Kira and I washed Teyla today.

Kira and I washed Teyla today. Kira is so sweet. She loves everyone. She did a great job cleaning our sweet lizard baby. 😍

I passed all of my classes! Phew!

I passed all of my classes! Phew!

Database Systems - A

Software Engineering - B

College Geometry - B

Advanced Calculus - C

These are the lowest grades I've made in a semester, but the main point is progress - I don't have to retake anything. I am RELIEVED. I was legit worried about Calculus.

I spent all day cleaning my room...

I spent all day cleaning my room and organizing my jungle and changing my lighting setup. I love it! The lights DEFINITELY elevate my mood. And they help my plants grow and allow me to see how beautiful they are! 😍💗💓💕 Maybe it looks like a mess to everyone else, but it's just about perfect to me. 🙂

Baby buns are incredibly hard to keep alive

Baby buns are incredibly hard to keep alive - even for experienced rehabbers. Their best bet is with mom. Please don't intervene if it's not an emergency and DO NOT TAKE ANIMALS TO the Anniston Museum!

I am so sore from walking at the zoo all day yesterday.

I am so sore from walking at the zoo all day yesterday. In a good way, though. Maybe that's what I needed after not going to the gym for the last 3 weeks. I kind of feel like I might be ready to go back soon. Thank goodness!

A clip of this video uploaded...

A clip of this video uploaded to my story. Here's the whole thing with the camel posing at the end. 🐫 🐪 😍

(Also, why are there two different camel emojis and we can't even have a pink heart- the most basic, no-brainer emoji that should exist?)

Me and my BBY GORL on a camel. 🐫

Me and my BBY GORL on a camel. 🐫

Check out how the camel poses for a photo at the end.

Check out how the camel poses for a photo at the end. She's precious! 😍

[Updated to a video that works - the last one had an error or something.]

Kira liked the flamingos better than the lorikeets.

Kira liked the flamingos better than the lorikeets. That one on her head freaked her out. 😂😂😂

We went to the zoo today.

We went to the zoo today. Enjoy this Farting Rhino. 🦏 She was proud. 😂😂😂

Happy Birthday to the little birds in the nest near my porch!

Happy Birthday to the little birds in the nest near my porch!

Congratulations, little mama! I see how hard you've been working. 😍

I'm officially done with this semester.

I'm officially done with this semester. Now, I anxiously await the posting of final grades. Paws crossed that I passed!

Then they want a mom they can have sex with.

Then they want a mom they can have sex with. It's as gross to me that some men want that as it is normal to so many women to strive to be that. Build your partnership with your spouse however you see fit, but I strongly feel that unless there is an extenuating circumstance every person needs to know how to be self-sufficient - and don't forget to teach this to your kids regardless of gender!

*Spiders, snakes, anyone who is feared based on looks and stereotypes.

*Spiders, snakes, anyone who is feared based on looks and stereotypes.

I have been so "off" all day.

I have been so "off" all day. 🙁 It's really uncomfortable. And my bones hurt.

I am such a ridiculous human.

I am such a ridiculous human.  I have been trying to study all day but I desperately don't want to so I've been sitting in my room looking at Facebook, looking at my plants, looking at my fish, checking my email... anything to not study.

I just asked Shaun to bribe me.  Baja later if I accomplish a geometry goal.

I am treat-motivated.  😂😂😂

I am SHOCKED.

I am SHOCKED. I made a 100 on my last Geometry test. When I saw the grade online I thought "That has to be a mistake." But no. 😮

I'm hanging in there, friends.

I'm hanging in there, friends. I'm not having an easy time, though. Monday was really good, but yesterday and today were harder. I'm taking my medication as prescribed, but I feel like I'm yo-yo - ing between ok and not ok. Maybe it just takes time to level out.

I know it's all exacerbated by end of semester stress. Also not helping is a couple of people who I thought were friends being super insensitive. I'm too fragile for that shit right now so I've removed myself from their presence. I just can't deal with it right now.

On a happier note Shaun saw how down I was today and got me my favorite food. Also, Emily surprised me with a super cute Groot planter. I'll post pictures of him once I decide what his hair is going to be.

And with that, I'm off. I have no energy. Getting through this day used up all of my life force. I'm done.

I was productive today.

I was productive today. I went to school, did a presentation, came home and cleaned, did some homework, got organized / made a list of things to do for school, and went grocery shopping with Shaun. I'm super exhausted. Considering that I've napped and done not much of anything else pretty much every day for about the last 3 weeks - this was a huge day. I'm so thankful I'm finally getting back to myself. I really hate feeling so incapacitated and helpless.

Today I studied...

Today I studied, spent time with the kids and Shaun, swept some of the floors, and then showered (for the first time in like a week - yikes, I know!)  I'm about to brush my teeth (who have also sadly been neglected) and pick out clothes for tomorrow.  I am planning to go to school and at least go through the motions of being a productive human.

Even though I'm behind on my whole life which is not a good feeling I feel like I'm finally getting the energy and motivation back to catch up.  I sure hope I can do it in time to pass all of my classes.

Goodnight, friends.  🧡

Three or four days ago I hit a really huge low.

Three or four days ago I hit a really huge low.  It was awful.  But after almost a week on a full dose of Lexapro I feel like I'm finally starting to level out again.  Though I'm still pretty exhausted my motivation is coming back, at least.

