I am officially on vacation from one job for a couple of weeks.

I am officially on vacation from one job for a couple of weeks.  That will give me time to be sure I'm ready for mid-terms.  The college is only closed on Monday and Tuesday for Independence Day, so I will still be working there except for those two days, plus I've got another job planned for the rest of the down-time after that.  Only a little rest for the weary this time!   😂😂😂😭😭😭

For real, though, I'm cool.  Sacrifices must be made, but this 4-day weekend is going to help a lot.  I'm trying to work as much as I can until August because things are up in the air after that.

I was about to take a shower, but I guess I need to go outside and see why this fire truck is spot-lighting the side of my yard / the neighbor's house.  Oh, and now there is a cop.  Wonderful.

Edited to add:  Everyone has cleared out.  I don't know what that was.  Except more motivation to work my ass off and get us OUT OF HERE.

Calculus has turned back into numbers, graphs...

Calculus has turned back into numbers, graphs, and even some kinematic-type stuff from Physics. I can't express how much relief that brings me. This feels better.

Btw, I made a 38 on the last test. Thankfully, there will be a chance to re-take it. I will do better next time. I already feel better knowing that everything is not just proof-type stuff for the rest of the semester. That would have probably forced me to drop a class for the first time. Math without numbers is NOT COOL. 👎

I feel this today. I feel out of control lately. It is not a good feeling.

I feel this today.  I feel out of control lately.  It is not a good feeling.

Over the weekend I ate a whole box of Oatmeal CREME PIES by myself (happy, Shaun? [he gives me crap when I call them "cookies"]).  I have been sleeping like I hate myself - staying up WAYYY later than I need to just to mess with nail stuff or watch TV (in other words, to relax and have fun).  Even on my best days I struggle to maintain a schedule.  I hate feeling confined, and that is exactly what having a schedule feels like to me.  It honestly takes work and effort for me to stay on track.  I spent almost a whole month being a good girl (staying on track), but now I feel like I've hit a brick wall when it comes to motivation.  It is gone.

I feel like if I drank or did drugs I'd be on a bender right now.  I know that most people don't understand why I steer clear of all of that, but this is why.  Addiction runs in my family.  If "cutting loose" or "losing control" to me means sleeping when I want and eating like crap, then this is plenty bad enough for me.  This is one area of my life in which I feel proud to be a lightweight.  I feel really awful (both physically and emotionally right now), and I know that I need to get myself together.  The hard part is actually doing it.

I thought at some point in life I'd wake up and be an "adult," where having a set schedule would just be normal and I'd be good at it.  It hasn't happened yet.  I can do it for a while, but I always eventually go on a junk food / sleeping wrong rampage.  I would honestly prefer to binge on work / school, then have some days off to recover.  I know that is not healthy, but I suck at moderation, so... I don't know what to do about that.  What's even more messed up is that I don't really have time to deal with it - even if there was a solution.

So with that I'm gonna play this song a few more times while I get ready for class.  I guess I will go through the motions of being back in control until it really happens.  🙁

I should be studying, but I have a headache and I'm in a bad mood.

I should be studying, but I have a headache and I'm in a bad mood.  So... I edited my nail pics and here I am instead.  😬

I've been wanting to try my hand at doing marble / stone nails, but it's so hit or miss whether they turn out nice.  There are quite a few techniques that will get a similar look, but I never found one before now that would give me consistent results.  I did some for Shaun once that looked nice, but I couldn't make it happen again for myself with that same technique, so it was pretty frustrating.

I'm gonna keep this short because I am a tired grump and I have emails and other notifications to deal with, but believe it or not I did these WITH A SYRINGE.  I saw a quick tutorial on Instagram, so I was like "Why not?"  Funny thing is - this is the backside of the polish - the flip side of what the person in the tutorial had showing on her nails, but I liked it better, so whatever.  😜

I hope you all are having a good week.  I have not yet recovered from yesterday, but hopefully I will soon.  ❤

Despite setting two alarms I woke up at 8:28...

Despite setting two alarms I woke up at 8:28... two minutes before I was supposed to be at my first job.

I don't do coffee, but there is no tea in my house.  I just made tea late Sunday night.

