Ignore our random convo...

Ignore our random convo about the smell of childhood toys (we're watching the He Man movie). This is Bear's daily routine. He has to give his Papa a bath. It's very serious business. 😂🥰

Look at this 'Bean.

Look at this 'Bean. He's all nice and chill as long as I'm not busy. But let me bust out the laptop and he throws paws. 😂 Brat.

We're trying hard to convince this lab mix...

We're trying hard to convince this lab mix that water is ok. 😂😂😂  He'll do almost anything for treats.

Cubba did great today. 😊

He's serving face today. 😂

He's serving face today. 😂

I so love this baby goblin. 💕

Look at this dog. 😂😂😂

Look at this dog. 😂😂😂

Pardon the chewed and clawed chair. We've given up on having anything nice with so many fur-kids in the house.

When you scare your own child.

When you scare your own child. Look at those hackles! 😂😭

All I did was come downstairs for the first time today. I wasn't feeling well, so I didn't verbally greet everyone. I'm pretty sure Bear doesn't have good vision. He plays fetch like you play with a human baby:  Throw the ball too far or too fast, and it ceases to exist. Rolling the ball is best.

So yeah. I came downstairs and that was his reaction. "Hell naw, to the naw, naw, naw." 🤣🤣🤣 He peaced out so fast! It took some convincing to get him to come back in the house. He was UNSURE. 😂

I'm up a little late working on app stuff.

I'm up a little late working on app stuff.

I got me a little Adrian kitty to keep me company. 😊 

She's no longer crying to go to the bedroom, so that's nice.

But remember when I said she's been hissy with the other cats?

Phew!

This little lady said "They might have bullied me before, but the tables have turned! 😈"

She's been going after EVERYONE. Just stay outta her damn way. 😂 She's chasing the other cats, slapping dogs, slapping Kira (with claws!) for petting her wrong... She must be in perimenopause, too, because she ain't playing with NOBODY in this house. 😂😂😂

This old lady is sleeping too cute.

This old lady is sleeping too cute. She got brushed today and she needed it, bad.

I feel so guilty...

I feel so guilty every time I go upstairs and she wants to go and I can't let her. I'm sleeping so much better without her in my room, though. I need this.

She and the other cats are still a little hissy, but I'm hoping everyone will settle... Eventually.

She's always got a funny face going on. She's had a lot of teeth pulled over the years. I think it is due to genetics. Her brother, Toebean, had to have a bunch pulled, too.

My sweet little Adrian. Ugh, this is so hard.

Adrian spent the night downstairs last night for the first time...

Adrian spent the night downstairs last night for the first time, so that's exciting. She did have a pee accident, even though Shaun has shown her the litter box. I'm hoping she'll adjust to going into the sunroom to use the boxes. Looks like Bear isn't going to make it easy to use the door. 😂😂😂

It would be amazing to get home and be able to sleep through the night because no sweet little kitty is trilling body-slamming me. 😂 I love her so much. She is so precious. But I need SLEEP. 🫠

I'm in Houston for a few more days.

I'm in Houston for a few more days.

Meanwhile, back home...

Shaun and Bear are doing, well... regular Shaun and Bear things. 😂😂😂

I love these two. 🤣😁

Some things that are troubling me:

Some things that are troubling me:

About 2 weeks ago, my Reddit account logged out.  I have not been able to log back in.  I submitted a ticket for help, but I still haven't received any help.  Also, now if I look up my account, it shows that it's banned.  For what, I have NO idea.

This has been very dysregulating.  I read myself to sleep every night on Reddit, so I was used to my feed being a certain way.  It was comforting.  I had saved a lot of posts with useful information.  I had a 700-something day streak.  I loved it.

I basically had to start over and try to re-create my feed.  It's still not like it was.  It still feels very "off" - like it's a bizarro universe and it makes me really sad.  I am still hopeful that I will get some help with my original account, but the hope is fading.  I don't know what to do.

I also haven't been spending too much time in the greenhouse, but the last two times I went out there, many of my plants had been chewed or completely eaten.  I don't know who is doing it, but Shaun put the camera back out there to see if we could catch whoever it is.  We don't know if it's birds or rodents or what, so we don't know how to stop it.  We do close the doors at night, but leave the top windows open for ventilation.  We might have to put up some screens, I guess.  I don't know.  But it's got me really sad.  Whole plants are missing.  Like they've either been devoured on the spot or uprooted and taken. 😭😭😭

Last thing (for now):  I'm too soft and Adrian ended up back in my room. Shaun's going to move her out and acclimate her to the living room/other cats while I'm away. I hope it's successful. I need a space to myself. If it doesn't work while I'm gone, then it can't be done. Shaun is great with cats and less of a pushover than I am right now.

