I've been pretty quiet on here this week... mostly because it's been a bad week. Here's an update for anyone who's interested:
Monday I felt like crap and went to work for roughly 1.5 hours in the afternoon before dragging myself to class and half-assing an assignment in Literature. Being alive felt like work. HARD work. It was SO DIFFICULT to make myself leave the house, but I eventually did. How did I get so amazing?
After being in pain for most of last week Dr. Crawford's office finally returned my call on Tuesday and offered me Tramadol. I told them I didn't want it. It's an opioid and addiction runs in my family and I'm not ready to go there. I don't understand why the fuck no one wants to prescribe a stronger NSAID - from everything I've been told on the Psoriasis boards, that's the usual coarse of action. I feel like Tramadol is jumping the gun. I feel like no one is listening to me and I hate it.
While I had them on the phone I told them that the Otezla they put me on was making me depressed. They told me to stop taking it immediately. I guess when you can accidentally pull out in front of other cars and not even have a fleeting sense of panic that you might possibly be hit by one of them, that's a sign. So. I'm off the Otezla. Of course it had started helping my joint pain, but if you'd just as soon die as live it doesn't matter. They said that they would call me back and let me know what I can take next. That was Tuesday and I'm still waiting. So, Dr. Monica Crawford is fired.
After researching rheumatologists that my friends recommended, my top three choices are Dr. Saway, Dr. McLain, and Dr. Traylor. Dr. Saway is in the lead because he also specializes in Pain Management, which seems like a big freaking deal right now.
As for this day - it's not great. I went to bed with a migraine, barely slept, and then was woken up by the sound of Shadow gagging. He's been sick at his stomach all day and when I was woken up I noticed that I felt pretty yucky, too. My stomach felt cold and swollen and I felt like I was gonna puke for most of the day.
I thought I would take Shadow to the doctor, but all of the ones that his Medicaid allows him to see were closed for the day. I called Medicaid to see where I could take him besides the emergency room (because that seems like overkill), and they said that he does not have Medicaid. I had the brand new card in my hand along with the acceptance letter. After being put on hold for 30 minutes I decided I'd better make my own doctor appointments before everyone closed and of course, the Medicaid lady picked back up. I asked her to please give me one second and she said she could hold for one minute. I told her she could wait for a couple if she needed to because I've been waiting on her for 30. I am quite sure I had a "don't fuck with me" tone to my voice because I would have jumped through the phone and ripped her face off had she said anything but "ok."
So, I ended up having to leave a message at another number about Shadow's insurance. Of course - that place was closed, too. So Shadow's not going to the doctor unless he gets sicker and then I'll take him to an urgent care place and pay out of pocket, I guess. With all that money I made this week missing two days of work due to sickness and depression.
I have no words to express what I'm feeling right now. I just want to scream profanity. That, or lay on my couch like a lump. I don't actually have the energy to be as upset as I feel. That's been my week. The End.
