This is my first full week of having a hybrid schedule.

This is my first full week of having a hybrid schedule.  It has been amazing.

I already knew that I loved working from home from previous jobs; I am so much more productive when I am able to be comfortable.  Being short-statured, no chair or desk is built for me.  If I'm high up enough to type comfortably, my feet are dangling.  If my feet aren't dangling, my arms are awkwardly high up trying to type and mouse.  I do have a foot rest at the office, which helps - but only if I'm sitting on the edge of my chair.  At home, I can sit however I need to in order to be comfortable.  I'm often criss-cross or sitting with my legs propped straight out.

Aside from the weird-sitting situation, I also struggle with temperature regulation.  I'm usually cold, even when others are quite warm.  So when I work from home I usually have a blanket on my lap.  I often wear a hat, or a hoodie so that I can cover my head.  When I'm in-office I want to look more professional, so I don't do any of those things - at least not without feeling self-conscious.  There have been some times that I put a hat on because I just couldn't focus otherwise due to being so cold.  Doing my best work wins over how goofy I look every time, but it's nice not to have to worry about that.

Thankfully, I have discovered my professional style that doesn't feel like a costume, and generally I am decently comfortable in my work clothes.  However, my temperature regulation settings suck and I still sweat even when I'm cold... even through layers.  So I constantly feel self-conscious and worry that people will see my armpit wet spots and feel grossed out.  I do have an appointment to hopefully address that in a couple of weeks, but for now it's much easier to just be a sweaty mess on my home days and not worry about it.

Overall, it's just easier to work from home.  Despite Shaun and the kids and the pets, I feel like I have fewer distractions and can be more productive.

The thing is, I enjoy my office days, too.

I love the drive - it's beautiful and despite the traffic, fun.  I love being here and feeling like I'm here.  I love having access to people that I have so much in common with.  I am a somewhat social creature, so it feels great to see my teammates in person.  At my previous job, all of my coworkers were scattered.  After the training period ended and I returned home to work I was fully remote; I basically only had access to them via Slack.  I felt pretty isolated.

So, this first week of hybrid has felt pretty great.  I feel more balanced.  I feel less exhausted.  I'm saving 8 hours of driving per week, which is basically a whole day.  As much as I love to drive, that is a bit much.  I would definitely do it if I had to because I love this job, but it's nice to not have to.

Speaking of loving the job... I am very engaged in my work.  I feel like it's making an impact.  It's challenging and fun.  It's nice to be contracted with one organization where I can see the benefit of what I've built, versus having 2 or 3 smaller projects for different companies where after I complete my task, the company moves me onto something else and I never see how my work has helped make a difference.

Also, being medicated for ADHD is a big help.  I can focus better.  I feel less overwhelmed in general, despite still having quite a lot of things to take care of.  I'm not just getting through my tasks; I'm learning from them.  I'm taking better care of myself.  I'm able to wake up in the mornings and stay awake all day because I'm now able to fall asleep at night, and STAY asleep.  Even when I was forcing myself to stay awake during the day, my brain obviously wasn't functioning at it's best no matter how hard I tried.  I'm no longer functioning on adrenaline; I don't have to anymore.  I can know that a thing needs to be done and instead of dreading it and putting it off until right before the deadline I can either do it or make a plan to do it, and stick to that.  It's wonderful.

I am very optimistic about the future.  I hope it's not speaking too soon, but I do feel like part of a team now.  I can see myself growing in my current position.  It's very exciting, and such a relief to not have to fight tooth and nail for every little win.

Sorry for the ramble, but I am feeling so grateful.  I just had to put it out there.

Having a ramble about how things are going.

Having a ramble about how things are going.

I officially start my new position next week, which is exciting.  I'm having a bit of anxiety because right now I'm stuck in "transition mode," which is an ADHD thing that apparently not even my meds are eliminating (although I am sure they're helping.  One hundred percent, I'd be a complete mess without them).

I have a lot of unanswered questions, but orientation is next week and I'm sure things will be much clearer after that... but for now I do feel a bit anxious.  At least it's not intolerable, shut-down, non-functional anxiety.

