Today has been good! 😊

Today has been good! 😊

Caitlin went with me to the consignment stores and lunch today. I only sold 4 things total, but I found a few treasures. One is a neat-looking sweater. Another is a plain shirt, but very soft and will look nice at work. I also got a printed shirt. And the best one is one that Caitlin spotted. It's navy blue and so beautiful. I've never felt elegant one day in my whole life, but that shirt made me feel like a princess. Caitlin got it for me because we couldn't pass it up! (I'll get pics, but not today).

Then me and Shaun and the dogs went to a park. They walked and I skated. I had some stumbles, but no falls this time. I got about 30 minutes in before the dogs were done.

After reading about wheels with edges, I decided to try some tighter turns and that went well. I can definitely tell the difference in the precision. Also, I had Shaun install a back brake for me. I'm already doing better using it than I ever got at using toe stops. I usually stop without using brakes at all, but I wanted some kind of brake just in case.

I know I'm not supposed to look at my feet while skating, but it's helpful that I can look down and see if I'm holding my foot straight while using the back brake. Using a toe stop has my foot bouncing everywhere and lurches me forward, and it's behind me so I can't see the mistake I'm making to correct it.

Anyway, after that we went to a car wash and cleaned our cars. Both were super past due, so I feel happy to have that done. Now I'm just resting, or maybe doing my nails. We'll see.

I hope this Monday has treated you well, too! ❤️

I have a presentation today, so I tried to dress nice.

I have a presentation today, so I tried to dress nice.

When Shaun saw me, he said I looked like a little kid playing dress-up, then helped me find a shirt that looked better.

I kissed him before I left, then said "Your lips are crusty. I love you. Bye!" and went on my way. He's gonna balm those babies or something, I'm sure.

Are we the most tactful? No. But we are honest without malicious intent, and it works. ❤️😊

I'm having a ramble. Don't mind me.

I'm having a ramble.  Don't mind me.

I had my appointment to check my hormones today.  The doctor is switching things up for me, so hopefully I'll feel more like myself soon.

This morning I was rushed between 2 appointments, and I am so embarrassed that I said this, but I did:  "I love you move out the way." as I was trying to leave the house.  I brushed past Shaun with that shit coming out in one breath and IMMEDIATELY felt awful.  He's such a good person and didn't deserve that and I feel so unlike myself lately that I can barely function.  I did apologize immediately, and he is not taking this personally (THANK GOODNESS), but DAMN.

I don't know how well I'm even hiding it outside of the house.  Last week, two guys were talking through a presentation I was trying to hear and after I gave them a couple of looks, I finally just turned around,  threw my arms open and said, "Seriously, guys.  There's a presentation right now."  I didn't say "Sorry", or "Excuse me", or anything to soften it.  (They did apologize and stop talking, and the presenter carried on.)  But anyone who knows me knows that was pretty out of character for me.  Normally, the most I'd have done is "Shhh!" without even looking at them and hope for the best.

There is also this that has been happening for a while:  I've lost about half of the thickness of my hair since August.  I'm not usually very bothered by cosmetic shit; I guess growing up as a teen with psoriasis on your face will break you from being too obsessed with looks.  I don't even think it looks super noticeable, but my freaking head is cold!  And I'm seriously so sick of finding hair in my butt crack.

I thought it might be from the weight loss / Semaglutide, but the doctor said that if my thyroid is low, that could be a cause, as well.  I'm having a lot of other symptoms of low thyroid again, so he's upping my meds, and my testosterone, as well.  I'm going off Estrogen and Progesterone for a month so we can do bloodwork and see what my cycle is up to, as well.  He wants to hear from me about how I'm feeling in a week or so, and I'm grateful for that.

I've lost 20 pounds since I started Semaglutide earlier this year.  I look and feel a lot better, but my body has changed in unexpected ways.  I really thought my boobs would deflate; I remember in high school wearing a Playtex "Nearly A" cup bra, which is a thing that existed.  I thought I'd return to flat; however, I have retained the boobage and I'm overflowing my 34DD bra.

