I'm studying, but this thing doesn't make it easy.

I'm studying, but this thing doesn't make it easy.

At some point during the time since he decided that he was my cat, he's gotten REDONKULOUSLY spoiled. Rather than coming to chill with me when I'm in the living room, he now screams outside of my bedroom door until I come out in the morning. Then it escalated to me simply coming out not being enough; I must pick him up and hug and nuzzle him, or he bites my big toes when I try to walk by. He makes sure that I know he wants to be picked up by standing on his back feet and reaching for me. He's a brat, but a heart-melting one. 😍

When I sit down to have my tea in the morning, my lap belongs to him. And when I finish my drink, he gets the last few drops from my cup. The remainder of the day is me fighting to get him to accept a place on my lower legs so that I can study. He knows what it means when I get the Lappy out, so he does his best to get between me and it. Sometimes, I'll get him to snuggle like in the photo. Other times, he ends up with more than a cord on top of him. 😂😂😂

I really don't know how he got so rotten, but I guess it's ok. He's my little buddy, for better or worse.

Kira colored her hair.

Kira colored her hair. She says she's "a black head now." 😂😂😂 I love this beautiful goof more than words can say.

I've been studying today.

I've been studying today. Someone is adamant that it's break time. 😂😂😂 He says it's time to put the pen down and snuggle. 😊

Edit: He snatched my pen so he could have a lap to sleep on. Current Status:  Snoring and twitching. 😂😂😂

I tried to do math last night and didn't.

I tried to do math last night and didn't. But I did these other 4 pages today. I needed the practice. Aside from that I slept. It's been one of those dreary, rainy days.

I've had a pretty great day. 😁

I've had a pretty great day.  😁  I slept late, then the kids came and brought me some Reese's Pieces, some paper (I am a nerd and I like it!), a watermelon-flavored drink, and a sweet card.  Shaun got a beautiful ceramic fireplace heater for my sun room, as well as a new utility sink for easy plant and animal watering.  Since he didn't have something for me to open, he also bought me a delicious-smelling candle.

After I saw my gifts we ordered Olive Garden online and picked it up curbside.  We ate at home as a family and watched some shows we like.  We shared our desserts and talked for a while.  After the kids left I had a little nap.  All in all it was a wonderful day.

I appreciate all of the birthday wishes.  I have some amazing friends.  ❤️  I hope you all have had a lovely day, as well!

Keeping myself accountable again.

Keeping myself accountable again. I (unfortunately) didn't get far with math today; I've had a stubborn PMS headache all day and even though I slept last night I was tired all day. That is normal for this time of the month for me. 😕 Also, I couldn't get warm for most of the day (even with layers on and the heat up) so my body was really uncomfortable and sore. I am about to call it a night because I am just DONE.

Regardless, I practiced something I blew big time on Quiz 3 - the D operator, which we use to solve Systems of Differential Equations. I have no problem converting from regular derivative notation to this (and back), but mathing around with it like it's Algebra throws me for a loop for some reason. I think I figured it out today, though, so while I didn't do pages upon pages of problems and calculations I did get something important straight in my head.

Yesterday (as I predicted) I was not in a good headspace, not only due to the lack of sleep but also hormones. Shaun was asking me about something yesterday and I looked at him with what I can only guess was a dumb and / or confused look on my face because he was like "Yeah, you're not studying today." 😂 And I was GRUMPY, oh my gosh. But we got a lot of things done at the house so it wasn't a day wasted.

Hopefully I'll be closer to 100% tomorrow. I do understand the processes of how to solve most of these problems, but I need a lot of practice to get good at it.

I hope you all are doing well. Goodnight, friends! ❤️

I felt SO GOOD yesterday.

I felt SO GOOD yesterday. I had energy and since I didn't want to sit still studying I went to the house in Talladega to work with Shaun on some things. We got a lot done, but you know how when you get busy and then suddenly it's the middle of the night? That happened.