I've heard that there may be a probationary period before I can start my hybrid work-from-home schedule, but I'm really hoping that's not the case; or at least if there is, I hope it's not a long period.  During the week I wake up, get ready for work and drive for an hour, work my hours, then drive for an hour back home.  Twice a week I have teaching/office hours for CNM, so I do that.  But otherwise, I have a snack, stay awake for maybe an hour, and then I hit my "ideal fall asleep" window and just crash and go to bed.  That doesn't leave much time for anything else.

This is do-able for a while, and I am absolutely doing much better than I would be without medication.  Without meds, I'd be running on empty and depending on adrenaline (which means I'd be putting things off until the last minute, my schedule would be slipping and I'd be struggling to be on-time to anywhere, I wouldn't be able to focus at work unless I was SUPER interested in what I was doing, unable to plan, etc.), so this is ok.  This opportunity is important and I am happy to prioritize it right now, but I will definitely be relieved and be able to have more of a life once things settle, and I am looking forward to that.

One thing that I am enjoying about my commute (besides the beautiful views and feeling like I'm REALLY here) is that I've had some time to catch up with friends/family who are awake and willing to call me/answer my calls.  I've spent the last year, at least, being so burned out that socializing was last on the list and didn't happen much... or if it did, it didn't come easily.  So this is better.  Overall, even though things are still in transition I feel a lot more balanced than I ever have, and because of that I feel super optimistic about the future.

Also, just FYI, I feel like I'm doing a great job at the internship, which I'm sure is what got me the job offer.  Also, I'm able to show off my left-handed super power, which is writing with my left hand and mousing with my right.  Presenting and note-taking has never been so efficient!  😆

I am very tired and about to head to bed, but...

I am very tired and about to head to bed, but I wanted to talk a bit more about the job offer.

I've been doing an internship since August 31st, and it was supposed to go until around mid-November, but because I have a job offer the internship is going to end October 5th and I will officially start work the next day.

I have enjoyed the work I've been doing these last few weeks, and the job I will be starting will be similar, so that makes me happy.

I am also happy because I will have a hybrid in-office/work-from-home schedule, so that will be a relief.  The internship is full-time in-person, and while I enjoy driving I'm currently doing 10 hours of that every week, so it will save me some time and energy to not have to make that commute every day - especially on my teaching days.  That is a bit stressful since I have a timeline for getting home.

Anyway, today didn't exactly go as planned, but maybe I'll have the energy to talk about that tomorrow.  For now, I'm going to bed.

Goodnight, y'all!

I can't write much at the moment...

I can't write much at the moment because I have some things to do, but:

Yesterday, I was offered a full-time position doing application development in ServiceNow. OBVIOUSLY, I accepted.

I will try to write more later, but I am very excited. It's been over a year since I was employed full time, so this is amazing.

I should be asleep, but...

I should be asleep, but there seems to be a very specific window of time in the evenings when my ADHD meds have worn off just enough that I'm tired, but are still in my system enough to quiet my brain and allow me to fall asleep easily. I missed that window today.

I got started studying for CompTIA Sec+, and it was too interesting. 😅

Speaking of, do any of y'all have any good resources for courses and/or study material for that certification?

It's been an eventful week.

It's been an eventful week.

To go from resting and doing housework and teaching part-time and working on my app when I feel like it, to having expectations of being a place, looking decent, and doing things 5-days a week, plus still teaching is a big change.  I've been EXHAUSTED.

On top of that, I got myself stranded on Wednesday.  My little EV ran out of energy.  I don't know if I was just goofy and didn't shut the door all the way or it didn't charge fully then night before or what, but by lunch time I thought I was probably in trouble.  I did make it to a charging station, but one that didn't work with my car.  I had to get towed.  But, I made a friend!  The super nice guy who towed me home let me ride home in the truck with him.  He was really chill and we just chatted the whole way.  It was nice.  Probably one of the best "I'm stranded" experiences I've ever had, and that's saying something because I've had A LOT.  🫠

Last night, the kids packed the freezer too full and it couldn't circulate air, so a bunch of the food melted and had to be tossed.  It was an accident and I don't think they'll do it again.  The freezer needed a good cleaning out, anyway, but it sucks that they lost some food they had just bought.