At the same time, I still have a booty, but my jeggings were practically falling off me.  So while we don't have extra money and my unemployment has ended even though I don't have a job, I had to invest in some jeans.  It was getting ridiculous and I looked terrible.  I have found one pair of jeans that fit so far.  I have some Gap Curvy's on the way, so hopefully they'll fit, too.  I'm not trying to spend too much in case I lose a few more pounds, but I desperately needed something that fit, especially with me leaving the house for the Web Dev bootcamp.  It's one thing to work from home, but to be perceived knowing you look like crap... eh.  I didn't care for it.

Anyway, that's all I've got for now.  Class is keeping me busy and exhausted.  I'll talk more about that later.  For now, I'm gonna go eat and rest up.  ❤❤❤

TMI post. I really don't care. You've been warned.

TMI post. I really don't care. You've been warned.

I'm struggling this morning. I think it's getting close to my period (I hope this is the TEMPORARY reason for my extra-foul mood), but this peri hormone rollercoaster has gmfu even worse. I am not fit to be around anyone today. I've been rude to my animals, I've told Shaun "Please don't make me tell you again that I don't want to talk to you." and I have to leave my house and deal with people.

I'm gonna be masking so hard all day. Wish me and my non-existent patience luck, because we're gonna need it.

The way we communicate... 😂😂😂

The way we communicate... 😂😂😂 

I swear, I don't know why Shaun puts up with my shit, but these days especially, I put myself first. I take my time on the weekends since I'm going hard during the week at the bootcamp. I wake up late. I lay around. I do whatever feels nice.

I don't know how/why he doesn't wake up later or rest when he needs to, but he's gotta figure that out for himself and also say the words to me if he needs something from me. I think he would tell me if he needed anything, but I could be wrong.

Side note:  He's great at using gifs to express himself. I'm great at getting what he means when he uses them. I'm terrible at picking them to show my feelings, though. I wonder if that's at all related to why I never know what my own face is doing. 😂

Shaun was playing with Bear today...

Shaun was playing with Bear today and got a little injury. Bear kind of headbutted Shaun on the side of the face.

It's not a huge deal and it was an accident, but I guess this is how it goes when some of your teeth live outside of your mouth. 😂

This is Shaun's favorite thing about me. 😂😂😂 /sarcasm

This is Shaun's favorite thing about me. 😂😂😂 /sarcasm

He's like "What is all of this stuff in the bed? Why is everything on the couch?"

Because I NEED IT! 😂😂😂

Shaun is doing his best.

Shaun is doing his best. We're in the same league this week. 😁

Bruh.

Bruh. If I ever lose Shaun, I swear I'm not even gonna attempt to find another person who's so willing to try to understand me.

I've discovered that I struggle with transitions. It's probably yet another neurodivergent thing to add to the list of things I'm learning that I struggle with. There's been a lot of discomfort in my life, and I didn't always understand why or what the cause was. But the more I learn about neurodivergence, the more I feel like I understand myself.

Shaun does this thing sometimes where he tells me "Goodnight" and kisses me. Then he brushes his teeth and comes back through and starts talking to me again. And it's SUPER FRUSTRATING for me. I get grumpy because I feel anxious. Then he's like "Are you mad? Is something wrong?" and I'm just like "I'm fine! I just want you to go to bed!" which (understandably) does not assure him that something isn't wrong. 😂😂😂

Because once he tells me "Goodnight" I have transitioned very quickly into "Not-Shaun time." Him starting to talk to me again is prolonging the transition and causing me discomfort. I said that to him a few minutes ago and he was like, "Oh, so you shut down after "Goodnight."" and I'm like "YES!"

So I think he'll stop talking to me after telling me goodnight. I feel like I sound like an asshole, but I hope he does. 😂 It would be much less frustrating.

In general, I struggle with going to bed and waking up/getting up. If I'm ENGAGED in an activity, I will not stop to eat or use the bathroom or sleep until I literally feel sick from not eating or it feels like a bathroom emergency or I'm passing out from exhaustion. I've been this way for as long as I've been out on my own and left to my own devices.

I have zero balance. I'm either going hard or doing nothing. I don't really have a moderate/medium setting. And I am quite sure it's frustrating for the people around me at times, but I don't know what to do about it.