Why does he look fake sometimes?

Why does he look fake sometimes? Like there's a puppet just laid out in my floor. 😂😂😂

His lips! 🤣

A little Cub appreciation post. 😊

A little Cub appreciation post. 😊

He's such a good boy. ❤️❤️❤️

I know I have messages and comments to respond to, but...

I know I have messages and comments to respond to, but I've chosen to hermit for a bit in order to lower the demands on myself. Yes, even things that I enjoy (such as engaging with y'all) are demands upon my time.

In another effort to get better rest, we're trying little Adrian out downstairs. She's lived in our bedroom since we moved here (~ 5 years ago); she's a petite little thing and was getting picked on by the other cats before we moved. All of the remaining cats are older and mellow-er now, so I'm hoping she'll do ok.

She's a sweet little love bug. That's great, EXCEPT when she's excited to see me after she's slept all day and it's my bedtime. She chirps and meows and trills all night; she body slams and rolls all over me; and she kneads my neck with her sharp little claws. She's also pretty jumpy, so if she hears or sees anything, she launches off me suddenly and leaves scratches. I could definitely be resting better if she wasn't in the room.

She's not attached to me in particular; she loves everyone, so I don't feel like she will miss sleeping on me. If anything, she'll get more attention by being out and about.

She knows Cub since he sleeps in our room sometimes. She met Bear earlier and didn't care about him at all. It's the other cats that she's unsure of. She's hissy with them, even if they're just minding their own business. 😂

I would love to see her during the day more. She's a funny little girl. She's had a bunch of teeth removed and has the cutest little (unintentional) snarl/cringe face most of the time. 😂😂😂 I love her, but now that Scar is gone she's got some "main character" energy that is just not conducive to my sleep.

Anyway, this is her rolling and chatting on the cat tower earlier.

(Also, I didn't realize it was so messy. I'm not tall enough to see up there on those platforms; this was recorded by Shaun's tall-ass point of view. 😂)

We lost Ashanti this morning.

We lost Ashanti this morning.

I was upstairs asleep and Shaun called and said he needed me. I ran down and we called some emergency vets. She passed away in the car before we made it.

We didn't know what else to do, so we proceeded to the vet to make her final arrangements.

It was awful and agonizing and traumatizing. I will spare you the details, but we will be haunted by this for a while. I still feel like I could vomit.

She was fine last night. She came to eat treats around midnight when I was going to bed. She didn't come for Shaun's breakfast routine and he found her in the cat tower struggling to breathe. Putting her in the carrier made it much worse. I don't think there was any possible outcome where she would have survived.

This is the reality sometimes of having elderly pets. We tried our best, but it was awful and she's still gone. She was 13.

I'm gonna miss her. She was so vocal and always "nagged" Shaun and Shadow. She wasn't much of a lap cat, but she loved to sit on the top of the center console of the couch. She always faced Shaun so she could groom his head, which meant that I got the butt end and the sassy tail slaps in the face. 😂 This was her 2nd favorite place - right next to Shaun on the arm of the chair. She often napped like this.

Two cats in a week. Our hearts are heavy.

Last night was a bit rough.

Last night was a bit rough.

Scar had diarrhea just about every hour last night, so I was up cleaning after him every hour.  At one point, (TMI), I did, too.  I'd eaten something spicy earlier and I guess it needed a speedy exit.  But at least we had diarrhea together.  He would go and then I'd be like "Me, too, buddy.  At least yours isn't spicy."  😆

Everyone loved on him today.  He ate so many treats.  He sat in my lap like the most important cat (alone, without having to fight for his seat).  I've probably mentioned this before, but I'm gonna tell it again:  He was so possessive of me that  if another cat sat in my lap, he would ALWAYS get closer to my body and squeeze in between us until he'd wedged the other cat further away, or they would just get aggravated with his attempt to squeeze in and leave.  😆  He was such a character.

