I am having "calm down" problems.

I am having "calm down" problems.  Finals are Monday and Tuesday and logically I know that I'll be ok (we've done the calculations)... but I feel more stressed than I ever have (to the point of being seriously sick) over finals.   I don't know why.   I have worked SO HARD this semester to make sure I'd be ok and I am.  It just doesn't feel like it yet.

Right now I have a 90 in Calculus.  I think I COULD pull off keeping that A, but I don't think the stress is worth it.  I've made a few C's on exams in that class so I honestly don't deserve an A (in my opinion).  I don't feel like I gave it my all and I didn't.  I couldn't.  Not while taking Physics in the same semester.

I'm having so many feelings right now.  Stress, obviously.  Relief that it's almost over.  A little bit of disappointment because I would have liked to have done better (and I know that if I wasn't in such a hurry to get these classes done, I could have).  Accomplishment because I've just about made it through these classes, I got the scholarship, and graduation is on Thursday.

All in all it's a lot going on with me and I guess I can't blame my body for not being able to feel great in the midst of all of it while still finishing antibiotics and fighting off whatever infection I have.  I'm just hoping the next few days aren't horrible, I guess.

Anyway.  I need a nap.  Whether I feel ok or not this week will mark some accomplishments for me so I'm gonna call it a good one.   I hope you all are poised to have a great week, too!  ❤

I GOT THE PRESIDENTIAL TRANSFER SCHOLARSHIP TO JSU!!!

I GOT THE PRESIDENTIAL TRANSFER SCHOLARSHIP TO JSU!!! I DID IT! I DID IT!!!

I am sick to death today.

I am sick to death today.  I woke up with my head hurting so bad that I threw up.  I think it's a stress hangover.  At least I hope that is all it is.

I'm supposed to have my last class of the semester this afternoon, but I didn't make it to work and I don't know if I'll make it to class.  It has not been a good day.

Thank goodness for Shaun. He came by and checked on me and fed the animals.  There was no way I was doing anything at that point.

If I could just survive through finals (Monday and Tuesday), that would be great.

Haha. Look what I found...

Haha.  Look what I found while trying to download pictures that aren't meant to be downloaded:

Look how pretty Calculus is!

Look how pretty Calculus is!

Studying my face off for the next few days. Cal test tomorrow and then finals on Monday and Tuesday.

Then... 

GRADUATION ON THURSDAY!!! 😃

I won some stuff today.

I won some stuff today. The cup thing is for Outstanding Achievement. They talked about me for a few minutes and it felt totally weird to be recognized on that scale, but it was nice.

Also, gotta say how super proud I am of my friend Chris. He won several awards, as well, and he deserved them all. We've come a long way! It sure feels nice when hard work starts to pay off!

Well, sleep was nice.

Well, sleep was nice.  I'm up much earlier than usual, but that's ok.  Let's see if I can get some Calculus studying done before this day wears me out.

I have a Calculus test on Wednesday so I should be studying, but...

I have a Calculus test on Wednesday so I should be studying, but my sad, worn-out, fever-ish self just went to bed. Maybe I can start fresh in the morning. 

Goodnight, friends. ❤️

When the BOYS in your Physics class...

When the BOYS in your Physics class try to join your last lab and start asking for your help and your study password on basically the last day of class... after being annoyed with y'all all semester long for asking too many questions and making class take longer...

Nah, bruh. We're not the ones. 😂😂😂😎😎😎

One of these things is not like the others...

One of these things is not like the others... but Nom tortie doesn't believe it. 😂😂😂❤️❤️❤️

I've finished my last Programming assignment...

I've finished my last Programming assignment and all of the Physics homework I have until we get notes in class this week.  I just gotta put some focus on Calculus now.  Still in shock that this semester is coming to an end!

I know this sounds ridiculous, but...

I know this sounds ridiculous, but I can't stop thinking about doing my nails.  When this semester ends and I finally get to have a life for 3 weeks before school starts back... IT'S ON.

I'm still sick.

I'm still sick. It's honestly a relief. I was really afraid that I was just gonna feel that bad as my new normal.

It's been a day. Not a great one, unfortunately.

It's been a day.  Not a great one, unfortunately.

