I met my new therapist today.

I met my new therapist today. I'm really optimistic that I can feel better.

I'm disgusting from singing and dancing in this heat.

I'm disgusting from singing and dancing in this heat.

BUT I TOUCHED CA7RIEL. Does it count as consent if he came off the stage right up to us with our hands outstretched?

I had grabby baby hands and I feel a little rude.

Paco didn't jump down, but put down his mic like he was gonna. I don't know how many times I felt like I was gonna pass out. This was great.

Ca7riel & Paco Amoroso put on an amazing show, again. I would drive 13 hours to see them any day. Hopefully again next year!

I made it to Texas.

I made it to Texas. Not all the way to Houston yet, though.

The air is so freakin' WET.  Gross. 😂😂😂

Some things that are troubling me:

Some things that are troubling me:

About 2 weeks ago, my Reddit account logged out.  I have not been able to log back in.  I submitted a ticket for help, but I still haven't received any help.  Also, now if I look up my account, it shows that it's banned.  For what, I have NO idea.

This has been very dysregulating.  I read myself to sleep every night on Reddit, so I was used to my feed being a certain way.  It was comforting.  I had saved a lot of posts with useful information.  I had a 700-something day streak.  I loved it.

I basically had to start over and try to re-create my feed.  It's still not like it was.  It still feels very "off" - like it's a bizarro universe and it makes me really sad.  I am still hopeful that I will get some help with my original account, but the hope is fading.  I don't know what to do.

I also haven't been spending too much time in the greenhouse, but the last two times I went out there, many of my plants had been chewed or completely eaten.  I don't know who is doing it, but Shaun put the camera back out there to see if we could catch whoever it is.  We don't know if it's birds or rodents or what, so we don't know how to stop it.  We do close the doors at night, but leave the top windows open for ventilation.  We might have to put up some screens, I guess.  I don't know.  But it's got me really sad.  Whole plants are missing.  Like they've either been devoured on the spot or uprooted and taken. 😭😭😭

Last thing (for now):  I'm too soft and Adrian ended up back in my room. Shaun's going to move her out and acclimate her to the living room/other cats while I'm away. I hope it's successful. I need a space to myself. If it doesn't work while I'm gone, then it can't be done. Shaun is great with cats and less of a pushover than I am right now.

I overextended myself yesterday.

I overextended myself yesterday.  I ended up exhausted and went to bed so early, then woke up in the middle of the night (peri peeps, y'all know the 3/4 am wakeup call.  It's a hormonal thing that turns us into werecougars.)  I usually just read myself back to sleep, but I was literally having dark thoughts and spiraling.

I feel only slightly better today.  I talked to Shaun and told him I need him out of the house sometimes.  I just need literal solitude.  My background processes don't stop listening for him or thinking about him when he's here.  I don't quite know the logistics of how he's different than the animals or the child I raised, but he is.  Shadow and the pets can be background.  Kira sleeps most of the day and tends to stay upstairs, but can definitely be a demand sometimes.  She's a gray area because I still view her as a kid even though I didn't fully raise her.  But Shaun is like a best friend that never leaves my house.  Just isolating in my bedroom is not helping me recover.  Don't get me wrong; sometimes I definitely need that, but it alone is not enough.

Thankfully, he has been looking for work outside of our home, and he's had a few good leads.  Maybe something will come through soon.  Also, he didn't take offense when I told him that I never get to miss him.  He understands.

We also had a talk about showing affection.  I have never been a hugger.  I'm actually not big on being touched.  Growing up, I didn't receive affection that way and most of the touch I received was violent in nature.  So I generally don't enjoy having hands coming towards me at all.  But when we started dating, I hugged Shaun.  I wanted to touch him and that was what people did, so I did it, too.  And I did enjoy it.  It's easy when things are new.

But now that's not the case and it's no one's fault.  His shirt is always covered in cat hair because that is our life right now, so when I hug him my face goes right into that.  It's a sensory nightmare.  I also don't like my face being smushed, but due to our height difference, my face goes right under/between his pecs.  Sometimes if I actually want to hug him, I just go under his shirt and that's better.  His chest hair doesn't stick to my face like cat hair.  So for years, I've just been doing this thing that I don't get anything out of because he seemed to need it and I thought it was what I was supposed to do.

I'm not gonna do it anymore.  Not like that, anyway.

