Out of the Blū

Friday, February 20, 2026

Last night was a little rough.

Scar, my kitty cat, has been having some tummy trouble for a while. He has IBD and the manufacturer of the food he was doing really well on shut down. I switched him to the most similar diet I could find, but he's been having diarrhea and vomiting.

Last night was the perfect storm, I guess. He usually sleeps on my pillow. I woke up to the techno beats that indicate a vomit was on the way, so I sat up and grabbed a hand full of tissue to catch it. (I hate moving them when they're in distress like that. I always worry I'll move them at the wrong time and they'll choke or something.)

Anyway, I managed to catch most of his vomit, but when he heaved, he also squirted diarrhea onto me and the bed. So at 1:30 this morning I was cleaning the cat and changing the sheets.

I've taken his dry food up since that seems to be what he vomits up. I'm going to give him a few days on wet food only, and if that doesn't help, we're heading to the vet. I'm also considering trying to cook for him. It's ridiculous because I can barely feed myself, but it's so much easier to care for others than it is to care for me.

Thursday, February 19, 2026

One of my friends posted a helpful video...

One of my friends posted a helpful video that said to have "default foods" ready for when I'm not functional.

Since probably August, my unintentional default breakfast has been protein toaster waffles. I have some egg powder that I need to try again, but that's gotta wait for a day that I have more bandwidth available. Maybe I'll see if I can make them tomorrow.

Anyway, the rest of the day is a toss up and usually ends up being junk. Since I have the energy today, I've started some black beans and rice. I would love it if I could make food for myself most days, but I don't know how that's gonna go. Maybe I can add making rice to my breakfast routine so I at least have that to fall back on later in the day. One thing I don't do is skip my morning routine. No matter what time I get up, I do the same things. 😅 Plain rice would definitely be a healthier dinner than cookies and milk. 😬

Anyway, I've done most of my laundry today and not much else. I have energy, so that's probably not going to be a good thing at bedtime. But I gotta learn how to navigate this cycle somehow. Hopefully, the night doesn't end with me deep-cleaning the whole house or whatever. It's usually something like that when I feel this way.

I'm probably gonna watch a show with Shaun and then start putting tasks in my calendar. Even skate days and times. We'll see if that can feel ok or like something I'll try to stick to.

I got up before noon. I showered. I started some laundry.

I'm about to do a little more laundry (including putting things away!), then do some scheduling on my computer.

I feel like I want to do everything on my list RIGHT NOW, but I'm trying really hard to be cognizant of the fact that that's how I go into burnout. I want to stop the cycle. I'm not super sure how, but being aware and mindful is hopefully a good start.

I was never one to be hyperactive daily, but the way I'm itching to move my body today makes me think that I am in bursts, and that's when I have tended to get things done. Instead of putting all of my focus on tasks that need to be done (like I have in the past), should I do some self care? Should I go skating?! I always put self-care last and then it tends not to happen, so that would definitely be a change for me.

I don't really know how to manage myself, and my assessment is still a couple of weeks away, but this go-hard/crash-and-burn cycle is so exhausting and unhealthy. I really want to be better. I just don't know how yet.