I didn't get home until almost 3 this morning. Unfortunately, that knocked my sleep schedule wonky and even though I feel sleepy I can't nap because my body is just not having it. My brain feels foggy and I'm not sure I'll be any good at studying today. Maybe it's another work day. I can mop a floor and move things with less brain, but that's not true for math. 😂

I hope you all are having a good day. I think I will. I'm going to work hard, crash early, and get back to my math tomorrow. No sense in wasting a day just because I can't do the more important thing. ❤️

I'm keeping myself accountable.

I'm keeping myself accountable. I studied Inverse Laplace Transforms today. I re-wrote these notes because the professor worked the second half of the last problem before the first half and I hated it. 😂 Also, she said "Step 1: Take the Laplace Transform of both sides" and then worked the whole thing, not mentioning any other steps. 😂😂😂 That didn't work for me. I need to know all of the steps!

That's not a complaint, y'all. I'm just picky and have my own way that things need to be organized. If you can't tell, it's a lot to keep up with and we all get lost in it sometimes. 😊 Check out the last example. It spans 4 pages. Yes, I write large, but DANG. And something similar WILL be on the final, she confirmed. 😳

I took my last quiz today and I have no more lectures to attend.

I took my last quiz today and I have no more lectures to attend.  I feel that I did better on this quiz than any other all semester.  I finally feel like I am caught up.

If my calculations aren't incorrect (and they could be given my track record with math lately) I need to make a 75 on the final to pass my class with a 70 and graduate.  Thankfully, my final isn't scheduled until December 8th, so I have a few weeks to make sure that I'm fully prepared.  Barring anything out of the norm happening and hurting or distracting me I *think* I can pass the class if I try really hard, which I am 100% prepared to do.

I have to check in on here because I admin a few groups, but if y'all catch me wasting time during the next few weeks feel free to tell me to put my phone down and study.  Differential Equations has been a really fun class; I love the material as well as my professor this semester.  I hate that I got behind, but some things are out of our control.  If I can help it I would rather go ahead and graduate than retake the class.  I feel ready to re-join the workforce with my degrees and new skills and find out where that takes me.  😁

Once again...

Floor down (mostly), pipe reinstalled, carbon monoxide detector not alarming.

Floor down (mostly), pipe reinstalled, carbon monoxide detector not alarming. Impulse-bought some toilets and a hand truck. (Apparently, we can now flush 7 billiard balls at once if we feel like it). 😂😂😂

I need to think of some way to make that pipe less of an eye sore, but it's not urgent. It may end up surrounded by cat towers for all we know.

I also had my 'Rona test done today at the Walgreens drive-through. I should have my results in a few days.

Pic of sun room in progress! in the first comment for those who are curious.

Plot Twist: Shaun unintentionally poisoned me. 😂😂😂

Plot Twist:  Shaun unintentionally poisoned me. 😂😂😂

So his dad's house has a really nice sun room. It will be amazing for our animals and my succulents. Um... I guess I skipped a part:  We're moving out there. I don't know what we're going to do with our current house (Sell it? Rent it out? We've never done either of those things before. We have lots of research to do.)

ANYWAY... the sun room was full of junk and had old smelly carpet for flooring. Shaun has been working hard to empty and clean the room; it's been his main focus because I'm not staying away from my plants and animals. Since this sun room was a later addition to the house there was a pipe (through the floor from the basement going out the roof of the sun room) venting the water heater. I think neither of us realized how important this pipe was because he took it down and I was all for it.

After a few days he thought better of it and Googled its purpose:  to vent CARBON MONOXIDE from the water heater. We wanted to put new flooring down so we thought we'd do that first before putting the pipe back since it would be easier and look nicer to not have seams through the middle of the floor. The sun room has lots of windows, so to be safe he opened them and turned on some fans. He thought that would be sufficient to keep the carbon monoxide from building up.

