Oh baby?

Yeah... oh baby. 😁 I have a new one. Rather, we have a new one. Her name is Yorda and she is about 11 weeks old. I took a picture of her, but it didn't turn out very good. She's nocturnal and I was scared to use the flash for fear of hurting her ginormous eyes. 👀

*sigh* She is so awesome. 😊 She is a sugar glider - and so far one of the cutest pets I've ever had. She's very friendly and curious, but has sharp little teeth and will bite the shit out of you. I've read that the best way to get her out of that is to let her bite you without pulling away and she'll realize that it's ineffective and stop... but it really freakin' hurts so I've not managed to not pull away yet. But there are other methods that I am trying so we'll just see how that goes.

Anyway, another fun fact about her is that she is a marsupial so she likes to be in a pouch a lot; also, she likes to be in contact with other living creatures. So that means in the daytime when she is sleeping we can wear her around in her pouch. It's supposed to get her used to our scent and get her to bond with us. It's so neat. She has to definitely be the coolest pet ever.

Also, in the last few days I've learned that she is quite the little escape artist. She gets out of her cage and I can't figure out how. 😆 I woke up this morning to her crawling around in the floor... and this evening when I got home she was just sitting atop her cage like she belonged there or something. 😂 It's very cute; I find it hard to be irritated with her (even though she managed to knock down some of my knick-knack stuffs and chewed the scroll wheel on my mouse so that it doesn't function very well). It's ok; other than my scroll wheel nothing was hurt. From watching her tonight I can totally see why everything would be knocked over, though. She's extremely clumsy, (probably because she's just a baby... and also, she probably expects her claws to catch her every time she starts to fall - but unfortunately they are no match for a metal filing cabinet and such). *sigh* Oh, she's adorable.

Anyway, she's pretty much consumed most of my attention the last few days... that and the rest of the things in my life that I have to keep up with. ... Speaking of other things in my life, my boy is finally growing one of his front teeth back. He's had both of the front ones missing for quite some time. *sigh* He's growing up so fast. He can spell some words and read a little now... sometimes I feel overwhelmed at how much he's progressing in life. It's all happening so fast and it's right in front of my face, but you can't even see it until you stop and look. *sigh* It hits you suddenly and you're left just like "whoa". Yep.

Anyhoo, Shadow really likes Yorda. He wants to play with her so bad, but we can't have a lot of people messing with her at one time until she gets trained and such. She's still too skittish around people for me to feel comfortable having her exposed to a 5 year old. And she still bites some so that wouldn't be a good thing. She seems to have a friendly nature, though, so maybe it won't be too tough to get her trained. I hope not. 😊

*gasp* I can't believe I bought so much stuff!

Wowza... I did something a little out of character this weekend. I bought stuff for me!!! I got this cute little mp3 player... it's 512MB, iridescent white, and shaped like a little bean! It's freakin' adorable! And I'm so excited! Also, I bought a better keyboard for my computer and I love it, too! It types quietly and the best part is that the keys light up with a blue LED so it's easier for me to see what I'm doing when I type in the dark. (And yes, I do type in the dark sometimes). For the most part I type well without looking, but when I'm using symbols and numbers I have to look. So whatever. 

Also, I bought some stuff for Nick, but I didn't make him wait until Christmas. I just can't. I'm so bad at that. LOL! ⬅ That's me laughing at myself. 😂 I bought Shadow a toy that I went ahead and gave him, as well, and I bought something to stuff the stockings at Shadow's school for the Salvation Army. All in all I spent a lot of money. I probably shouldn't have, but so far I don't regret it. So that's awesome. And I guess that's about it. Laterz!

*singing* Feeling kinda jolly, but I'm not Santa Claus.

Yeah, I just made that up. It's a new song. "Feeling kinda jolly, but I'm not Santa Claus." Wooo!

Anyway, I just wanted to post about the last couple of days. Nothing spectacular... OR MAYBE IT IS. 😀 Good times with good friends... what more can you ask for? Yesterday, me and Nick made chocolate banana-sicles. I've eaten most of them. And today me, Shadow, and Nick went to JSU with Jajuan to an art showing thing and then to Wal-Mart. It was cool.

