Sometimes I forget...

Sometimes I forget that I am still a mom.  Not like I forget that I have a son, but you know... the newness of him has rubbed off after 8 years.  It's not like he's a baby who needs every little thing done for him anymore.  He's just one of us now.  Thinking to myself earlier, "I am a mother" seemed so odd.  I know that it's true, but I became a mother so long ago it feels like.

I don't mean any of this in a negative way... and I can promise you it's not that I'm losing my "mother's instinct" or whatever.  Believe me - I'd rip your fucking face off for messing with my kid.  It's just weird after all of this time... and different.  We're just growing up.  Shadow's growing up.  We're growing...

When you're pregnant - everything's changing.  Everything about you.  Your body, your mind.  You can feel it happening and it's neat.  You know that something big is about to happen and you try to prepare for it, but you never can.  I don't care how much your try - you learn more as you go.  And that's ok.  Experience is a great teacher.  I knew nothing about kids when I had Shadow and he's awesome, so...

I remember when Shadow was in my belly... he was fucking ALIVE in there.  I don't think that people realize how INCREDIBLY AWESOME AND AMAZING that really is anymore.  People are just fucking baby factories... I doubt that anyone cherishes the experience of being pregnant.  Hell, I can't even really put it into words (the way I feel about it).  The absolute best part was feeling him move and later seeing it.  It was crazy.  He'd respond to sounds - particularly, he'd jump at sharp noises.  IN MY BELLY.  I still feel like "Whoa" just thinking about it.  😲

Anyway, I don't know.  Pregnancy was a nice experience for me.  I have absolutely no plans to do it again, but I look back at it fondly.  Even the barfing.  I HATE barfing, but I knew it was for a good cause.  They say that if you're nauseated you've got high levels of some hormone that means your baby is developing normally... so you know, bring it on.  I'll barf day and night for 6 months straight for the well-being of my kid.  I totally did that.

Yeah, this seems pretty random.  You know what brought it to my mind?  This morning when I ate the last of the cereal I offered Shadow a glass of Vanilla Carnation Instant Breakfast.  He LOVED it.  I'll have to admit that that stuff is pretty yummy.  Know how I know?  Because when I was pregnant with him my nutritionist told me to drink at least a glass of that every day for the calories.  I was pretty tiny for a pregnant chick - due to barfing non-stop I was having a hard time keeping my weight up.

So... how's that for a rambly post?  😂  Those were just the thoughts kicking around in my head...

I like these photos...

I like this photo even though it's a failed attempt at capturing my swolled-up lip.

BEST SWOLLED-UP LIP EVER. ❤ 2008

Summer 2008

Rest In Peace, Spazz

Well, little buddy, I hear that you were already old when you came to me. All I can say is that I hope you enjoyed your stay, however short it was. I liked you - I liked how when anyone came near you, you'd jump straight up and then run away - tail crooked as could be. You were cute. You had personality. I'm going to miss sitting up late, watching you run, holding your tail funny. Much love, little one.

Who’s that flapping at my door?

A baby bird.

It's insane. I took my dogs out to the pen, I came back in and was checking on my rats, and I heard something at the door. I opened it and a baby bird flopped in. No shit. So I'm trying not to touch it and get it back outside and when I finally do it hops towards the dog pen. I was just like, "Nooo!" But then I noticed the unfortunate soul who was already in there. Yeah - another baby bird. The dogs were of course harassing it... it's missing some feathers, but it has no open wounds. I don't know if it has any broken bones... Anyway, I snatched it up and caught the other little shit who was hopping all over. He was probably headed off to get eaten by a cat. 😳

So now I have two baby birds. I don't know where the hell they came from. They're big enough that they have feathers, but they're not flying yet. Also I'm still really worried about the one who was with the dogs. The vets can't help me, animal control can't help me, and the museum is closed. (And lucky for me this is a long weekend). /sarcasm I don't know what to do. I have them in a warm, dark, quiet place. I hope some rest will do them good while I figure out what to do. Any suggestions?