Also, our modem or something died last night, so I have a hotspot on so I can be on my laptop momentarily.  I don't really know what's going on, but I'm too tired to care.  😅  I am REALLY grateful for the long weekend because I need it.  Gotta catch up on my rest to be ready for another week.  Plus, I need to try out the ADHD meds and see if they help me or make me weird or what.

Goodnight, y'all.  I am D.O.N.E.

The first day of the internship went well!

The first day of the internship went well!

I met so many people today. I walked more than I expected to and got some heel blisters. I had on sunblock and still got some sun. But I made it through the day! I came home, had a nap, then held office hours for class. Then I had dinner and now I'm getting ready for bed.

Everyone was super welcoming to us, and the people I interacted with communicated very straightforwardly, so I feel like this is going to be a great 12 weeks for me. I don't know if I'm cut out for corporate work or not, but I do know I felt very comfortable discussing ideas and asking questions right away. In general, I say what I need to say and try to be as polite as possible, but sometimes I feel that I'm too straightforward for professional environments, and I didn't feel that way today. 

We got a good understanding of what our goal/project is for these 12 weeks. We're working in ServiceNow, and I'm so glad to be getting back into some dev work. We don't have access to our laptops yet, but I'm ready to dive in!

I'm very excited to see how our project is going to turn out. I feel like it's going to be hard for me not to hyperfocus on it, but at least I am interested. That should keep me going for a while. I still have my ADHD results appointment (at least I hope that's what it is) on Thursday, so if I need to try meds or anything like that, then at least I will have my interest as backup. 😂

I am still really hoping that there is medication that can help me function in a more level way, without relying on hyperfocus, novelty, or cortisol. But until we get that worked out, I think I'll be ok.

Anyway, I'm heading to bed. I'm exhausted and have a decently long commute, so I have to get up early. Thank you all for the well-wishes today!

💙💙💙

Heading to bed.

It's 2-something in the morning...

It's 2-something in the morning, so probably no one will see this.  That's ok.  I'm just having a little ramble.

It's confirmed:  I start my Internship on Monday the 31st.  I'll be doing dev work in ServiceNow, and it'll be nice to be hands-on again.  I will be full-time, in person, until November.  Hopefully, it will lead to employment after that.  I am excited.  Also, I have some really nice professional clothing that I likely won't have a chance to wear outside of working, so I'm excited to be able to wear it.

I won't have my ADHD evaluation results until after the Internship starts, but I can survive on the novelty of something new and the adrenaline of being in-person for a bit.  I would like for things to be easier while functioning in a "normal" sort of way... like, a way that won't burn me out, but I gotta do what I gotta do.

I do have some anxiety; I tend to have imposter syndrome big time.  Also, I was like "UGH, I hope I don't work with anyone that skeets their feet."  If you don't know what that means, just be glad that sounds don't hurt you and you don't have to worry about things like that.  As much as I'd like to talk about it, I learned growing up that if you showed a weakness it would be used against you, so I'm not giving more details than that.

Since I'm not in my "retail therapy" era (anymore), I'm over here feeling a bit more calm and like I'm making progress on my really long list of things that, IF accomplished, would make me feel like I have my shit together.  So that is something.

I deep cleaned two bathrooms recently.  The third one belongs to Shadow and Kira and they can handle that.  Shaun's usually the scrubber and I'm usually the de-clutter-er, but with him working as much as he is, I stepped up because it was bothering me.

I know it's not the most elegant solution, but the downstairs bathroom is small, so I got an over-the-toilet shelf to hold towels and extra toilet paper, etc.  The under-sink cabinet in there was stuffed, and I really hate running out of tissue.  The issue with the shelf is that a towel bar was mounted above the toilet because it's next to the shower.  But also, the area in front of the toilet is next to the shower, as well.  But that is where the hand towel loops are, so you have to turn around from the sink to dry your hands.