If he's sitting and I'm standing, I greatly prefer those hugs.  His face is on my chest, and my face isn't getting smushed or haired.  I can enjoy those.  We haven't figured out how he can physically show me affection in a way that I will like yet; I don't like to be massaged or petted or anything like that.  I like it when we touch legs while hanging out.  That feels like not an attack.  Head bonks are cool.  I also like sitting next to each other, like a cuddle - like what cats and dogs do with us.  I don't know, but I don't feel like that's as big a deal right now as me letting go of the daily "demand" (of course he doesn't actually demand them; it's just a thing that I felt like I was supposed to do) of hugs that I don't like.

I feel like the worst partner.  I don't know why he likes me.  Even when I was (unknowingly) fully masking at the beginning of our relationship, I know I wasn't an easy person.  My mental health has only gotten worse/more complicated over the years, and he's still here, still putting in the work, still not taking any offense to anything I need to say - no matter how insensitive it may seem.  I feel very lucky, but also very confused.  Like, I don't get why anyone would choose the mess that I am, but whatever floats his goat, I guess.

Me and Shaun went away for a couple of days.

Me and Shaun went away for a couple of days. (More on that later.)

It was fun and hotel sleeping without a cat on my head was glorious (yes, moving Adrian downstairs FAILED).

But we got home yesterday and I immediately had to go to bed because I'd had zero alone time for 3 days.

Later this week I'm driving 13 hours through the desert and I am looking forward to those 13 hours like you wouldn't believe. Nobody can see me. Nobody can ask me for anything. Nobody can even talk to me if I don't want it.

Sometimes I worry that living with my husband was the wrong move. We do have separate spaces to retreat to, but either I'm so deep in burnout that being perceived is a stressor, or we just should've kept separate houses like we did for the first 10 years. I'm giving it until the dogs die (hopefully no time soon) before making any decisions or changes to our living situation, but...

Damn, it's hard.

Shaun is so great and I love him all the way. He is not doing anything wrong. It's just me. I'm built different and I feel like a terrible person and terrible partner because of it.

I'm still not feeling super social, but...

I'm still not feeling super social, but I'm starting to feel agitation from unread/unreplied-to notifications.  So if I respond to something you messaged or commented to me weeks ago, I apologize, but it is what it is.

On another note:

I love you.  Hang in there.  💙

Edited to add:  I got the comments knocked out.  Don't have the energy for whole messages yet.  But maybe this is a sign of return to personhood.  We will see.

Me...

Me, as young as I can remember, communicating with, understanding, and befriending animals.  They always say what they mean.

Me, in kindergarten, writing to the middle of the page with my left hand, and then switching to my right to finish out the page because I wanted things to be fair.

Me, in grade school, wondering if I would ever have friends whose parents weren't friends with my parents first.

Me, at 15 on my first trip to Six Flags, wondering why I hated having fun.

Me, in my teens, watching people succumb to peer pressure while remaining impervious to it.

Me, in my early 20s, deciding that I was done participating in the cycle of removing my body hair.  If men didn't have to, then I didn't, either.

Me, in my early 20s, figuring out that shaving my head made it easier to medicate/control my psoriasis, and that having skin flakes in long hair was a sensory nightmare I no longer had to endure.

Me, in my early 20s, finally out on my own, starting to struggle with schedules and routines and wondering how everyone else did it.

Me, in my late 20s, watching my 6th grade child set an alarm, shower, and catch the bus by himself because I wasn't a reliable, on-time, ride to school.

Me, in my 30s, looking back at the cycle of go hard/burn out, feeling like a broken person because "Why am I like this?"

Me, in my 30s, feeling the weight of everything crash down.  Full-blown depression, nothing in life accomplished, and barely able to walk due to psoriatic arthritis.  Heavily dependent on antidepressants, and Shaun body-doubling my life to drag me out of that hell.

Me, in my 40s, burned out.  Exhausted.  Confused.  Autistic.

Got out of bed at like, 7-something pm.

Got out of bed at like, 7-something pm. Just had a breakfast of 1/2 of an Impossible Whopper and a few sips of Dr. Pepper - definitely not my morning routine. Definitely not the kind of meals I usually eat.

I'm in a funk.

I'm still on the strugglebus back to personhood...

I'm still on the strugglebus back to personhood, but I'm getting there - baby-step by baby-step.

I have been trying to prioritize self-care and doing things I love.  I did some basic nail care the other day, as well as watered my plants (a little later than I wanted to, but they're ok).  I have still been resting a lot.  Still not making plans.  Just existing and trying to find my way back.

