New couch.

New couch. Already in covers because that's life with animals. We'll get matching sheets soon, but this works. Pardon the messiness, but we've been so busy with the move.

I love that Booka claimed the lounge. Smallest boy gets the biggest chair. 😂😂😂 We have recliners with seats wide enough that Shaun and I can sit in one together - or not.

We took the rest of our old sectional to the kids today and it looks great in their apartment. Fits perfectly. Life here with only that piece left was not too harmonious. All of the animals wanted to sit with me and Shaun but they couldn't all fit so that was causing some cranky, sad animals. This is better. 

I'm hoping after one more day working at the old house I'll be done. I'm so ready. I'm tired down in my bones. I'm off to rest. I think I've earned it. Goodnight, friends!

I'm just floppy dead.

I think the last few weeks of moving / cleaning / purging stuff has finally caught up to me. I'm just floppy dead - even though I slept all night. I got word that we're getting our reclining couch today and I'm happy, but I also don't want to move to go get it. Maybe a quick nap with my dogs will do me some good.

"Well, that could have been a lot worse."

Today was a little rough. The theme seems to have been "Well, that could have been a lot worse."

Mom borrowed a truck and helped me move more stuff from the kids' house. We made 4 trips to the thrift store meaning we loaded and unloaded the truck that many times. Then we loaded up a giant chair the kids wanted from Shaun. Thankfully, he had just gotten off work and was able to help with that. Then we all 3 loaded up the truck one final time with things for mom to take home. It was exhausting.

While we were at the house we saw my soon-to-be ex-neighbor. She and her nephew bummed cigarettes from mom. She asked to have one of the things we were going to donate. I let her have it, half - expecting for her to try to "shop" from the back of the truck all day. It definitely could have gone that way, but thankfully it didn't.

I learned that she still lives there and is "fighting to keep her house." She said that the tornado that came through recently is responsible for my fence being down, but I have photos proving otherwise. I really don't care at this point. I asked her what was up with all of the stuff outside and she said that her new boyfriend is "a little messy." She said they go dumpster diving and she wants to open a thrift store in her yard because "how else is she going to make money?"

After all of the work was done Shaun and I were in a small car accident. We are fine, but my little Cube is not. She's at the car surgeon getting her face done because it was ripped off. I was in the median of 431 trying to turn into the left lane. A car was coming in the right lane; I saw it. We touched anyway. I honestly couldn't tell you if I pulled out too wide (which I feel doesn't make sense because I saw them) or if they decided to switch lanes / swerve over at the worst possible moment, but I took the brunt of the damage. They ended up with a long scrape and a dent. No one was hurt, thankfully, so that definitely could have gone a lot worse.

Other than that our place is a cluttered mess and it's getting to me. I've been going through stuff from the kids' house and garage and trying to decide what to keep, donate, or trash. I've brought several totes of stuff home and haven't fully gone through it yet. Disorganization really messes with my brain so I feel anxious. I feel like I have spent most days over the last 2 weeks moving stuff or going through stuff. I REALLY hope I can wrap it up for the most part by this weekend so I can put my focus back on school and wind down a little.

Overall I've felt pretty decent, but I've had 2 or 3 migraines sprinkled in. It's like either I'm in bed early and awake early and just running until I can't or I get a headache I can't shake and lose most of the day.

Anyway, I have class in the morning so I'm done with social media for the night. I hope that you all are doing well. Goodnight, Internet!

Right now I'm feeling the need to share some memories I have of a friend gone too soon.

Right now I'm feeling the need to share some memories I have of a friend gone too soon. I can't claim that we were ever close friends, but I think it's safe to say that we liked each other. If I'm not mistaken (and it's entirely possible that I am since this was over 30 years ago), I met her in preschool. 

She was different. I LIKE different. It was impossible not to notice her with her beautiful bright red hair. We played together as kids. I remember going to her house once. That was the first and only time I remember seeing the CareBears cartoon. I know she came to my house at least once. I distinctly remember us standing outside and her showing me that she could flip her ear cartilage. Neat.

