This is my dusty bookshelf of strange things I like.

This is my dusty bookshelf of strange things I like. Don't judge me. Just be impressed that my Bruce Love climbed up there by himself - with no legs! I left the door handle in the photo to give a reference for how up high he is.

It's probably about time I end his adventure. He is WAYYY more clumsy than he looks. 😂😂😂 I don't want him to get hurt. ❤

I have been doing Algebra homework since about 1 today.

I have been doing Algebra homework since about 1 today.  I took maybe a 15 minute break with the torts earlier, then I jumped right back in.  Despite that I am only about half-way done with the last chapter.  And I still have the test review to go.  And a paper to write for English.  All of which need to be complete by tomorrow evening.  😳

Since my hand is hurting from writing all day I decided to take a break, then try to work on my English paper since I get to type it.  It's a different kind of hand movement and I seem to be ok with that right now.

If my brain is not too fried after that I will try some more Algebra.  I've decided to work on my test review instead of homework.  I feel like I've got the hang of the last chapter, which is the main point of homework.  The teacher is going to take up one of the chapter's sections worth of homework for bonus points, but I feel like it's smarter to work on getting a good test grade than to chase bonus points so that's what I'm going to do.  I did complete all the homework for the first 5 sections so it's not as though I'm slacking by any means.  If I'm lucky she'll pick one of the sections I finished to take up.  🙂

All in all, today has been ok - no meltdowns, no major pains - just too busy to enjoy the weekend.

P. S.  Since I was too scared to quit the Prednisone cold-turkey I cut my dosage in half.  I think that is tolerable for me.  I was able to sleep last night and I feel ok - both physically and emotionally.  I also took my 4 methotrexate pills last night so I'm trying to do the right things.  I hope that Dr. Crawford is ok with that.  I've never straight up disobeyed doctor's orders before!

Well, I'm off to do some English now.  Woo!  Wish me luck!

Taking a much - needed tortoise break. 🙂

Been doing homework for hours. Taking a much - needed tortoise break. 🙂

I just woke up.

I just woke up.  APPARENTLY, I slept all day.  After not sleeping for some days, I guess I needed that.

I feel mostly normal except that my heart is racing sometimes and my head is swimmy.  I feel slightly jittery and like I'm having a hard time controlling what my eyeballs do.

Other than that weirdness I guess I'm ok.  I'm not sure how effective I can be at doing anything (like homework) at the moment, but maybe I'll give it a shot.

So... last night was really bad.

So... last night was really bad.  Like, REALLY, REALLY bad.  I apparently had some sort of emotional breakdown.  I ugly cried uncontrollably for hours.  I did not sleep, again.  I was (and still am) very nauseated.  I have felt off-balance before, but last night I felt wildly unstable and it was scary.  I was straight up hysterical.  I think the stress / PMS / Prednisone combo kicked my ass and won.

I called Dr. Crawford this morning (who was not in), but her nurse said that I could stop my low dose of Prednisone cold-turkey.  As affected as I am by it I'm not sure if that's really for the best, but I am happy to not take it.  Unfortunately, my hips and knees hurt less than they have in a great long while, but I can deal with physical pain much easier than all of this not sleeping / feeling crazy business.

When I spoke to Dr. Crawford's nurse I also told them I was not going to take the methotrexate shot - and I'm not.  It's the same dosage that Dr. Edmond bumped me up to right before I saw Dr. Crawford - with one big difference:  The shot is taken all at once and that much methotrexate will wipe me out for the whole weekend.  Dr. Edmond had me taking half doses, twice a week with the pills.  It hadn't even had time to kick in so no one knows that it wouldn't have worked.

His plan fits better with my life right now so I called Dr. Edmond and they are calling in more methotrexate pills and folic acid for me.

I just can't afford to be out of commission for a whole weekend.  I have SO MUCH TO DO and I'm going to do it.  So.  I finally saw a specialist and now I'm not cooperating with her at all.  And that makes me feel like shit, but the plan she laid out is not working for my life right now.

To everyone who helped talk me down last night:  You are greatly appreciated.  Like - when I finish my schooling and become a millionaire - I won't forget you.  ❤

I thought it was bed time, but it's apparently "ugly cry" time.

Fuck.  I thought it was bed time, but it's apparently "ugly cry" time.  I am SO not ok right now.

I feel like I have no control over my life.  Doctors tell me what to do, school tells me what to do, work tells me what to do.  Shaun lets me pick where we eat at lunch.  That's all I got.

I don't know what's up - maybe it's the Prednisone mixed with PMS hormones, but I cannot stop crying.  Or maybe it's the stress of having more work and homework than I can feasibly do.  Or maybe it's the stress of having to work a certain number of hours to keep my food stamps, or either choose to put enough time into school to keep my GPA so I can afford to transfer to JSU and not have the whole rest of my life suck.  Or maybe it's the pain that I know I'll be in if I quit all of my medicine right now - which sounds like a damn good idea to me because FUCK THIS.  FUCK ALL OF THIS.  I didn't want Prednisone and I don't want the shot.  I am officially making making a choice.  One stupid, simple thing.  Just give me the goddamn methotrexate pills or I will go without.

It's so fucking late, but I can't sleep.  I'm going to curl up on the couch with some Algebra and see if I can distract my brain from hating everything ever right now.  Maybe if my brain is occupied my eyes will stop leaking. I really hope so.  Otherwise, my homework will get wet.  🙁

Today, I am much less hurt-y and hate-y...

Today, I am much less hurt-y and hate-y than I was earlier this week.  I have, however, been one hell of a grump.  I did not sleep well last night.  I think it may be due to the Prednisone because sleeping is THE ONE THING I'm usually good at doing.

So... tomorrow is the big day, y'all.  The day that I am supposed to stab myself with medicine.  I am already dreading it, like a big squeamish baby.  I swear I was not always this way.  😂😂😂

Anyone else out there ever have to do that?  Any tips?  I'm supposed to stab myself somewhere fat, like my belly or thigh.  Thinking of stabbing my belly makes me want to flop out of my chair and smash my face into the floor to get the thought out of my head - so thigh it is!

I seriously hope that I don't chicken out.  If I do Shaun will do it and he seems just a BIT TOO EXCITED at the thought of stabbing me.  So, I'd really rather do it myself.  It would be good if I could anyway - since I'm always with me and he's not.

HALP!  PLEASE!