Anyway, I took the towel bar down so I could put up my shelf.  Maybe tomorrow I will take the hand towel loops down and put them to the right of the sink and move the towel bar to where the loops were.  I know this is not interesting to read, but that was not the best use of space and it really started to bother me once I noticed it.  I am also now bothered because the toilet and shower/tub are white, but the sink is beige marble.  I never noticed that before.  We're not planning on doing any renovations anytime soon, but when we do, that is now on my radar.

Still on bathrooms, I also cleaned the one in our bedroom.  Part of that consisted of repotting my Monstera in there into a semi-hydro setup because I was tired of dirt coming out of the pots every time I watered them, and they are thirsty AF.  So that is much better.  Also, do y'all close your toilets before you flush?  You absolutely should.  Look up "toilet spray."

Anyway, I've done some errands, done some plant stuff, decluttered a bit, and did my nails.  I haven't painted them yet, but I plan to before Monday.

In general, I felt that we were pretty organized, but I discovered a box of cotton swabs after I'd already bought another box.  I find that to be really annoying.  So I think now I'm entering my "less is more" era.  We ordered pizza again the other day.  We've had one dinner date (me and Shaun), and we'll probably go out to eat on Sunday because Shaun's birthday is Saturday, but he works until 6 on Saturday and now I'll be working starting Monday, so that will be our only chance.  But what I'm trying to say is that we've been very good about not spending money on stuff or going out, and I'm proud of us.

Since starting work, Shaun has lost weight.  He never looked too big to me because he's muscular and tall, but he's 215 lbs, down from 240ish.  It's just because he's up moving and not sitting around snacking, I guess.  I hate that that doesn't work for me.  🫠  I'm basically microdosing compounded Semaglutide to maintain at 125, which is still a little heavier than I want to be, but oh well.  Maybe me working full time will help, but I don't see it happening.  Not to be negative; it's just never been simple for me or made sense to me before, so I don't see why it would change now.

The only other thing I plan to do before starting the internship is push some app updates.  I have some good feedback from the live Beta tests.  So that, and nail polish.  Oh, and a hair trim.  I'm a mess.

I've also been thinking pretty heavy about doing some press-ons for Halloween.  If I'm gonna do that, I should start my designs soon.  I feel pretty ok to do that now; before, I was too overwhelmed.  We'll see.

Anyway, if you read this:  WHY?!  😆😆😆

I kind of hate when I post long updates with too many subjects, but pretty often I just don't have the energy to write something (so I don't do it frequently), and I'm not always in a thoughtful mood, and social media can be a chore/demand on my time, and I don't know.  I'm just trying to live.

But I hope y'all are doing well.  I love you and I miss you.  Write back soon.  💙

My app is live in the stores!

My app is live in the stores!

Android:  https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.bluprintdesign.polishallthethings

Apple:  https://testflight.apple.com/join/NayUU2fN

Well, ok, actually...

Well, ok, actually...

Google has it up.

Test link only works if I have your email (for now):

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.bluprintdesign.polishallthethings

Yesterday must have been too good.

Yesterday must have been too good.  I woke up at 5 am with a letdown migraine.  🫠

Last night before I went to bed, my iPhone testers were having trouble with installing the app, so I ended up putting it on the app store with TestFlight.  The app is in review by Apple for *OFFICIAL* Beta.

Since I put it on Apple late last night, I thought "Why not put it on the Google Play store for their Beta, too?  So I did that today.

I guess I am taking baby steps into this release.  I'm ok with it.  That is pretty exciting.

I hope I don't wake up with another migraine.  😆😭

I've still been slowly but surely working towards my goal...

Despite my burnout, I've still been slowly but surely working towards my goal of getting app.polishallthethings.com put on the app stores this month/beginning of July. It's officially in Beta on Android, and will hopefully be for Apple within the next few days. I ended up ordering a cheap iPhone from ebay because of all of Apple's restrictions. It was literally $72, and as a developer, I should probably just own one for testing purposes, if nothing else.

