Look at this 'Bean.

Look at this 'Bean. He's all nice and chill as long as I'm not busy. But let me bust out the laptop and he throws paws. 😂 Brat.

I'm up a little late working on app stuff.

I'm up a little late working on app stuff.

I got me a little Adrian kitty to keep me company. 😊 

She's no longer crying to go to the bedroom, so that's nice.

But remember when I said she's been hissy with the other cats?

Phew!

This little lady said "They might have bullied me before, but the tables have turned! 😈"

She's been going after EVERYONE. Just stay outta her damn way. 😂 She's chasing the other cats, slapping dogs, slapping Kira (with claws!) for petting her wrong... She must be in perimenopause, too, because she ain't playing with NOBODY in this house. 😂😂😂

This old lady is sleeping too cute.

This old lady is sleeping too cute. She got brushed today and she needed it, bad.

I feel so guilty...

I feel so guilty every time I go upstairs and she wants to go and I can't let her. I'm sleeping so much better without her in my room, though. I need this.

She and the other cats are still a little hissy, but I'm hoping everyone will settle... Eventually.

She's always got a funny face going on. She's had a lot of teeth pulled over the years. I think it is due to genetics. Her brother, Toebean, had to have a bunch pulled, too.

My sweet little Adrian. Ugh, this is so hard.

Adrian spent the night downstairs last night for the first time...

Adrian spent the night downstairs last night for the first time, so that's exciting. She did have a pee accident, even though Shaun has shown her the litter box. I'm hoping she'll adjust to going into the sunroom to use the boxes. Looks like Bear isn't going to make it easy to use the door. 😂😂😂

It would be amazing to get home and be able to sleep through the night because no sweet little kitty is trilling body-slamming me. 😂 I love her so much. She is so precious. But I need SLEEP. 🫠

Some things that are troubling me:

Some things that are troubling me:

About 2 weeks ago, my Reddit account logged out.  I have not been able to log back in.  I submitted a ticket for help, but I still haven't received any help.  Also, now if I look up my account, it shows that it's banned.  For what, I have NO idea.

This has been very dysregulating.  I read myself to sleep every night on Reddit, so I was used to my feed being a certain way.  It was comforting.  I had saved a lot of posts with useful information.  I had a 700-something day streak.  I loved it.

I basically had to start over and try to re-create my feed.  It's still not like it was.  It still feels very "off" - like it's a bizarro universe and it makes me really sad.  I am still hopeful that I will get some help with my original account, but the hope is fading.  I don't know what to do.

I also haven't been spending too much time in the greenhouse, but the last two times I went out there, many of my plants had been chewed or completely eaten.  I don't know who is doing it, but Shaun put the camera back out there to see if we could catch whoever it is.  We don't know if it's birds or rodents or what, so we don't know how to stop it.  We do close the doors at night, but leave the top windows open for ventilation.  We might have to put up some screens, I guess.  I don't know.  But it's got me really sad.  Whole plants are missing.  Like they've either been devoured on the spot or uprooted and taken. 😭😭😭

Last thing (for now):  I'm too soft and Adrian ended up back in my room. Shaun's going to move her out and acclimate her to the living room/other cats while I'm away. I hope it's successful. I need a space to myself. If it doesn't work while I'm gone, then it can't be done. Shaun is great with cats and less of a pushover than I am right now.

I know I have messages and comments to respond to, but...

I know I have messages and comments to respond to, but I've chosen to hermit for a bit in order to lower the demands on myself. Yes, even things that I enjoy (such as engaging with y'all) are demands upon my time.

In another effort to get better rest, we're trying little Adrian out downstairs. She's lived in our bedroom since we moved here (~ 5 years ago); she's a petite little thing and was getting picked on by the other cats before we moved. All of the remaining cats are older and mellow-er now, so I'm hoping she'll do ok.

She's a sweet little love bug. That's great, EXCEPT when she's excited to see me after she's slept all day and it's my bedtime. She chirps and meows and trills all night; she body slams and rolls all over me; and she kneads my neck with her sharp little claws. She's also pretty jumpy, so if she hears or sees anything, she launches off me suddenly and leaves scratches. I could definitely be resting better if she wasn't in the room.