I guess today IS another day.  Looks like it might be another rough one, though.  Hopefully it will turn around.

And with that... off I go.

I'm heading to bed. It was not a good day, and I'm ready to be done with it.

I'm heading to bed. It was not a good day, and I'm ready to be done with it.

I know I failed that Calculus test, but I think I can recover.  Doing a bad job on that test wasn't the only upsetting thing that happened to me today, though; I found out after the test via email that I missed out on some financial help through no fault of my own.  I feel pretty let down... and of course since I am broke I am upset about that.  Yes, Shaun has my back, but I feel good when I can pay my own bills.

I had myself a good cry in the car before I went home.  I didn't sleep well last night and I was having some serious nerves before the test today, so I just needed to let it out.  Shaun ordered and picked up some pizza for me, so we hung out and chowed down once I got home.  That helped a lot.  That, and all of you being so supportive.  🙂

So, I am 100% sure that theoretical math is not something I will ever do by choice.  If I do go back for my masters in math one day it will have to be an applied route or something.  I know that most people don't like mixing their numbers and letters in math, but when you take the numbers out and it's basically all letters - well, that is some messed up stuff, and I am NOT into it.  LOL

Anyway, I'm getting in my bed right now and hopefully tomorrow will be better.  Oh, and at least my nails are pretty.  😉😛  (Pics soon-ish, I hope.)

Despite having an hour left to complete my Calculus test...

Despite having an hour left to complete my Calculus test I just turned it in half-done. I don't know what to say for myself besides that I'm tired. I'm tired and I don't want to do this anymore. 🙁

I really hope this feeling passes.

Ah, summer classes.

Ah, summer classes. Test the first half of class, then class the last half of class. Sounds thrilling.

Anxiety to the max.

The weather is NICE right now.

Rambling. You were warned.

Rambling.  You were warned.

I did Shaun's nails last night. I told him some days ago I might want to try some things on him and he didn't let me forget.  LOL  None of them are the same - I just mostly practiced doing a gradient with a sponge.  They are all in black, red, and silver.  Some of them look great; others are just "Meh."  I'm still wearing my sexy nails, but I might change them later today.  I guess we'll see.  I have another Calculus test tomorrow (yes, already!), so there is that.

Mid-terms are coming up in about a week.  😳  Even though it's my last semester at GSCC I'm glad it's flying by.  I'm tired.  I feel so spoiled that I'm even trying to think this way, but I think me and Shaun need a few days away before I start JSU.  I've been all work, too (pick one: [exhausted / overwhelmed / grumpy / sickly / stressed / depressed]) to play - for like, two years.  🙁  I am not good at moderation, so when I go - I go HARD.  School has been the focus, so everyone / everything else has not.  😞

It sucks when you can see someone every day and still miss them.  This is no way to live, but if changing your life was easy, everyone would do it.  I'm just grateful for Shaun's support and patience; I could not do this without him.  Shadow has been great, too.  He never asks for anything, he stays out of trouble, and he helps around the house and yard, as well as with the animals.  Since he lives here it is easier to find moments to connect with him, but he's a teenager now with his own life coming into focus, so it's not like he's bothered by me being busy.

I don't know.  I think I am just feeling reflective today.  I wish I could explain to you all how much going to school has changed my life.  I know - I'm not done and I don't have that money job yet, but it has changed my mentality A LOT, which is no little deal.  For the first time ever I feel like I have some say (or at least more choices) in how my life will go.  I have a vision of how I'd like things to be.  I have something to work towards and the means to get there.  My mind is pretty constantly blown by this.

Before I was just doing the best I could with the hand I was dealt, (which is a valuable skill to have), but to suddenly begin having opportunities appear?!  It feels weird, and amazing, and I kind of don't know what to do with myself at times.  I don't know.  Maybe I keep my head down because I'm working so hard, but when I do finally look up at the horizon and see what's waiting I get excited.  Sometimes I am bummed because of how far I have left to go, but I'm always closer than the last time I looked, so that is something.  LOL

I'm having the feels today.  The last two years have been emotional and trying for many reasons - some good things, some really bad, but the important part is the steady progress towards a brighter future.  I am tired from this journey, but hopefully a change of scenery (JSU) will refresh me.  Hopefully, being able to work if and when I can / want to over the next couple of years will allow me to rest and and replenish myself.  I feel like I've given too much of myself to those who don't properly value me over the last few years, but it was out of necessity.  I am thankful that those days are coming to a close.

