Oh man.

Oh man. I just saw the most beautiful big rat outside my house. I wish I hadn't scared him. 😕

LOOK HOW STINKIN' CUTE!

LOOK HOW STINKIN' CUTE!

My baby worms. First thing that's made me happy all day. ❤

Look at how TEENSY some of them are!

GUESS WHAT!!! I think I just had baby worms! 😳

GUESS WHAT!!! I think I just had baby worms!  😳

I accidentally ordered little mealworms instead of superworms a while back.  Koopa will eat them, but he didn't eat all 1000 of them.  My beardies aren't interested in such tiny food.  So, a bunch of them grew up into beetles.

WELL.  I didn't want to put the beetles outside because it was winter and I didn't want them to die or anything, so I kept them.  Yes, I kept them in the house and fed them and loved them and let them just live here.

And now I have EVEN TINIER WORMS.

That is like... whoa.  I knew that people bred worms somehow, but I didn't know how.  I didn't know it was that easy.  EASY ENOUGH TO DO IT ON ACCIDENT.

I might try this with the big ones if all I have to do is FEED THEM.

My day just got a little better.  🙂  I am officially excited.  😃

I am heading to the couch.

I am heading to the couch.  Probably for another nap - which I can't seem to get enough of lately.

Before I go I just want to tell you all that I have the best son ever.

I have been SLOWLY but SURELY re-organizing the kitchen.  So, no big surprise that it's been a mess in there off and on recently.  This past weekend it got a little crazy in there - as I had about half of my cabinets emptied out all over the floor and counters.  I got a bunch of stuff put away last night so that was good.

This morning when Shadow was on his way to school he said to me "Thank you for cleaning that up."

Now if it had been any other mess and he'd thanked me instead of cleaning it himself I would have been pissed.  But nobody needs to touch anything when I am figuring out where I want shit.  That is a no-no.  😂

How many kids THANK their mothers for cleaning?  I'm betting not many.  🙂

I'm home. I went to work a little late and I left early.

I'm home.  I went to work a little late and I left early.  I just didn't have it in me today.  I slept last night, but I'm sleepy.  I feel like I've been fighting back tears all day.  That shit will wear you down.

Y'all - I don't know what's up with me.  Over the last year (maybe more), I feel like I've had a harder and harder time being happy.  I mean - my life is pretty good so that's dumb.  But that in itself is part of the problem.  I feel guilty for being comfortable while others suffer.

I'm having a really hard time dealing with the fact that life isn't fair, and that I can't always change the things that need changing, and that I can't help everyone, and that even though I help the ones I help it doesn't matter because we're all gonna die anyway - so what's the damn point?  Shaun says that happiness is the point, but I don't know.  Helping animals makes me happy, but at the same time the deeper I get into rescue or rehab the more I see how genuinely fucked up shit really is.  It is all very distressing.

Not only that, but when you really think about it - the fact that you exist means that some other creature or person has less.  The trees that built your house used to be someone else's home, the food that you are eating used to be a life or food for someone else.  No one can exist without taking from someone else.  The very idea of that makes me want to cease to exist.

I know that life is what you make it and all that jazz.  I know that I am not looking at the bright side.  I'm just finding that to be increasingly harder to do and it sucks.  I've never felt such despair in my life as I have over the last year or two.  It's not constant, but when it hits - it's rough.  I don't know if my view of life is shifting, or if I'm sinking into depression, or what.  Most days I am just fine.  But when this hits I am really really not.

I have no idea what to do with myself.  I think I need a nap.

I have a killer headache and I feel emotionally fragile today.

I have a killer headache and I feel emotionally fragile today.

I didn't even help the earthworms stranded on my porch this morning because what's the point? 

I am going to regret that later. 

Well, off to work. I don't know what else to do with myself, anyway.

I have been washing dishes...

I have been washing dishes... WITH MY HANDS.

My shoulders hurt from holding them all up in the sky (I think I'm too short - I need stool for hand-washing dishes) and my nails are UNHAPPY.  Yikes.

I am about to sit in my recliner for a while, take this nail polish off, and see where the night leads me.  😉