Once we got to high school we shared the same homeroom every year in addition to having band together - on top of any other classes we may have had. I remember one year she had these slide sandals and she wore them all the time. The thing is she had long toes and kept them scrunched up. I always wondered if she naturally held her toes that way or if she just really didn't want to stop wearing those shoes. Beauty is pain and all that, especially in high school. 

I remember her goofiness. This one time in class (don't dare judge high school Holli for this - we were all this goofy once), she turned to me and said "I'm trisexual." After I replied "Do you mean bisexual?" she said "No, I'm trisexual because I'll try anything once." I'm pretty sure that was a well - executed joke, but no judgment from me regardless. I remember at the time not being sure if she was serious so I think I said "Oh, cool" or something in response. Gotta love that high school awkwardness. 

I remember her laugh. Her voice. Her manner of speaking. I remember how creamy and beautiful her skin was. I remember being a little jealous of her naturally beautiful bright red hair. I remember that she was friendly and open - minded. A little weird. Sometimes bold. This one time she came to school with her hair done in something like bantu knots. I think people were jerks about it, but I liked it and moreso the fact that she dared to be different in the first place. 

We walked together at high school graduation. We were paired that way and I'm not sure why. Alphabetically I would have been next to who I sat by in homeroom. In any case it was me and Holli, and I had bright green hair at the time so we were a noticeable pair. Though we lost touch after high school we reconnected when social media became a thing. When I was diagnosed with depression and put on medication she was one of the few who reached out to me via DM to offer support. When I had an assignment in college and needed to interview kids she asked her boys questions and recorded their answers for me.

I saw her just last year at Annicon with her boys. She was using a walker due to MS. That was the first time I'd seen her in person in years. It was a bit shocking to see her like that compared to the high school memories I have of her. But she was happy to be out enjoying the day with her kids even if it didn't look easy for her. I don't know what she was like as a mother, but I imagine very kind and understanding because she was always that way.

I'm going to end this here because I want to honor the memories I have of Holli. I have no bad ones, which is not always easy to say of high school peers. I'm grateful to have known you, Holli. Rest easy, my friend.

I've been feeling really good lately. Tired, but good.

I've been feeling really good lately. Tired, but good. We've got the kids mostly moved thanks to Dinorah and GrandMeta for the help. We've been purging as we go so I've made several trips to Secondhand Tails over the last two weeks. It will probably take me several more trips to be finished, but I'm glad to know that my old stuff will either be sold, used, or recycled to help the animals in this county.

School is going fine. I have a quiz in Differential Equations on Thursday. I think I'll be ready. I'm really excited about that class because I love Calculus and it uses a lot of Calculus. I still need to keep brushing up on my differentiating and integrating skills since it's been about 3 years since I've done it, but that's ok. Hopefully it all comes back and sticks.

I've really been enjoying having my cats with me. They are so cuddly and sweet. I love napping on the couch and waking up in a pile of animals. Shaun took a picture of me after a nap the other day and I thought about posting it but didn't. If anyone wants to see maybe I'll put it in the comments.

I love Shaun so much. I love that we do things together. We've been couch shopping lately because we're handing ours down to the kids and we are old and want recliners. 😂 Not just any recliners, though. The seat has to be wide enough to hold us both so we can recline together. We found one we really like and I hope we get it soon. Especially after all of this moving stuff. We're both hobbling around holding our backs. 😂😂😂 It's about to be time to recline!

We saw a groundhog today in Anniston. It was the first one Shaun's seen around here, but I saw one in Oxford a while back. They are so cute and kind of fat looking. I love seeing animals around.

Does anyone want to buy a pool table for cheap? It's *slightly* warped but fun to play on. It's wood and the top is red and the balls land in leather-ish ball-pouch things. You would have to have your own way to move it, but Shaun would help load it. It's stupid heavy. It's currently just taking up space.

I hope you all are doing well. I'm really ok right now and I'm honestly enjoying the hell out of it. 💕💗💓

I am getting so frustrated.

I am getting so frustrated. I'm trying to find shelves (not bookcases!) that are 45" in height.  I wouldn't mind a little taller or shorter (maybe + or - 3 inches), but every search I put in seems to dismiss the "H" and shows me 36" or 72" tall shelves.  It is super annoying.  I even used the quotation marks on Google.  Anyone know of any shelves in my height range or any better ways to search?

