Calypso sleeps so dang hard.

Calypso sleeps so dang hard. Her head is almost hanging off my knee and she doesn't care one bit. 😂

For the past week I've been super stressed.

For the past week I've been super stressed. Politically, there is a whole lot going on and I'm sure that's a strategy to overwhelm us. I'm trying not to let it work. I also had some work stress, which ended up not being bad, but I did work some longer hours. That's ok. My point is that I slept late today because I just felt like I needed it.

At 1:something, Shaun came upstairs to check on me, which I normally appreciate, but I was still half asleep and he was turned up to 100. 😂😂😂 He was like "I thawed a rat and need your help feeding the snake we could've gone on a road trip today I can probably feed the snake by myself it's whatever what do you want to do?" and I'm just tucked in with my cat and squinting at him like "Wtf, bro?"

I'm so glad he felt great today, but that was a bit much. 😂😂😂

Anyway, I slept late and didn't have a sleep hangover, so to me that says I needed it. Despite feeling stressed most of the week, I didn't have nightmares last night. I actually had pleasant and entertaining dreams for once. I can't remember the last time that happened.

So yesterday was 2 full weeks on Testosterone and I haven't had a migraine despite my stress levels, so that's amazing. I'm finally sleeping at night again and it's wonderful. Even if I wake up to pee or whatever I'm usually able to fall back asleep. I also feel less brain-foggy and that is a huge relief.

I haven't hopped on a scale, but I feel like I might have lost some weight, too. I'm not doing anything crazy. I have a 32-day streak of walking at least 15 minutes per day. I started small because I figured it would be easier to make into a habit. I am still doing weights 3x/week, except that I skipped 2 days last week. Instead of beating myself up, I'm just going to pick up where I left off this coming week.

I don't know if weight loss would be due to the Testosterone or not, but I also started meds for Hypothyroid around the same time. All I do know is that I tried to lose weight before, during, and after college and it didn't matter if I fasted for days and walked an hour a day at the gym, it wasn't budging. But now I feel like I'm not actually trying hard and it's happening, not to mention that I don't constantly feel like I'm freezing all the time.

Whatever it is, I'm grateful that I'm feeling more normal. I also feel like I finally have a say over the state of my body. It's just weird to me that I spent so much time trying to get in shape and it wasn't happening, but now that my hormones are medicated, it doesn't feel like it will be impossible anymore. Hopefully, this will be a healthy year for me. We shall see.

Bear is killing me today. 😂

Bear is killing me today. 😂

He hasn't kicked his back legs since I posted a video a couple of weeks back, but he just came in from outside and started rubbing on things and kicking those back legs like it was serious business. 😂😂😂

Like, what even is he doing? I think he forgets he's got kickers back there and then has a good time trying them out. 😂

*squeak squeaky squeaky squeaky...*

*squeak squeaky squeaky squeaky...* 😂😂😂

He's been extra today, which isn't really different from any other day. 😂

I answered a call earlier and no sooner than I got my "Hello" out of my mouth he followed up with "RAWWWR!" right over my shoulder. 😂 Big helper. I need all of the Bear help, all of the time. 😂❤️

Shadow got a job...

Shadow got a job at the local Wal-Mart Market. He's working at night stocking and his first day (last night/this morning) seemed to go well. He talked like he enjoyed the work and the people.

He chose nights because that's when he's been awake for the last few years anyway, but also so he doesn't have to deal with crowds of customers. He still masks because none of us like getting sick and no one gave him shit about it AND he wasn't even the only one, so that is cool.

It honestly sounds like a really chill first job and I'm proud of him for just going out there and snagging it. I feel like he put a lot of thought into what he'd feel safe doing, when it would work best in his schedule, which store was best, and all of the other ins and outs.

I think the worst part of his first day was that he bought a banana for lunch, and he couldn't tell that it was still green since he is color-blind and it was gross. 😬 I think he's gonna steer clear of produce unless someone is around to help him not eat un-ripe or over-ripe food.

But anyway, I am super proud of him and I'm happy that he is enjoying the work so far.

I'm here to ramble again...

I'm here to ramble again because it helps to quiet my mind.  Feel free to skip this.  I'm gonna break it into sections for readability, I guess.

ANXIETY

My lips and cheeks are chewed to death.  I hate it when I get this way.  I am still on my antidepressant and antianxiety meds, but so many people are having a hard time right now and it is really upsetting.  Politically, things are going worse than I imagined.  I was hoping that the tangerine felon would just play golf through his term again, but food prices are rising (if it even makes it to the shelf), ICE is being spotted everywhere, and I'm mad as hell at everyone who voted for this.  I hope it comes back and hurts you more than it hurts anyone who didn't vote for this.  Take it personally because that's how I mean it.  Not to mention his "jokes" about serving another term.  He's obviously trying to set up to be a dictator and some of y'all are just here for it.  My only solace is that he's a crusty old man and might die.  If not, perhaps another Luigi will step up.  I said what I said.  I like it when the villain dies and that doesn't just apply to fiction.  I'm not religious or superstitious so I have zero qualms about saying it.  I will not feel bad if it happens.  I will dance.  I guess I needed to get that off my chest.

If it's not clear:  I believe in helping people.  I believe that no on is illegal on stolen land.  I believe that billionaires are a problem to be solved and that they are pitting the lower classes against each other to keep us distracted.  I believe that anyone who hoards wealth while people suffer in poverty has a serious character flaw.  I believe we should all pay our fair share of taxes, INCLUDING high-earners.  I say this having come up from poverty - literally supporting myself and my child on $17,000/year + depending on government assistance to making bank now.  I pay my taxes - my taxes are paid.  HELP OUR COMMUNITIES WITH IT!

(I know that New Mexico does take care of its citizens and that is one of the main reasons I moved here.  The red states need to get their shit together.)

More on my feelers:  We have been doing a good job about not eating out/DoorDashing food during the week.  We are doing that to save money and to try to encourage us to eat healthier.  But today... today I needed sloppy food and carbs.  I was craving it.  We ordered pizza and brownies and I have no regrets.  Sometimes we just have to comfort ourselves.  We'll get back to the routine starting tomorrow.

HORMONES

Testosterone is supposed to help with anxiety, but I am unsure if it is having any effect or not because, well, see above.  I did sleep basically through the night last night, though.  I woke up once to pee.  So I am happy about catching up on my rest.  Now if only I could calm down.  At least I haven't had another migraine.  Yay for silver linings.

I am also on a hypothyroid medication.  I am noticing that I don't feel cold as often.  I haven't hopped on a scale to measure it, but I feel like I might be losing some weight.  I'm not doing anything extra besides walking a little every day, doing my strength routine 3x week, and trying to eat at home during the week.  Doing that and more before starting this medication never once helped me shed the extra pounds I was carrying.  So if having the diet and exercise routine of a normal human being is working for me now, that's pretty great.  No complaints here.

RELIEF

I guess shouting into the void does something.  I feel exhausted now.

He brought snow in the house.

He brought snow in the house. He's grounded! (j/k) 😂

Pardon all of the kibble in the floor. As you might imagine, Bear has some difficulty eating/keeping food in his mouth.