Anyway.  This is too much.  This is me attempting to process and it has worn me out.  I think I need a Sunday afternoon nap.

Last night was one of those nights...

Last night was one of those nights where even though my mani was hanging on I was ready for something different.  And I wanted something kind of moody, which is why my ring finger is wearing her lingerie.  😉  Her fishnets are ripped and she doesn't even care!  😳

"Sheer black" is a thing that was popular for a while.  It might be over now, but I still see it on nail art pages on Instagram, so whatever.  😜  At first I hated the way it looked, but I guess it grew on me.  I'm sure that someone sells a sheer black by now, but I mixed my own.  That's probably my first and last foray into frankening my own polish.  It's wasn't hard or anything, but it's nothing I care to do.  I just added drops of black polish to a bottle of clear until it looked about how I wanted it to.

Anyway, nothing new here - no fancy nail art techniques or anything.  I am wearing two of my most favorite colors; Kinbaku by Femme Fatale and Cyber Punk by Vapid, so in this case the polish IS the art.  There is really nothing else needed to make your claws pop when you have such pretty polishes to wear.  I am not sure if these will last the weekend - I'm almost certain that I will want to play in polish again, but Shaun has offered to let me paint him up, so I just might.  😁

I've got chills. I hope...

So these are the nails I did over the weekend...

So these are the nails I did over the weekend and despite them not coming out just how I envisioned I am quite pleased with them.  The plan was to have them start with purple and end with blue, but my nails weren't long enough for that many colors in the gradient.  I think if I'd used a striping brush to put the colors on the sponge I could have made it happen... but, I used the brushes from the bottles, so the lines of polish were thicker.

I feel so excited that I can do gradients now.  The colors of this one actually reminded me of one that I did FIVE YEARS AGO.  I went back and looked at it and OH MY GOSH.  I can't believe y'all were liking my nail posts back then.  🤣🤣🤣  (But thank you for doing it.  I needed the encouragement, clearly.)

The link to that post is below, if you need a laugh.  I would say that I'm embarrassed of that photo, except that I'm not.  You gotta start somewhere and that was taken just maybe a year after I discovered nail art, so I was a total newb at many of the techniques.  So if you have room to improve, worry not.  Keep practicing and you'll get there.  Isn't it amazing how much we can change over time?

https://www.facebook.com/photo/?fbid=384523961599793&set=a.223076894411168

183 / 200 on that Calculus test. I made an A! 😀😀😀

183 / 200 on that Calculus test. I made an A! 😀😀😀

Sneak Peek at what just happened to my nails.

Sneak Peek at what just happened to my nails. They inadvertently look like the Instagram logo. 😂😂😂

I don't usually post nudes, but... I am right now.

I don't usually post nudes, but... I am right now.  I am in shock and awe that these nails are attached to my fingers.  😳  I don't think they have ever all been this long, and I know that they have never looked so healthy.

After a week with no nail catastrophes on Cindy with her stilettos I decided to go ahead and re-shape my right hand last night.  I also cleaned all of the polish off my fingers and toes, so I have naked nails all around.  I'm about to have something to eat and then I'm gonna start painting.  😁

I think that my Bliss Kiss Simply Pure Nail Oil is finally taking effect.  I've been using it for months, but my nails still peeled and warped.  I have to take into consideration that Psoriatic disease affects not only skin and bones, but can ruin nails, as well.  So yes, I naturally have ridges and dents and brittle, peeling nails, but I think that the oil has helped tremendously.  That, and keeping them polished so they have some reinforcement.

Anyway, I'm off to go throw some paint down before I break one of these.  LOL  Happy weekend, friends!  ❤

I'm dyin'.

I'm dyin'. Booka has discovered that if he lets Nom climb on him just enough that standing up suddenly will flip Nom over.