For those who missed it Shaun's dad fell off a ladder (it buckled) and busted his elbow.  That was on Wednesday.  He had surgery on Thursday morning and he came home on Friday.

We went over there today and he's doing better than I thought he'd be doing, but he's in a lot of pain of course.  We're going to check into some kind of home health services on Monday.  The arm he messed up is the one attached to his dominant hand so he's not having an easy time.

To make matters more sad Shaun and I took his 20 year old cat, Willow, and had her put to sleep.  Yes, today.  🙁  She'd been going through health issues of her own for a while and things were just going downhill.  We all knew it was time, but it's unfortunate because he just lost his wife last month.  To say that he is sad is an understatement.  😭😭😭😭😭

We are trying our best to be supportive and helpful, but there is an issue of distance and the fact that my schedule keeps us all insane.  Thankfully, he has some family that lives near him and they are keeping an eye on him and keeping him company.

I think the next 6 weeks will be the worst.  Maybe after that he can start rehab and gain some use of his arm again.  He's talked about traveling and visiting family and I think it would be great for him if he can, but we've gotta get him back in working order before that can happen.

Anyway.  After all of that Shaun and I had dinner out alone together (can't remember the last time that happened), fell asleep on the couch in front of the TV like a couple of old fogies after we ate, and now I've gotta get some more homework done.  I still feel crappy, myself.  I called the C.A.R.E.S. clinic to see if they would just call me in another prescription and they said a nurse would call me back, but that never happened.  I guess I'll deal with myself on Monday, as well.

Later, friends.  Take care of one another.  ❤

Are there any services...

Are there any services that help injured people with cooking and cleaning?

And so begins my career as a graphic designer. 😂😂😂

And so begins my career as a graphic designer. 😂😂😂

J/k, y'all. It's just a programming assignment. 🙂 A fun one! 

(All we had to do was the basic face. The cheeks and bow are my own extra flair. 😉)

Today has been pretty rough.

Today has been pretty rough.  I'm cramping, exhausted, feverish, and achy.  There is something going on with me and I am getting pretty worn down by it.  😦😦😦

I went off methotrexate for my psoriasis and arthritis so I'm not shocked that my skin is red and flaky and that my bones hurt.  I'm also not shocked by cramps because, well... I am a female so that happens.  But this fever and fatigue is killer.  It lessened when I was on antibiotics, but now it's back.

I did a thing that is pretty out of character for me today and that was taking some "all natural" turmeric and curcumin something or other pills that I found on Amazon.  It's to help inflammation (which is the cause of my psoriasis and arthritis), and while I normally don't do this kind of thing (I don't 100% trust "Big Pharma," but I also believe that we have man-made drugs for a reason), I really feel like I'm running out of options as an uninsured person.  I have been following up on all the leads you wonderful people give me, but they've all turned up as dead ends so far.  I am just at a loss.  😢

As for the fever, I suspect that I have a bladder infection.  I could be wrong; however, in November I went to St. Michael's to get medicated for arthritis and they told me I had a bladder infection (even though I had no noticeable symptoms) and prescribed me Cipro.  When I went to C.A.R.E.S. the week before last they said I had a bladder infection and gave me Cipro.  Unfortunately, I didn't remember what St. Michael's had prescribed until I dug around through some paperwork this evening and found out.  Apparently, Cipro is not the answer.  🤔  And yes - I finish my antibiotics every time.  I am a good girl.

It looks to me like I will be heading back to the doctor on Friday.  Not tomorrow because that day is booked solid.  We're visiting Shaun's dad in the hospital.  He fell off a ladder today and shattered his elbow is what I hear.  He's supposed to have surgery in the morning.  Then I have to work and then I have class.  At some point during the day I will make time to make an appointment at C.A.R.E.S. so that I don't have to spend all day there on Friday.

Woohoo, my life.  I hope this week is going a little easier on you.  It has me whooped so far.  😕

Ok, I am NOT feeling it today.

Ok, I am NOT feeling it today. I think I'm still sick. I'm cold. I've been exhausted for two days. Blegh.

Next Tuesday is a big day...