Long story shortened: it was NOT. 😂😂😂 He told me last night that he thought that's what's been wrong with me. He said he was feeling bad, too, but not as bad as me. I looked up the symptoms and yeah - moderate carbon monoxide poisoning looks exactly right. After spending a few days not there I feel much better. I went over last night to do some work and had a headache by the time I left. Thankfully, we got most of the flooring down the other day (before I got super sick), so he's able to reinstall the pipe today.

I still have a 'Rona test scheduled for today and I'm going to go ahead and have it done just to be super sure that's not my issue, but yeah. I'm like, 99% sure it was just carbon monoxide exposure. We're getting new pipes to use for venting today and we're also going to grab a carbon monoxide tester thing to make sure it clears out and that there are no leaks once we're done.

Fun times. 😂 I do feel better now that I think I know what was going on. I knew I was off in a big way but just couldn't put my finger on why or what it was. I did have a car that leaked carbon monoxide like, 20 years ago. I remember being sleepy at work after driving to my job back then, but the headache was unfamiliar and that scared me since, you know, pandemic. Anyway, I hope you all are doing well! I'm ok. I've just gotta put my focus on school for the next few weeks and hope I pass my class. If I do it'll be by the skin of my teeth, so I have to buckle down. Later, friends! ❤️

I've been MIA because I've mostly been sleeping.

I've been MIA because I've mostly been sleeping.  I'd scheduled a COVID test for last week but then felt better for a day and canceled it.  I guess that was dumb because by that evening I felt bad again.  I have another test scheduled for Tuesday and I'm keeping that appointment no matter what.  I'm feeling "off" in a big way - unlike anything I can recall and that scares me.

The headache I get is so weird.  It's near the top of my head, and unlike any other headache or migraine I've ever had.  I used to live with smokers so sinus headaches are familiar to me.  I had tension headaches a lot when I had a heavier class load.  I was getting migraines pretty bad for a while there, and it's not that.  I don't know what it is, but it takes several Tylenol to even dull it.

The other thing that is happening is that I feel like I have a fever - I get really hot, have chills, sweat, all of that, but the thermometer is reading normal.  I don't understand that at all.  And then there is the sleepiness.  I've only been awake for a few hours at a time for the last two days.  Emotionally, I feel ok, so it's not depression sleeping.  And my body doesn't feel that I'm oversleeping because I'm not getting sleep hangovers.

Whatever it is I haven't been productive and I need to be.  I found out that I made a 2.5 on my last quiz, so my class still isn't going well.  I talked to a friend who used to teach and they said that extra credit for one person was frowned on, so I don't want to ask the teacher for extra credit.  It doesn't feel fair to me to do that, anyway.  Shaun said that life wasn't fair to me this semester, but I feel that is just how life goes.  He's really pushing me to email my teacher to try to find a way to pass, but I don't know what I would say to her that I haven't already.  She knows I've been going through things.  She's letting me take my last two quizzes and final at DSS.  She gave me a few extra days before Exam 2.  I wasn't ready for it and there was honestly no way to catch up on a month's worth of math in a few day's worth of time.  I can't think of anything else that would be reasonable to ask her to do for me.

Anyway.  I'm off to feed my animals and clean a couple of litter boxes before I crap out again.  I already feel myself getting sleepy.  I hope you all are doing well and staying safe.

I've had a headache and been unusually tired for the last 3 days.

I've had a headache and been unusually tired for the last 3 days. Tylenol nor Ibuprofen are helping my head. I got a flu shot on the 3rd (last Tuesday). Could that be what's wrong with me? Everything I've read says side effects happen within the first few days, so... I don't know. But I'm having trouble getting right. 🙁

At best I made 5/10.

At best I made 5/10. I ran out of time and couldn't finish the quiz. I'm literally going to fail this class.

I understand what I'm doing, but I can't work these problems that fast. I took it at DSS and had a quiet space with extra time. It was on paper so I could skip around. I feel like something is wrong with me. There is a process to these problems, which I understand. They are done using things I know how to do (trig, calculus, algebra...) and yet...

