I feel like a mad scientist. 😂😂😂 I have been up all night doing Physics homework. I had planned to sleep, but the caffeine in the Excedrin had other plans so I have been BUSTING IT. I am pleased to say that I made quite a bit of progress, too. I only have one more section to do and I will do that before and / or after programming class tomorrow.
For now I'm finally getting drowsy so I'm calling it a night. Or a morning. Or whatever. It's time for me to sleep. 😛
Today was long. I woke up late, made it to class on time, had a headache all day that Ibuprofen couldn't touch, then it started turning really bad about the time I was headed home. Was really exhausted when I got here, but also starving because I'd eaten a whopping THREE crackers all day. Ate dinner, took Excedrin, and now I'm starting to wake up, probably because of the caffeine in the Excedrin. But that's ok - I'm off work tomorrow and have a ton of homework to do so I'll make good use of my time.
I have a Physics test Wednesday and a new Cal test on Monday - plus the re-take of the one I bombed. I feel surprisingly not freaked out at the moment, though. I've been trying my best and studying so there is not much else to be done.
My goal for this week is to maintain some sort of balance between "getting things done" and "losing my mind." Wish me luck. 😂 I've been told many times before that balance is not my forte. I tend to go hard and then crash. Run at full speed until my batteries are dead. I don't know why I'm that way, but it is what it is. I just have to keep an eye on myself to make sure I don't do that.
Happy week, friends. Getting past this one means I'm officially half-way through this semester. It's not a milestone I usually count, but this time it is. ❤❤❤
There is so much going on in my mind right now. I wasn't planning to write a lengthy post, but suddenly I feel like I have a lot to say. I guess we will see where this goes.
I'm sure it's no secret to anyone who's been around me that I am stressed beyond belief this semester. I have been struggling more and more as the weeks go by. I feel a little better today; as usual I have a ton of studying and homework to do, but I think that seeing my Physics grade helped, (as did an honest conversation with my boss about where I am in life).
I'd planned to work 3 days a week for SCM this semester, but I think I've only done that 2 or 3 times since the semester started. I've either had tests coming up, been too stressed to move (literally overwhelmed and petrified, and / or crying), or sick or injured every other time. So now I'm only at SCM on Thursday and Friday and I think that having the extra day off will help. It sucks for my check, but we'll get through this.
I saw my therapist yesterday and she told me to schedule breaks for myself, make sure to get some exercise, and to up my Celexa if need be. I think those things will help - as will the additional time. Maybe I won't feel as though I don't have time to take care of myself. Shaun and Shadow are doing most of the work around the house (and Shaun doesn't even live here), so I feel supported - I just need to breathe and remember that things are ok. Hard things are hard and I don't have be perfect at physics. 😛
Despite the stress I really enjoy school. The pressure is stemming from the fact that the level of financial ease over the next two years depends HEAVILY on my performance this semester and next... so that's a big deal. At 34 years old I do not want to start taking out student loans. Anyway. This is not where I was going with that when I started this paragraph. 😂
What I was starting to say is that my Intro to Programming teacher was a Math major, as well, and then she went back for a Master's in Computer Science. She said that it opens up a lot of job prospects and that you can also teach anywhere with a Masters. She and others keep telling me that I seem like I have the personality to teach so maybe they see something that I don't. So... now that's on my radar. 😳
I really enjoy tutoring and while I don't want to teach right now I feel like I could see myself doing that later in life. So while I'm definitely getting out and getting a job after my Bachelor's degree I'm starting to think I might not want to stop there - although I think if I went for another degree I would do it at my own pace and not breakneck speed like I am right now. I guess we'll see. That's a bit far off in the future, but definitely something I'm thinking about.
Anyway. After this coming week we'll be officially half-way through this semester so that's a crazy thought. I've been so busy that I guess the time has flown by. Graduation will be here before I know it and then I will have "officially" accomplished something. 😂 Associates in Science with a Concentration in Mathematics - here I come! (Sounds fancy, but I'm told it's basically worthless. But that's ok. Onward!) 😃
Happy Weekend, friends. ❤
My teacher has my thumb drive safe and sound. I didn't organize school stuff last night; I crashed instead. I think I will jump back into that now and get ready for this day. Maybe it will be better than yesterday. Here's hoping!
That time when - despite your best efforts - you miss a Physics deadline so you just sit there and have yourself an ugly cry.
Honestly, I could barf from excitement right now. For the first time ever I went to JSU by myself and didn't leave from overwhelmed-ness. I have a tentative schedule for my time here. It's really real!!!
It's late, but that's ok because I slept late this morning and also took a nap. I am winding down, though.
I pretty much neglected homework and studying all weekend. I hit the books so hard during the week that I just really needed a break and I had a little bit of wiggle-room to make it happen. I do have Cal tests tomorrow and Physics homework due early this week, but I have studied today and I'll have a little bit of time tomorrow, as well, so maybe it'll be ok.