Next Tuesday is a big day - Awards Day at GSCC!  I've been nominated again for the Outstanding Achievement Award (I was nominated last year, as well, but didn't win it.  The guy who did totally deserved it, though).  I am also being honored by Who's Who Among College Students, and SSS has nominated me for something, too.  Maybe I will win something, but even if not it's really a nice feeling to be in the running.  Since I technically haven't gone full-time I've never been able to make President's or Dean's list despite my good grades so at least someone notices me.  😝

Wednesday is my induction to Phi Theta Kappa so that's also exciting.

I really don't know how much any of this stuff matters, but I'm going to enjoy the process.  I can honestly say that I've stayed in school and worked hard even when it felt like everything was falling apart around me.  There have been so many times where I thought "This is too much" or "I'm too old for this shit" or "Everything sucks and I need a break," but here I am - a little over two weeks away from graduation.  I am excited!

Too bad my degree will be basically useless without two more years of education, but it symbolizes all the progress I've made and no one can take that from me.  To me it will represent the half-way mark.  It will serve as proof that I can do a thing.  😁😁😁🤣  Go me!  DO ALL THE THINGS!  😜

Bombed my Physics test...

Bombed my Physics test, but I'm still poised to come out of there with a B.  THANK GOODNESS.

Did better on the retakes of the Calculus tests.  I have a 90 now instead of a low B.  On the new cal test I made a 77 which was a bummer because I felt pretty good about it, but that's not the end of the world.  An A is not impossible at this point - I've just gotta stay on top of my game for the rest of this week - plus 2 more.  I think I can!  🙂  But even if not I would accept a B.  These classes are hard!

So curious. 😂😂😂

So curious. 😂😂😂

I got the lawnmower cranked all by my little self!

I got the lawnmower cranked all by my little self!  It should probably be embarrassing how much of an accomplishment that is, but legit - the first crank of the season is no joke.  😄

The kiddo is cutting some grass now and I'm cleaning.  I honestly forgot what having energy to do things felt like.  😞  This is much better! 😁

I opened my email to a message saying...

I opened my email to a message saying "Award Notification" and I swear my heart stopped.  🤣🤣🤣  It was a scholarship notification from JSU.

Unfortunately, it wasn't for the Presidential Scholarship which is THE BIG ONE that I've been trying for (they said I should know something on that one by the end of the month), but that's ok.  I can be patient.

I did get the The Billy S. Lindsey Scholarship which is a small one, but every little bit helps and I am not complaining!

It keeps getting more and more real that I am going to actually go to school there.  Y'all don't even know.  This legit always seemed too big and too far out of reach for me.  💓💓💓

I'm officially registered for a class at JSU!

I'm officially registered for a class at JSU!  Probability and Stats.  😳  I can't register for the other 3 until I finish this semester at GSCC.  Hopefully, they will all still be available!

I was planning to major in Math, but...

I was planning to major in Math, but then I think I flipped back over to CS.  I guess I don't know what I'm doing with my life.

I didn't want to do the teaching math so I got the sheet that gives you the options of "General," "Theoretical," and "Applied."  I think that Theoretical would NOT be my jam so I was planning to go the applied route.  But if applied math is anything like Physics I don't think I can endure that for the next couple of years.  🙁

On the CS side I wouldn't even need the second Physics, so...  I mean I don't even need Cal III for it, either, but I'm definitely taking it over the summer because it sounds fun and if I'm a math minor (JSU is changing so that CS majors don't even have to declare a minor, but I want to), then having the last Calculus would probably help.

If I take the easiest path I'll do CS to avoid Physics II.  But I don't want to be crapping out.  Is it crappy to avoid a hard class?  Can anyone think of a reason I should push through the 2nd Physics (aside from the fact that I could flop back over to math?)

I've been resting and hanging out for the last 3 hours.

I've been resting and hanging out for the last 3 hours.  No studying tonight.  But I'm heading to bed now.  I'm meeting with a CS adviser at JSU tomorrow.  I guess I will have all of my bases covered by the time I transfer!  🙂

One Physics test and 4 Calculus tests down; 1 Programming test to go!

One Physics test and 4 Calculus tests down; 1 Programming test to go! 

Aren't you all so envious of my life? 😂😂😂

I just finished two programming assignments.

