Yesterday was pretty good.

Yesterday was pretty good.  We still haven't been eating out as a general rule, but Shaun and I decided to get curbside pickup from IHOP and invite the kids over for family dinner since we're all still reeling from losing Booka.

I don't want to get too sidetracked on pandemic stuff, but IHOP doesn't have designated areas to park for curbside pickup so you have to call when you arrive.  Shaun called and the hostess was like "Do you want me to bring it out?"  We just looked at each other like "What does she think curbside means?"  We watched a flock of elderly people leave IHOP - none of whom were wearing masks.  The hostess did bring out our order, but of course she pulled her mask down to speak to us.  So... we're just going to continue staying in because that whole experience was nothing short of disappointing.

Anyway, seeing the kids was great.  My heart needed some happy.  We ate and hung out.  We watched a movie and some episodes of our shows.  Shadow played with the cats and talked hair and games with Shaun.  Kira thought she didn't like grapefruit but it turns out that she just hadn't had a fresh one (only some from a package).  She showed us new music and they both told us how things were going at the apartment.  Somehow ended up watching a ton of DIE ANTWOORD videos.  We promised to take Kira to see them if they tour around here again (she wasn't in our lives yet when we saw them before).  I got to hear how my Gramkitty Leon is doing.  Good times.

Today, though - I struggled to even get out of bed.  My chest feels heavy and sad.  There are some things I need to do and have been meaning to do around here, but I'm not sure I have the motivation.  I did start some laundry so I guess that's something.  I know that it's going to sound so dumb, but I feel empty without a dog.  We have 10 cats plus some of the most sociable reptiles I've ever met... I don't want to say that they are not enough, but it's definitely not the same.  I don't know.  Maybe once my heart heals I'll be ok, but for now I just feel really off.

Well, I guess I'm done.  I just wanted to write my feelings.  I hope you all are doing well.  ❤

If I meets it, I eats it by The Herpetology Collective

The Worst Cat.

It's pouring rain outside - very noticeably.

It's pouring rain outside - very noticeably. I got the message below from Kira out of nowhere. 

I haven't laughed so hard in days. I love this goof more than words can say. 💗💗💗

I haven't seen the kids in a few days and I miss them so much. I know they are mourning the loss of Booka, too. These are hard times, but we'll all be ok because we have each other. ❤️

I didn't go to bed...

I didn't go to bed until around 4 this morning.  I intentionally stayed up until I just couldn't because I didn't want to go to "our" room alone.  (I sleep in a loft with a trundle that rolls out on the floor - that was my doggie bed.)  I didn't want to sleep in a quiet room without my little buddy snoring.  I didn't want to lie there and not hear him rolling in his blankets, "making his bed."  So I stayed up until I was exhausted, took some Melatonin, and crashed hard and fast.

I didn't get out of bed until 3 pm.  Shaun came to check on me and said he'd like to see me.  I told him I would get up, but laid there for a bit.  I guess I took too long because Scar came meowing for me.  I finally got up.  I had no one to wake up.  No to ask if they wanted to go outside.  No one in "our" room.

Scar was underfoot.  That's his thing lately.  I picked him up and he purred and dug his claws into my shoulder.  I hugged him and petted him.  I sat awkwardly on the couch, knowing damn well this is not what my mornings are supposed to feel like.  I went outside.  Stood on the porch awkwardly.  I knew I was supposed to be out there, but now I have no reason to be.  I checked the mail and came back inside.  I cleaned a little bit, read your sweet comments to me, and cried.

Here is a video of my boy getting ready for bed a few nights ago.  He did this every night and it was honestly one of my favorite things ever.

For the first time in 14 years I am dogless. 😭😭😭

For the first time in 14 years I am dogless. 😭😭😭

Booka had a rough night and things only got worse throughout the day. We took him to the vet this evening, but they offered painkillers as palliative care. I didn't want to see my boy suffer, and I certainly didn't want things to go down like they did with Faith, so we made the tough decision to let him go.

He was 18. He had cataracts and could barely see. He had lumps growing on him. Over the last year, he's had a few UTIs which made the vet raise concerns about kidney failure. He was having a hard time using the stairs (of course we helped him). He'd had at least one seizure, possibly 2. We felt that his quality of life was on thin ice as it was.

I am sad. So, so, freaking sad. I don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight without him snoring. I don't know what I'm going to do without my little bad boy. But what I am not is regretful. We have honestly spoiled the hell out of him, little last man standing, since Faith died. Snuggles all the time, never left alone, blankets to roll in, treats on demand... After a few nights of me getting out of bed for midnight snacks for myself, he decided he could get up and ask for something good, too. 😂😂😂 And I indulged him - because why not?

Shaun and I were with him when he passed. We took a blanket for him, as well as bacon treats. We both petted him and loved on him. I literally spooned him to death. I hate that this happened today. I was not ready. But I am more at peace with this decision than I will ever be over leaving Faith that day.

It's the end of an era for me. Here's to the best pack I've ever had. ❤️

Scooter

Emma

Booka

Nappy

Faith

Lowrider

Lately Scar (cat) cries when I go to bed.

Lately Scar (cat) cries when I go to bed. When I wake up he gets under my feet and won't let me walk until I pick him up and hug him. When I'm not in my room he's pretty much always near me. I'm not used to this level of clinginess from a cat. I honestly thought that behavior was only a "Shaun + Bastian 4ever" thing. 😂😂😂

I knew cats like to sit on laps, but I thought being picked up was different. Most of ours don't mind, a couple HATE it, and then Bastian and Scar beg for it and enjoy it. I don't know. I guess I don't mind being loved like this, but I'm definitely not used to it. 😂