🤣🤣🤣

I just spent 3.5 hours taking that Calculus test. 😬

I just spent 3.5 hours taking that Calculus test. 😬 Poor old Cindy is dead. So is my brain. It's mush.

Nom is hanging in my room with me.

I've been studying for my Cal test.  I don't feel too bad about it, which is nice.  Although from past experience all that means is that I will fail it while feeling good. 🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭

Nom is hanging in my room with me.  He's never been more quiet or still than he is now.  What has tamed this rude, horny, teenage boy with an attitude?  His reflection.  😂😂😂  He's been quietly looking at himself in the mirror for a good 10 minutes now.  He is the teenage son I never had because Shadow has been amazingly awesome despite the horrors I hear about having a human teen in the house.  I guess I don't get entirely out of paying those dues, though.  😜😁😁

Studying.

Studying. Hanging with Shaun. And thinking about grounding Nom.

😂😂😂

He's being so bad! If be would stop chasing everyone we'd be cool. He rammed Shaun's foot yesterday when he tried to stop him.  😂😂😂

Guess who just learned how to plot points in 3D.

I don't normally take nail pics in full sunlight...

I don't normally take nail pics in full sunlight (because of shadows) but considering that I did something weird and I'm not sure how long they'll last I have made an exception.

So... this time you get a surprise visit from my Cindy hand!  (In the nail art world, Cindy is short for Cinderella - the hand that does all of the work, but doesn't get seen).  In my case she's the left one because I'm a south paw.  She doesn't always match the right hand and is often used as the "test" hand for me to make sure that whatever I'm doing is going to look ok for the hand I'm gonna post.  😜🤣🤣🤣  However, today I made a point of dressing her like the right hand so she would be somewhat presentable.  My poor lefty is never quite as pretty (though I'm a good bit ambidextrous) because she is my dominant hand and those nails are always broken and that polish chips first, not to mention the testing.

If you haven't spotted the difference between them yet, here it is:  I experimented with a new nail shape at about 4:30 this morning.  😳😳😳  Cindy is wearing baby stilettos!  I have been updating my Pinterest with a lot of nail art recently (that whole cleaning out my bookmarks and folder of screencaps thing), and I guess I felt inspired to try something new.  To be perfectly honest I've never been happy with my nail shape and I figured it was time to put some effort into it.

For those of you who can grow your nails long and they will stay even and pretty - I am jealous.  Mine have never been that way.  They start to curl once they reach a certain length.  Some curl worse than others, so even if I have done the same thing to them all it doesn't necessarily look as though I have.  🙁  I'm sure that some of this is genetic, but also when I was a kid I did bite my nails for a while, as well as pick the skin at the sides a lot, so I'm sure there is scarring from all of the mistreatment.  ☹️☹️☹️

Since the curling happens at my edges I thought "What would happen if I just took the edges off?"  LOL  I actually really like the way my pinky and ring finger look on my left hand.  My middle finger took the brunt of my picking as a child, so it will probably always look wonky.  And my pointer finger is almost always shorter than the rest due to breakage, but it did look better this morning.  At some point during all of my painting and prep it got caught in my scissor and nicked, so I had to file it down even shorter.  If you are curious about my Cindy thumb, it is still round (because who cares about her, right?!).  😆😆😆

I read that this is not the strongest nail shape, but if it doesn't work out that's ok.  It's on good old lefty for testing purposes.  😂😂😂  I treat my nails a lot like my hair - if I hate it, I will cut it off and it will grow back.  No biggie.  But out of curiosity, what do you think?  Fight to keep them round-ish, or maybe go with the stiletto shape?  The ones that turned out nice (pinky and ring finger) I'm really kind of digging.

Also, this nail art is one I've wanted to do for like, THREE YEARS.  😳  I usually don't just straight up rip off other people's work, but I have so much studying to do that I couldn't dedicate my brain power to ideas today.  Below is a link is to the blog where I first saw this and I basically just copied what she did (not exactly, but so very close).  She is one of my favorite nail bloggers, so hopefully it would be seen as flattery and not me taking credit for her work - especially since I am minding my internet manners and giving her credit for the idea.