Rest in Peace, Minuit

So, yeah. *sigh* Whatever took her set in suddenly, kept her suffering for days, and then was gone, along with her. She seemed to be hurting and despite my best efforts I could not help her. Missing her will certainly be easier than seeing her suffer.

I love you, baby girl. I will miss your secrets and your fuzzy nose kisses.

Nursing

Toad (Shadow's gerbil) hasn't been doing so well. I've been going all "nurse" on his ass. I hand feed him. I give him little things to do to keep him from going insane, but don't let him expend too much energy. I give him dust baths. I medicate his wound. I think he has a scent gland tumor and due to his age surgery probably wouldn't be the best idea. He's doing much better over these last few days so he's earned wheel privileges... if he keeps improving, hopefully I can put him back in with the other gerbils. I know they are not supposed to be alone, but they were chewing at his wound so I couldn't leave him with them. Gerbils can't leave anything alone, unfortunately. 😕

Also, Minuit looks like shit. I'm doing all that I can for her, too. I guess she's getting sort of up-there in ratty years. This damn sucks. She's kind of the last piece of Hairy that I feel I have left. Not that I don't love Minuit for who she is... because I do. I love a lot of things about her - one of the most awesome being that she tells me secrets. 😊 She always has. I hope she will be ok.

For Shame...

Y'all don't know every detail of what's been up with me lately. Lucky for you I can fix that. 😜

Two weeks ago I took in a new ferret. His name is Mocha. He's farkin' HUEGE. Yes, HUEGE. I don't have pictures of him yet, but I will soon. I think. He's really neat-looking.

Last Friday I got an IUD. HELLz YEAH for 5 years of not having to worry about producing more offspring! It pretty much hurt, though. Well - it has been 8 years since my cervix opened up to pop out Shadow so I guess it had plenty of time to close back up. The doctor guy was totally prepared for that shit, though. He had this long tapered stick that he proceeded to force into that tiny hole until it was tiny no longer. Yeah. But, let's not forget the clamps he had to use to grab my uterus and point it the right direction so that he could see what he was doing. Let me tell ya - there's nothing quite like having your organs moved around while you're totally aware. 😳

It's cool, though. I felt PRETTY crappy that Friday, but by the next day I was up for walking around all day... you know - like you might at a Renaissance Festival. So that's what we did. Shaun, me, Shadow and Nick went to one in GA. It was pirate weekend which was neat. Nick and Shaun got Didgeridoos. I took a bunch of pictures. Shadow played some drums. Me and Shaun came back with awesome matching SUNBURNS. I might have to dedicate a whole blog to that day.

Me and Shadow had dinner with Jeni on Wednesday. She can cook some chicken! Also, her cats are AWESOME. For serious - Chaucer is beautiful and weird. Poe is a people. What more could you ask for??

Shadow's now out of school for the summer. I'm happy about that. He is, too, of course. He received 3 awards today at school... 'cause he ROCKS!

I ran over a cross-tie and got my car stuck. Nick had to jack it up so that we could pull the tie out from under the car. Yay for dumb things I do that inconvenience people! 😂

So have you heard of "The Cat Empire"? They're awesome and they really remind me of cats. Like, when I listen to the music I think of alley cats singing. Maybe that's weird, but that's what I see in my head. Their voices are very cat-like and so are the things they sing about, kind of...

I have fairy band-aids. I've never seen them before. They came from Big Lots. The only reason I even remember that I do is because I've got one on my head... ja know - because of the giant lump I grew there. 😳 They came with a fairy card... collect all 56!

I feel so energetic tonight. This morning. Whatever. And I have stuff that I could be doing to burn that energy, but I hurt my foot cleaning a rat cage earlier so I don't really want to even stand up. Of course, I will have to unless I decide to sleep in this chair. ... Decisions, decisions...

Puppy Kisses,

Blu