I've been MIA because I've mostly been sleeping.

I've been MIA because I've mostly been sleeping.  I'd scheduled a COVID test for last week but then felt better for a day and canceled it.  I guess that was dumb because by that evening I felt bad again.  I have another test scheduled for Tuesday and I'm keeping that appointment no matter what.  I'm feeling "off" in a big way - unlike anything I can recall and that scares me.

The headache I get is so weird.  It's near the top of my head, and unlike any other headache or migraine I've ever had.  I used to live with smokers so sinus headaches are familiar to me.  I had tension headaches a lot when I had a heavier class load.  I was getting migraines pretty bad for a while there, and it's not that.  I don't know what it is, but it takes several Tylenol to even dull it.

The other thing that is happening is that I feel like I have a fever - I get really hot, have chills, sweat, all of that, but the thermometer is reading normal.  I don't understand that at all.  And then there is the sleepiness.  I've only been awake for a few hours at a time for the last two days.  Emotionally, I feel ok, so it's not depression sleeping.  And my body doesn't feel that I'm oversleeping because I'm not getting sleep hangovers.

Whatever it is I haven't been productive and I need to be.  I found out that I made a 2.5 on my last quiz, so my class still isn't going well.  I talked to a friend who used to teach and they said that extra credit for one person was frowned on, so I don't want to ask the teacher for extra credit.  It doesn't feel fair to me to do that, anyway.  Shaun said that life wasn't fair to me this semester, but I feel that is just how life goes.  He's really pushing me to email my teacher to try to find a way to pass, but I don't know what I would say to her that I haven't already.  She knows I've been going through things.  She's letting me take my last two quizzes and final at DSS.  She gave me a few extra days before Exam 2.  I wasn't ready for it and there was honestly no way to catch up on a month's worth of math in a few day's worth of time.  I can't think of anything else that would be reasonable to ask her to do for me.

Anyway.  I'm off to feed my animals and clean a couple of litter boxes before I crap out again.  I already feel myself getting sleepy.  I hope you all are doing well and staying safe.

I've had a headache and been unusually tired for the last 3 days.

I've had a headache and been unusually tired for the last 3 days. Tylenol nor Ibuprofen are helping my head. I got a flu shot on the 3rd (last Tuesday). Could that be what's wrong with me? Everything I've read says side effects happen within the first few days, so... I don't know. But I'm having trouble getting right. 🙁

At best I made 5/10.

At best I made 5/10. I ran out of time and couldn't finish the quiz. I'm literally going to fail this class.

I understand what I'm doing, but I can't work these problems that fast. I took it at DSS and had a quiet space with extra time. It was on paper so I could skip around. I feel like something is wrong with me. There is a process to these problems, which I understand. They are done using things I know how to do (trig, calculus, algebra...) and yet...

I really don't know what to say. 🙁

I have a quiz in the morning.

I have a quiz in the morning. We're solving SYSTEMS of Differential Equations rather than just Differential Equations. I understand the concept. I know the process. I have done some of the homework (I didn't get to all of it; I feel like I'm just now catching up). Hopefully, that will be enough to earn a decent grade. If not I legitimately might fail my very last class. 😂😂😂

I've reached the point where I can't even be upset. The worst part is that I know I can do this, but I was majorly derailed in the middle of the semester and it has been very hard to catch back up. I don't know what to say besides that life (and death, unfortunately) happens. If I make it through, great. If not, I'll enjoy the class with less anxiety and ace it the next go 'round. I wonder who's teaching it next semester... 😂

Goodnight, friends. I gotta get some sleep so my brain will be functional in the morning.

Shaun got the lights and cameras set up.

Shaun got the lights and cameras set up. We caught our first intruder a few minutes ago. Can you spot him? 

I set my notification for the security app to be "Who is It?" by Michael Jackson. Related, my ringtone is "Leave Me Alone" also by him. 😂😂😂

The Associated Press called it.

General Life Update: The anxiety is real.

General Life Update:  The anxiety is real.

This post will be all over the place because that is me at this moment.

I met with my professor (virtually) regarding my exam.  I actually made a few points lower than what she had graded.  😬  I see where I went wrong on a lot of things so that is helpful information and I'll be working on that.  She announced to the class the other day that we'll have two more quizzes this semester and she's planning to drop everyone's lowest quiz grade.  If I can make good-ish grades on both of those, that will help my overall score a lot.  Also, she has agreed to let me take those quizzes as well as the final at DSS (Disability Support Services), so that will eliminate a lot of my anxiety and make things feel more normal.

School is the major thing going on in my life right now, but it's not the ONLY thing.  The other big one is Shaun's parent's house... which I guess is basically ours now, even though that feels weird to say.  Houses are a lot of responsibility and Shaun has been the one going out there and cleaning things out and adding improvements and generally keeping an eye on the place.  He's working really hard out there.  I've been several times, but am mostly keeping my focus on school and staying home so that our house isn't empty.  Due to that we're spending a lot of time apart and while I actually enjoy being by myself I am having anxiety about "What if something happens and he gets hurt while doing all of this work?" and stuff along those lines.  Which...

I called him last night before I went to bed.  He didn't answer.  I called the house phone.  I called Messenger.  I called Google Voice.  I called his cell.  I called his dad's cell.  All no answer, anxiety increases, rinse, repeat.  It was bad.  I was literally about 2 seconds from throwing on clothes and driving out there when he called me back.  He was up a ladder installing a security camera outside - at almost midnight.  And he couldn't get to the phone.  When I finally talked to him I was ok.  But damn if those weren't a horrifying few minutes of my mind racing.  I apologized for freaking out and calling so much, but he was like "I heard it and I knew what was happening.  It's ok."  He is amazing and kind.  But he also could have let me know he wouldn't be near his phone for bit in the middle of the night.  😂😂😂

Anyway, all of this on top of election anxiety means that I'm running pretty low on chill.  Thankfully on that front, it looks like decency and grammar and decorum and human rights and eat the rich is in the lead.  If you don't agree, keep it to yourself or leave.  I have a lot more important things to focus on besides the feelings or opinions of friends / family / strangers who disagree.  There is hope yet for me to graduate in about a month, and I'm not finished trying to make it happen.  And with that, I'm off to study.  I hope you all are doing well.  If you're not because you're stressing, just remember that a Biden presidency literally won't hurt or kill you, unlike the last 4 years of that orange idiot stripping rights, harming our environment, and inciting violence.  Peace, ya'll.