I feel like routines are important for me, especially in the morning and at night when I have to take medication. If my morning gets thrown off (like it did on Friday when I was woken up early to get my flu shot), then I'm grumpy until I get back to something that is part of my routine. On the instance of Friday, it was walking with Caitlin. I was fine once she picked me up and my routine was resumed. Before that, I asked Shaun and the kids to please stop talking to me. 😂

(And I could only be so honest with Shaun and the kids because I rarely mask for them anymore. They know me and understand me. I really suck it up for almost everyone else, though - often to my own detriment. But I'm working on that.)

The problem is that strict schedules feel like prison, so I struggle with them, too, even though they are helpful for me. So, I really don't know how to win at this, but I understand if anyone feels frustrated with me, because, I, too, often feel frustrated with myself. 😂 I've wondered for literally YEARS why I can't just function like a "normal" person and I believe I'm slowly, but surely discovering my answer. Fun stuff.

Anyway. I hope y'all are doing well. I'm mostly good. Just prepping for the bootcamp and inching closer to making press-on nails to sell. I've invested time and money into it, so I hope it works out. I guess we'll see.

Today, my favorite person turned 43.

Today, my favorite person turned 43. I think his day went okay. I was not feeling well last night and some of today, but I did his nails and we'll have a date tomorrow.

We're not doing gifts because I think it would just stress him out (that's what he said, anyway). I'm never on time with stuff like that, regardless. But things will ease up soon. Maybe he'll get a surprise once I'm working again. He definitely wouldn't expect it. 😂

I've been doing my pre-work...

I've been doing my pre-work for the Web Development bootcamp and I've already learned a lot. I'm excited to get started next month. I think I do much better with structure than I do without because I'm just flailing about, trying my best and not getting far. That's probably why I love lists so much. They give me a small amount of structure and purpose. So it will be nice to have something concrete and productive to do again soon. Having this pre-work and deadlines is also pretty nice.

My brain is all over the place and it's not super fun. I'm still sure I want to make press-on nails to sell. I have considered off and on doing the nail-tech thing, but the ANXIETY that comes with it is killer. Even when I do nails for friends and family FOR FREE, I'm always like "I could've done that better." The perfectionist in me will never see it as good enough, even when people assure me that they are happy. So at least if I make press-ons and they're already done, people can like them and buy them, or not. It seems like it would take a lot of the pressure off.

I have never in my life wanted to make nail polish and I still don't, but I'm getting pretty worked up over nail powder (the kind you buff into a sticky gel). I'm over here like "How big is a micron?" and going down the rabbit hole. I have a few powders with gorgeous effects, but I'd like to be able to mix something similar so I don't run through my prized favorite 4 by putting them on press-ons for someone else.

I did some mood nails the other day and they look pretty nice. But after doing some research ON THAT (I wasn't kidding when I said I was all over the place), I found that it's probably best to use that pigment in nail art instead of doing a full mani. The mood stuff isn't polish and needs to be sealed in. It would be better to encapsulate it somewhere than paint all the way to the edge and have it flake off. I'd be mortified if I sent out some nails and that happened.

My sweet Shaun has been nursing a butterfly with a torn wing since yesterday. He has been keeping it in the greenhouse and bringing it flowers and nectar. He went out earlier and it was gone into a bush and he was a bit upset until he found it. He knows the wings don't heal and that it will die eventually, but he's doing what he can to make sure it's comfortable, I guess. He knows we could leave it out and let it be part of the food chain, but for whatever reason, he seems kind of attached to this one. He looked her up and told me what her species was, but I can't remember what he said. He also told me she was a female.

I love how sweet his heart is. Anytime we've ever had a dying animal, he's wanted to be there - for them. I remember a time he held an injured gerbil for hours so that she wouldn't die alone. I don't really know where I was going with that; I guess I'm just expressing my appreciation for him and that he cares, even for the small creatures, too. ❤️

Anyway, I'm off to shower and get some sleep. I need to start working my schedule back towards "early" since the bootcamp/classes will be starting at 8 am and they're a bit of a drive from home.

