Monday, August 31, 2026

The first day of the internship went well!

The first day of the internship went well!

I met so many people today. I walked more than I expected to and got some heel blisters. I had on sunblock and still got some sun. But I made it through the day! I came home, had a nap, then held office hours for class. Then I had dinner and now I'm getting ready for bed.

Everyone was super welcoming to us, and the people I interacted with communicated very straightforwardly, so I feel like this is going to be a great 12 weeks for me. I don't know if I'm cut out for corporate work or not, but I do know I felt very comfortable discussing ideas and asking questions right away. In general, I say what I need to say and try to be as polite as possible, but sometimes I feel that I'm too straightforward for professional environments, and I didn't feel that way today. 

We got a good understanding of what our goal/project is for these 12 weeks. We're working in ServiceNow, and I'm so glad to be getting back into some dev work. We don't have access to our laptops yet, but I'm ready to dive in!

I'm very excited to see how our project is going to turn out. I feel like it's going to be hard for me not to hyperfocus on it, but at least I am interested. That should keep me going for a while. I still have my ADHD results appointment (at least I hope that's what it is) on Thursday, so if I need to try meds or anything like that, then at least I will have my interest as backup. 😂

I am still really hoping that there is medication that can help me function in a more level way, without relying on hyperfocus, novelty, or cortisol. But until we get that worked out, I think I'll be ok.

Anyway, I'm heading to bed. I'm exhausted and have a decently long commute, so I have to get up early. Thank you all for the well-wishes today!

💙💙💙

Sunday, August 30, 2026

Do you think she has enough room? 😂😂😂

Do you think she has enough room? 😂😂😂



Heading to bed.


Toebean is no longer unsure...

Toebean is no longer unsure about the TMNT blanket. He's sleeping so good, but I need to get up.

Cats. 🤷🏻


A few more flowers from today. They are showing out! 😊

A few more flowers from today. They are showing out! 😊



Look at this bad girl.

Look at this bad girl. She's so happy to be back upstairs. She's not supposed to be on the counter, but she has 0 regrets. 😂

She's an old lady. I'm just gonna let that slide and let her live her best life. 🤣😊

Some flowers and buds today. 😊

Some flowers and buds today. 😊

I'm excited to have caught the white flower. I've missed it every other time it has bloomed. Also, my Huernia Zebrina has two flowers for the first time.

I'm hoping to see the two buds bloom. The larger one has budded twice, but it fell off before blooming both times. The smaller bud is the first I've had from that plant, so it would be very exciting to see it open.





Saturday, August 29, 2026

Happy Birthday to my favorite Husbang!

Happy Birthday to my favorite Husbang! (It doesn't matter that he's the only one I've ever had; he's still my favorite!) 🥰

He's been trying to relax since he got off work, but we have a little thunderstorm coming through, so he's on Papa duty with Cub. Cub ain't about going through a storm un-medicated and un-cuddled. 😂


Friday, August 28, 2026

I checked a couple of things off my to-do list.

Not the app stuff, because I've been stress-headaching all day... but stuff that required less brain power. It still counts.

I don't think he likes my new blanket. 😂😂😂

I don't think he likes my new blanket. 😂😂😂

It's 2-something in the morning...

It's 2-something in the morning, so probably no one will see this.  That's ok.  I'm just having a little ramble.

It's confirmed:  I start my Internship on Monday the 31st.  I'll be doing dev work in ServiceNow, and it'll be nice to be hands-on again.  I will be full-time, in person, until November.  Hopefully, it will lead to employment after that.  I am excited.  Also, I have some really nice professional clothing that I likely won't have a chance to wear outside of working, so I'm excited to be able to wear it.

I won't have my ADHD evaluation results until after the Internship starts, but I can survive on the novelty of something new and the adrenaline of being in-person for a bit.  I would like for things to be easier while functioning in a "normal" sort of way... like, a way that won't burn me out, but I gotta do what I gotta do.

I do have some anxiety; I tend to have imposter syndrome big time.  Also, I was like "UGH, I hope I don't work with anyone that skeets their feet."  If you don't know what that means, just be glad that sounds don't hurt you and you don't have to worry about things like that.  As much as I'd like to talk about it, I learned growing up that if you showed a weakness it would be used against you, so I'm not giving more details than that.

Since I'm not in my "retail therapy" era (anymore), I'm over here feeling a bit more calm and like I'm making progress on my really long list of things that, IF accomplished, would make me feel like I have my shit together.  So that is something.