I really don't know what to say. 🙁

I have a quiz in the morning.

I have a quiz in the morning. We're solving SYSTEMS of Differential Equations rather than just Differential Equations. I understand the concept. I know the process. I have done some of the homework (I didn't get to all of it; I feel like I'm just now catching up). Hopefully, that will be enough to earn a decent grade. If not I legitimately might fail my very last class. 😂😂😂

I've reached the point where I can't even be upset. The worst part is that I know I can do this, but I was majorly derailed in the middle of the semester and it has been very hard to catch back up. I don't know what to say besides that life (and death, unfortunately) happens. If I make it through, great. If not, I'll enjoy the class with less anxiety and ace it the next go 'round. I wonder who's teaching it next semester... 😂

Goodnight, friends. I gotta get some sleep so my brain will be functional in the morning.

Shaun got the lights and cameras set up.

Shaun got the lights and cameras set up. We caught our first intruder a few minutes ago. Can you spot him? 

I set my notification for the security app to be "Who is It?" by Michael Jackson. Related, my ringtone is "Leave Me Alone" also by him. 😂😂😂

The Associated Press called it.

General Life Update: The anxiety is real.

General Life Update:  The anxiety is real.

This post will be all over the place because that is me at this moment.

I met with my professor (virtually) regarding my exam.  I actually made a few points lower than what she had graded.  😬  I see where I went wrong on a lot of things so that is helpful information and I'll be working on that.  She announced to the class the other day that we'll have two more quizzes this semester and she's planning to drop everyone's lowest quiz grade.  If I can make good-ish grades on both of those, that will help my overall score a lot.  Also, she has agreed to let me take those quizzes as well as the final at DSS (Disability Support Services), so that will eliminate a lot of my anxiety and make things feel more normal.

School is the major thing going on in my life right now, but it's not the ONLY thing.  The other big one is Shaun's parent's house... which I guess is basically ours now, even though that feels weird to say.  Houses are a lot of responsibility and Shaun has been the one going out there and cleaning things out and adding improvements and generally keeping an eye on the place.  He's working really hard out there.  I've been several times, but am mostly keeping my focus on school and staying home so that our house isn't empty.  Due to that we're spending a lot of time apart and while I actually enjoy being by myself I am having anxiety about "What if something happens and he gets hurt while doing all of this work?" and stuff along those lines.  Which...

I called him last night before I went to bed.  He didn't answer.  I called the house phone.  I called Messenger.  I called Google Voice.  I called his cell.  I called his dad's cell.  All no answer, anxiety increases, rinse, repeat.  It was bad.  I was literally about 2 seconds from throwing on clothes and driving out there when he called me back.  He was up a ladder installing a security camera outside - at almost midnight.  And he couldn't get to the phone.  When I finally talked to him I was ok.  But damn if those weren't a horrifying few minutes of my mind racing.  I apologized for freaking out and calling so much, but he was like "I heard it and I knew what was happening.  It's ok."  He is amazing and kind.  But he also could have let me know he wouldn't be near his phone for bit in the middle of the night.  😂😂😂

Anyway, all of this on top of election anxiety means that I'm running pretty low on chill.  Thankfully on that front, it looks like decency and grammar and decorum and human rights and eat the rich is in the lead.  If you don't agree, keep it to yourself or leave.  I have a lot more important things to focus on besides the feelings or opinions of friends / family / strangers who disagree.  There is hope yet for me to graduate in about a month, and I'm not finished trying to make it happen.  And with that, I'm off to study.  I hope you all are doing well.  If you're not because you're stressing, just remember that a Biden presidency literally won't hurt or kill you, unlike the last 4 years of that orange idiot stripping rights, harming our environment, and inciting violence.  Peace, ya'll.

We voted as a family today.

I'm not super happy today, but thankfully my mental health is hanging in there.

I'm not super happy today, but thankfully my mental health is hanging in there.