I hope y'all are doing well. I'm kind of just... Scattered, but I'll pull myself together again. For a while, anyway. 😂😂😂 I never stay feeling like I'm on top of things for too long. Such is life, I suppose.

My dork-ass husband making jokes to Cub. 😂😂😂

My dork-ass husband making jokes to Cub. 😂😂😂

I love my boys. ❤️😊

Shaun has been talking about grilling food...

Shaun has been talking about grilling food off and on for a while. I talked to him about our food situation recently because I have no interest in cooking, so I'm rarely going to make healthy food (for myself or anyone else). We all just kind of fend for ourselves around here, and when we're tired of that we eat out. We want to do better.

I especially have issues with eating because I don't eat much meat, but if I had to cook it, I wouldn't eat any at all. I have the same trouble with eggs. I get grossed out by handling those things uncooked and by the time I get it done, I can't stomach it. I tend to have cycles of "safe foods" that I eat repeatedly and then go a while not really wanting anything. It's not great.

Shaun is similar to me about meat, but not to my extreme. We're a damn mess. 😂

So, we got an inexpensive charcoal grill and tried it out today. Shaun grilled tofu and it came out really good. I thought it would be chewy, but it wasn't. He grilled corn, carrots, cauliflower, and sausage, too. I ate everything but the sausage, and it was all delicious. We made wayyy too much food, so if the kids don't want any we're going to be eating it for days.

I helped with prep for everything but the sausage (not pictured).  But I think it went well for our first time.

We're definitely planning to collaborate on dinner more often than not now. He's open to trying cooking some types of meat, too, so that's nice, because I already know I won't. And it's great that we now know we can always throw tofu on the grill if we want to. I can help with prep for the grill and make sides or whatever, but I just have a hard line with dead animals.

Shaun cooked everything to varying degrees of done to see what we prefer. So far, he prefers the tofu more cooked than I do, but that's ok. He can always leave his on the grill for longer.

I was talking to Shaun today...

I was talking to Shaun today about how/why I get frustrated/annoyed when he talks to me sometimes. I feel this way about everyone, but he's the person I'm around the most, so... Poor Shaun. 😂

So as anyone who's paid attention to my recent posts knows... I'm living my best life with the music of Ca7riel & Paco Amoroso right now. It's fun, it's brilliant, it's helping me with my Spanish, they're beautiful, they're talented, etc. I listen to their music pretty much daily and also check their social media. I don't do that for anyone else. Despite loving music, in general I rarely listen to it.

Here's why:

When music is on, it's the most important thing happening to me. I don't want to be talked to because it causes sensory overload to hear both and I don't want it paused/interrupted because I'm enjoying it. I mouth/quietly sing the words if I know them and usually at least sway to the beat if not straight up dance.

Needless to say, I can't work with music on. I can drive. I can walk. I can skate. I can mess around in the greenhouse. But anything that requires more brainpower than that, I just can't do. So I don't get to listen to music often.

Since I'm currently unemployed and have free time, I'm able to indulge in music. And all I want to hear is Ca7riel and Paco. I've had them on repeat enough that I'm able to remember many of their songs, so I'm able to listen to it without using my ears. Shaun calls this an ear worm, but I guess I always associated ear worms with something you DON'T want to hear. 😂

He obviously can't tell when I'm listening to/enjoying my ear worms, so he talks to me whenever he feels like it. And I don't always want that. So I think I'm going to start wearing earplugs as a signal that I'm not up for talking. Or wear earbuds and actually listen to songs. That would be better for both of us, I think.

I asked him why he thinks it's ok to talk to me just because I'm in the same room as him. He said that's just normal to him. But I really enjoy being near someone without worrying about having my thoughts or ear worms interrupted. I have a hard time switching contexts, so it's a little stressful not being able to just exist near someone without the burden of having to unexpectedly pay attention to them.

OBVIOUSLY, if I've made plans with you and am purposely hanging out with you, I am up for/expect conversation. I am ready for it and enjoy it, genuinely. But I think it's different when sharing a living space with someone. Thankfully, we're able to talk things out and we're actively still working to improve our relationship, even after 17 years together. You'd think we'd have it figured out by now, but I'm still unmasking and learning a lot about myself, so the work continues.

