I'm definitely not ok.

I'm definitely not ok.

I've been reading about how to come back from Autistic Burnout, and aside from sleeping/resting and not "shoulding" myself, I discovered that I haven't been doing enough.  It is no wonder that my recovery isn't going well.

I haven't reduced demands upon my time much.  I haven't stopped masking as much as I could.  I'm about to address both of those things right now.

Saturday is my last UI/UX class.  In retrospect, I should have quit the class when I found out that I was in burnout; I did try, but the teacher was too nice and flexible and while it did get more interesting, it has definitely been too large of a drain on my energy.  I will not be taking anymore classes for the foreseeable future.  I also plan to take at least a month's hiatus from any in-person hangouts.  It is time to focus on myself and start deep healing.

Regarding masking:

I feel like I'm more myself on the Internet than I am in person (save for a very few people that I am close to); however, I still fawn for y'all.  I tend to not post anything controversial.  I did write the AI post recently, but in general I tend to steer clear of writing anything that will make people uncomfortable or unhappy with me.

I'm going to introduce myself to y'all now.  If you don't like me, that's ok.  Handle it however you deem necessary; but just know that I will not argue with you about who I am.  Accept me or don't; those are your options.

My name is Blu.  I have Autism.  I loathe small talk.  I am an Agnostic Atheist.  I believe in Science.  I am a Feminist.  Your body, your choice - regarding pregnancy, drugs, alcohol, sex, anything - as long as you are not causing harm to anyone else.  Black Lives Matter.  No one is illegal on stolen land built by stolen hands.  Trans men are men and trans women are women.  Love is Love.  Access to food, water, shelter, and medical care are basic human rights.  There are no ethical billionaires.

I believe in direct communication.  I will no longer put in the work to read between your lines.  If you are unable to articulate a thought or direction clearly, that is a you problem, not a me problem.  Do better.  The exception to this is a work/school environment; I will always try to make sure that I understand the assignment before completing it.

Regarding communication, it is not rude to be direct and clear.  It saves confusion and misunderstanding, and it is effective.  This is a neurotypical problem, not a neurodivergent problem.  This is a case in which NTs should adjust for NDs.  Work on your communication skills.  Communicate accessibly.  You are not a parking spot and have no obligation to be accessible, but it would be nice if you cared to try.

I don't say any of this to scare people away.  I don't want my timeline to become an echo chamber.  I know that I have many friends who will not agree with me on everything I've written.  That's fine.  Just know that I've loved and accepted you regardless of our differences.  If you can't do the same for me, then it's time we part ways.

If you feel the need to debate me about anything I've written in this post, be aware that I am not going to engage.  I will simply delete the friendship.  I am introducing my whole self in an attempt to heal.  I don't have the energy to defend myself for being who I am, and anyone who feels that I should spend the precious little energy I have left engaging them rather than doing self care is not anyone who has my best interests at heart.

Love me or leave me.

You better gangway.

You better hit bull's eye;

the kid don't play.

💙💙💙