Anyway, I'm off.  I've got my nails done for the week and Calculus is calling me.  I'll be back later.  ❤

https://www.thenailasaurus.com/2014/02/lacquer-legion-adoration-nail-art.html

Pardon my messy floor. They've been into everything.

Pardon my messy floor. They've been into everything.

But seriously... They've just been chillin' like this for some minutes now. 😂😂😂

I've been sitting here doing Calculus for hours.

I've been sitting here doing Calculus for hours.  My butt hurts and I need to check on my animals.  Also, two of my nails have started popping polish, so I guess it might be time for a break.  😃

This is ONE PROBLEM...

This is ONE PROBLEM that we are going to have something similar to on our Cal test on Wednesday.  😳  I, uh... am working on it.  Who said anything about freaking out?  😕

Carmen or Seth:  I'm sure it's something simple that eludes me at the moment, but why does that 4 turn negative near the end?  I'm having a moment.  😂😂😂😭😭😭

Yesterday was better as far as my brain...

Yesterday was better as far as my brain and so far, today is, too.  Thank goodness for that!

I'm ill because I did a literature quiz yesterday evening and made a 6/10.  The semester just started so I'm gonna be fine, but DANG.  I wanted to do better.  LOL

We have a 6-page, 200-point Calculus test on Wednesday, so I'm going to be studying all weekend.  Thankfully, I have no more lit due until after the test so I will be able to focus on Cal.  I really like what we're doing in that class so far, but dang - it's A LOT to do at once!

Hopefully, I can make time to do my nails this weekend even though the bright unicorn polish is holding on (except for the thumb on my practice hand - who's polish mysteriously popped off in one piece.  That one is now wearing pink with glitter.)  They still look great after a week, but I'm not sure I can stretch that paint job into two weeks without a nail casualty.  I'm a picker so if my polish starts flaking up I'm in trouble if I can't get it off with remover ASAP.  Better safe than sorry and it's not like I won't be able to use a break from studying.

Well, we've made it to another Friday.  I hope you all are doing well.  I'm gonna get myself to work so I can come home and do school work.  LOL  That's the story of my life.  😜  Later, friends!  ❤

Y'all... I'm gonna spare you the audio...

Y'all... I'm gonna spare you the audio that goes with this (even though it is hilarious), but Nom is a boy.  Definitely a boy, and a teenage boy at that.  😳  We have been flashed I don't know how many times, and well... let's just say that there have been puddles.  😳😳😳

I don't know what to do to help him out.  I guess I will just let him do his thing until he feels better.  We'll just try to stay out of his way.

[Edited to Add:  Shaun has posted a video in the first comment for anyone who wants to see / hear this ridiculousness.]

I napped a little.

I napped a little. It helped. I'm going over my rectangular equations / polar coordinate notes for Calculus. Neat stuff. 😁

Not feeling it today. 🙁

Not feeling it today. 🙁 I slept last night, but I'm tired. And that application to UAB for the Humira trial is is gonna be a process that requires a lot of work from me (in the form of scrounging up financial documents from like, every source - as if I have time for that).  Also, I have the chills and my skin is not cool.  Wonderful.

I'm home.

I'm home.  Gonna be working a lot this semester between two jobs and school.  Needless to say, I am tired.

Since I started not taking Celexa I've been having "brain zaps."  It's a completely weird electrical sensation in my head that is supposedly harmless.  Added to the vertigo / dizzy feeling - it's a little much.  I noticed that it wasn't as bad this morning, but as the day wore on it got worse.  I think rest is a good thing for me right now... if only I could find time to do it!

I feel like a nap is in order.  It was a long day.  And I have homework, of course, but I don't feel that I can concentrate on anything at the moment.  I guess a nap is just what has to happen if I want to be productive anymore today.  (Which I do.  Of course I do!)

Later, friends.  I hope your week is going well.  I'm trying to get myself sorted out so my week can (hopefully) go well, too.  🙂

Nail pic! Woohoo! 😃

Nail pic!  Woohoo!  😃

So this may not look that spectacular, but I tried a new nail art technique and unlike my nail fail the other day it turned out great.  This is something that I've wanted to try for ages, but due to my packed schedule and never really feeling like I had time to "play," I just didn't get to it.  I guess I'll go ahead and clue you in:  The thing I wanted to try was gradient stamping!

