me and Shaun can swing on.  Yeah, the pool will be fun in and of itself, but SKATING and SWINGING, too.  OMG!

I know - I'm still a kid inside and I don't even care. 😜

I already feel like our home is better than anything I ever dreamed I'd have.  It feels like a palace to me.  And with the updates we're doing outside I'm just in shock that I could possibly love it more.  But here it is looking like that's going to happen and I'm excited.  I think the hardest part is going to be getting through the pool construction.  I already love my yard and I think that seeing it dug up is going to hurt a bit, but that part is temporary.  At least our grass is fake, though, so it's not like we're going to kill it.

The only big reservation we have is about being the people who get a pool... in the desert.  But they are gaining popularity here and the value it will add to our house if we ever decide to sell makes it seem like a smart investment.  Plus, we should be living our best lives, too.  I have a hard time accepting that sometimes because shit isn't fair and I know so many people who struggle, but it's not like we're the billionaires hoarding the wealth of the country.  Why does wanting to add a healthy and fun thing to our yard and add value to our home make me feel so damn guilty?

Haha.  I guess this didn't end as the fun, happy post it started out as, but overthinking is practically a hobby for me and if I can possibly feel guilty about something I WILL DO IT.  (I need therapy, I know.)  But yeah, unless something goes wrong and construction can't be completed for some reason, we'll have a pool in time for summer next year.  Yay! 😁😬

Dang. The LITERAL second my ass hit the couch...

Dang. The LITERAL second my ass hit the couch and I got the blanket on my lap this turd laid down. 😂 He was not messing around. He's tired of having to lay further down on my legs while I'm swatching. He's made it clear he'd like to be the main event today. 😂😂😂  Why do I neglect him so?

Edit:  Balthazar came over like he wanted to cuddle, too. Scar swatted him away and IMMEDIATELY laid like this. "Problem solved. Back to being happy and spoiled and THE MOST SPECIAL CAT." 😂

He's letting his feelings be known today. Gosh, what a sassy little terror he's being. 😂

Good morning, I guess. 😂

I swear I just woke up to someone stealing our solar panels. I called Shaun (who was downstairs) and told him to come up here, fast! I was like "Something crazy is happening on the roof!"

He said "Is it this?" and started making the noise again (which had oddly stopped when he answered my call). And I was like "Yes! What are you doing on the roof!?"

So he's not on the roof. He's in the dining room downstairs (below our bedroom) putting up a new ceiling fan and SOMEHOW the sound sounds like it's coming from above me. That's the craziest shit I ever heard!

Well, except for maybe last night when I said something extra stupid, which was "Look at that metal pillow!" while we were watching a YouTube video about bathroom renovation. Turns out the "metal pillow" was an oddly-shaped water faucet for the tub (it was on the wall above the tub in my defense), but I swear the placement made it look perfect for leaning your head back onto so you could chill in the tub. 😂😂😂 Look, I was tired. I don't know what else to say. 😂

Good morning, I guess. 😂

It took him a few days, but...

It took him a few days, but Shaun slept in the bedroom again for the first time last night since we lost Sindar (that is where she lived since she wasn't a huge fan of the other cats).  I think the room needed to be more different than just Sindar's absence, though, because he brought Cub with him.  It went ok.  Cub behaved because he's a good boy.  He woke up barking just once because of some animal noise outside; otherwise, I think I pretty much slept through the night.

I feel like I have been catching up on sleep this week.  It wasn't easy to get enough rest with Sin waking us up several times in the night.  Needless to say I slept super late today.  Unfortunately, I woke up to having missed 2 frantic texts and a call from my dad  by several hours - which is unusual because he is the definition of "stays to himself."  It appears that someone shot their little chihuahua and that he's not going to make it.  I talked to Dad and Lisa and it sounds like it wouldn't have been able to be saved due to the location of the wound.

I feel like shit for not getting the call so I've changed my "Do Not Disturb" settings.  I had it where my phone went on "Do Not Disturb" if I placed it face down - which I did last night, but also if someone called more than once it was supposed to let the call through.  Dad, however, didn't call me more than once.  He doesn't like to bother anyone.  So I've changed my settings to accommodate that.  I definitely want to be reachable if I'm needed.

So that's how the day has started.  I guess I'm off to see what else it throws at me.

Later, friends.

Kira made these cute banana pudding cups.

Kira made these cute banana pudding cups. They are tasty! Me and Shaun think she should start selling her snacks. 😊

We said goodbye to our sweet old Sindar today.

We said goodbye to our sweet old Sindar today.

I know I posted the other day that this day was coming, but it was very strange not having the urgency that we normally do to make the decision and have it done.  Shaun spent the last 2 days upstairs with Sin - napping with her, petting her, loving her, giving her all of the great food and treats and milk that she loves.  I was up and down, but mostly wanted to give them their privacy.  I think Shaun was pretty exhausted because last night once he was asleep he was out.  So I was up with Sin off and on all night when she cried.

We're both sad, of course, and we will miss her a ton, but we were both happy that she was growling after having her little arm shaved.  She was pissed and made sure to let us know.  She never was one to put up with being disrespected or even petted wrong.  😆  We like that she was still herself up to the end, even fighting to stay awake against the anesthesia.  And when the time finally came it actually took 2 of the pink shots to make her let go.

I don't take that as a sign that she wasn't ready; rather, I take that as a sign that we did not let her suffer - at least not beyond the point that life was no longer worth living.  I have learned from years in rescue and experience with my own animals that there are far worse fates than death, and Shaun and I will always protect our babies from those things as best we can.

Over the last few months it felt like Sindar was on a slow, steady decline.  She seemed frustrated and disoriented often and with being blind she was having more and more trouble finding her way around.  She had been throwing up a bit lately, and just last night Shaun said it looked like she was getting diarrhea.  Her paws were swelling and her joints were super stiff.  Sometimes her legs looked like they weren't cooperating with her, and it took her minutes to lay down and find an acceptable way to rest, even being medicated with pain meds.  With her being 18-ish years old we feel that we got lucky she was so healthy for most of her life and I'm grateful that we had time to spoil her before letting her go.

It still fucking sucks, though.  It never seems to get easier to let them go and we've been through this A LOT over the years.  I know this one will hit Shaun hard.  He had Sindar back before we got together so it's like he just lost his oldest friend.  He loved how loud she purred and how feisty she was.  We both adored the way she'd shake her front paw when she first started to drink anything.  We loved her big, pretty eyes, and how she would get a "furrowed brow" look because of the way the hair on the top of her head laid sometimes.

I remember the first time I went to Shaun's apartment and I got to meet her.  He seemed excited to have met someone who wanted to know his cat.  We spent some time playing in the floor with her with her toys.  She played rough and I mostly left it to him, but I could see their relationship and I loved it.  I knew then that she wasn't "just a pet" to him and it was amazing because that's how I operate, too.  But the end is always on the way and today it caught up to us yet again.  💔

My lap at the moment.

My lap at the moment. I feel like I was missed today. 😂 ❤️❤️❤️