I deep cleaned two bathrooms recently.  The third one belongs to Shadow and Kira and they can handle that.  Shaun's usually the scrubber and I'm usually the de-clutter-er, but with him working as much as he is, I stepped up because it was bothering me.

I know it's not the most elegant solution, but the downstairs bathroom is small, so I got an over-the-toilet shelf to hold towels and extra toilet paper, etc.  The under-sink cabinet in there was stuffed, and I really hate running out of tissue.  The issue with the shelf is that a towel bar was mounted above the toilet because it's next to the shower.  But also, the area in front of the toilet is next to the shower, as well.  But that is where the hand towel loops are, so you have to turn around from the sink to dry your hands.

Anyway, I took the towel bar down so I could put up my shelf.  Maybe tomorrow I will take the hand towel loops down and put them to the right of the sink and move the towel bar to where the loops were.  I know this is not interesting to read, but that was not the best use of space and it really started to bother me once I noticed it.  I am also now bothered because the toilet and shower/tub are white, but the sink is beige marble.  I never noticed that before.  We're not planning on doing any renovations anytime soon, but when we do, that is now on my radar.

Still on bathrooms, I also cleaned the one in our bedroom.  Part of that consisted of repotting my Monstera in there into a semi-hydro setup because I was tired of dirt coming out of the pots every time I watered them, and they are thirsty AF.  So that is much better.  Also, do y'all close your toilets before you flush?  You absolutely should.  Look up "toilet spray."

Anyway, I've done some errands, done some plant stuff, decluttered a bit, and did my nails.  I haven't painted them yet, but I plan to before Monday.

In general, I felt that we were pretty organized, but I discovered a box of cotton swabs after I'd already bought another box.  I find that to be really annoying.  So I think now I'm entering my "less is more" era.  We ordered pizza again the other day.  We've had one dinner date (me and Shaun), and we'll probably go out to eat on Sunday because Shaun's birthday is Saturday, but he works until 6 on Saturday and now I'll be working starting Monday, so that will be our only chance.  But what I'm trying to say is that we've been very good about not spending money on stuff or going out, and I'm proud of us.

Since starting work, Shaun has lost weight.  He never looked too big to me because he's muscular and tall, but he's 215 lbs, down from 240ish.  It's just because he's up moving and not sitting around snacking, I guess.  I hate that that doesn't work for me.  🫠  I'm basically microdosing compounded Semaglutide to maintain at 125, which is still a little heavier than I want to be, but oh well.  Maybe me working full time will help, but I don't see it happening.  Not to be negative; it's just never been simple for me or made sense to me before, so I don't see why it would change now.

The only other thing I plan to do before starting the internship is push some app updates.  I have some good feedback from the live Beta tests.  So that, and nail polish.  Oh, and a hair trim.  I'm a mess.

I've also been thinking pretty heavy about doing some press-ons for Halloween.  If I'm gonna do that, I should start my designs soon.  I feel pretty ok to do that now; before, I was too overwhelmed.  We'll see.

Anyway, if you read this:  WHY?!  😆😆😆

I kind of hate when I post long updates with too many subjects, but pretty often I just don't have the energy to write something (so I don't do it frequently), and I'm not always in a thoughtful mood, and social media can be a chore/demand on my time, and I don't know.  I'm just trying to live.

But I hope y'all are doing well.  I love you and I miss you.  Write back soon.  💙

Wednesday, August 26, 2026

Bear is doing the most tonight.

Bear is doing the most tonight.

He's very used to routine and has slept in his crate nightly just about since we got him. We keep a camera on him to listen for and record seizures if they happen.

Lately, he doesn't want to sleep in his crate. He's probably too warm in there. But he'll fuss until he's let out.

Tonight, as Shaun was going to bed, he decided he was a big boy and wanted to go in there with him and Cub. Shaun might test it out when it's not a work night, but he has to sleep and can't handle Bear right now.

Poor Bear is over there knocking on his door.

He says he's 3 years old - a grown man! And he wants to sleep with Papa and Cub. 😂

Tuesday, August 25, 2026

Glochids. 🫠

Glochids. 🫠


Me and Shaun just finished watching

Me and Shaun just finished watching the last episode of American Horror Story:  NYC.

If you've seen it, then you know about the ending, with the long, repetitive music and scenes with Gino.

I'd asked Shaun to turn it down about 3 times, which he did. But I was still getting really irritated by it and said "This is so fucking repetitive and annoying!"

Meanwhile, Shaun was really moved by it; almost to tears when my exclamation made him laugh.

He looked online to see why there was such a departure this season from the rest of the AHS series, and came across a lot of people who said it was a very powerful scene and a favorite of theirs.

