Shaun heard some noise, so he checked on Baby Bear.

Shaun heard some noise, so he checked on Baby Bear.

He's so comfy. He never rolls and stretches like this outside of his crate. This is his safe space. ❤️

Volume up for a little Bear snort at the end.

The way I feel like crying happy tears...

The way I feel like crying happy tears because I can read and understand this. ❤️😭❤️😭❤️😭

I had a mostly good day today.

I had a mostly good day today.

***

This morning Caitlin picked me up and we got lunch and went to see Judy P. at the rehab center.  We had some delicious bagels and then we hung out and I did her nails.  She said she hadn't had her nails done in 11 or 12 years!  Well, we'll make sure that doesn't happen again.  😊  She was so happy for the company and food and to get her nails done, and I had a great time chatting with her.  It was so fun hanging with the girls and I hope I'm doing as well as she is when I'm 98!

I came very close to enrolling in a nail tech program in December (because it has been pointed out to me many times that I should, and I finally agree), but I was unsure of what my employment situation/schedule would be once this year got started, so I didn't.  We also didn't have $6000 laying around for the course, which was also a big factor.  Hopefully financial things will ease up with my teaching gig starting this week.  We'll see.  But it's definitely on my to-do list this year or next, if I can make it happen.

I follow a lot of nail communities and I think my work is comparable to what many techs can do.  I just haven't studied all of the safety/cleaning stuff and don't have my hours working under supervision to prove that I can.  But if I had my credentials, I could do some volunteer hours and I think that would be fun.  It's just not something I would be comfortable doing without a license, (and probably isn't legal).

***

When I got home, Shaun had done some cleaning and things looked nice.  I wanted to watch a video on YouTube that comes out on Sundays; it's a series I follow and it's just like, 12-ish minutes, usually.  Then Shaun had a video to show me.  Then he wanted to order pizza.  Then that was waiting.  Then I could hear Tort Baby scraping around in the dining room (which is why I don't work in there, despite that being where my desk lives), and Shaun was watching a loud show, and the neighbor started making noise, which put Bear in Beast-Mode (running around roaring/growling because he hears something he can't identify), and I just... had to go upstairs and get in my bed.  Shaun is great and turned off the show when I told him I was getting sensory overload, but it was too late.  I woke up around 8.

When I woke up, I talked to the kids for a bit and then came downstairs.  Shaun wanted to watch something and have his ice cream, so we put on a show, then shortly after the kids came down and started talking to us (over the show).  Shaun didn't pause it fast enough and I started heading towards overload again.  And Kira wanted to use the blender to make nice-cream.  So I put in earplugs while she did that, then toughed out the show, and thankfully I am finally alone.

I have a couple of things on my to-do list today, but I still haven't accomplished them, because, well, I slept from 4-8.  Now the kids are upstairs, Shaun and the dogs are asleep, and the cats (except for Toebean) are being chill.  Toe is over here throwing paws because he wants attention/to get in my lap, but I need to update my resume and get some things ready for class to start this week.

***

I feel like this is pretty representative of my daily struggle, except that for some reason my sensitivity is turned up to 11 today.

I will have a list of things to do, but if I get trapped on the couch *with Shaun*, it's game over for me.  That sounds so stupid because I am about to do my tasks on my laptop, here from the couch where I'm comfortable and my legs don't dangle and I have my warm blanket and cat snuggles, but I am just more comfortable alone.

A lot of times he'll put on a headset and watch something or play a game in silence next to me and that's fine, but I really do hate how often he encourages me to get sucked into watching the TV.  He is a distraction.  A sweet one, but a distraction, nonetheless.  😆  I guess there are worse things he could be.  😝

I still haven't added a lot of things to my calendar like I've been meaning to, but maybe I can do some of that tonight after I do my two planned tasks.  Maybe I'll add quiet hours or focus hours or something, too.  I think that would be a good idea.

Anyway.  I'm off to check my things off my list, finally.  I just had to empty my brain so it could focus.

❤❤❤

Last night was a little rough.

Last night was a little rough.

Scar, my kitty cat, has been having some tummy trouble for a while. He has IBD and the manufacturer of the food he was doing really well on shut down. I switched him to the most similar diet I could find, but he's been having diarrhea and vomiting.

Last night was the perfect storm, I guess. He usually sleeps on my pillow. I woke up to the techno beats that indicate a vomit was on the way, so I sat up and grabbed a hand full of tissue to catch it. (I hate moving them when they're in distress like that. I always worry I'll move them at the wrong time and they'll choke or something.)

Anyway, I managed to catch most of his vomit, but when he heaved, he also squirted diarrhea onto me and the bed. So at 1:30 this morning I was cleaning the cat and changing the sheets.

I've taken his dry food up since that seems to be what he vomits up. I'm going to give him a few days on wet food only, and if that doesn't help, we're heading to the vet. I'm also considering trying to cook for him. It's ridiculous because I can barely feed myself, but it's so much easier to care for others than it is to care for me.

One of my friends posted a helpful video...

One of my friends posted a helpful video that said to have "default foods" ready for when I'm not functional.

Since probably August, my unintentional default breakfast has been protein toaster waffles. I have some egg powder that I need to try again, but that's gotta wait for a day that I have more bandwidth available. Maybe I'll see if I can make them tomorrow.

Anyway, the rest of the day is a toss up and usually ends up being junk. Since I have the energy today, I've started some black beans and rice. I would love it if I could make food for myself most days, but I don't know how that's gonna go. Maybe I can add making rice to my breakfast routine so I at least have that to fall back on later in the day. One thing I don't do is skip my morning routine. No matter what time I get up, I do the same things. 😅 Plain rice would definitely be a healthier dinner than cookies and milk. 😬

Anyway, I've done most of my laundry today and not much else. I have energy, so that's probably not going to be a good thing at bedtime. But I gotta learn how to navigate this cycle somehow. Hopefully, the night doesn't end with me deep-cleaning the whole house or whatever. It's usually something like that when I feel this way.

I'm probably gonna watch a show with Shaun and then start putting tasks in my calendar. Even skate days and times. We'll see if that can feel ok or like something I'll try to stick to.

I got up before noon. I showered. I started some laundry.

I got up before noon. I showered. I started some laundry.

I'm about to do a little more laundry (including putting things away!), then do some scheduling on my computer.

I feel like I want to do everything on my list RIGHT NOW, but I'm trying really hard to be cognizant of the fact that that's how I go into burnout. I want to stop the cycle. I'm not super sure how, but being aware and mindful is hopefully a good start.

I was never one to be hyperactive daily, but the way I'm itching to move my body today makes me think that I am in bursts, and that's when I have tended to get things done. Instead of putting all of my focus on tasks that need to be done (like I have in the past), should I do some self care? Should I go skating?! I always put self-care last and then it tends not to happen, so that would definitely be a change for me.

I don't really know how to manage myself, and my assessment is still a couple of weeks away, but this go-hard/crash-and-burn cycle is so exhausting and unhealthy. I really want to be better. I just don't know how yet.

I accomplished a few small things today...