I pretty much never comment on gender reveal posts because it feels pointless, but I 100% agree with all of what this says.
Copied from Jamie Lee's Facebook post in case the post becomes unavailable:
"When I cringe at "gender reveals" it's not because I'm not excited that you're going to be a parent.
When I pop in and type "You can't tell gender from an ultrasound!" It's not because I'm trying to rain on your parade.
When I say "They aren't girl or boy parts until your kid tells you they are!" It's not because I'm trying to call you out.
When I say "Stop teaching your kid that girls have a vulva and boys have a penis!" It's not to confuse you and make you roll your eyes.
When I say "You know your infant doesn't care about the color of literally anything around it, right?" It's not because I'm trying to crush your joy.
When I say "Everything is gender neutral!" It's not to be a pain your ass.
When I say "There's more than just boy or girl." It's not to point out that I'm more aware than you.
When I say "Boys can play with dolls & girls like getting messy too!" It's not necessarily because I think you don't know that on some level.
I say it because kids need better from us. I cringe when I hear things like:
"I'm raising my boy like a boy and my girl like a girl."
"I need a blue bumbo because I'm having a boy and this pink one won't work!"
"When my kid tells me they want to play something else or be something else, I'll let them. But until then, I'm doing it my way."
It scares me in a way you can't fathom. It gives me so much anxiety that I can't even put it into words.
If you are reactive instead of proactive, how is your kid supposed to know it's okay to go against the grain? How are they supposed to know they have options?
When you say "I was so happy to have a son!" Or "I always dreamed of having a daughter!" How will they feel comfortable telling you that you don't have one?
That's a lot of responsibility and pressure to put on a small kid. Too much.
I got lucky that I'd heard of trans kids before my daughter told me she was a girl. I knew not to tell her she was wrong. She knows herself better than I do. Both of em do.
But this isn't about my kids. It's not even wholly about binary trans kids. It's also about the 1 in 1,500 intersex kids. It's also about every kid who doesn't live up to their gender role expectations and feels more comfortable doing something else. It's hugely about non-binary trans kids who don't fit in either box and feel like they have to pick one, but are miserable with either choice.
It's about women who get bullied out of STEM fields and get their sexuality assumed because of things like their attire and hairstyle.
It's about men who are accused of being "whipped" when they're loving husbands and attentive fathers. Or of being "a pussy" when they show any emotion.
It starts with a "gender reveal" and ends in 58% of kids like mine attempting suicide before they're old enough to vote.
I don't sound like a broken record because it's fun and I want to be a Debbie Downer who ruins your excitement and joy. It's because I see at least one post every week from a parent who's in the ER with their kid who attempted to take their own life, or who is posting to say that no matter how hard they tried, the world was too much and they're burying their child.
It's because we are not just responsible for our own kids. We're responsible for the general climate that other people's kids grow up in too. If you teach your son that only girls paint their nails and a male classmate shows up with theirs painted, you really think that's not gonna confuse your kid? You really think they're not going to say something and potentially hurt another kid? I'm here to tell you that's not the case. If you tell your daughter that she can't cut her hair short because "that's for boys and lesbians." You don't think that's sending her a message that's gonna have a ripple effect? Get real.
We have to do better. We have to proactively teach them that whoever they are and whoever anyone else is, is okay. That whether they're a boy or girl is up to them, not their genitals. We have to stop saying BS like "Boys will be boys!" And "Little girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice!" "You're a boy because you have a penis." "You're a girl because you have a vagina." It's not true. The evidence is out there. Kids get it. They don't need long explanations, they just need different ones than the ones they're getting.
We owe it to them to do better. No child should be afraid to be who they are. No child should feel like death is more appealing. No child should be making fun of another kid because they don't fit the mold. No kid should be afraid. The binary isn't real and people shouldn't be color coded."
