I guess this came out a million years ago, but...

I guess this came out a million years ago, but it's been one of my favorite songs since I heard it.  I always listen to this when I'm not so ok.  It soothes me.

I went on the porch maybe an hour ago?

I went on the porch maybe an hour ago?  And I walked into a spider web.  Whatever.

Well my hair was tickling just now, so I brushed my hand over it and a spider fell out onto my clothes.  I'm about to take him back outside.  We're cool.  But what is it with me and having spiders in my hair?  This is not the first time.  LOL

Maybe they just know that I like them.  😃

I woke up maybe an hour ago...

I woke up maybe an hour ago, which for me on a weekend is great.  But I didn't sleep well despite being exhausted.  I can't seem to shut my brain off, kind of ever.  🙁

If I'm watching TV on the couch or something I can get drowsy and nap.  Too bad I don't sleep well on the couch.  🙁  If I actually get ready and put myself in bed, even if I'm exhausted my brain will go some really dark places since I have no distractions and I will not sleep.  If I dare get on my phone and surf the internet as a distraction the screen will wake me up and I will just be awake.  Surfing the internet is more active than passive, anyway.

I might need some bedtime stories saved to my phone.  Or something.  I don't know.  But pretty much every night since it happened I have thought about Lowrider and all of my regrets with how I handled the end of her life.  And now I worry that I let Scooter hurt for too long - maybe his random barking wasn't so random.  🙁  He started throwing up on Tuesday.  I prolonged his pain and / or discomfort until SATURDAY because I was hopeful that his nausea meds would help.  Hope is a terrible thing to have sometimes.  If it wasn't for that I would have let them both go sooner and spared them some pain.

I just want to be dead so I can rest and never hurt anyone I love again.

Look at this goofy child.

Look at this goofy child. Head in her cave, butt hanging out. LOL

My guys are taking me to Waffle House. I think everyone is trying to make me smile. ❤

I just woke up. Was kind of hoping it was all just a bad nightmare.

I just woke up. Was kind of hoping it was all just a bad nightmare.

It's not. 🙁

We had to let him go.

We had to let him go.  He was so tired.  He declined so rapidly.  The vet said that anything the diagnostics turned up would not be easy to treat, and given his condition it was not very likely that his quality of life would improve.  We were looking at the cancer having spread or possibly some organ failure.

He fought so hard after that surgery. He tried.  We all tried.  But it just wasn't enough.

I am so proud of him and thankful that I got a couple of good weeks in with him before this happened.  He was the most bizarre dog, both in looks and personality.  He had the best tail ever.  I loved all of his little tufty places, and I loved it when we played and he'd bark and growl like he was killing me.  He was short and quirky and feisty, just like his mama.  🙂

I don't even know what else to say.  We haven't been to sleep yet.  I'm really tired and really sad, but I'm grateful that he is not in pain anymore.  We stayed with him when they gave him the shots and petted him until he was gone.  He's now resting in peace next to his old buddy, Lowrider.

None of us have been to sleep yet.

None of us have been to sleep yet.  About to head to AMC and cross our paws that they can get us in early.  Scoot isn't looking so good.  🙁  I'm hoping that whatever is wrong with him is an easy fix, but if not I'm gonna let my old boy rest.  He's fought hard and I just can't ask any more of him.