She's not attached to me in particular; she loves everyone, so I don't feel like she will miss sleeping on me. If anything, she'll get more attention by being out and about.

She knows Cub since he sleeps in our room sometimes. She met Bear earlier and didn't care about him at all. It's the other cats that she's unsure of. She's hissy with them, even if they're just minding their own business. 😂

I would love to see her during the day more. She's a funny little girl. She's had a bunch of teeth removed and has the cutest little (unintentional) snarl/cringe face most of the time. 😂😂😂 I love her, but now that Scar is gone she's got some "main character" energy that is just not conducive to my sleep.

Anyway, this is her rolling and chatting on the cat tower earlier.

(Also, I didn't realize it was so messy. I'm not tall enough to see up there on those platforms; this was recorded by Shaun's tall-ass point of view. 😂)

We lost Ashanti this morning.

We lost Ashanti this morning.

I was upstairs asleep and Shaun called and said he needed me. I ran down and we called some emergency vets. She passed away in the car before we made it.

We didn't know what else to do, so we proceeded to the vet to make her final arrangements.

It was awful and agonizing and traumatizing. I will spare you the details, but we will be haunted by this for a while. I still feel like I could vomit.

She was fine last night. She came to eat treats around midnight when I was going to bed. She didn't come for Shaun's breakfast routine and he found her in the cat tower struggling to breathe. Putting her in the carrier made it much worse. I don't think there was any possible outcome where she would have survived.

This is the reality sometimes of having elderly pets. We tried our best, but it was awful and she's still gone. She was 13.

I'm gonna miss her. She was so vocal and always "nagged" Shaun and Shadow. She wasn't much of a lap cat, but she loved to sit on the top of the center console of the couch. She always faced Shaun so she could groom his head, which meant that I got the butt end and the sassy tail slaps in the face. 😂 This was her 2nd favorite place - right next to Shaun on the arm of the chair. She often napped like this.

Two cats in a week. Our hearts are heavy.

Last night was a bit rough.

Last night was a bit rough.

Scar had diarrhea just about every hour last night, so I was up cleaning after him every hour.  At one point, (TMI), I did, too.  I'd eaten something spicy earlier and I guess it needed a speedy exit.  But at least we had diarrhea together.  He would go and then I'd be like "Me, too, buddy.  At least yours isn't spicy."  😆

Everyone loved on him today.  He ate so many treats.  He sat in my lap like the most important cat (alone, without having to fight for his seat).  I've probably mentioned this before, but I'm gonna tell it again:  He was so possessive of me that  if another cat sat in my lap, he would ALWAYS get closer to my body and squeeze in between us until he'd wedged the other cat further away, or they would just get aggravated with his attempt to squeeze in and leave.  😆  He was such a character.

Today, Shadow went with us to see Scar off.  It is the first euthanasia he's ever attended.  I don't know why he chose this one.  He loved Scar, but he also loved all of the previous pets we've lost, too.  Maybe he's just matured to where it didn't seem scary anymore.  He took it well and said it was the best death he's been aware of.  We've spent the last 20 years surrounded by animals, so he's seen the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I'm glad that it wasn't traumatizing for him.  He petted Scar and rubbed my shoulder and has his own tears, too.  Then we picked up some lunch and ate together at home.

Speaking of Shadow, last night I was super hungry after I laid down so I got up and came back downstairs to find something to eat.  Shadow heard me come down and followed to see if everything was ok.

I feel like I'm more of a scavenger than anything, so I was about to heat up a baked sweet potato that Shaun had baked for me a few days prior.  Shadow was like "Are you really trying to eat that potato that has been sitting there for two days?"  And I was like, "Yeah.  It's not even open.  It should be fine."  And he was like "Please don't.  I don't need you sick tomorrow."  And I was like "True."  So I tossed it and microwaved a new one; which he was sure to tell me to poke holes in so that it doesn't explode.

Shadow and Kira are all about food safety, and me and Shaun are much less so.  But I got parented by my own son about it last night.  He was like "Get your shit together, Mom!"  (Jokingly, of course.)  It was pretty funny.  These kids are the best.  ❤

Tomorrow is my old man's final appointment.

Tomorrow is my old man's final appointment.

