Speaking of Shaun going to work...

Speaking of Shaun going to work...

I accidentally pulled an all-nighter again.  Not last night, but the night before.

I was working on my app and pretty into it, and before I knew it, it was midnight.  And I was tired and wanted to go to bed, but Shaun and Cubba were sleeping upstairs and he has to get up at 5 for work, which I knew would wake me up, so I was like "Should I even bother?"  And it turns out that no, I didn't bother.  I just continued my work and made a lot of good progress.

And you know what?  I have missed being able to just "get in the zone" and do work.  I don't like trying to manage myself and do things in moderation.  It's not fun or rewarding and it's not like I can just turn "the zone" on and off.

No, I shouldn't have not slept.  Obviously.  I was tired and could have, but it felt pointless in that moment.  I don't plan to do that again.  But like, why is it so wrong to exist the way I do?  Just because I am expected by society to hold down a 9-5?  It's so dumb.  I am a really productive person when left to my own devices.  I like to get shit done.  I get not going hard to the point of burning out, but like, can't I just go moderately hard?  Baby hard?  Any kind of hard at all?

Just screaming into the void, I guess.

Carry on.