This afternoon while I was doing my "morning" routine, Shaun asked me for help with something.  It was simple and he could handle it and my routine is important, so I told him I wanted to have my (freshly made) tea right then.  I wasn't opposed to helping him later if he still needed it (he didn't)(also, it wasn't an urgent task), but there was nothing wrong with protecting my routine since it helps me start my day.  I always knew I hated to be disturbed when I'm DOING A THING, like my routine, but I never realized how actually dysregulating it was.

I didn't grow up being able to say "No", and I've carried that with me my whole life.  It made me into a people-pleaser (even though I know that wasn't the intent).  Anytime anyone asks me for something, whether it's my time or money or work or sympathy or attention or anything, I usually just drop what I'm doing and say "Yes."  It never mattered if I wanted to; other people's wants came first.  It didn't matter if it caused me distress; saying "No" often caused more.  So now I'm working HARD to undo that.

Shaun and Kira were talking earlier while I was trying to work on something, and after a bit it started to bother me.  I said "I'm starting to feel overstimulated.  I need some quiet."  Kira said ok and went upstairs.  I told Shaun to kiss me goodnight and go away.  And he did and I was happy about it.

I am thankful that the 3 people I spend the most time around are not offended by this.  I am thankful that they understand my preferred style of communication, and respect my communicated needs.  I think they are exactly who I need to keep practicing with until I'm confident enough to be more myself, more often.  The real challenge is going to be not fawning outside of this house.

This is how I'm doing.  This is me, unmasking.  This is me, not putting myself last.

It feels weird, but I'm not going to stop.

I've still got my social life (including online) paused.

I've still got my social life (including online) paused.  But I'm gonna have a ramble because it helps me.  I know I have messages and comments waiting for my response, and I will get to them when I have more energy.  I'm still functioning in battery saver mode.

I watered all of my greenhouse plants today.  Adding an extra watering tray and bucket made it possible to get that done in one afternoon, so that's nice.  I know that sounds like an energetic activity, but it was supposed to be done on Sunday (rather than today, Tuesday); today was just 1) the first time I was out of bed early enough in the day to do it, and 2) the first time I felt like I could move my body that much.  My succulents are a special interest of mine, so it gives me some dopamine to go out there and just exist with them.  Also, the weather was really great.

I have a bunch of plants on my potting desk that need to be taken care of.  I thought about tackling those today, too, but... I've realized that I spend my energy like a poor person spends money.  (I both grew up and raised a child below the poverty line, so I literally know what it's like.)  That is, to say:  I use it (energy/money) when I have it.  But much like money, if I always spend what I have, how do I ever build up a reserve?  Speaking physically, how do I store up enough energy to climb out of this damn hole?

While I'm over here trying to navigate the Autistic burnout I've found myself in, I've learned that I struggle with poor interoception.  If I can't even tell when I have to use the bathroom before it's a peemergency, how am I supposed to know what my energy level is?  Because I definitely do not.  And I will tell you now that looking back over my adult life, I have consistently worked in cycles of go hard/burn out.  It doesn't matter if it's cleaning the house or a project or a hobby or what... I will find a way to not approach the task with balance.

What's messed up is that it's not intentional.  Yes, the feeling of getting something done after a "go hard" feels great.  People are like "Wow, you did so much!"  And I did!  And it's done!  But the crash after sucks, and it's getting harder to recover from as I age.  Slow and steady is NOT fun for me.  It is NOT rewarding.  It is boring.  I like getting one thing done and then moving onto the next.  But society doesn't function that way, and in order to fit into society in some capacity (like hold a job so I can support myself), I have to do things in ways that do not feel natural to me.

If it was acceptable to create an app in 6 weeks and then ONLY rest for the next 6 weeks, I'd probably be ok.  But society expects constant output.  I do have a family and pets and friends.  I have a house and yard and job (and up until last week, school, as well).  All of those things come with demands on my time and energy, so there is no pure rest for 6 weeks.  Therefore, I can't let my battery get this low again.

Maybe it will be healthier in the long run to budget my energy; I really don't know.  But what I do know is that I don't know how to tell how much energy I do have; really, I can only tell when I'm definitely out, so this is tricky as shit.  1 energy could = 1 million energy as far as I know.  Either I feel like doing things or I do not, just like I either have to pee or I do not.