Shadow went to a friend's house for the weekend so I spent some time with Shaun. I needed it so bad. I feel like every time I've seen him since last month I've been on the run and it's been in passing. 😕 It was so great to just look at his face and not be in a rush to do other things.
I was mostly not on Facebook today, either, and that has been a relief. I do have some pages and groups that I admin so I can't duck out entirely, but it's been nice having a quiet phone and the head-space to think and relax, uninterrupted.
Anyway, I'm off to finish my laundry and head to bed. I have a big morning planned at JSU. I'm stupidly excited about meeting my adviser. 🙂
Happy Monday, peeps. It is upon us. ❤
Well today has been less productive than I wanted it to be; however, I did get something figured out that I was messing up in Calculus. That last test honestly wasn't very hard - I was just doing stuff wrong because I only THOUGHT I knew what I was doing. 😂
It was a super easy thing that I could not figure out by myself and it filled me with rage - so I rage-napped until I got hungry, then Shaun came over, asked the right questions, and we figured it out. Hopefully when I re-take test 2 on Monday I will come out with better than a C.
It really shouldn't have taken me ALL DAY to get this, but at least that is something. I still have the new Cal test to prepare for as well as a TON of Physics homework, but I'll be awake for a while and I have tomorrow, too.
I hope you all had a good day. Other than being stumped by Calculus mine was really ok. It has been quite soothing to not have notifications going off on my phone and computer. I feel like that is going to go a long way towards my sanity this semester. Phew!
I want to let all of my friends know that my stress level has been THROUGH THE ROOF lately. My temper has been short, my psoriasis and arthritis are flaring up, and I am generally REALLY not cool to be around. I'm either eating, sleeping, studying, working, or upset. Also, my current back situation hasn't helped anything. Thankfully it is improving - slowly but surely.
I know I've been ignoring people and I apologize for that. It's probably a huge change from the Blu that never left a message or comment un-read or responded to, but I just can't right now. So I'm posting this to let everyone know that if I'm not talking to you - it's really not personal so please PLEASE don't take it that way.
I have uninstalled Messenger from my phone. That used to be the way I kept in touch with my guys, but I've instructed them to use another method. I know that I could mute the notifications, but it really wasn't enough. I just don't need to be so easily accessible to other people right now. So far this is the toughest semester of my life and I can't afford distractions right now.
Everyone feel free to comment and write me all you want, but please don't be shocked or offended if I'm not fast to respond. It's not you; it's me. I truly believe that once I get through Physics I'll be through the worst of it. That may be naïve, but pretty much everyone has confirmed that it was one of the more challenging classes they took.
I look forward to having a life again soon, but it probably won't happen until May. I love you and I miss you! ❤
No wonder I'm in pain. I'm super crooked.
He cracked me and vibrated me and put me in traction. He said that I have a bulging disc. I'm currently still in pain, but he told me to ice my back and take Ibuprofen. He said I've been injured some kind of way. I won't be better immediately. Boo.
When you and your kid both get mail from the same college on the same day. 😂😂😂
Looks like I have a hot date with a chiropractor for Valentine's Day. I legit cannot stand up straight and my hips and thighs hurt. I don't know what exactly I did or how I did it, but I am so far from cool right now.
I made a 191 / 200 on the retake of the first Calculus test. I made a 95 on the second one. 95 / 125. 🙁 Maybe we'll get another shot at that one, as well. I did the work correctly, but then erased it all and basically re-worked most of the problems. Incorrectly. 😕
On the bright side I found out who my adviser at JSU is going to be. He'll be sending out an email for advisement appointments soon so this is starting to feel more and more real. It's exciting and scary. 😃
Anyway. Having a break in my car before Calculus. I think I sat too long in my chair last night doing homework because my back super hurts today. I can barely walk upright. 🙁 It feels like there is a catch in my spine or something. Blegh.
Later, friends. ❤️
I ended last night with a migraine. I woke up today thankfully not feeling horrible, but I was far from great. I was grumpy and in a methotrexate haze. I hate that feeling of needing a nap - especially after I've just woken up. Shaun came over and I was just a grump. It was awful. Finally, I decided that I had to get up off the couch.
For the last couple of years or so if I feel like crap and also have some things I need to do that I don't really want to I do them when I feel crappy because I'd rather do things I want to do when I feel good. 😂 So... we all did a lot of yard work and burned a lot of brush. Sure makes it easier to see the nooks and crannies in my yard.
Shaun also bought me a shelf for my bathroom (early Valentine's Day gift) because the bathroom was getting out of control. You could definitely tell that I live with a teenager. 😂 So I put the shelf together and organized / cleaned my bathroom after that.
Other than that I've done a TINY amount of homework (in comparison to what I need to do), but I have tomorrow. I probably should have spent this day studying, but it was really nice to do something else for a change.
