It's my birthday now.

It's my birthday now.

My wish: To have my girl back.

Since I can't have that I'd settle for help with getting this bill paid. We're more than halfway there.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/jpsdq3-emmas-medical-bills

I'm finally starting to feel like I might not have an elephant on my chest...

I'm finally starting to feel like I might not have an elephant on my chest and I'm thankful for that.  My mood has been up and down, but if it will stabilize somewhere in the middle I'll be ok ("ok" meaning that I'm not hiding from the world on my couch or in my bed, and with enough energy to kind of function like a human).

Friday the post man recognized my name and asked if I was the one who runs Happy Tails Lost & Found Pets of Calhoun County.  I felt slightly famous.  LOL  He told me that the group had helped someone he knew, so that made my day.  🙂

As for today, we're doing Kira's nails.  I did the base and they look pretty awesome - if I do say so myself.  She's getting really good at stamping, so she's going to finish them off with that part herself in a little while.  If I can get up the energy I might do mine, too, but they are not in great shape anymore because I've severely neglected them this semester.  🙁

Anyway, I'm finally starting to feel like I'm on the mend.  It's unfortunate that it has taken so long because we have a ton to do this week, but better late than never, I suppose.  I hope you all are doing well.  ❤

Today was my first decent-ish day since I lost my girl.

Today was my first decent-ish day since I lost my girl. I still had to nap when I got home, but I was able to get some things done.

I'm trying not to be too pushy, so I'm gonna share this today because it's payday for most of us and then I'll stop.  It's been a hard time around here and I've gotta stop seeing it.

I am not trying to forget my girl, but I am just not doing well with this constant reminder of what I've lost. It's bad enough that we don't have her here doing things like jumping up and going to bed when we turn the Xbox off at night.

I really appreciate all of the help and support from my friends. I'm hoping that some down-time this coming week will help me recuperate. I love you all. ❤️

I apologize for not being around again. I feel half-dead.

I apologize for not being around again.  I feel half-dead.  Losing Emma was terribly hard and every time I come here I see her beautiful face.  If not in my profile pic, then on the GoFundMe.  I'm just not able to process what we've lost.  I've avoided my personal Instagram since last year when I lost Scooter.  I just can't right now.

I actually made it to both classes today, so that's an improvement over any other day this week.  I was only gone from my house for a few hours, but I have zero energy left and feel that if I don't nap I won't get anything else done today.  Aside from feeling depressed I'm having fatigue from this arthritis flare-up.  I'm just over-all in a bad place.

I still love you all and hope you are doing well.  I do come on here to approve posts and members in Happy Tails, but I've otherwise been avoiding notifications and I apologize for that.  I'm hoping that some down-time will pick me back up soon.  ❤

Sorry for being MIA, friends, but I'm not doing too ok.

Sorry for being MIA, friends, but I'm not doing too ok.  I've been alternating between running around doing stuff (trying to stay occupied), and lying in my bed - literally unable to convince myself to do anything (even tell anyone how bad I'm feeling).  It's really not a good place to be, but even my Celexa couldn't save me from it.  I'm hoping that Thanksgiving week will allow me to recuperate before finals.

I finally got around to checking the GoFundMe that my friend set up and I've gotta say a big, fat "Thank you" to everyone who's donated and shared.  I will get to the personal thanks very soon, but for now I've gotta rest.  I have class early tomorrow and zero energy to get through it.  It's gonna be all I can do to get the animals settled for the night so I can get to bed.

I love and appreciate you all.  ❤

I've been going back and forth about making a GoFundMe for this.

I've been going back and forth about making a GoFundMe for this.  On the one hand, the vet bill for Emma was close to $2000 and we are more tight than ever on funds since I stopped working in August to go to school full-time.  But on the other hand, I haven't fostered any animals since Storm last year, so I feel bad asking for help from the community when I haven't been contributing.  Thankfully, a good friend stepped up and did this for me and I greatly appreciate it.  If you feel inclined to help with her bill, then thank you.  And if not - no hard feelings here.  I know that times are tough for a great many of my friends.  We're all just trying to get by.  ❤❤❤

I just want to let you know that we are hanging in there.

I just want to let you know that we are hanging in there.  Shaun deals with death pretty well.  Shadow was preparing for it since last week when she went to the hospital.  Kira has been through the wringer lately with the loss of two family members recently, but she was with Emma when she went and I think that seeing how peaceful it was really helped her be ok with it.

For me, yesterday before she died was the worst. The vet called at 9 to tell me she was stable but had a little fluid on her lungs. They wanted to call around 3 to let me know how she was doing and if she could come home. I did not get out of my bed even once before they called at 3:30. I laid there, sometimes numb, sometimes crying. For whatever reason I feel like I knew she would not make it home. I know that makes no logical sense, but it is what it is.

I feel better about her death than I do about losing Scooter and Lowrider last year. I feel like in both of their cases, we waited too long. I know they felt pain and it kills me. With Emma her last minutes were at least happy-ish, not suffering. We are going to miss her like crazy and we still have tears to shed, but I am thankful for the way it went. That really helps a lot. Thank you all for the outpouring of love.  It is greatly appreciated.  ❤