Anyway.  I think I'm going to bed.  Whatever my energy budget was for the day, I definitely spent some, so I'd better go replenish it before I accidentally overdraw (again).

If y'all have any tips for me on how to tell how I feel, I'd love for you to share.  I can use all of the help I can get!

💙

I'm definitely not ok.

I'm definitely not ok.

I've been reading about how to come back from Autistic Burnout, and aside from sleeping/resting and not "shoulding" myself, I discovered that I haven't been doing enough.  It is no wonder that my recovery isn't going well.

I haven't reduced demands upon my time much.  I haven't stopped masking as much as I could.  I'm about to address both of those things right now.

Saturday is my last UI/UX class.  In retrospect, I should have quit the class when I found out that I was in burnout; I did try, but the teacher was too nice and flexible and while it did get more interesting, it has definitely been too large of a drain on my energy.  I will not be taking anymore classes for the foreseeable future.  I also plan to take at least a month's hiatus from any in-person hangouts.  It is time to focus on myself and start deep healing.

Regarding masking:

I feel like I'm more myself on the Internet than I am in person (save for a very few people that I am close to); however, I still fawn for y'all.  I tend to not post anything controversial.  I did write the AI post recently, but in general I tend to steer clear of writing anything that will make people uncomfortable or unhappy with me.

I'm going to introduce myself to y'all now.  If you don't like me, that's ok.  Handle it however you deem necessary; but just know that I will not argue with you about who I am.  Accept me or don't; those are your options.

My name is Blu.  I have Autism.  I loathe small talk.  I am an Agnostic Atheist.  I believe in Science.  I am a Feminist.  Your body, your choice - regarding pregnancy, drugs, alcohol, sex, anything - as long as you are not causing harm to anyone else.  Black Lives Matter.  No one is illegal on stolen land built by stolen hands.  Trans men are men and trans women are women.  Love is Love.  Access to food, water, shelter, and medical care are basic human rights.  There are no ethical billionaires.

I believe in direct communication.  I will no longer put in the work to read between your lines.  If you are unable to articulate a thought or direction clearly, that is a you problem, not a me problem.  Do better.  The exception to this is a work/school environment; I will always try to make sure that I understand the assignment before completing it.

Regarding communication, it is not rude to be direct and clear.  It saves confusion and misunderstanding, and it is effective.  This is a neurotypical problem, not a neurodivergent problem.  This is a case in which NTs should adjust for NDs.  Work on your communication skills.  Communicate accessibly.  You are not a parking spot and have no obligation to be accessible, but it would be nice if you cared to try.

I don't say any of this to scare people away.  I don't want my timeline to become an echo chamber.  I know that I have many friends who will not agree with me on everything I've written.  That's fine.  Just know that I've loved and accepted you regardless of our differences.  If you can't do the same for me, then it's time we part ways.

If you feel the need to debate me about anything I've written in this post, be aware that I am not going to engage.  I will simply delete the friendship.  I am introducing my whole self in an attempt to heal.  I don't have the energy to defend myself for being who I am, and anyone who feels that I should spend the precious little energy I have left engaging them rather than doing self care is not anyone who has my best interests at heart.

Love me or leave me.

You better gangway.

You better hit bull's eye;

the kid don't play.

💙💙💙

I haven't been doing ok.

I haven't been doing ok.

Dealing with burnout and discovering that it's related to Autism (that I didn't know I had) has been a whole journey.  I only found out in early March and it explains a lot of things, but I'm still trying to understand how to make existence easier.  In this case, I don't feel like knowing has been half of the battle.

I've been keeping to myself more and resting.  I've been going to my room when I need actual quiet and regulation.  Shaun has been handling things like grocery shopping for a while, but now I know why I hate it and I will probably tag along even less because it's a stress I can avoid.

I have long said that Shaun knows me better than anyone, and I guess what I was trying to say before but didn't have the context to put into words is that I mask less around him than I ever have with anyone else, aside from maybe Shadow (my son).  It's something I've done since childhood and it happens so automatically with most people that I don't even know how to stop.

But I guess progress is knowing when I'm not ok and when I'll definitely be slipping the mask on, and trying not to put myself in situations where I have to use that energy when my battery is already low.  Lately, that means opting out of things I'd normally like to do, like seeing friends, going to the Cactus & Succulent society sales and events, going to the tech socials, even chatting to friends, etc.  I'm just running on fumes and I'm not sure how to refill the tank.  All of the sleep in the world doesn't seem to be helping.