The background image is stamped, but with 3 different polish colors (ranging from blue to green).  It's done like regular stamping, except that you put your chosen colors down in whatever pattern you want (as opposed to just one color covering the image), and then you scrape the excess polish off.  I found that I needed to use a light hand so I could mix the colors during the scrape.  Stamping polish notoriously dries fast (meaning that if you aren't quick you can't pick it up on your stamping head and even if you can, it might be too dry to stick to your nail), so you've gotta be quick.  I scraped over each of these backgrounds about 3 times to get a nice gradient.

I tried this over white because I wanted to be able to see just how good of a job I did (or didn't) do.  I'm not usually a fan of wearing white polish, but it's summer and these are bright, so that's ok.  I ALMOST decided to wear just the gradient, but by later in the afternoon I was like "Nah.  Where's the fun in that?"  🤣🤣🤣

It feels kind of like a cop-out that I chose to wear another unicorn so soon, but I feel like this background was screaming for her.  The plate was sitting on my table from being used previously and when I saw her little happy self - I just knew.  🦄🦄🦄  After that, it was easy enough to paint in some stars for color variety.

Anyway, that's my mani for the week.  I have no idea if / when I'll get to paint again, but I'm hoping that I will have time at least every weekend.  It is such a stress relief and I don't really have any other creative outlets at the moment, so I need this in my life.  💅💅💅😁😁

I always have my feelings at this tree.

I always have my feelings at this tree. Poor thing. He probably thinks I'm crazy.

Doctor appointment went ok...

Doctor appointment went ok. We're going to try to get me on a Humira trial at UAB. I have phone calls to make and paperwork to do. I hope it works out.

A few things:

A few things:

I've decided that I'm ok in my online class.  Getting started was scary, but now that I'm doing it I feel better.  I guess I just had to get in there and see what it was about.

I'm going to the doctor tomorrow.  I hope they will see me before I have to leave for Calculus.  I have been having dizziness / vertigo for about a week.  I also really need medication for my psoriatic inflammation.

On another health-related note:  I'm off Celexa.  I never meant to take it long-term, but for whatever reason it seemed to have been exacerbating my vertigo issues lately.  I cut it down to half for a while, but it got to where I couldn't even tolerate that.  I don't know what is happening, but emotionally I'm ok.  I just needed to get past the stress and sadness of last year.

I tried a new thing on my nails today.  I'm happy about it.  I'll post a picture tomorrow.  🙂

Happy beginning of the week, friends!  🙂

I've never had a fully online class before now...

I've never had a fully online class before now, and I've gotta say - I'm having anxiety about staying on top of everything.  It feels really not cool not seeing a teacher.  When I logged in yesterday and read all of the things I had to do I felt so overwhelmed.  I should probably not be shocked that I woke up at 5:20 this morning with my shoulders up under my ears and feeling like I'd been stabbed in the head.  😕

Adding to the theme of things not going so well - I've had a lot of issues with vertigo / the room spinning this week.  I haven't been doing anything weird, but I did have a swimmy head a while back and cut down on my Celexa to half a dose.  That seemed to help for a few weeks, but then all of the dizziness / motion sickness started.  I was so rushed yesterday that I forgot to take my half a Celexa and I felt less weird.  So I skipped it again today.  I'm wondering if it is just time to come off of it...

I'm not sure what I'm going to do regarding Celexa yet.  I'm going to the doctor on Monday to see if my PsA might have something to do with my dizziness.  The little bones in your ears can get inflamed, too, so that could definitely be a contributing factor (and I can tell that I'm flaring because my skin and bones hurt).  So it could be my PsA or I could be having a reaction to Celexa or it could just be something else altogether.  I have no idea, but I hate that things started to go wonky at the beginning of the semester.  I had all of those weeks off of school to feel bad.  😂😂😂

Anyway, I'm off to get some things printed for my Literature class.  Hopefully if I get my binder all set up and some things in order I will feel better about the whole deal.  I hope y'all are doing well.  I have so much homework already so if I'm absent on the interwebs - that is why.  Be well, friends.  ❤