Balthazar and Booka napping. Of course Boo is snoring, but Balthie is putting up with it.

Balthazar and Booka napping. Of course Boo is snoring, but Balthie is putting up with it. 😂😍

Current photo of my neighbor's house.

Current photo of my neighbor's house. How many shopping carts can you find?

Gotta love how they stacked so much junk outside that they knocked down the privacy fence Shaun and I built between my house and theirs.

I drove by my house...

I drove by my house (where the kids live) and ran two arguing crackheads out of the yard. I was like "You need to get out of my yard, please." The guy puffed up and said "That's some bitch ass shit!" and the girl he'd been arguing with was like "Come on." and they left. Hopefully that's the end of it. But if not it's fine because WE GOT THE KEYS TO THE KIDS' APARTMENT TODAY!

If you'd told me 14 years ago when I bought my house that I'd one day be ready to dump it I wouldn't have believed you. I was so proud of myself for buying a house at 23 as a single parent. I felt RIDICULOUSLY accomplished. I couldn't afford anything expensive, but me and Shadow were happy and felt safe for many years. Unfortunately, things changed.

Norfolk Southern dug up the railroad tracks behind my house in preparation for what was "soon" supposed to be the Chief Ladiga Trail. That trail never did come to fruition, but worse than that removing the tracks caved in the drainage ditch behind me and no one gave a single fuck about us when my house flooded a foot deep because of it. Not Anniston, not Calhoun County, and certainly not Norfolk Southern. Since I wasn't in a flood zone, neither did Alfa insurance. 

After that my giant pecan trees started dropping huge, massive limbs on the house. I had insurance, but it was still scary and a hassle. I finally got my trees trimmed with my tax refund one year. Unfortunately, by that point I had already amassed a list of home repairs and improvements that needed to be done (including the flood damage), with exactly zero extra dollars to accomplish them. I did the best I could with every tax refund but once the neighborhood started declining I knew it was a lost cause. At that point I just did what I had to in order to keep the place livable and safe.

In 2017 my neighbor who'd moved away moved back in and has lived there without power and water ever since. Well, I suppose I should say she didn't have her own utilities turned on, but why would she need to do that when she could just steal mine? Yes, I ended up having to LITERALLY lock my outdoor faucet and my brother had to come disassemble some makeshift wiring from the back of my garage that went directly into one of her windows. Shaun ended up cutting power to my garage to ensure it wouldn't happen again. I don't know that it hasn't since my bill is so high recently, but it's about to not be my problem anymore.

No more hearing the thief neighbor yell and fight at all hours of the night. No more seeing her mess of stolen shopping carts and other random shit she's been accumulating. No more hearing the horns honking when people drive by like we don't know they're signaling to buy drugs. No more wondering who's squatting in the 3 "empty" houses across the street and if they mean us any harm. No more having to run crackheads off my property. No more finding used needles in the yard. No more being worried about being robbed or that the kids aren't safe. We. Are. Done.

I hate that I'm feeling so "good riddance" towards a place I once loved so dearly, but I can't help it. Too much has changed. I'm sad to leave all of my buried pets behind. I'm sad to never see my dog room again where so many fostered animals learned what love and a home felt like. I'm sad that we're leaving the place that Shadow was so excited to move into when he was young. I'm sad to leave the place where he spent all but 5 years of his childhood. I'm sad that something I was once so proud of turned out this way. This is a really bittersweet experience. But growing hurts so onward and upward!

Cats are so weird.

Cats are so weird. Scar, (the black and white cat), just got bathed intensely by Tobi (orange kitty) and Adrian (colorful kitty). I guess that gives them license to lay on his face while he sleeps?

Welcome aboard my emotional roller-coaster.

I was sitting on the couch working on school stuff. Music suddenly starts playing... and it sounds like it's coming from inside the house, but Shaun is asleep. I go check on things in the direction of the sound. Club Soda (aka Calypso) [a cat for those who are unfamiliar] has started playing a Tool video on the Google Home Hub in the kitchen. She looks quite pleased with herself.