Losing Scar and Ash last week has been terrible for my mental health.  I have felt so raw and weepy.  It's taken a week to adjust to sleeping without Scar on my face, and to stop listening for him all night.  Adrian (the other old kitty in my bedroom) is a great snuggler.  She's enjoying being the main character now, but I need to trim her nails.  She is very jumpy and launches herself away at the slightest noise or movement, and she is scratching me in tender places (like the backs or insides of my upper arms), and I just really don't need the physical pain right now.

I haven't showered in about a week and I don't know when I will.  I haven't yet deep-cleaned my bedroom or changed sheets from the ones that Scar last slept on.  I've been living on toast and waffles because the most "cooking" I can get myself to do is use the toaster.

I'm medicated for depression, but I feel like I'm having a bit of breakthrough depression... but like, I think it's normal to be not ok right now.  And I'm not.  🤷🏻

Apple has officially accepted me as a developer.

Apple has officially accepted me as a developer. I guess it's time to go (moderately so I don't burn out) hard on converting my app. 😂😂😂

I am really not enjoying this whole "pacing myself" thing, but being able to do even small things every day rather than being immobilized mentally and physically by burn out is better. I'm gonna try my hardest to stick to it.

Listen...

Listen. I know this is going to possibly sound kooky... But I have been treated for hypothyroidism for a few years now, and it has me feeling A LOT better.

But since being diagnosed with Autism and starting to relax for what feels like the first time in my life... I'm starting to feel over-treated. Like, I'm hot and sweaty a lot of the time, and that has been opposite of my (almost) whole life experience save for the last few years when I started treatment and stopped feeling cold all the time.

I know that stress/cortisol is linked to thyroid function... But in such a big way that I might need a lower dose of medication?

I think it's time to get some labs done. 🤔

It's been a day.

It's been a day.

I had UI/UX class this morning. I was planning to meet my group partner at the library, but I felt rough when I woke up and have a cough and scratchy throat, so we decided to stick to online today. I'm not sharing the germs.

I left class early and also canceled other plans. Then I temporarily got stressed and got hit by a migraine. I took Tylenol and went to my room, but woke up sweating and feeling worse, so I finally took a migraine pill. I've been in a haze all day from that. Very drowsy and I want to sleep, but I want milk more, I guess. Shadow will bring some when he gets off work. I can wait 45 minutes. 😂

I didn't really get anything done today. I have a few things to do tomorrow, like watering my plants. Hopefully, I feel up to it.

The teacher of the class I'm in is neurodivergent, and she's so flexible and helpful. She spent some time talking to me the other day (outside of class), and it sounds like she does a lot of work to manage herself. And I think that's going to end up being me, too. I mean, if I want things to be different going forward, and I do.

One thing I really love about her is that she's kind of open about it, but not in an unprofessional way. I struggle so hard not to overshare. 😂 But she's like "I need written or verbal confirmation before I move on" and stuff like that. I find her very easy to talk to and understand. Hopefully, I can be like her one day.

The deeper into the neurospicy stuff we get, the more Shaun is identifying with it, too. I didn't realize that he ever struggled with Executive Dysfunction, but apparently, he does. He's like "It's definitely easier for me to do things if someone helps me or gets me started." He's always been MY helper, so I'm going to start helping him, too. It's not that I ever would NOT have, but he literally never told me that or indicated that there was a problem. ☝🏻 But now I know.

I'm pretty sure I'm struggling with ADHD, as well, but he doesn't seem to have that issue, thank goodness. He's the calm and regular and reliable one, and I'm the storm that comes through with energy and then disappears into nothing for a bit.

Anyway. I also have to do my business plan paperwork because I have a meeting on Monday. I had to give myself a deadline (by scheduling that follow up) or I wouldn't do it. I was going to do it today, but didn't have the brain for it on these migraine meds. But I'll try again tomorrow.

Goodnight, friends. ❤️

I have finally got up the energy to work on my calendar...

I have finally got up the energy to work on my calendar. I feel a little relieved to see how my To Do List is going to shrink over the next few weeks due to me checking things off.

I've tried very hard to to not overload myself. I've also put in quality time with Shaun, as well as 2 free skate days each week in the park.

Much of it is un-timed, which feels nice. More like I have a few specific daily goals, rather than rigid structured times to do things.