We had a pretty good night, all things considered.

Since I learned that diarrhea was inevitable, I stopped trying to prevent it. I put out his dry food, I gave him wet food, and I also gave him treats. I did have to clean up diarrhea a couple of times during the night, but because he had dry food available, he didn't wake me for feedings. He didn't have to feel hungry and I got almost-decent sleep.

Obviously I'm sad to lose my guy, but having a plan and having a couple of days to think things through feels so much better than losing one of them in an urgent way. We have a plan. He's not in serious decline or suffering. He might be uncomfortable, but that's as bad as I'm going to let him feel.

I hope he knows how loved he is. I'm trying to make his last day as great as I can. ❤️

My kitty cat/kitty brat/boyfriend has cancer.

My kitty cat/kitty brat/boyfriend has cancer.

He's still himself. Still sassy and bossy and bratty. Still loves on me and acts normal. Still alert and interested in things.

But his food isn't moving through his digestive tract like it should. He's stuffed full and not absorbing nutrients, so he's losing weight and constantly hungry and often nauseated. His body is eating his muscles for protein.

He's 14-ish years old. The surgery outcome, if we were to go that route, doesn't sound great.

I've been thinking for the past few months that this was an IBD flare up that I was failing to get under control. It wouldn't have been the first time we had been through this.

I've been medicating him, cleaning up diarrhea at all hours, and being woken up every few hours to feed him because he's hungry. I've spent over $1000 that we definitely don't have right now on special foods to try to stabilize him. I've been doing this for months. And I would continue to do it if he would have any quality of life.

But his doctor is a big "quality over quantity" person when it comes to life. We are, too. This is the same doctor that got Oreo into emergency surgery to try to save him. If there was any way for Scar to have a good outcome, we'd explore it. But there's not much to be done here.

We will be saying goodbye to him this week. I am sad. I felt like air ceased to exist shortly after the news sank in; I literally couldn't breathe or speak. I knew it was a possibility, but I didn't expect it. We'll choose the day as a family; possibly Wednesday or Friday. I don't want my boy to be uncomfortable for longer than he has to.

I am tired to death.

I am tired to death.

Yesterday, I attended my online class, did some plant repotting, did my nails, and showered for the first time in at least a week. That was a lot.

Scar is still having diarrhea thanks to me accidentally giving him access to his dry food, but it's slowly getting better again. He still has a vet appointment for tomorrow. I'm anxious to find out what's going on.

Today is supposed to be my plant-watering day, but it's windy and dusty out. I'm not up for being exfoliated by the desert, so I'm just going to wait. Honestly, this is probably the worst weather we have here:  The dusty days. I'm not complaining. I'll take this over a tornado ANY time.

I decided that I needed another tray and another bucket to speed up my watering since I do bottom-watering. Shaun took me to Lowe's. I found a tray. I also got a pink bucket, which probably excited me more than it should have. 😂 I thought my only choice would be the standard Lowe's blue. I also found a Graptoveria on clearance that was on my wishlist, so yay for that $2.98 find.

I think I'm gonna try to nap now. If I do anything today, it'll probably be something indoors and low-key. I'm trying to do things I enjoy as well as self-care to get up some energy, but it's slow going. Burnout is really hard to come back from.

Back to diarrhea. 😫😞

Back to diarrhea. 😫😞

In my exhaustion, I messed up.

In my exhaustion, I messed up.

I left a door open that I normally don't. Behind that door was the dry food that I'd taken from Scar because he was vomiting it up.

I woke up a few minutes ago, weirded out that I'd gotten more than a few hours of sleep in one go. Then he had a messy poop. I got up to clean it and found out he and Adrian had been eating the dry food.

That explains the poop, and also why he let me sleep.

I hope this isn't a huge setback for his progress. We'd had no diarrhea for days.

I guess it's something that he hasn't thrown it up?

My battery has been low since last week.

My battery has been low since last week. No amount of rest feels like enough.

Scar (cat) is doing better regarding his IBD/diarrhea. No accidents in days. But he's so hungry that he wakes me up every few hours to eat.

Today, I didn't get out of bed until 3pm. And I'm about to go back.