I got a video clip, but during it I also discovered that my fish, Salamander, has passed away, so I'm not posting it.

Shaun asked me the other day...

Shaun asked me the other day why I was saving a bag of used up Air Wick air freshener bottles. Truthfully I didn't know when I started saving them up a few years back, but I didn't want to throw them away because they were perfectly good glass bottles. If I couldn't have found a purpose for them before the collection got out of hand I would have disassembled them and recycled what I could.

Well they have a purpose now! Today in my downtime I took them apart. I'm going to recycle the plastic pieces, wash the bottles, and use them for growing my succulents (who are surprisingly doing well with such wet feet!) I feel a lot better with only throwing the wicks in the trash. To me that's a decent reduction in waste and every little bit helps!

My depression has lifted...

My depression has lifted and I've felt pretty good for almost 2 weeks. I like to think that I'm pretty emotionally honest so it's only right to share the ups as well as the downs. I am so grateful for the good days I've been having. I'm enjoying not feeling stressed and tense all of the time. I've been active and productive instead of sleeping all day. I've been more interested in my ani-pals and my plants and my nail polish. I'm on top of my chores as well as knocking things off of my to-do list. The kids and I took advantage of the nice weather yesterday and started cleaning out the garage, which is no small feat.

I'm still on Lexapro for depression and Buspar for anxiety (obviously not quitting either since they are working). Sometimes my brain won't shut up and let me sleep so I take Melatonin. I found some old psoriasis cream in my bedroom and started putting it on my face so I can enjoy my skin for a while. Too bad it doesn't help the remainder of my body (not enough cream left and who has time to medicate literally hundreds of patches every day?), but I'll have insurance this year. It's ok. So things aren't perfect, but my mental health is pretty good and I'm going to make the most of it while it lasts.

I know a lot of you have been struggling as I have. I hope if that's still the case that you catch a break soon, as well. Hang in there. The better days are worth it. ❤️

I'm trying to leave my room...

I'm trying to leave my room so I can get some work done. Booka's napping and isn't going to let me get in the way of that. 😂😂😂 If I leave him here he'll just freak out when he wakes up. 🙄 "How could you leave me alone?!" I love this precious old bad boy.

Video

I watered some plants today. 😊😍

I watered some plants today. 😊😍

Baby succs, big succs, recovering succs... Lots and lots of succs.

Baby Toes bloomed the other day. This one is funny to me. 🙂

Me, my old doggies, and my tailless Tobi cat...

Me, my old doggies, and my tailless Tobi cat. Kitten chews everything (including my fingers - HARD) so much that we bought him chew toys. I'm sitting here enjoying not having to fight him off my hands and phone for the moment.

That feeling when...

Tfw you're tired and have other things to do, but you're sitting by your dog clipping her toenails one by one when she falls deep enough asleep. 😂😂😂😭😭😭

We just watched Joker...

We just watched Joker and it was really good. I don't say that about movies often, nor do I bother to stay awake for most. 😂 But this kept my attention the whole time. Nice!

Back to school today.

Back to school today. I was late for a few reasons and that was a bummer.

I got maybe 2 hours of sleep last night. I think I was feeling anxious about going back. Also, my boobs were (and still are) causing me an unreasonable amount of pain. On top of that I have several rather painful bruises from being more active over the last week so it was super fun trying to get comfortable. It's always something, I guess.

In any case I barely got to sleep before I had to get up. As you might imagine I had a hard time waking up and left later than I should have. Then once I got to school I had the wrong classroom number in my calendar. Therefore, I went to the wrong classroom. Empty. Professor's office, empty. I logged in to my JSU account and saw my error. Came in 10 minutes late and felt like a douche. But, I got there eventually so I guess that was something.

I came home after class and napped for a few hours. I'm up doing chores and about to have dinner with the kids so I suppose I'm ok. I'm going to go to bed early with some Melatonin and pain reliever tonight and try to get my schedule worked out. So it didn't start out on the best foot, but I think it's going to be fine. I'm excited about my classes so that's always a plus.