It feels like I have a plan to get my shit together. 😂 I have said that 100 times before, but I feel like this is actually is very do-able because I'm not relying on bursts of energy this time that will end in another crash and getting behind... rinse and repeat; rather, I'm pacing myself and seeing what consistent, steady progress I can make. I have only ever tried this strategy with getting on top of my finances and it worked, so I'm feeling optimistic (again). 😂

Anyway. I'm off to see if I can hit my goals for the day!

Shaun was sent an evaluation...

Shaun was sent an evaluation from the place that's doing my assessment next month.

As he was working through it, he was like "Damn, if you have Autism, then I do, too." 😂😂😂

Like, buddy... I've had my suspicions. 😅 It's probably why we get along so well. 🤣

The way I feel like crying happy tears...

The way I feel like crying happy tears because I can read and understand this. ❤️😭❤️😭❤️😭

I had a mostly good day today.

I had a mostly good day today.

***

This morning Caitlin picked me up and we got lunch and went to see Judy P. at the rehab center.  We had some delicious bagels and then we hung out and I did her nails.  She said she hadn't had her nails done in 11 or 12 years!  Well, we'll make sure that doesn't happen again.  😊  She was so happy for the company and food and to get her nails done, and I had a great time chatting with her.  It was so fun hanging with the girls and I hope I'm doing as well as she is when I'm 98!

I came very close to enrolling in a nail tech program in December (because it has been pointed out to me many times that I should, and I finally agree), but I was unsure of what my employment situation/schedule would be once this year got started, so I didn't.  We also didn't have $6000 laying around for the course, which was also a big factor.  Hopefully financial things will ease up with my teaching gig starting this week.  We'll see.  But it's definitely on my to-do list this year or next, if I can make it happen.

I follow a lot of nail communities and I think my work is comparable to what many techs can do.  I just haven't studied all of the safety/cleaning stuff and don't have my hours working under supervision to prove that I can.  But if I had my credentials, I could do some volunteer hours and I think that would be fun.  It's just not something I would be comfortable doing without a license, (and probably isn't legal).

***

When I got home, Shaun had done some cleaning and things looked nice.  I wanted to watch a video on YouTube that comes out on Sundays; it's a series I follow and it's just like, 12-ish minutes, usually.  Then Shaun had a video to show me.  Then he wanted to order pizza.  Then that was waiting.  Then I could hear Tort Baby scraping around in the dining room (which is why I don't work in there, despite that being where my desk lives), and Shaun was watching a loud show, and the neighbor started making noise, which put Bear in Beast-Mode (running around roaring/growling because he hears something he can't identify), and I just... had to go upstairs and get in my bed.  Shaun is great and turned off the show when I told him I was getting sensory overload, but it was too late.  I woke up around 8.

When I woke up, I talked to the kids for a bit and then came downstairs.  Shaun wanted to watch something and have his ice cream, so we put on a show, then shortly after the kids came down and started talking to us (over the show).  Shaun didn't pause it fast enough and I started heading towards overload again.  And Kira wanted to use the blender to make nice-cream.  So I put in earplugs while she did that, then toughed out the show, and thankfully I am finally alone.

I have a couple of things on my to-do list today, but I still haven't accomplished them, because, well, I slept from 4-8.  Now the kids are upstairs, Shaun and the dogs are asleep, and the cats (except for Toebean) are being chill.  Toe is over here throwing paws because he wants attention/to get in my lap, but I need to update my resume and get some things ready for class to start this week.

***

I feel like this is pretty representative of my daily struggle, except that for some reason my sensitivity is turned up to 11 today.

I will have a list of things to do, but if I get trapped on the couch *with Shaun*, it's game over for me.  That sounds so stupid because I am about to do my tasks on my laptop, here from the couch where I'm comfortable and my legs don't dangle and I have my warm blanket and cat snuggles, but I am just more comfortable alone.

A lot of times he'll put on a headset and watch something or play a game in silence next to me and that's fine, but I really do hate how often he encourages me to get sucked into watching the TV.  He is a distraction.  A sweet one, but a distraction, nonetheless.  😆  I guess there are worse things he could be.  😝

I still haven't added a lot of things to my calendar like I've been meaning to, but maybe I can do some of that tonight after I do my two planned tasks.  Maybe I'll add quiet hours or focus hours or something, too.  I think that would be a good idea.

Anyway.  I'm off to check my things off my list, finally.  I just had to empty my brain so it could focus.

❤❤❤