Unsurprisingly after the shit show that was my Tuesday morning...

I hope today gets better.

I hope today gets better.  I haven't slept well / much in the last two days.  I've also been exceptionally hot, to the point where I actually turned the air conditioner back on (we'd turned it off since the mornings have been cool recently).  Anyone who knows me knows that I don't get hot.  I wear long pants and hoodies in this Alabama heat.  I wear hoodies indoors 99% of the time.  There is always a blanket on me when I'm chilling on the couch.  But lately I am a sweaty mess.  After starting to cramp last night I'm thinking that these are fun new PMS symptoms.  Woohoo.  /sarcasm

Since I'm obviously feeling super great and rested and smart and patient, of course things went well with my quiz this morning.  I logged into the Team meeting and got called out for not having my webcam on, which was mandatory for taking the quiz.  But I had turned my camera on, and the switch at the top of the meeting showed that it was on; however, the screen where I should have appeared was black.  Just as well because when I tried to access the quiz with the password I couldn't do get it to work.  My computer froze up and crashed.  By this point I was far past flustered; I wasn't even sure I'd be allowed to take the quiz.  Thankfully, when I got booted up and rejoined the meeting (with a working camera this time), the professor let me take it.

There were only 4 questions and I made it through ONE.  Whatever happened with my computer, it wasn't a fast reboot and it was sluggish after that.  So opening the quiz took forever.  Me struggling through a problem took forever, as my anxiety was up and I was trying not to think about what the hell was wrong with my computer.  My concentration was gone.  Then when it was time to upload a photo of my work, that ALSO took forever.  It was awful and my grade is going to take a hit because of that.  (My teacher did give me the same amount of time as everyone else even though I joined the meeting a whopping 15 minutes late, but after struggling through one problem I knew that I wouldn't make it though a whole 'nother problem, especially with how slow my computer and my brain were running.)

ANYWAY.  I'm hoping that that was the worst part of my day.  If not, well, I don't even know.  But I hope your Tuesday started off less stressful than mine.

I wasn't the best at Networking, but I get this and it's funny.

I wasn't the best at Networking, but I get this and it's funny. Kind of want this shirt. 😂😂😂

Being able to fail is a luxury AND A PRIVILEGE.

Being able to fail is a luxury AND A PRIVILEGE.

I've been ok today.

I've been ok today.  I guess sleeping late this morning and napping yesterday helped.  Plus all of you - I have some really great friends.  I appreciate everyone who encourages me when I'm struggling.  Thank you.  ❤

It's been a chill day, but not good.

I really didn't think I'd be making another private post so soon, yet here we are.

I really didn't think I'd be making another private post so soon, yet here we are.

Shaun saw his dad yesterday.  I stayed home because I just needed to.  Unfortunately, there was not a good report back.  Shaun said that his dad was at the kitchen table trying to eat dinner.  He had a pillow on the table and kept putting his head down because he was in so much pain.  On top of his leg and side hurting, his back and neck hurt now, too.  I do not understand why he doesn't go to the doctor to get something else for the pain.  Having pain medication shouldn't make his cancer any worse while we wait to figure out if / how it can be treated, but hearing his final diagnosis seems to be what he is waiting for.

Shaun was planning to call and check on his dad today, but before he could he got a call from one of his cousins.  We answered immediately thinking there was an emergency, but it wasn't.  She was there cleaning FILs house.  She asked if Shaun was planning to come over today and basically put the words in his father's mouth that he should.  So like a good son, he went.

When he arrived she was still there cleaning.  She told him how she'd worked the races this past weekend.  Guess who wasn't wearing a mask?  I don't know why I am surprised at this point.  Shaun sat with his dad, then got the showerhead installed and helped his dad into and out of the shower.  He said that his dad was silent pretty much the whole time the cousin was there.

When she left his dad said something about people not taking "No" for an answer.  Shaun said that all of the relatives are just barging in and out, bringing food and cleaning (the house is always a step above decent, in my opinion), and prompting him to do things (like shower) when all he really wanted was to rest.  He's complained before about them calling and if he doesn't answer because he's asleep or in the bathroom, they then come over to check on him.  I understand the need to take care of people, but at the same time if they are not into what you are doing, why force yourself on them?  I guess he's not speaking up for himself.  Or maybe he is and they are ignoring him because it makes them feel better to "be there" for him.  I really don't know.  But now I feel a ton less shitty about our "lack" of involvement in his day-to-day because I know it's not welcome.

I still feel shitty about him being in pain, but there is nothing I can personally do about that.  I still feel SUPER STRESSED about the possibility of him or us catching COVID because of the way the relatives are behaving.  I mean, FIL is 81 with lung cancer.  If COVID is going to take anyone out I think it would make a quick job of him.  I do not understand people at all.  Shaun wears an N95 and keeps his distance when anyone is around (opting to not be in the house with them at all if possible), but everyone else is being exceptionally careless in that respect.

I think I need to accept that this is a shitty situation and that most of the people involved aren't concerned at all with the pandemic.  Otherwise, these sad posts with me being shocked by peoples disregard for the health of others are going to remain a theme until FIL either passes away or makes a miraculous recovery.  While it helps me to write out my thoughts and vent, I don't think I've said anything new at this point and I doubt much will change besides details.  Maybe this will be the last one of these from me for a bit.  I'm sure these posts are super fun and exciting to read.  /sarcasm

Anyway, I hope you all are doing well.  We're stressing pretty hard over here, but Shaun said we could have a date tomorrow so that should be nice.  This is usually when we'd go to Baja and talk over dinner, but since we're not going out I don't know what we'll do.  In any case, as long as we take the time to look at each other and connect, we'll be ok.  Goodnight, friends.