I'm really excited to see it live. If you'd told me at any point in my life before the end of last year that I'd be making an app I've been dreaming of for years, I wouldn't have believed you. I'd have never thought it was possible. I already have a little over 300 users on the website and people listing on the Marketplace, which blows my mind. Life is crazy sometimes.

The top of the profile page. Pretty standard.

Stats on the profile page. The number of polishes/plates/transfers, etc., with info about my most used.

A view of your collection. I like to see it by maker, but you can order it by collection, by date, by event, etc.

One of my favorite pages: Discover. Look for new brands, search polish/polish-related events (like releases), search by color, search for dupes of your favorites, search by color-swatching a photo. I LOVE THIS SO MUCH! And the more people who digitally swatch their photos, the better it gets!

UI/UX graduation was today.

UI/UX graduation was today. Our presentation went well.

If anyone is interested, here is the app prototype we made. You can click through; even the sign up has dummy info ready to go.

It's crazy how my teacher is neurodivergent and I got my Autism diagnosis during this project; I strongly feel that both things contributed majorly to making this into something special. My teacher had to reframe things for me so many times so I could grasp what I was supposed to be doing. Both she and my partner were so flexible with me.

Now I'm gonna go have a let-down migraine, because of course I am. 🫠 

But let me know what y'all think!

Link to Figma

Hey friends! Happy Friday!

Hey friends!  Happy Friday!

Life Update:

I'm still sleeping a lot.  Like, 12-14 hours a day during the week.  I am so grateful that Shaun doesn't hate shopping/going to stores/doing the errands because I certainly do and they are such a drain.  Thankfully, it's not as big of a deal for him and he is handling all of that for us.  He's like "Since you're working..." and I'm like "Bruh, I am part-time at best at my official job, and barely even taking baby steps on getting my web design business off the ground or Polish ALL the Things! converted to a Native app."

Regardless, he says that I'm doing enough and I'm glad that he feels that way.  I've been a lot easier on myself since finding out that I have Autism, and I am grateful that Shaun understands and doesn't put any extra stress on me while I try to continue to recover from burnout.  He's never been anything but gentle and supportive of me, even before my diagnosis.  When I was pretty well incapacitated in 2014 he basically body-doubled my entire life to keep me going until I got help.  Part of that was depression, but looking back, it was probably partially due to a burnout phase, too.

I don't really have any idea what life will look like after May, when the UI/UX class I'm taking and the ServiceNow CSA class I'm teaching both end.  But I'm hoping that I will be more functional as a person and able to hold down more steady work, should I be so lucky to have it.

I do have a lot of items on my To Do list that I feel like have been holding me back from things I really want to do.  I feel like I've been stuck in "Waiting Mode", as in, "Waiting for things to be done before I can enjoy myself or take on more projects" for a few years, so that is unfortunate, especially since I was "shoulding" myself and putting pressure on myself to finish them, but since I've stopped with the pressure and just worked on things at a sustainable pace, they're finally (slowly but surely) getting done.  Nothing is checked off of my list yet, but there is progress, which is better than no progress, so I'm taking the win.

It's really not as satisfying to not binge and finish things super fast, but I've learned that that is dopamine seeking and I'm trying not to do that anymore (at least not in ways that end up being detrimental to my health).  So we'll see how that goes.  Maybe THIS will be the year that I finally get my shit together.  😂😂😂  (If you don't know:  I say this every year after I binge a project and make progress, only to burn out and accomplish nothing else.)

Anyway, Happy Weekend, friends!  ❤

Apple has officially accepted me as a developer.

Apple has officially accepted me as a developer. I guess it's time to go (moderately so I don't burn out) hard on converting my app. 😂😂😂

I am really not enjoying this whole "pacing myself" thing, but being able to do even small things every day rather than being immobilized mentally and physically by burn out is better. I'm gonna try my hardest to stick to it.

Officially, I'm on the Google Developer program.

Officially, I'm on the Google Developer program. Woohoo!

