I'm tired!

I'm tired!

I slept late again, guilt-free.  It's crazy how much a mindset shift can change things.  Instead of sleeping or napping or doing nothing stressfully (and gaining very little rest or recovery in the process), removing the "should" and being gentler with myself has been a game changer.  I am finally starting to feel some semblance of peace within myself.

Today was a designated "no obligations" day for me.  I ended up repotting a few plants because I wanted to, not because I should.  I did more than I thought I would, and I stopped when I got tired - not pushing through to some arbitrary goal I made up.  There is more to do, but nothing is urgent.  They're ok.

I also did some of my wireframe homework.  I stopped when I got tired of that, too.  The only other thing I'm going to do now is my Duolingo while I wait for Shadow to get off work and bring home milk (because I like to have some milk with creamer before bed).

Today, while I was in my "flow state" repotting, Shaun hit me with another "Why?" question, which is like taking my laser focus and snatching it sideways.  I didn't get upset or anything - he is allowed to ask me questions.  But I told him that I wasn't going to think about it right now and to email it to me if he really wanted an answer.  I protected my attention and my flow, made an accommodation for myself, and did it without being rude (unlike the Waffle "Why?" from a while back).  😬

The ONLY differences between the Waffle Why and this Why was that I understood what was happening within myself instead of having a bad feeling that I couldn't name, AND the fact that I have ACTUALLY been resting rather than "stress resting" and had the energy to articulate that I wasn't going to think about it now and to formulate the accommodation.

I feel like that was a win.  He is a curious person and I like that about him, but I REALLY hate transitions/distractions when I'm doing things, so the solution removed the immediate demand while still allowing him to ask.  I did answer him after I was done repotting - he didn't even have a chance to email me.  😆  But it's nice to have a plan in place because this WILL come up again.

Also, email specifically vs. a text or message:  Texts and messages feel like they require an immediate response, which if I could give, I would have done verbally in the moment.  Email is not urgent, and I can open and answer it at my convenience without it getting lost.  It will be waiting in my inbox for me to be ready.

Anyway.  I hope you all are doing well.  I'm getting better, slowly, but surely.  I finally heard back from my therapist and she doesn't do the kind of therapy I need, so she is going to refer me to someone.  But things are progressing, and that's really all I can ask.