I just finished two programming assignments.  I'm off to take a "move-around" break in the form of cleaning litter boxes and then I'm gonna go over Calculus until I'm sleepy in hopes that I do well on those two tests tomorrow.  I can't believe that the end of the semester is less than a month away!

So far I think I'll have an A in programming.  I've got B's in Calculus and Physics, but I'm hoping to turn at least one of those into an A.  We'll see how that goes.

All things considered I'm ok with a couple of B's if it happens.  I can't say that I've given my all to every class consistently this semester because between Cal II and Physics there just weren't enough hours in a day.  But I can say that I've done my best to juggle those two extremely challenging classes along with my other class, and... well... life, so... I'll get what I get and as long as it doesn't wreck my GPA - I'm cool.  😃

Anyway, I'm off.  I hope you all have a happy Wednesday.  ❤

Three tests down, three to go!

Three tests down, three to go! I actually feel not bad about the Cal tests today.

Y'all, I'm a success.

Y'all, I'm a success. I survived this day without a nap. Congratulate me. 😂😂😂

I'm planning to make it though this day without a nap.

I'm planning to make it though this day without a nap.  It will be the first time in over a week that has happened if I accomplish that goal.

I've been working on Calculus for some days... I feel like I'm finally gaining an understanding of what is going on.  The sad thing is that the material for ET3 and ET4 doesn't seem crazy hard at the moment.  I'm going to chock my previous bad grades up to complete and utter mental exhaustion.

This week is going to be rough.  I have tests almost every day, appointments, studying, work, antibiotics making me feel crappy, and upset bones.  If I can get through this week then hopefully the rest of the semester won't be so bad.  Wish me luck!  ❤

Last section of Physics: Thermodynamics.

Last section of Physics: Thermodynamics.

I can't believe I've made it this far.

I am frustrated by...

I am frustrated by the amount my body wants me to sleep this week.  Isn't it aware that I have STUFF TO DO?!  🙁

Well... I've finally studied some Calculus.

Well... I've finally studied some Calculus.  I'm feeling quite a bit better about one of those tests.  One of out four, but hey - it's a start.  Go me!  I'm a good girl.  😃

I'm heading to class.

I'm heading to class.  It's been a slow week which has been great because I have felt awful.  I felt feverish yesterday and literally slept for most of the day.  This is not regular psoriasis / psoriatic arthritis stuff.  I'm going to C.A.R.E.S. tomorrow.

Being so tired and worn down means I haven't studied as much as I wanted to have studied by now, but today isn't as bad and I do have the weekend with no plans to get some things locked into my brain.  Maybe I won't be too wiped out to study today by the time I get back home.

Due to the weather I have FIVE tests next week.  😳  That means it's a big week and probably my last chance to redeem myself in Calculus.  I checked my average and I have a low B so that's not as bad as I thought.  That was a relief.

Anyway, I'm off.  I hope this week is treating you a little better. ❤️

Edited to Add:  Make that SIX tests. 😟

Right after I posted my last status I took a nap...

Right after I posted my last status I took a nap... in the corner in the floor of my bedroom.  😂  Looking back - that was not the most normal decision I could have made, but I needed a shower and didn't want to get into my bed while gross. Sleepy logic, y'all. 😂😂😂

Honestly when I got home I debated not even getting out of the car to sleep, but I noticed that Faith didn't come running out to greet me and realized that I left her crated for several hours.  She is the only reason I made it into the house.

After I ate dinner with Shaun I cleaned my litter boxes and now it's time to shower.  Since I am awake-ish and no one is around to interrupt me I think I will do some Calculus and try to get back on top of that.  There is only a month left in the semester so I've gotta throw down with the effort or things are not going to go like I want them to.

Anyway.  Happy Monday, friends.  I feel like I'm gonna be slogging through this week, but I will do whatever it takes to get things done.  And with that, I'm off.  ❤

I think I'm quitting methotrexate for the rest of the semester.

I think I'm quitting methotrexate for the rest of the semester.  Even after a week of rest I am wiped out.  I slept late today and I'm already ready for bed.

To anyone who will have to look at me for the next 4 weeks - I apologize in advance.  I'm about to be more red and crusty than ever.  And more rickety and grumpy, too.  But at least I should have some energy and a clear mind.

I really wish I could have health insurance right now.  🙁