Today, Shadow went with us to see Scar off.  It is the first euthanasia he's ever attended.  I don't know why he chose this one.  He loved Scar, but he also loved all of the previous pets we've lost, too.  Maybe he's just matured to where it didn't seem scary anymore.  He took it well and said it was the best death he's been aware of.  We've spent the last 20 years surrounded by animals, so he's seen the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I'm glad that it wasn't traumatizing for him.  He petted Scar and rubbed my shoulder and has his own tears, too.  Then we picked up some lunch and ate together at home.

Speaking of Shadow, last night I was super hungry after I laid down so I got up and came back downstairs to find something to eat.  Shadow heard me come down and followed to see if everything was ok.

I feel like I'm more of a scavenger than anything, so I was about to heat up a baked sweet potato that Shaun had baked for me a few days prior.  Shadow was like "Are you really trying to eat that potato that has been sitting there for two days?"  And I was like, "Yeah.  It's not even open.  It should be fine."  And he was like "Please don't.  I don't need you sick tomorrow."  And I was like "True."  So I tossed it and microwaved a new one; which he was sure to tell me to poke holes in so that it doesn't explode.

Shadow and Kira are all about food safety, and me and Shaun are much less so.  But I got parented by my own son about it last night.  He was like "Get your shit together, Mom!"  (Jokingly, of course.)  It was pretty funny.  These kids are the best.  ❤

Tomorrow is my old man's final appointment.

Tomorrow is my old man's final appointment.

We had a pretty good night, all things considered.

Since I learned that diarrhea was inevitable, I stopped trying to prevent it. I put out his dry food, I gave him wet food, and I also gave him treats. I did have to clean up diarrhea a couple of times during the night, but because he had dry food available, he didn't wake me for feedings. He didn't have to feel hungry and I got almost-decent sleep.

Obviously I'm sad to lose my guy, but having a plan and having a couple of days to think things through feels so much better than losing one of them in an urgent way. We have a plan. He's not in serious decline or suffering. He might be uncomfortable, but that's as bad as I'm going to let him feel.

I hope he knows how loved he is. I'm trying to make his last day as great as I can. ❤️

My kitty cat/kitty brat/boyfriend has cancer.

My kitty cat/kitty brat/boyfriend has cancer.

He's still himself. Still sassy and bossy and bratty. Still loves on me and acts normal. Still alert and interested in things.

But his food isn't moving through his digestive tract like it should. He's stuffed full and not absorbing nutrients, so he's losing weight and constantly hungry and often nauseated. His body is eating his muscles for protein.

He's 14-ish years old. The surgery outcome, if we were to go that route, doesn't sound great.

I've been thinking for the past few months that this was an IBD flare up that I was failing to get under control. It wouldn't have been the first time we had been through this.

I've been medicating him, cleaning up diarrhea at all hours, and being woken up every few hours to feed him because he's hungry. I've spent over $1000 that we definitely don't have right now on special foods to try to stabilize him. I've been doing this for months. And I would continue to do it if he would have any quality of life.

But his doctor is a big "quality over quantity" person when it comes to life. We are, too. This is the same doctor that got Oreo into emergency surgery to try to save him. If there was any way for Scar to have a good outcome, we'd explore it. But there's not much to be done here.

We will be saying goodbye to him this week. I am sad. I felt like air ceased to exist shortly after the news sank in; I literally couldn't breathe or speak. I knew it was a possibility, but I didn't expect it. We'll choose the day as a family; possibly Wednesday or Friday. I don't want my boy to be uncomfortable for longer than he has to.

I am tired to death.

I am tired to death.

Yesterday, I attended my online class, did some plant repotting, did my nails, and showered for the first time in at least a week. That was a lot.

Scar is still having diarrhea thanks to me accidentally giving him access to his dry food, but it's slowly getting better again. He still has a vet appointment for tomorrow. I'm anxious to find out what's going on.

Today is supposed to be my plant-watering day, but it's windy and dusty out. I'm not up for being exfoliated by the desert, so I'm just going to wait. Honestly, this is probably the worst weather we have here:  The dusty days. I'm not complaining. I'll take this over a tornado ANY time.

I decided that I needed another tray and another bucket to speed up my watering since I do bottom-watering. Shaun took me to Lowe's. I found a tray. I also got a pink bucket, which probably excited me more than it should have. 😂 I thought my only choice would be the standard Lowe's blue. I also found a Graptoveria on clearance that was on my wishlist, so yay for that $2.98 find.

I think I'm gonna try to nap now. If I do anything today, it'll probably be something indoors and low-key. I'm trying to do things I enjoy as well as self-care to get up some energy, but it's slow going. Burnout is really hard to come back from.