I've been pretty quiet on here this week...

I've been pretty quiet on here this week... mostly because it's been a bad week.  Here's an update for anyone who's interested:

Monday I felt like crap and went to work for roughly 1.5 hours in the afternoon before dragging myself to class and half-assing an assignment in Literature.  Being alive felt like work.  HARD work.  It was SO DIFFICULT to make myself leave the house, but I eventually did.  How did I get so amazing?

After being in pain for most of last week Dr. Crawford's office finally returned my call on Tuesday and offered me Tramadol.  I told them I didn't want it.  It's an opioid and addiction runs in my family and I'm not ready to go there.  I don't understand why the fuck no one wants to prescribe a stronger NSAID - from everything I've been told on the Psoriasis boards, that's the usual coarse of action.  I feel like Tramadol is jumping the gun.  I feel like no one is listening to me and I hate it.

While I had them on the phone I told them that the Otezla they put me on was making me depressed.  They told me to stop taking it immediately.  I guess when you can accidentally pull out in front of other cars and not even have a fleeting sense of panic that you might possibly be hit by one of them, that's a sign.  So.  I'm off the Otezla.  Of course it had started helping my joint pain, but if you'd just as soon die as live it doesn't matter.  They said that they would call me back and let me know what I can take next.  That was Tuesday and I'm still waiting.  So, Dr. Monica Crawford is fired.

After researching rheumatologists that my friends recommended, my top three choices are Dr. Saway, Dr. McLain, and Dr. Traylor.  Dr. Saway is in the lead because he also specializes in Pain Management, which seems like a big freaking deal right now.

As for this day - it's not great.  I went to bed with a migraine, barely slept, and then was woken up by the sound of Shadow gagging.  He's been sick at his stomach all day and when I was woken up I noticed that I felt pretty yucky, too.  My stomach felt cold and swollen and I felt like I was gonna puke for most of the day.

I thought I would take Shadow to the doctor, but all of the ones that his Medicaid allows him to see were closed for the day.  I called Medicaid to see where I could take him besides the emergency room (because that seems like overkill), and they said that he does not have Medicaid.  I had the brand new card in my hand along with the acceptance letter.  After being put on hold for 30 minutes I decided I'd better make my own doctor appointments before everyone closed and of course, the Medicaid lady picked back up.  I asked her to please give me one second and she said she could hold for one minute.  I told her she could wait for a couple if she needed to because I've been waiting on her for 30.  I am quite sure I had a "don't fuck with me" tone to my voice because I would have jumped through the phone and ripped her face off had she said anything but "ok."

So, I ended up having to leave a message at another number about Shadow's insurance.  Of course - that place was closed, too.  So Shadow's not going to the doctor unless he gets sicker and then I'll take him to an urgent care place and pay out of pocket, I guess.  With all that money I made this week missing two days of work due to sickness and depression.

I have no words to express what I'm feeling right now.  I just want to scream profanity.  That, or lay on my couch like a lump.  I don't actually have the energy to be as upset as I feel.  That's been my week.  The End.

Former Anniston restaurant owner gets maximum for animal cruelty

Former Anniston restaurant owner gets maximum for animal cruelty (Link is to al.com news site)

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I woke up today not feeling too shabby.

I woke up today not feeling too shabby. Amazingly, the last two days have been ok. Today, I took Shaun out to eat and somewhere between sitting in a chilly restaurant, taking a stroll through Big Lots, and driving us back home, I am hurting again. No position is comfortable and I kind of want to cry. I honestly don't know what to do. I am so sad. There is so much I want to do in life, but right now I can't even concentrate on my homework.

I know. Supposedly, it gets better. But for how long before it goes to shit again?