The main thing getting me down is that I didn't do well on my Differential Equations exam.  I studied so hard and I felt pretty confident, actually, by the morning of the test.  And then I made a freaking 64.  I don't know what happened, but my professor is going to do an online meeting with me on Tuesday so I can see my results.  So that grade brought my average down to a 58.  I am legitimately failing the one and only class I'm taking right now.  A class that I REALLY enjoy and with a professor who's teaching I really like, as well.

I know that I have bombed both quizzes.  The first one I could have done better and I admit that.  The second one was given after my Father-in-Law's health started seriously declining, so I was not in a good headspace.  And while this may be no excuse for some, I really, REALLY dislike the way she gives the online quizzes.  She puts up a PDF that we have to download.  The first time, she told us we could use only one sheet of paper to do all of the problems and we had to work them in order, AND THEN we had to upload a photo of that one piece of paper to the quiz (so like, finish the quiz, email it to ourselves from our phones because we aren't allowed to use our phones during the quiz so we can't open Canvas on our phones because if we did we'd have to look at the PDF of the quiz on them...)  It's just a whole ordeal.

I like to work things out of order and do what I know first, and I also write large.  And if you're not familiar with Calculus, those problems are long to begin with.  Add in the fact that I have to write down every step or I get lost, and that is just a recipe for disaster for me.  My math has to be very organized or my brain just doesn't work.  These quizzes are also timed which gives me huge anxiety because if we don't upload our answers by a certain time, they close out and you can't do it.  What if my phone is slow?  What if my laptop is slow?  She doesn't want us emailing our pages to her, but will let us if we have to.  Unfortunately, I'm sitting there like "How much room do I leave if I want to skip x number of problems?"  "What's the last minute I can finish and still make sure this is turned in on time?"  It's really bad.  Hence the 3/10 and 2/10 I've made on the quizzes, not to mention the technical difficulties I had on the last one.

Before anyone suggests it, yes, my professor knows what I have been going though.  She doesn't know that the way she gives the quizzes are bad for me, but I suppose I could tell her given that we have one more.  I really don't see why each question can't have a blank space to upload our work.  Another professor gave quizzes last semester and we had a space to upload answers for each problem, so I know it can be done.  At least that way I'd have the space I need and could work them in whatever order suited me.

I don't know.  This was SUPPOSED to be my last semester and I'm starting to doubt that it will be now.  That is a huge bummer.  I'm not giving up on it yet, but DAMN.  This year has not been kind to any of us, but this semester in particular has been especially brutal for me.  I mean, I've had my share of hard semesters; I lost a whole six pack of dogs since I've been in college, as well as like, five cats and several smaller pets, my dad's house burned down (killing his pets and leaving him homeless), my neighbor was stealing my power and water and bringing crackheads next door, we got Kira right before a huge tragedy struck her family, I moved and we moved the kids, I've been legit clinically depressed and started having anxiety, we lost Shaun's mom a while back and now his dad, DURING A PANDEMIC... I mean, things haven't exactly been calm and easy since I started college, but holy shit, this year takes the cake.  It honestly took the cake and RAN.

So, I don't know what to do besides hang in there and hope my professor has mercy on me.  Maybe if I can see where I went wrong on Tuesday I'll do better on the final, but I honestly don't know if it will be enough at this point.  I'm definitely going to study and try my best to be ready for the quiz and the final.  Hopefully, nothing else happens that prevents me from doing it.  There is a lot to do regarding my Father-in-Law's house / estate and all that, but Shaun can handle it for now.  As he tells me constantly, school is my job.  Unfortunately, I feel like if that was the case I'd be fired for sure with the way things are going.  😂😂😂😭😭😭

Anyway, I'm off to water some plants.  It's been well over a month and these succas are so shriveled.  And I just need a day to do something besides math or worry.  Maybe it'll help me if I direct my attention elsewhere.  Well, I hope you all are doing ok.  If you're not, eh, you're not alone.  And if you are, I hope you're appreciating it.  ❤