As I've mentioned before, I've been using AI to navigate back from Autistic Burnout while I wait to get into therapy (I did hear back from my therapist and she said she doesn't do the therapy I need, but will get me a list of providers that do).
With the help of AI, I've been learning to budget my energy and have stayed level for the last couple of weeks. There has been a lot of guilt-free resting and a lot of naps. When I have a good or bad day, I tell AI what happened and it points out stressors that I didn't even realize I had, or ways that I did (or can in the future) make accommodations for myself.
I had planned to go to a tech meetup tonight. I love going and networking with other nerds [endearing] and being social with people, but after I stayed up so late doing plant stuff last night/this morning, I decided not to go.
So what had happened was...
A few days ago I brought down my upstairs plants for repotting. They were in the way down here and we kept shuffling them around. Shaun asked me if I could take them back up, so after I taught class on Thursday, I went on a repotting spree because I REALLY didn't want to take them back up without fresh dirt. That's how I ended up staying up until 4 this morning working on plants.
I did more than I had to and stayed up even after I was tired which is not ideal, but I was in THE ZONE and just went for it.
So this morning I woke up at 10, didn't feel super great, did my morning routine, and ended up going back to sleep until 2. I felt better after that. But I didn't feel like going out and being social. My hands and nails are wrecked from the repotting. I didn't want to do the things I'd need to do to feel comfortable going out, like showering.
So... I spent the rest of the day in the greenhouse with my plants, and it was quite nice. I watered more than half, picked off dried leaves, and cleaned a little. I'm disgusting now and will be showering and going to bed soon, but it was a day well-spent. I hope to finish what I started in the greenhouse tomorrow after my UI/UX class.
While going to the tech social would have been fun, it also would have been a drain on my energy - the getting ready to go, the driving, the masking around people, the discomfort of my clothes, the noise. All of that on top of me not being at 100% already today from going to bed so late. And I do have to attend class in the morning. I do have plans on Sunday. So I needed to cut one thing out to replenish my energy budget, and this time it was the tech social.
It's so weird because I never ever once thought of my energy in these terms, or events/outings in terms of what they "cost" me, energy-wise. I don't know if most people do think this way, or if most people feel these things intuitively, but I definitely did not. Before, if you needed help, I was coming. If you wanted to hang out, I was there. Help you move? 💪 Where to?
Now, I'm checking in with myself, looking at my week, and making an informed decision.
This is all so very different than how I've operated for the last 23-ish years of my life, but I feel like I'm finally taking care of myself. And it feels nice!