There is one more week of classes left and then finals.  I have gone to school a total of 3 days in the past two weeks so I'm BEHIND in a big way.  🙁  I've got a lot of catching up to do if I'm going to finish this semester strong; it may not be possible, though.  Despite normally not being happy with anything less than an A I'm willing to accept that I might scrape by with a couple of C's this time and I'm not even mad about it.  I'm at the point where I just want to put the semester behind me and keep moving forward.  In the end getting it done is what matters, anyway.

I'm off to do some math and try to make some progress.  I don't feel super able to concentrate at the moment, but at least I'm up for trying and that's more than I can say for myself any other day this week.  I hope you all are well.  If not, it can get better.  Hang in there.  That is my best advice.  🧡

Flowers and a g😍rgeous cactus.

Flowers and a g😍rgeous cactus.

I started Lexapro today.

I started Lexapro today. Just half - like the doctor said. I was dead inside all morning, but less so later today.

I just remembered that I have Calculus homework due tomorrow. Guess who didn't do it. This girl. I am so completely checked out of school right now. I am having a hard time being "present" for much of anything, really. I painted my nails twice before I got this bad off. I think my nail art looked great. But I haven't even posted photos of it.

This is such bad timing because finals are the week after next. I hope I find some motivation soon. This emptiness / not caring isn't fun. I am stressing myself out. 🙁 I'm going to sleep now. At least I know that's something I WILL do. 😕 Goodnight, friends. Tomorrow is a new day.

Depression is still winning, but...

Depression is still winning, but my doctor switched up my meds. Maybe I'll feel better soon.

In happier news:  Look at my plants.

The color my Fred Ives (the big one) is showing is blowing my mind. The top leaves are new growth; the lower ones with duller colors is what he looked like when he came to me. This photo is not edited. #NoFilter
It's probably not obvious from this angle, but he's a bit etiolated. I'm considering making him shorter and propagating some babies from him. I bet they would be beautiful.

I just love this picture. All of the shapes and textures float my boat.

Polka Dot Plant

Purple Passion

Begonia Rex

I left school to see a doctor.

I left school to see a doctor.

I made it to school.

I made it to school. I'm tired and don't want to stay and probably won't go to the gym like I should. But I'm here.

On a brighter note these are some of the things I love about Jacksonville State University:

I woke up over an hour ago.

I woke up over an hour ago. I guess I have no excuse today. Getting ready for school. Wish me strength.

I'm still not 100%...

I'm still not 100%, but I'm feeling better than I did last week.  I checked a few small things off of my house and school to-do lists since Friday so I'm sure that helped.  I still might talk to my doctor about changing my meds, though.  I'm having more days with breakthrough depression than I'd like to.

On a positive note yesterday I filled out what should be my last FAFSA.  I also have my class schedule for the rest of the year.

Summer:

CS 462 - Ethics and Legal Issues

MS 309 - Combinatorics

Fall:

CS 412 - Disaster Response and Recovery

CS 450 - Computer Networking

MS 441 - Abstract Algebra

MS 475 - Senior Seminar

THEN... this time next year I will be taking Differential Equations (again) and my last 400-level CS elective.

AND THEN I'M DONE.

GRADUATING.  😳😳😳

I know that sounds like great news but at the same time I never thought I would attend, (much less graduate from), JSU.  So the closer I get the more anxiety I have that something is going to stop me.  I'm sure that nonsensical stress is also great for my depression.  🤣🤣🤣

Anyway, I think I'm off to catch a nap.  Celexa makes me super drowsy so that's another reason I don't hate the idea of switching up meds.  Woo.  I hope you all are doing well.  🧡🧡🧡

So I have been crap all week. 😢

So I have been crap all week. 😢 I'm STILL not done with my paper; Shaun is bribing me to finish it with dinner tonight at my favorite restaurant. We'll see if that works.

I went to school on Monday, but no other day this week. This is the week after Spring Break so that feels freaking ridiculous. I just feel kind of lifeless and unmotivated. I don't know if it's time to change antidepressants, or if it's because I go so hard for so long and crash, then rest. I could just be resting. I would like to think that I am resting, but the tightness in my chest says otherwise.

If I'm not doing better by Monday I guess I'll head to the doctor and see if she can help me get sorted out. I have worked too hard this semester to let myself blow it right at the end. 🙁 I guess I'm off to... I don't know.... sit in silence until I fall asleep on my dogs OR work on this paper. Who knows? In any case I hope you all are doing well. ❤

I'm struggling today.

I'm struggling today.  I didn't make it to school.  I have a report that should have been done before Monday that is still not complete.  I haven't fed my animals yet - Nom is letting his displeasure with that be known.  Something weird is going on with one of my boobs (I don't want to talk about it.)  There are only 3 weeks left in this semester.  You'd think I'd be excited and energized and ready to finish it out, but I'm not.  I'm going to feed my animals now and keep pecking away at the report; hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.  ❤

Flowers! 🌸🌼💮🌺

Flowers! 🌸🌼💮🌺

This Ghost Echeveria is giving me life. She's so beautiful. I can't wait to see her bloom!

This is a baby from a long, slender leaf. I'm thinking I might have a crested something or other on my hands. It just doesn't have any roots showing yet. I'm concerned it won't live. 😢 Has anyone ever tried rooting hormone on succulents?

So the little puffy ball on my dude's head looks like it's trying to be a whole 'nother cactus. That's cool, I guess. But original dude doesn't look too good.

I love how clear these are. ❤

I bought her from Wal-Mart not long ago. She was flopped over and sad. Now she's standing upright and showing me her flowers. 😍

I wonder what the little poofy ball is going to be...  Also, I love his purple blush.

Weird little cactus being pretty.

Calico Kittens are making flowers. 😍