I have an appointment next week...

I have an appointment next week to be evaluated for Inattentive ADHD.  I've been a daydreamer since I was a child.  I've always had trouble doing things that I don't care a ton about doing.  On the flip side, I have trouble with NOT doing things that I really care about.

I rely on adrenaline for doing a lot of tasks.  For example, I wait until the last minute and then get stressed enough to overrule the executive dysfunction that keeps me from starting a task sooner.  That's not a healthy way to live.

I was working on getting ready for one of my certification tests yesterday, and I can't tell you how many times I had to go back and re-read the same sentence because my brain was suddenly playing songs like a radio, or I was remembering a dream, or I was thinking about something else while I was actively TRYING to focus on something.  It's even happening now as I write this post and this is something I want to do.

Most of the time, unless it is one of my hyper-focus things that I love, I can't even watch a show or movie without scrolling on my phone or else I will get bored and fall asleep.

I also have a lot of other trouble with sleeping.  I do the bedtime revenge procrastination thing.  I don't even want to, but it happens.  I do feel that I am naturally more of an afternoon/evening person than a morning person, but the extent to which I struggle makes me wonder if I have an underlying sleep disorder.  I think that by taking care of issues one at a time, we'll narrow it down.  I hope.

If it's possible to get medication for this, I am going to try it.  I 100% believe that my inability to function on any kind of moderate level is part of why I burn out so easily.  I have an internship coming up that I really care about, and I would really like to be my best self for it.  It comes with a lot of opportunity and I don't need to blow it by not being able to focus or learn or grow.  In a job like tech where you have to think and problem-solve, being unable to focus your brain on something that isn't your deep interest is not ideal.

Anyway, I'll let y'all know how it goes.  I really hope I can get some help.  I would love for life to feel less hard.