And Nick hit me in the head with his metal mug. It made a sound (I heard something, at least) and we both laughed for a while. It was pretty funny. It was accidental, supposedly. I dunno how much I believe that. Anyway, I feel pretty jolly and just wanted everyone to know.

I know I've not been on much - and not posting anything positive when I am - so here's some happy vibes for you all!

Much love!

What?? I can breathe now?

Wow. It's been so long that I'm not even sure where to start. First of all - my car trouble. Every week for the last month I've been stranded somewhere at least once. About a month ago my Subaru that I love broke down - leaving me, Shadow, and Nick stranded in Anniston. It needs a motor and that should all be taken care of next week (hopefully).

In the meantime I borrowed my grandmothers car - which proceeded to leave me and Nick stranded at a grocery store when the starter went out. I replaced it seeing as how my MaMaw was nice enough to let me use her car in the first place. Then... I bought a car (well, technically it's not mine yet, but it will be soon). Anyway, this car broke down in Munford - leaving me, Shadow, and Nick stranded at my mom's house. The ignition coil went out.

So after we got THAT fixed it quit on me when I least expected it the other night due to needing a new fuel filter and such. Yes, once again - me, Shadow, and Nick were left out in the cold. It's running now. For how long, though - I cannot say.

In other news my sister in law (who from now on will be referred to as my "SIL") (who may end up reading this - but I'm just going to say what I feel here, openly and honestly - not maliciously intended at all) has run off. That's fine, I guess... whatever makes her happy. But the problem I have is that she took my niece (Lanah, who's 4 months old) and left; (supposedly on vacation, but I really think she just lied to me) to stay with some strangers. She said they're "friends," but I'm certain she met them on the internet and had never actually seen them before in her life.

Anyhoo, she did this a week before my brother Cade (her husband) graduated boot camp because she didn't want to see him. That's fine too, I guess. Couples have their problems. But the fact that he might have wanted to see his daughter and wasn't going to even have the option pissed me off. She said he didn't want to see her, but I know better. Anyway, SIL then contacted an aunt of mine in MS and left the baby with her. Honestly, I'm glad she did. At least we know that Lanah is cared for. I know how my SIL took care of her and will we talk about that in a moment. But yes, my aunt has her - so for now we don't have to worry about losing her or what some stranger may be doing to her. Also my aunt says that Lanah is "flourishing" so that's good. But up until recently my brother had no idea about this which also pissed me off.

Now about my SIL caring for her. To put it simply, she didn't. There were several times I wanted so much to call DHR on her for neglect - but I didn't - to keep trouble down. Whenever anyone else was around they were taking care of the baby. No one minded because she is a pleasant child, but damn. When I had Shadow I didn't want anyone else messing with him. He was MY baby and I was going to take care of him.

Anyway, check this shit out. Lanah was always left in her car seat, head rolled over to the right, not reclined enough for a newborn, poor baby always looking crooked (my SIL claimed she was trying to sit up), to the point of having a flat spot on one side of her head. Oh, and this is pretty unforgettable - one day I went over to see them and the baby was laying asleep with an empty bottle in the bed with her. When I picked her up she was soaking wet. Apparently, the whole bottle had leaked on her and she was allowed to sleep that way. So I said to my SIL, "Maybe you should wash her off." My SIL proceeded to take her to the bathroom, lay her FLAT in the bathtub with her diaper still ON, and squirt her off with a bottle. WTF?? And that's all she did. No soap. No cloth. No wonder that pretty baby always stank. My SIL said that Lanah didn't like wash cloths so she didn't use them.

My SIL said that Lanah wouldn't let her trim her nails and that's why her face was always scratched up. I could go on. But my point is... I'm glad Lanah is with my aunt. From the time that child was born my SIL didn't want to take care of her. Even before she left the hospital with her she was pushed off on the nurses and various family members that visited. I don't know what else to say other than that I'm just very relieved that Lanah is now with my aunt.