The only other thing of interest that happened to me was that my cat Midna jumped up on my lap (before we went outside). True - I was under some blankets, but I honestly don't know what was going through her mind. SHE PEED RIGHT ON ME! So now I'm wondering if she was mad that I made her poop in the box (she was about to crap on a Wal-Mart bag - not unusual for her), or if she's having a bladder problem (because she's never peed anywhere wrong). I will keep an eye on her and take her to get checked out if she keeps being weird.
Anyway. That was my day. At one point I literally stood up and said "We need to go outside." I haven't looked at my phone or a computer until now. I know I have some things I need to respond to so I will try to get to that before bed. I don't know if I will, though. I am crashing hard right about now. Goodnight, friends! ❤
My skin and my bones are acting up again. 🙁 I've been feeling it coming for weeks and here we are. To anyone who has to look at me IRL - I'm sorry. To anyone who has to be around my grumpy, complaining self - I am also sorry. I'm medicated as much as I can be without insurance; it's just really not enough.
In brighter news I'm getting ready to meet with my adviser to do SCHOLARSHIP STUFF. Wish me all the money. With as little as I've been able to work this semester I am beyond ridiculously broke. Honestly, it is probably stress (school and money) that is fueling my flare-up. Well - that and cold weather.
Later, friends. TGIF!
Had another robot lab tonight. This video is a little more interesting than the last robot one. 😃
Well I legit failed that Physics tests. I made a 52. 🙁 We have a chance to make up some points, but that won't quite get me to a C. So that's not a great start, but the professor says that none of us are beyond help yet so I'm hanging in there. I really actually like the class; it's just complicated stuff!
Anyway. I'm off to study for the Calculus test that is this evening. I will probably also watch that new video of Shadow on repeat. It's giving me life right now. Check it out if you haven't seen it yet! My cub can sing! ❤️❤️❤️
Found this last night. I only wish it was longer! He was just getting started. ❤️❤️❤️
I don't feel too bad about the re-take of the Cal test today. The teacher changes the numbers so it's not like it's the exact same, but it is formatted the same. Hopefully I made better than an 83 this time.
I have to get ready for a new Cal test on Wednesday. I also haven't heard about the grade on my Physics test, but I think we're getting that on Wednesday, as well. I'm not sure I want to know, but he said that I can definitely recover if it's bad (and it will be) - so that's something.
I ran a lot of errands before class today so I feel accomplished. Physics class was fun so that was great. I am currently exhausted even though I need to study for Wednesday's test, but I'll see what I can do shortly. If it turns out that I am not going to be productive I will just call it a night and try again tomorrow. 🤷
I'm sorry that I don't have anything more interesting to talk about at this point in my life, but maybe one things will not be this way. Until then... I hope you all are doing well. ❤
I have to get up for a while. I've been sitting at this desk studying mostly all day. Then I moved to the couch because my back was hurting. I'm exhausted and it's not even 10. Gosh - I need another weekend day. 😕
I'm exhausted. Been doing Physics pre-lectures and questions for a few hours. I have so much more I wanted to do, but I'm pretty sure my brain is done for the day. Blegh.
Got the Cal test 1 retake on Monday and a new Cal test on Wednesday. This coming week might be hard. 😕
With the help of Google I made my way through 5 sections of Physics homework. I definitely did not get the practice or thinking that I should have out of it, but that's what happens when I'm on a tight deadline. 🙁 I will be going back over it in the next few days, but for now my brain is fried. There was only one question I couldn't answer before the midnight deadline. I will have a few days to try and still be able to get 80% credit, but I am done for this night. I feel terrible mentally as well as pretty crappy physically. I am calling it a night.
I'm going to work tomorrow for the first time this week. That is going to make for the saddest paycheck I've ever seen. 🙁 But, it'll be better than nothing.
Goodnight, friends. ❤
"Want to cry" doesn't quite accurately describe how I feel about this day. 🙁 I took every minute of time we had working on the Physics test. The best I can possibly make is a 70 - and that's if I did everything else perfectly, (which I know I did not).
Highlight of the day was binging on unhealthy food at Stevie B's with Shaunte and Abby after Physics and before Calculus. I am SO THANKFUL to have them both in Physics and Cal II with me. I need all the support I can get right now.
Ended the day doing some FUGLY MATH in Calculus. I am not into it, I am not feeling it, and no one should have to look at that ever.
Now I have about 3 hours to finish 5 lessons worth of Physics homework. It's not going to happen, but I'm about to give it my best shot. Thanks to everyone who commented to me today. I'll write back more personally as soon as I can. ❤
I feel like I am going to throw up and cry. I'm about to take a Physics test that I don't feel ready for. I'd be thrilled if I could pull a C on this. 😕
All I do is Calculus and Physics. I'm not even done with Physics homework that is due tonight. My house is a wreck and so are my nails. Shadow's been feeding the ani-pals for me. I've been ignoring friends and I apologize for that. I've even called out of work to study. I only eat something substantial every few days. I don't know what else I have to do to feel ok about this, but clearly I haven't yet done enough. 🙁
Heading in. Send me smart vibes. ❤️
