I guess I am a lump on the weekend...

I guess I am a lump on the weekend so I can go hard during the week - I don't know.  But I'm thankful that I had the energy and motivation to do things today.

I came home from school and got a ton of stuff done.  I don't know if I did it to avoid homework or because I finally had energy, but either way the house is pretty clean and my list of random things that need doing has shrunk a little.

Booka and Leon went to the vet and got medicated.  The doctor also sent home some things for Faith and Midna since they are both still doing the same.  So far no diarrhea puddles in the house since this morning.  We'll see how things are once I wake up tomorrow.

A nice end to the day was seeing my good friend Meia for a girl date.  We had dinner and talked for like 2 hours and I SO needed that.  My self-care has been horrible lately and I should know by now that I can't pour from an empty cup.  I have got to do better for myself or I am no good to anyone.

I'm about to check out my homework (which is thankfully not due tonight) and wind down.  I'm on the couch with my Faithy and this is probably where I'm going to stay until I call it a night.

This Monday started out rough, but has ended ok so far.  I hope you all had a good day, too!  ❤

I woke up to another diarrhea mess...

I woke up to another diarrhea mess (understandable because if they are sick they can't help it), but this time marked with pee from Faith.  Found Booka eating a GIANT box of cat treats - knocked off the counter by Leon, I'm sure.  I took them to the vet and told them they were lucky if I came back for them.

How's your Monday going?

Scruffy seems to be on a mission to stay sick.

Scruffy seems to be on a mission to stay sick.  He got into Midna's litter box yesterday... neither me or Shaun knows how that happened because it's locked away.  He's getting quite devious and mischievous in his old age.  😕

Also, Faith has diarrhea now so things are really, really great.

Haha. What is wrong with me?

Haha. What is wrong with me? I told Shaun that I was going to bed and for whatever reason thought I could pull it off without incident. Silly me.

I opened the hall door and was heading to my bedroom and noticed that Midna looked like she needed to poop. (We're pretty sure at this point the she's got some IBD or IBS or something going on.) She almost never makes it to her box without assistance despite her best efforts so whoever is closest usually carries her. I picked her up and it was then that she let out the guttural meow that we all know means "IT'S COMING!" She leaked a stream of diarrhea for a few steps before I stopped and put her down. Of course her first reaction was to run, but Faith doesn't like it when the other animals don't proceed in an orderly and calm fashion so she chased Midna behind the couch.

THANKFULLY, Midna didn't poop back there. I cleaned up our easily-accessible poop mess, then shook the treat container and she came out. (Of course I gave her treats - she gets an A for effort.) That really could have gone much worse, but it was plenty of excitement for us. And on that note - I bid you all a goodnight. Sweet dreams!

Shaun helped me take care of the animals, but...

Shaun helped me take care of the animals, but other than that I haven't done a single thing today besides sit here like a lump.  I'm not upset about it, though, so I guess that's something.

I hate days that start like this.

I hate days that start like this.  I woke up several hours ago but simply did not have the energy / motivation to take care of all of the animals (because I have to take care of them first before anything else) so I fell back asleep for some hours.  I had to pee really bad the first time I woke up, but I slept through the pain to avoid responsibility.  Now I'm up, but fighting to gather my will to move.

It's not so bad when everyone isn't sick, but when they are... I have to be honest:  It scares me.  I have to remember who needs medication, I have to get it in them (whether it's easy or hard), and sick animals usually mean more messes to clean up.  Of course they are all hungry in the morning so everyone is gathered around bouncing, making noise, and pawing me reminding me not to forget to feed them (because that is something that has ever happened.  😂)

Sometimes the messes (puke or diarrhea, usually) are in what seem to be well-thought out strategic locations to make my life harder.  Like right in the path of where a door opens so I can unknowingly smear said mess everywhere before cleaning it.  Of course while cleaning everyone likes to gather around me to see what interesting thing I'm messing with... while bouncing, making noise, and pawing me because it's obvious that I've forgotten to feed them somehow.

I don't have school today so I have a list of things I wanted to get done around the house.  But here I sit - having accomplished only taking myself to the bathroom to pee.  The kids are texting with requests and I'm here replying that they can handle things themselves because I am great.  I am already hours behind on everything - even some really important stuff - and I just CAN'T with all that.

This is why I've not been taking in more animals.  I do have one foster dog; I've had him since about October.  He's a great guy and we were planning to keep him, but I see more and more that it is not going to work.  He deserves better than the life we can offer him right now.  On my list of things to do today was to get some nice photos of him and begin my search for a rescue.  I am just tapped out.  I am scraping the bottom of the barrel on what I have left to give.

I try not to speak for Shaun, but I can tell that he is struggling, too.  We both need more time and space for self-care.  He's barely able to drag himself to work.  Honestly, I don't even know when he last went to trivia with his friends - which used to be a weekly thing.  This is not ok.  Along that vein we need time and space to be a couple.  We went to dinner at Ruby Tuesday the other night because we just had to.  It was really nice to sit across from him and just SEE his face.  We needed it.

Y'all, I have been a mom for more than half of my life now.  I have kept a hoard of forever animals for the last 13-ish years, and I have fostered animals and volunteered in rescue for about 11 years.  The kids are grown and my animals are dying off.  I'm happy about the kids, heartsick about my animals, and basically tapped out.  I need some major "me" time.  I want to focus on school and my future career.  I want more time for my HUSBANG.  I wish I knew how to make any of this happen, but I don't.

Anyway.  The animals are calling.  Guess I'm off to stop "neglecting" them.

I called the vet and got meds for these fur-kids.

I called the vet and got meds for these fur-kids.  Unfortunately, the doctor won't be in tomorrow so I really hope they help.  My gramson feels so bad he keeps laying on me and he doesn't normally do that.  The vet's office told me that if Leon and Boo weren't any better by Monday to go ahead and bring them in.  At least I'll have the weekend to keep an eye on them and baby them.

Class went ok this week.  I'm nervous about getting to the programming part of the course, but what we're learning now is stuff I've wondered about for a long time.  It's what all the different types of memory do in the computer, and how it boots up, and all of that stuff.  It's pretty cool.  I still doubt my ability to do well in the class.  I don't know why I'm like that.  It still feels like I have so far to go and I never really expected to even get this far so every time I succeed more I am shocked and the scared about what comes next.  I wish I could stop being that way.  Anxiety to the max.  Woohoo.