Who else is sensitive to having their thoughts interrupted? I know I'm not the only one like this.

General Life Update:

General Life Update:

Today was nice. I felt refreshed and ready to handle life.

I had an appointment with Midi and it went well. I'll have to pay out of pocket for the visit because my insurance doesn't cover them, but I need HRT to keep feeling my best, so it's ok. The appointment fee is about 1/7 of what I was paying for insurance monthly at my job, so paying this out of pocket once or twice a a year is still worth it.

Speaking of insurance:  It fully covers my therapy sessions, so I'm scheduled to resume those next week.

I need to go to the pharmacy tomorrow to work some things out. I also have an appointment at the unemployment office.

I stepped on the scale to see how I was doing since I was basically in vacation-mode for the last 10 days. I gained 1 pound. My provider had a miscommunication with the pharmacy, so I've been out of Semaglutide for 2 weeks. I'll have it again on Friday. I thought I'd have gained more than a pound after being out of meds AND basically eating out every day, so I'm not upset at all. I think that making (mostly) healthy choices and staying active kept me in line. I'm amazed that that works for me now!

I feel like I'm in a pretty good spot mentally at the moment. I'm sleeping a lot better. A couple of weeks ago, we moved the litter box out of our bathroom. It's on the balcony now. The upstairs cats have to go through a cat door and tunnel to get to the boxes. The room smells a lot better, I'm not sweeping up litter twice a day, I don't hear them scratching around in the box, or hear the Litter Robot cycling. As a light sleeper, those subtle noises were waking me up constantly. This is a lot better.

I think I'm going to start my walking again. I felt energetic today... probably because I had tea. 😂 I did some light cleaning and laundry, and also watered some plants. But also, in general, I just feel better after having spent time with one of my best friends. Most of my friends are long-distance these days, so just having a break and not worrying about stuff and being with someone (besides Shaun) who loves me and understands me was super great. I think it really did me a lot of good.

Anyway. I'm crashing out at a appropriate hour, so I'm about to tuck myself in and call it a night. I hope y'all are doing well. ❤️❤️❤️

I love Trio Jalisciense! ❤️😊

I love Trio Jalisciense! ❤️😊

Quizás is always a hit!

Today, we got our exercise in.

Today, we got our exercise in.

We started the morning heading through the Jemez Mountains (in the car). There were so many scenic stops where we could walk around and take pictures. I got a bunch despite being the driver today. I even got one of a little waterfall!

Then we made it to the Valles Caldera National Preserve. The Caldera is where a volcano erupted and the land sank, so it's a flat area on top of a mountain. Shaun and I had gone before and saw the prairie dogs that live there, but this is the first time we saw the elk! There was a whole herd and it was amazing! They were super far away, but one of the rangers let us see them through his binoculars. When we go again, we'll definitely take binoculars and try to get a photograph through them!

After that, we drove towards the Bandelier National Monument. On our way there, we went through Los Alamos. That was interesting. There was a security check and they said "Don't turn right for the next mile and a half." It was government property and I guess we'd have gotten in trouble if we'd gone onto it. We saw a lot of signs that said "Tech" with a number. Didn't know what exactly those meant. We also saw Oppenheimer Drive. That was pretty neat.

We finally made it to the museum and monument and it was really interesting. The museum was small, but gave a good background on what we'd be seeing. The weather was warm; we're having a little heat wave. It was in the 90s today despite the 6066 foot elevation, but you gotta love the New Mexico breezes!

We hiked the monument loop and took a ton of pictures. It was really interesting to see how people made homes and towns there.

I know I say this all the time, but I love New Mexico and I love living in the desert. It's so beautiful and interesting here. The drive was scenic all day. There were decorative overpasses and walls when we started to head home through Santa Fe. It was just lovely all around, although I will admit we almost turned back halfway through the Bandelier loop. It was so hot with very little shade walking/climbing up the face of that mountain. The end half of the loop was through nice, shaded forest, though, so we're glad we stuck it out.