Pardon me, y'all. I'm in the gap and that's an awful place to be. It's hard to remain positive here. 🙁

Happy Birthday to my most favorite person:

Happy Birthday to my most favorite person:  Shaun!  😃  Did you realize that this year makes the 8th set of birthdays we're celebrating together?!  Holy cow, time is flying!  ❤

I know that things have been better and easier before now, but thank you x1000 for sticking with me through it all.  Seriously, y'all, this is how it is this year:  He's getting dinner at his favorite place on me.  Even though it's a little far away I'm gonna drive him there because he's not a fan of driving.  That is literally all I have planned.  😕  I don't know what else we'll do, but if it costs money I'll have to borrow it from him!  😛

Shaun, I feel bad that I don't even have a gift for you to open right now, but time is the hardest thing for me to come by lately, so it's the most valuable, anyway.  And I'm not even grumpy today!  😃  I know that my health sucks and I've been ill about that and busy with school so much this past year that I've put you last on my list of things to take care of, but I want you to know that I love you SO MUCH and I couldn't do any of this without you.  I promise that better days are coming.  When I'm out of school and rich and you're my trophy wife I'll have time to spend once again and I'll be happy to buy you any ridiculous thing you want.  😉

I love you and I hope you have a fun day.  Let me know when you're ready to get on with it!  ❤😃

I was less hate-y and miserable today.

I was less hate-y and miserable today. I think my Otezla is finally starting to take effect.

Dr. Edmond's office called me back today. I was on the phone with a customer at work and couldn't answer, but they left me a voicemail and also messaged me here to see if I had another phone number. Looks like they take it pretty seriously when a patient is unhappy, so that's nice.

I also called Dr. Crawford's office twice. I left a voicemail this morning, but still hadn't heard back by this afternoon, so I called again. Thankfully, the nurse who usually deals with me answered the phone. She said they'd been seeing patients all day, which I get. I asked her about my Otezla prescription and she said it was denied, but that they usually have to put it through more than once for it to be approved.

For the record I knew that would take time and it was not the reason I was calling. I was calling because I'm almost out of the Otezla samples they gave me and I didn't know what I was supposed to do (which I made sure to say in the voicemail I left). So I told her that and she said to just come and get more. I had no idea it was so simple. I think that most doctors and nurses assume that they are dealing with people who know how the system works, or at who at least have a clue. I am not either of those people yet. If they had just returned my call on Monday and told me to come get more pills it would have saved us both some stress and frustration.

IN ANY CASE I feel relieved knowing that I can get samples until my prescription is approved. Especially now that it seems to be starting to work!

Tell me again (even though it's the thousandth time I've asked)...

Tell me again (even though it's the thousandth time I've asked) who are the good doctors around here.  Both for GP and Rheumatology in case I need to make some decisions.

I'm pretty annoyed today.

Dr. Edmond's office either didn't relay the message to him that I couldn't take the NSAID samples he gave me, or he neglected to call me back.  I called yesterday and they were supposed to call me back.  I probably should have called today, but he seems hesitant to give me anything because he's not that familiar with Otezla, which I can understand.  I probably would have lost my temper had I called, anyway.  I'm just so on edge right now.

Dr. Crawford is on vacation, so I guess that's more important than one of her patients being in pain.  She seems to want the benefits of being paid for a full-time stock of patients, but they are so slow to do any damn thing that I think she's either understaffed or needs to put in some more hours.  I FEEL like this is RIDICULOUS and I'm LOSING MY PATIENCE.  She needs to get her shit together before she loses one of hers (patients.  ME, specifically).

I don't really have the time or energy to drive farther away to see a good doctor, but I'm starting to consider it.  I get that some things take time, but then again - you'd think a doctor would take pride in running their office efficiently.  I had x-rays done months ago and she's just now trying to do something with them?  I tell the nurse I'm hurting and she's like, "Well, Dr. Crawford's out of town."  Do I give a shit where she is?  NO.  This is so dumb.  And I am SO ILL.

I have to go and take a nap.  Or do homework.  Or something. I don't even know what I can do right now.  I'm slangry (sleepy + angry).

Everyone is about to think I'm crazy, but...

Everyone is about to think I'm crazy, but this cool breeze is killing my knees.  Went to class in what should have been comfortable clothing (sweat pants, tshirt, and light hoodie), and I'm paying for it now.  I just put a heavier jacket and snow pants on top of all that.  If it stays this cool tonight I'm gonna have to turn the heater on in my bedroom.

I know it's still August in Alabama, but I am not even kidding.  If you see me out and I look like it's snowing, please do not try to have me committed for being delusional.  I know the weather is nice.  I'M enjoying it, but my skeleton is not.  😛