So I finally heard from my brother today and that made me feel a lot better. He knows everything and he's going to do what he can for his daughter and divorce my SIL. I truly hate that things have to end this way, but I can't blame him. He wanted to take care of that baby even though my SIL told him it might not be his... he married her anyway. And he joined the Army so that he could give them a good life. And then this shit?

I know my SIL wants custody of Lanah, but she doesn't deserve her. And she could never give her a good life. She goes from place to place - looking for people on the internet to take her in - and that's no way to raise a child. With her history of caring for the baby (and there are witnesses) I honestly don't think any judge in their right mind would give her custody. I certainly hope not.

Anyway, enough of that. As you can see - things have been crazy lately and I feel like I've been stretched a million directions and I've been worried about a jizillion things and so my blog has sort of become not such a priority. I really hope all of my friends here have been doing better than I have. I hope to hear from some of my peoples soon. I'm really sorry I haven't been in touch.

More stuff, though. Thanksgiving, aka: MY birthday, went fine. Nick's family did their Thanksgiving family gathering in the woods so that was interesting. It actually turned out fun. I got to eat toasted marshmallows which rocked my day. Also, something funny happened, but had it turned out differently might not have been so funny, but anyway... the kids had pellet guns and were running around playing with them and one of them ran backwards and fell into the fire, rolled out, accidently pulled the trigger on his gun and shot a bullet that ricocheted off the ground and hit his uncle in the throat. That was SO awesome. No one was hurt or anything, but it looked like some crap you'd see in a movie or something. Like it couldn't have happened any smoother if it had been rehearsed. It was cool.

Yeah, so I'm 23 now. Not such a big deal, really. My dad got me a chocolate cake (and you can never go wrong giving me chocolate) so that was good. I also got some jewelry from different people that honestly I probably will never wear, but that's cool. People gave me earrings. Look at my ears, people. That's not gonna stay... ahh, but it's the thought that counts. One of my good friends and his wife got me some smelly stuff and I liked that. It was nice and very unexpected.

The best stuff I got was from Nick... he gave me some CDs and DVDs that he knew I'd be really into and his chair that he loves that I wanted. That was very sweet of him. So, tonight's adventure was that Nick's scorpion escaped in my house. We found him though - making a break for the door. 😂 It was funny. And guess what I have. Guess. Ok, fine. I have fuzzy big monster slippers and I giggle when I look at them. And now I have to go. Going on a small road trip early in the morning... MUST SLEEP. 😊

:( This is just me whining / ranting / complaining.I gave you fair warning.

I should really be trying to sleep right now. But I'm not. I just wanted to write a few things... maybe clear my head...

So I'll start with my weekend. I saw a lot of people - some of which I haven't in a while. It was cool, I guess. But there were a lot more people around than I'm used to... people are just not my thing. But all in all I would say it went well. Except for my car. It was acting a little crazy. But more on that later.

Oh, and how could I forget... my sister-in-law called me up and said I had just a few hours to see my niece, Lana, (who's four months old and I helped deliver) before she leaves for Mississippi with her. WTF?? My brother gets out of boot camp next week and you're going to take his kid and leave? I haven't got to talk to him since he is in boot camp, but I really don't think he's gonna be happy about that. Anyway...

Sunday rolled around. My kiddo woke up sick... throwing up and pooping a lot. That was no good. I ended up going to Munford because my step-dad's a mechanic and he replaced my fuel filter or something and helped (my car - not Shadow), but not a lot. On to Monday...

I got to work, the boss asked me to go do production work (which in no way am I above doing) so I did. It's not fun except that I got to work near a friend so we could talk the whole day. Well, throughout the day I started feeling worse and worse. Finally at 2:00 I went home. It was maybe 10 minutes after that that I started puking and running to the toilet every few minutes. That was not fun. AT ALL. I didn't even make it in to work today which sucks for my paycheck, but I really still feel like crap. I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Now, about my car. It was doing this thing where it wouldn't go. Yeah - just wouldn't go. It would crank and then it would creep along at less than a mile per hour. Sometimes it would pick up speed, but not nearly fast enough. I'm talking - I'd be at a green light and start to go and be in the middle of the intersection when it turned red again. That SUCKED.  People were honking at me and passing me (which I couldn't blame them for), but damn.