Here are a few photos. 😊

Just beautiful desert-scape through the Jemez Mountains

A little waterfall under that weird rock formation

Elk on the Caldera. They're the brown line just below the green patch.

One of the cave homes at Bandelier

A squirrel on top of some giant rock formations

Interesting cliff side at Bandelier

Yesterday we took a rest day.

Yesterday we took a rest day. We had lunch at Hot Tamales New Mexican Food and mostly just chilled out.

Today, we were ready to go adventure again. We went to Santa Fe, so OBVIOUSLY we had to see Meow Wolf Santa Fe. They had done some updating since the last time we'd been there, so there was new stuff for us to see even though this was the 3rd trip for me and Shaun. Even if they hadn't, we'd still go again and again because you just can't experience all of it, regardless. The most exciting part (for me) was a telephone with a video screen where we could see people at what I'm guessing is another Meow Wolf location. We could also speak to each other, but it was super distorted (probably intentionally). It was so neat when we realized that the people on the screen were interacting with us!

After Meow Wolf, we had lunch at Plaza Cafe Santa Fe, which is always delicious. Then we walked around the square. There was a vintage car show happening, which we didn't see advertised, so it was dumb luck that we found it. Janet and her mom are into old cars. I don't know a ton about them, but I do love seeing them fixed up all sexy and still working.

We found a really cool shop called The Mineral, Meteorite, and Fossil Gallery. Shaun bought me a fossil and a piece of black Tourmaline. The shop owner was very confusing and delightful. I wanna be his friend. 😂 There were also trash sculptures in there that looked to be made by the same person who made the Transformers. I also really wish I had $1200 for this flamingo/dinosaur hybrid. 🦩🦕

We took the long way home so we could see The Turquoise Trail. We found some cool rock formations at Garden of the Gods and also tons of really pretty blooming cholla.

We're off to bed so we can rest up for tomorrow!

Random Zia/Ghostbusters sticker on a pole outside of Meow Wolf

The "phone"/video station where we interacted with other people

All of the decor in this room was made from trash/recycled items. It was super cool.

The four of us taking a picture of us taking pictures. 😂

Saw these little monsters in the gift shop of Meow Wolf and had to snap the pic. I obviously have Ca7riel y Paco Amoroso on my brain. 😊

My fossil and tourmaline

Iron Man and Darth Vader made from scrap metal

🦩🦕

A bear holding a dragonfly statue

Garden of the Gods

Blooming Cholla

Last post for the night.

Last post for the night. Janet wanted to see Pinkman's Pickup spot (from Breaking Bad) and the Transformer statues, so we did that. She's got the photos for those things.

Then, we went and saw some cars. Specifically, the Batmobile, the De Lorean, the Mystery Machine, and the A-Team van. Here are a few pics.

Then we went to the The Paleta Bar Rio Rancho for a snack/dessert.

It was a busy, but fun day!

It's a lot of posts tonight, but...

It's a lot of posts tonight, but it's the first time I've chilled in a few days, so it's catch up. 😂

Today we went to the ABQ BioPark. We didn't make it to the zoo part, but we did see the Botanical Gardens, the Bugarium, the Aquarium, and the Shark Reef Cafe. The cafe was cool because it was part of the aquarium and you could watch the fish, rays, and sharks swim while you ate. The aquarium was pretty small compared to the ones in Tennessee and Georgia, but it was still very nice. I didn't take any photos there, though, because my phone was dying from the Botanical Gardens and Bugarium. Also, the Bugarium had Naked Mole Rats for some reason. I didn't get any good photos of them. They were roped off, so you could see them, but not up close.

I'm not going to post every cool photo that I took today because I don't think people want to scroll through all of that, but I'll post a few of the best ones with captions.

Shaun making faces near a Tree Aloe. 😂

Euphorbia something. It's really pretty.

Me and a Tree Aloe

Dragon in the area of the cave/maze for kids that we also definitely went into. 😂

Shaun in the cave

Me with a little cactus

Shaun said we can get married in here. 😂❤️ I guess if we ever decide to renew things, I know where we'll do it. 😊

This Agave is death-blooming. 🙁 It pushed through the thick leaves of the Yucca to get it's pollen up high.