It took hours, even with a borrowed iPad, but I finally got an Apple account and am waiting to hear back if I'm approved as a developer. 😂

But yay for the progress!

Haha.

Haha.  Since I got my DUNS, I am trying to sign up for the Google and Apple developer accounts.

Google has a one-time $25 fee.

Apple has a yearly $100 fee.

I have exactly $124.04 in my business account.  😆

(This is not a complaint; I am stoked that anyone at all is subscribing to my app.)

Of course, I can loan myself $0.96, but like, damn.  SO CLOSE!

I got my DUNS number!

I got my DUNS number! Signing up on the app stores as a developer today! 😄

I think this is going to be my final writing about AI.

I think this is going to be my final writing about AI.

I want you all to know that I understand that AI usage is not good for the environment.  I also want you all to understand that whether I use it or not, it's not going anywhere.  That cat is out of the bag and it's not going back in.  We're far past that.  What needs to happen now is finding ways to reduce harm and clean the environment.  This is not the first time that an "advancement" has made a mess of things, and I highly doubt that it will be the last.

Whether you agree with me or not is irrelevant.  I work in tech.  I worked hard to break into a career in tech.  I can tell you firmly that more and more jobs are requiring knowledge of how to train/work with/use AI.  Whether you PERSONALLY use AI or not, I can guarantee you that any number of services, stores, hospitals, doctors, phones, computers, apps, etc., use it on your behalf.  If you REALLY want to stop AI usage, target your complaints to the businesses and companies that are doing that.  Boycott them.  Put your money where you mouth is.  Their impact to the environment is much larger than an average user, I guarantee it.

There are many things that I am against; for example, factory farming.  Yet I cannot claim the label vegan or even vegetarian because I will sometimes eat meat.  Do I try to minimize my impact?  Yes.  But am I 100% never going to eat meat again?  Probably not.

This is also how I use AI.  I don't use it for fun.  I don't use it for entertainment.  I use it sparingly and in ways that directly help me.

I don't know if I'm just wiser in my old age, or lazier.  Maybe both.  But I can tell you that while you are free to not use AI, fighting against individuals and their usage is not what is going to make the biggest impact and it's likely not going to stop them.  It's an uphill battle, and I learned the hard way in Alabama with animal welfare/animal rights that it's possible to make an impact, but you won't win the war.  You will burn yourself out trying to change things in a system that doesn't want to change.

I don't mean to sound hopeless, because I'm not.  I'm just saying that I am choosing myself these days.  I'm choosing my health and my sanity.  I'm 43 years old and I've always put everything and everyone else first, and I'm done.  So I'm not against using AI.  I'm in the acceptance phase.  I'm pro "let's optimize it and clean this shit up."

Not that it makes a difference to anyone who is already opposing me on this, but we have solar panels on our home.  I drive an electric car.  We don't cook or clean with electric appliances between the hours of 5-8 to prevent brownouts and stress on the power grid.  I've been recycling since I was a kid.  I also try to reduce and reuse things, and most of my wardrobe is thrifted at this point because fuck fast fashion and the mess it creates.  I've BEEN doing my part to help the environment and that is not going to change because I DO care.  But I'm not going to sacrifice any well-being I get OR my career to stop the small drop in the ocean that my AI usage equates.  It's not worth it, and I think if you were directly benefitting by it in any meaningful way, you would feel the same.

If that infuriates you, then I hope you will stop and examine every system in your life to make sure you're not getting any benefit from the use of AI, whether it's directly or indirectly.  If you look hard enough, you'll find it in something you use or a store you shop in or built into (or helped build) an app or website you rely on.  It's everywhere.  It does have uses.  It can be helpful.  Yes, just like any other tool, people can use it to make themselves or the lives of others worse.  Does that sound familiar to you?  It does to me.

Anyway, you are free to voice your opinions on my posts.  I won't stop you.  But I will just reiterate the stance that I'm writing here.  I don't have the time, energy, or mental bandwidth to do more.  This is where I stand on this particular issue.  If my opinion changes for any reason, I'll let y'all know.

Be best!