Listen...

Listen. I know this is going to possibly sound kooky... But I have been treated for hypothyroidism for a few years now, and it has me feeling A LOT better.

But since being diagnosed with Autism and starting to relax for what feels like the first time in my life... I'm starting to feel over-treated. Like, I'm hot and sweaty a lot of the time, and that has been opposite of my (almost) whole life experience save for the last few years when I started treatment and stopped feeling cold all the time.

I know that stress/cortisol is linked to thyroid function... But in such a big way that I might need a lower dose of medication?

I think it's time to get some labs done. 🤔

I'm heading to bed.

I'm heading to bed. It's been another actually good day, stress/burnout-wise.

Me and Shaun had a late anniversary lunch. Since Shadow has to be asleep tomorrow because his work schedule is changing temporarily, he asked if we could have his birthday dinner tonight, which we did. We picked it up to-go and ate at home.

Me and Shaun put on a comedy thing that the kids recommended. I messed around on the computer while listening to it and updated the swatch status and location for 3 out of 72 drawers of nail polish. It's one of the things I'd put on my list of things to do that I couldn't get myself to do... even though I wanted to do it. But I did some and it was easy and fun. And I was using the app I created, so that was also nice.

I felt the urge to not stop until I was done or until I crashed completely out - whichever came first, but I have something to do in the morning and I want to be rested for it. So since I'm getting sleepy I'm being good and going to bed. The task will be there tomorrow or whenever I feel like picking it up again. I think that breaking this cycle of hyperfocus and straining/stressing myself over nothing will be key to preventing burnout again.

Look at me. I'm cosplaying a very stable adult. Are y'all proud of me? 😂😂😂

Goodnight. ❤️

Today we're married 8 years...

Today we're married 8 years. Together for 18. I don't know what I would do without Shaun. He's held me together in so many different ways over the years. Through mental and physical breakdowns, migraines, throwing up so hard I pee myself - and now peri. The good, the bad, and the ugly - he's solid through it all.

And as usual, he's got the most creative gifts ever. 🥰

My favorite has to be this Teddy Bear Cholla he made using my stash of whiskers (with my permission!). They aren't glued in or anything, but they're definitely not falling out. We're going to paint the pot; he didn't realize it matched the cactus body so well. But I love this so much. Also, he didn't even use all of my whiskers. 😂😂😂  We might have to start another cactus for the shorter ones. I'm thinking an Opuntia for the next one...

I'm also digging this little monster dude with the succulents on his head. It's a stash jar, so that's neat. And since it's our Bronze anniversary, he got me a little beetle guy to sit on my shelf. He manages to bring the things I love into every gift while somehow keeping it traditional.

Here's to all of the years behind us, and hopefully many more to come! To my bestie for the restie:  I love you! ❤️

I didn't even know I did this, but...

I didn't even know I did this, but I was talking to Shaun about a convo in the group chat and I said "I laugh-reacted at something I knew was a joke, but I didn't get it."

I've never said that sentence before in my life. He's like "You've definitely done that in real life before. I've had to explain the jokes to you afterwards."

I was so unaware! I feel like receiving the Autism diagnosis is allowing me to see masks I didn't even know that I had.

Thankfully, my friends will explain it and lightly roast me and it'll be fine. 😂😂😂

A lovely way to wake up!

A lovely way to wake up!

Foam so dense my spoon stands up.

Foam so dense my spoon stands up.

Black tea with Coconut. 😊

I'm tired!

I'm tired!

I slept late again, guilt-free.  It's crazy how much a mindset shift can change things.  Instead of sleeping or napping or doing nothing stressfully (and gaining very little rest or recovery in the process), removing the "should" and being gentler with myself has been a game changer.  I am finally starting to feel some semblance of peace within myself.

Today was a designated "no obligations" day for me.  I ended up repotting a few plants because I wanted to, not because I should.  I did more than I thought I would, and I stopped when I got tired - not pushing through to some arbitrary goal I made up.  There is more to do, but nothing is urgent.  They're ok.

I also did some of my wireframe homework.  I stopped when I got tired of that, too.  The only other thing I'm going to do now is my Duolingo while I wait for Shadow to get off work and bring home milk (because I like to have some milk with creamer before bed).

Today, while I was in my "flow state" repotting, Shaun hit me with another "Why?" question, which is like taking my laser focus and snatching it sideways.  I didn't get upset or anything - he is allowed to ask me questions.  But I told him that I wasn't going to think about it right now and to email it to me if he really wanted an answer.  I protected my attention and my flow, made an accommodation for myself, and did it without being rude (unlike the Waffle "Why?" from a while back).  😬

The ONLY differences between the Waffle Why and this Why was that I understood what was happening within myself instead of having a bad feeling that I couldn't name, AND the fact that I have ACTUALLY been resting rather than "stress resting" and had the energy to articulate that I wasn't going to think about it now and to formulate the accommodation.

I feel like that was a win.  He is a curious person and I like that about him, but I REALLY hate transitions/distractions when I'm doing things, so the solution removed the immediate demand while still allowing him to ask.  I did answer him after I was done repotting - he didn't even have a chance to email me.  😆  But it's nice to have a plan in place because this WILL come up again.

Also, email specifically vs. a text or message:  Texts and messages feel like they require an immediate response, which if I could give, I would have done verbally in the moment.  Email is not urgent, and I can open and answer it at my convenience without it getting lost.  It will be waiting in my inbox for me to be ready.

Anyway.  I hope you all are doing well.  I'm getting better, slowly, but surely.  I finally heard back from my therapist and she doesn't do the kind of therapy I need, so she is going to refer me to someone.  But things are progressing, and that's really all I can ask.