I am officially on vacation from one job for a couple of weeks.

I am officially on vacation from one job for a couple of weeks.  That will give me time to be sure I'm ready for mid-terms.  The college is only closed on Monday and Tuesday for Independence Day, so I will still be working there except for those two days, plus I've got another job planned for the rest of the down-time after that.  Only a little rest for the weary this time!   😂😂😂😭😭😭

For real, though, I'm cool.  Sacrifices must be made, but this 4-day weekend is going to help a lot.  I'm trying to work as much as I can until August because things are up in the air after that.

I was about to take a shower, but I guess I need to go outside and see why this fire truck is spot-lighting the side of my yard / the neighbor's house.  Oh, and now there is a cop.  Wonderful.

Edited to add:  Everyone has cleared out.  I don't know what that was.  Except more motivation to work my ass off and get us OUT OF HERE.

Calculus has turned back into numbers, graphs...

Calculus has turned back into numbers, graphs, and even some kinematic-type stuff from Physics. I can't express how much relief that brings me. This feels better.

Btw, I made a 38 on the last test. Thankfully, there will be a chance to re-take it. I will do better next time. I already feel better knowing that everything is not just proof-type stuff for the rest of the semester. That would have probably forced me to drop a class for the first time. Math without numbers is NOT COOL. 👎

I feel this today. I feel out of control lately. It is not a good feeling.

I feel this today.  I feel out of control lately.  It is not a good feeling.

Over the weekend I ate a whole box of Oatmeal CREME PIES by myself (happy, Shaun? [he gives me crap when I call them "cookies"]).  I have been sleeping like I hate myself - staying up WAYYY later than I need to just to mess with nail stuff or watch TV (in other words, to relax and have fun).  Even on my best days I struggle to maintain a schedule.  I hate feeling confined, and that is exactly what having a schedule feels like to me.  It honestly takes work and effort for me to stay on track.  I spent almost a whole month being a good girl (staying on track), but now I feel like I've hit a brick wall when it comes to motivation.  It is gone.

I feel like if I drank or did drugs I'd be on a bender right now.  I know that most people don't understand why I steer clear of all of that, but this is why.  Addiction runs in my family.  If "cutting loose" or "losing control" to me means sleeping when I want and eating like crap, then this is plenty bad enough for me.  This is one area of my life in which I feel proud to be a lightweight.  I feel really awful (both physically and emotionally right now), and I know that I need to get myself together.  The hard part is actually doing it.

I thought at some point in life I'd wake up and be an "adult," where having a set schedule would just be normal and I'd be good at it.  It hasn't happened yet.  I can do it for a while, but I always eventually go on a junk food / sleeping wrong rampage.  I would honestly prefer to binge on work / school, then have some days off to recover.  I know that is not healthy, but I suck at moderation, so... I don't know what to do about that.  What's even more messed up is that I don't really have time to deal with it - even if there was a solution.

So with that I'm gonna play this song a few more times while I get ready for class.  I guess I will go through the motions of being back in control until it really happens.  🙁

I should be studying, but I have a headache and I'm in a bad mood.

I should be studying, but I have a headache and I'm in a bad mood.  So... I edited my nail pics and here I am instead.  😬

I've been wanting to try my hand at doing marble / stone nails, but it's so hit or miss whether they turn out nice.  There are quite a few techniques that will get a similar look, but I never found one before now that would give me consistent results.  I did some for Shaun once that looked nice, but I couldn't make it happen again for myself with that same technique, so it was pretty frustrating.

I'm gonna keep this short because I am a tired grump and I have emails and other notifications to deal with, but believe it or not I did these WITH A SYRINGE.  I saw a quick tutorial on Instagram, so I was like "Why not?"  Funny thing is - this is the backside of the polish - the flip side of what the person in the tutorial had showing on her nails, but I liked it better, so whatever.  😜

I hope you all are having a good week.  I have not yet recovered from yesterday, but hopefully I will soon.  ❤

Despite setting two alarms I woke up at 8:28...

Despite setting two alarms I woke up at 8:28... two minutes before I was supposed to be at my first job.

I don't do coffee, but there is no tea in my house.  I just made tea late Sunday night.

I guess today IS another day.  Looks like it might be another rough one, though.  Hopefully it will turn around.

And with that... off I go.

I'm heading to bed. It was not a good day, and I'm ready to be done with it.

I'm heading to bed. It was not a good day, and I'm ready to be done with it.

I know I failed that Calculus test, but I think I can recover.  Doing a bad job on that test wasn't the only upsetting thing that happened to me today, though; I found out after the test via email that I missed out on some financial help through no fault of my own.  I feel pretty let down... and of course since I am broke I am upset about that.  Yes, Shaun has my back, but I feel good when I can pay my own bills.

I had myself a good cry in the car before I went home.  I didn't sleep well last night and I was having some serious nerves before the test today, so I just needed to let it out.  Shaun ordered and picked up some pizza for me, so we hung out and chowed down once I got home.  That helped a lot.  That, and all of you being so supportive.  🙂

So, I am 100% sure that theoretical math is not something I will ever do by choice.  If I do go back for my masters in math one day it will have to be an applied route or something.  I know that most people don't like mixing their numbers and letters in math, but when you take the numbers out and it's basically all letters - well, that is some messed up stuff, and I am NOT into it.  LOL

Anyway, I'm getting in my bed right now and hopefully tomorrow will be better.  Oh, and at least my nails are pretty.  😉😛  (Pics soon-ish, I hope.)

Despite having an hour left to complete my Calculus test...

Despite having an hour left to complete my Calculus test I just turned it in half-done. I don't know what to say for myself besides that I'm tired. I'm tired and I don't want to do this anymore. 🙁

I really hope this feeling passes.