Honestly, things like this have happened to me all of my life and I never knew why. I guess the Autism explains it.

Wednesday, August 19, 2026

I was awake until around 3 this morning...

I was awake until around 3 this morning because hyperfocus. Woke up around 4 pm today. It's only 6 and I've already dozed off again, and still want to sleep more.

This isn't even unusual.

I'm definitely going to see a doctor about this.

Tuesday, August 18, 2026

I appreciate everyone's comments and messages...

I appreciate everyone's comments and messages, and I apologize that I haven't responded to any of them yet. I will get there; I just have to get up some energy.

I've been stressed almost to death. I've been waking up with tension headaches and migraines. I think I cracked the code last night, though.

Adrian (our little kitty) has been downstairs since June after living in my bedroom for 5 years. I really needed a space to sleep without interruption and cat hair, though, and her little self body-slams me to cuddle in the night.

Well, she's been stressed about being downstairs. There have been some cat squabbles, but we thought that was just them adjusting; it's been pretty normal in our experience that settling in takes some time.

However, she recently has been hiding and I even have had to carry her physically to the litter box. I think I was picking up the tension because last night before I even went to bed or had a plan (we'd already removed all of the cat stuff from the room and even sold the catio), I took her upstairs. She had been looking miserable and the other cats were tense, and I just couldn't do it anymore. And today I didn't wake up in pain.

I know that's not the only thing I've been stressed about, but I do feel relieved and she seemed VERY happy to be back in my room. She was rolling everywhere and purring and her tail was floofed up. 😂 It made my heart happy. All of the cats are older and deserve peace in their final years. I feel a lot better.

Other than that, I've been busy working on www.polishallthethings.com. The app is a subdomain there, and now my nail art blog is integrated, so everything is together. That feels nice. I still have work to do, but I am at a point where I feel like I can rest for a minute.

Also, I had a computerized ADHD assessment this morning. I will get my results in 2 weeks. They had a noise machine in the room that sounded like water running, probably for the privacy of the other patients. I don't know if that was part of the test, but I put my earplugs in so I could think. Hopefully, I didn't nerf myself.

Saturday, August 15, 2026

I'm starting to wonder if like... I'm not ok.

I'm starting to wonder if like... I'm not ok.

For last last 2 weeks or so, I've been waking up with a tension headache or migraine about half the days.

Yes, I'm stressed... But just about stuff I want to get done. Nothing life-altering. I'm slowly, but surely doing things. But I don't know what to do with the stress. I don't know how to not wake up in pain so bad it gives me nausea.

Wednesday, August 12, 2026

It's been a day.

It's been a day.

I woke up early for no reason.

Had an appointment to get HRT refilled. Estrodial patches are in short supply nationwide, so my prescription is NOT refilled.

Had another appointment. It was just intake when I thought it would be an evaluation.

Teaching class tonight was good.

I received my Skyrizi in the mail today. I went ahead and injected it because I'm not used to having it on hand... But I was 6 days early. I'm sure it's fine; I'm just having one of those stressy, no-fun days.

I am exhausted. Calling it a night now.

At my appointment...

At my appointment, he said he needed to schedule me for an ADHD test, then follow up September 3rd.

I wish I had been tested TODAY. Now I'm just going to have more anxiety until it happens.

Can anyone tell me what the test is like? And does it really take 2 weeks to get results?

Monday, August 10, 2026

I've had a bad couple of days.

I've had a bad couple of days. I've had a nonstop tension headache/migraine. I think it's due to anxiety.

But having slept for almost 2 days straight, I woke up at 7 naturally today. I feel ok-ish. I'm gonna shower and see what the day holds.

Before I do that... I want to talk about sleep.

For as long as I can remember, I've been a sleepy person. I *usually* didn't have trouble with being drowsy in elementary school and high school, but sometimes I was. I just fought it with everything I had because I didn't want to get in trouble for sleeping in class.

After that, I worked in retail for a bit, so I was up and moving. Same for the warehouse after that (except for the time I was being carbon-monoxide poisoned every day by my car on my way to work - I would nap during my breaks). But I was dating someone at that time and I would often fall asleep while visiting his family. Same with Shaun's family all these years, too. Let me sit somewhere comfortable and not be engaged enough, and I'm OUT. I fall asleep in waiting rooms. I've fallen asleep at work. Even at home after a good night's sleep, if I'm not engaged enough, I'm asleep. I'm not saying "This happened this one time." I'm saying that this is frequent and reoccurring.