All I managed to do today was repot some plants that weren't taking up water like they should. That's it.

I have UI/UX homework, but I'm too tired. Hopefully I can make it to class on time tomorrow, at least.

I guess it's been about 2 weeks...

I guess it's been about 2 weeks since I wrote about how things are going, but that's because by and large nothing has changed.  I haven't put much effort into my app or anything, really - I'm just maintaining the necessities at this point.

I haven't written about this yet, but Scar (my kitty cat) isn't doing well.  He's 14, so he's getting up there in age.  He was previously diagnosed with IBD and we'd had that under control for quite a while, until the food that worked for him was suddenly discontinued a few months back.  We've been on the struggle bus ever since.

For a while, he was having pretty constant diarrhea in the floor, which I know sounds disgusting, but it's even worse when he uses the litter box and gets poop and litter all over himself.  I'd honestly rather him use the floor for this purpose because it's easier to clean and he doesn't get in my bed covered in poop.  Either way, it's unpleasant to wake up to, but less gross to clean up a mess from the linoleum than to have a poop-covered cat come to snuggle.

His accidents are becoming fewer, but he's lost a good bit of weight and I'm feeding him wet food every few hours, even through the night.  He actually looks like he's gained a bit back, so that is nice.

I know it all sounds terrible, but otherwise he seems to feel fine.  He's been worse in the past.  I actually took him to the vet for euthanasia once before, and they said he was doing too well, which I was grateful for, though I felt horrible for his condition.

Anyway, his labs look pretty good.  He has an appointment the Monday after next for a scan to see if it looks like inflammation or something more nefarious.  I hope it's nothing too bad.  He really doesn't seem like he's done with life yet; he's still sassy and bratty and himself, so I'm going to support him the best I can until we find out what's going on or he decides he's done - whichever comes first.

It has been a bit draining trying to recover from burnout while also babying him and that's probably why I'm doing only the bare minimum in all other aspects, but I know that whether he has IBD or something else, I only have so much time with him.  I'm going to treasure our time together.

I hope you all are doing well.  Sometimes I sort of get antsy or beat myself up for my lack of "accomplishing" things, but it's easier to talk myself out of that now, thank goodness.

Ugh, she's so CUTE. 😍😍😍

Ugh, she's so CUTE. 😍😍😍

She's also trouble. 😂

Last night I'd opened the freezer (it's a drawer on the bottom of the fridge) and couldn't shut it. I kept opening it and rearranging the items and it just wouldn't close. About the 4th time I opened it to see what the problem was, this girl casually walks out from behind the drawer. 🤦🏻

She's the worst cat. Who sneaks into THE FREEZER!?

Butt to butt with the 'Beans.

Butt to butt with the 'Beans.

Also, why does he do this? 😂😂😂

Look at my kitty cat.

Look at my kitty cat.

Scar is doing better since I took away his dry food. He stopped throwing up, which is a relief. His poops are also firming back up - all without a trip to the vet.

I'm so glad he's feeling better. Definitely feeling well enough to be a brat. 😂

I had ordered him some raw food in a panic last week, so there's a ton of that in the freezer now. I'll probably mix some in with his wet food because maybe that will be good for him and someone has to eat it. 😂 I hope he likes it.

Last night was a little rough.

Last night was a little rough.

Scar, my kitty cat, has been having some tummy trouble for a while. He has IBD and the manufacturer of the food he was doing really well on shut down. I switched him to the most similar diet I could find, but he's been having diarrhea and vomiting.

Last night was the perfect storm, I guess. He usually sleeps on my pillow. I woke up to the techno beats that indicate a vomit was on the way, so I sat up and grabbed a hand full of tissue to catch it. (I hate moving them when they're in distress like that. I always worry I'll move them at the wrong time and they'll choke or something.)

Anyway, I managed to catch most of his vomit, but when he heaved, he also squirted diarrhea onto me and the bed. So at 1:30 this morning I was cleaning the cat and changing the sheets.

I've taken his dry food up since that seems to be what he vomits up. I'm going to give him a few days on wet food only, and if that doesn't help, we're heading to the vet. I'm also considering trying to cook for him. It's ridiculous because I can barely feed myself, but it's so much easier to care for others than it is to care for me.