I hope you all had a good day. 😊 If not, try again tomorrow!

Pardon our mess...

Pardon our mess; we've been cleaning out closets and have bags and boxes of things to donate sitting around everywhere. But my old puppy playing makes my heart so happy that I'm posting this despite the mess. The days he feels good enough to play give me LIFE.

This is why I'm in school.

This is why I'm in school. We're leaving poverty behind.

I know that what I'm doing seems hard (and some of it really is), but if you'd told me before I started college that I'd be doing what I'm doing I probably wouldn't have believed you. I started at Gadsden State in remedial math, y'all. You never know what you can do until you TRY. There are enough free resources to play with that it's worth it (literally in money) to check it out. ❤️

Twin Spirit is with Sylvester 'CutZoo' Ogletree.

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Get up out of poverty! Read More Books. Take free online courses. Join YearUp!
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Black Hedge Fund Group Code + App Development Resources
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Photo Credit: Myya D. Jones

Shaun and I have both been cleaning...

Shaun and I have both been cleaning and organizing for the last few days. I don't care how lame this sounds, but I'm THRILLED with my "craft" closet. I have all of my jewelry and supplies in there. I also have packing materials, wrapping paper, tissue paper, gift bags, etc. in there; all organized and easily accessible. I told the kids and Shaun not to buy packaging for special occasions because I have us covered. Much of it is recycled because I can't bear to throw pretty things away. I just can't stand waste. I mean how would anyone know that the tissue paper in their gift bag was crinkled before? They wouldn't.

The other big thing I did was organize my nail polish stuff. The polish itself was sorted by color a few years ago with the help of Janet, but I've gotten a few gels over the last couple of years, as well as the chrome powders and transfers that you can use with them. I didn't realize that I had so many foils, either. That situation was pretty out of hand but it's under control now. In any case all of my gel stuff is sorted and I kind of feel inspired to do some nail art. I still have some things to accomplish around here first, though. We'll see.

Aside from that the only things worth mentioning are that I moved my betta (Salamander), into the kitchen, and our tarantula (Anansi), into the living room. I would like to buy some new shelves for my bedroom because the ones I have are very old and sagging under the weight of my plants and books, but that's not urgent (hopefully).

It feels nice to be doing things I care about. I'm pretty bummed that Shaun has to go back to work tomorrow but the time off was good for him. I've enjoyed spending time with him and the kids. And snuggling my old puppies on the couch. And having my cats home (we got them from the kids' house recently).

Things have been going surprisingly well considering that there are now 10 cats (yes, ten! 😲) in this house. Shaun's biggest worry was that they would pee everywhere, but we clean the boxes every day and it hasn't been an issue. Aside from the expected initial hissing everyone is getting along. I've missed Balthazar grooming my nails and Tobi (Orange) hopping around with his adorable no-tail having self. I've missed love bug Adrian and the weird way she drapes herself over the arm or back of the couch. I've missed Scar less because he was more Shadow's cat, but they'll be reunited soon. Anyway, it's good. I feel whole. ❤️

We got the kids 23andMe kits for Christmas.

We got the kids 23andMe kits for Christmas. They got their results back today.

Shadow is 58% European and 40% Sub-Saharan African (primarily Nigerian) and Kira is 55% European and 38% East Asian and Native American. Of course there are other elements filling those percentages out to 100. Kira's DNA is the most interesting out of all of us - she even has a small amount of Ashkenazi Jewish in her. That is so cool. We're really enjoying checking out all of the things that 23andMe can tell us. It's so neat!

I'm finally feeling like myself again.

For the last two days, I've felt well enough to do some cleaning and organizing and checking things off of my to-do list. I like that.

School starts Wednesday. I'm not necessarily excited for that just yet, but it'll be okay. I've decided that I'm only taking Differential Equations and Human-Computer Interaction so I shouldn't be too overwhelmed. Unless I get a job, which I really need to do. (ಥ﹏ಥ)

Anyway, I hope you all are doing well. I am - for now. 😂

Repotted my Pregnant Onion...

Mama has ROOTS! I also see another baby about to drop off, plus two more... gestating?