We watched a movie the other day... This girl had been captured and was chained to a mattress. I said "I'd go to sleep." I wasn't even kidding. Like, if you ever wanna kidnap me, just give me a bed and I probably won't even resist. 😂 Not really, but it's ALMOST that ridiculous.

I'm glad I have a psychiatrist appointment on Wednesday, because I'd really like to know if this could be part of Inattentive ADHD, or if I have a sleep disorder.

The more I think back on things, the more I realize that my life experience doesn't seem typical. It definitely hasn't been easy. And I'm just ready to get myself figured out.

Saturday, August 8, 2026

I'm not having a great day.

I'm not having a great day. I didn't leave my room until after 6:30 pm. I was sleeping on and off. Having nightmares and then waking up with no energy to move.

I've been having trouble sleeping for a couple of weeks and it's because I couldn't get comfortable. It took me until last night to figure out what was making me so uncomfortable. It is my hips and knees hurting. It feels like I may be having a Psoriatic Arthritis flare. Yay for poor interception.

I'm on Skyrizi for my skin (Psoriasis) and my next dose is in about 10 days. I read that there can be some inflammation occurring towards the time of my next dose. I don't know if I need to see a rheumatologist or what, but I might need a higher dose to keep everything in check. I guess I'll inquire about that this coming week. Up until the last week or 10 days, I've been feeling pretty good, physically (or at least I thought I was). 😅

My mental health is another story. I feel so run down. I'm ready for my psych appointment on Wednesday.

Until then, I'm going to try to take it easy on myself. I have a ton I want to do, but thankfully most of it isn't pressing.

Friday, August 7, 2026

'Beans on 'beans on 'beans. 😂

'Beans on 'beans on 'beans. 😂

I have an appointment next week...

I have an appointment next week to be evaluated for Inattentive ADHD.  I've been a daydreamer since I was a child.  I've always had trouble doing things that I don't care a ton about doing.  On the flip side, I have trouble with NOT doing things that I really care about.

I rely on adrenaline for doing a lot of tasks.  For example, I wait until the last minute and then get stressed enough to overrule the executive dysfunction that keeps me from starting a task sooner.  That's not a healthy way to live.

I was working on getting ready for one of my certification tests yesterday, and I can't tell you how many times I had to go back and re-read the same sentence because my brain was suddenly playing songs like a radio, or I was remembering a dream, or I was thinking about something else while I was actively TRYING to focus on something.  It's even happening now as I write this post and this is something I want to do.

Most of the time, unless it is one of my hyper-focus things that I love, I can't even watch a show or movie without scrolling on my phone or else I will get bored and fall asleep.

I also have a lot of other trouble with sleeping.  I do the bedtime revenge procrastination thing.  I don't even want to, but it happens.  I do feel that I am naturally more of an afternoon/evening person than a morning person, but the extent to which I struggle makes me wonder if I have an underlying sleep disorder.  I think that by taking care of issues one at a time, we'll narrow it down.  I hope.

If it's possible to get medication for this, I am going to try it.  I 100% believe that my inability to function on any kind of moderate level is part of why I burn out so easily.  I have an internship coming up that I really care about, and I would really like to be my best self for it.  It comes with a lot of opportunity and I don't need to blow it by not being able to focus or learn or grow.  In a job like tech where you have to think and problem-solve, being unable to focus your brain on something that isn't your deep interest is not ideal.

Anyway, I'll let y'all know how it goes.  I really hope I can get some help.  I would love for life to feel less hard.

Tuesday, August 4, 2026

I just saw the video that everyone is talking about.

TRIGGER WARNING:  Self Harm
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I just saw the video that everyone is talking about. I must be dead inside, because I am unbothered.

Cuts don't bother me. Not on myself or anyone else.

If he was getting a mammogram, then I might have been horrified for the rest of the night. That pulling sensation definitely feels worse to me than cuts.

I was actually talking about that on Monday with my therapist. They said that often people with Autism process pain differently.

Like, I definitely feel physical pain, but I don't often care that I do. If it's pain from an unknown reason, that's a bit scary. But if I'm injured and it hurts, it's supposed to, so I'm fine.

He's cutting himself, sometimes. Mostly, the clip I saw was him dragging a knife over his skin and moaning. He made very few new cuts, but seemed to enjoy it when he did.

I think the worst part is that he said he was committing self-death to the people who were watching his stream, and they seemed distraught by that, but were obviously unable to stop him in the moment.

I don't know. A lot of people seem really disturbed. I'm sorry if y'all were subjected to that without consent.

We call him Harley Longlegs...

We call him Harley Longlegs because he's so damn lanky. His arms are longer than my forearm!