Anyway, it finally quit on me tonight. I was stranded in Anniston for like two and a half hours. A kind stranger took us all to Nick's place (because I was taking him home and we made it pretty close to there) and my car wouldn't go up the hill. It would barely even go on flat ground. But anyway, my step-dad came up to Anniston in his big truck and took me and Shadow home and hauled my car to Munford so that he could check it out. I hope it gets fixed soon.

And - just to make me not want to sleep tonight (because I have a hard time doing so when my house is jacked up) my house is a disaster. A BIG one. There's a good reason for it and it's totally ok, but it's driving me crazy. And I'm too tired to even mess with it.

So... if you read all of this:  Thanks for listening to me be pitiful.

THE END

It's hard to dance like nobody's watching when they are.

This weekend was pretty good. I went to two parties Friday night and that was a nice change of pace. I'm not really a party kind of girl, but both of them turned out to be pretty mellow so I had fun. It was nice to just hang out and see some people that I don't often get to see. I think the highlight of my night had to be when I danced with Freddy Krueger. Well, I think it went more like I finally danced once and he stopped. I'm not sure about that, though. I wasn't really paying attention. I was too busy being nervous. I haven't danced in front of people since sixth grade. I haven't danced in front of an audience since I was way younger than that.

Yeah, for anyone who didn't know - and come to think of it that's probably a lot of people - I used to take ballet and do recitals when I was little. Oh, how I hated it. I cried on stage every time. My mom still makes fun of me to this day. Anyway, I was nervous and couldn't dance like nobody was watching - because indeed, they were. I suppose it could've been worse. I dunno about my "moves" but I do have rhythm, so... maybe I didn't look too much like an idiot. Hopefully it wasn't, like, Elaine from Seinfeld or anything. *shudder at the thought of that* I sure hope not.

Then, Saturday, I went out with Nick, Colin, Colin's wife Nancy, (who I wouldn't mind getting to hang out with more often), and his mom, dad, uncle, and nephew. We went to the Mellow Mushroom and that was some good pizza. It was nice to hang out with them... they're good people. It was a nice crowd. Ahhh, good times. Well, I guess that's about all that's happened to me this weekend that's worth mentioning.

My Shadow ROCKS!!!

I just wanted to stop in and say that my boy ROCKS!!! He came running out of the school yesterday when I came to pick him up, yelling, "I topped out, I topped out, mom!" I was all, "What does that mean?" and the teacher came out and told me that he has now completed all of his kindergarten reading work on the computer and he can start working on the first grade stuff. I was so proud! It's not even halfway through the school year. He's the best EVER! Anyway, I just wanted to stop in and brag a little. 😁

THE END

PMS *cries*

Why, yes - I am going to write about that. I want to talk about how I feel right now. I'm going to try to describe how I feel here because writing is about the only way I can articulate a thought into something anyone else can understand. When it comes to be my lovely time of the month to bleed, (which I do quite enjoy for the most part) I get very emotional. I don't really know how else to describe it other than maybe I just feel more sensitive or fragile. For the most part I feel like crying at everything. No matter what. And a lot of times it makes me feel better; other than I feel like a goober (after the fact) for crying over something like someone's bad breath or being ignored by a cat. Apparently I get bitchy, also, (as I proved yesterday), and that sucks. I hate the fact that I hurt people I care about by losing my temper over things that are not worth making a big deal over. I'm just... emotionally on edge. Some compassion towards me would be cool.

Physically, well... I can sum that up with one word: uncomfortable. My body just doesn't feel like it normally does. I want nothing more than to be somewhere warm with soft things all around. A warm body holding me would be even better, but I'm afraid my stand-offish or aloof thing that I get going on scares anyone away from wanting to be so near me. *sigh* But I'm sure it would make me feel better; it's like I crave it or something. Maybe I need a heating pad - at least that wouldn't be an asshole to me.  Anyway, here are a few things it wouldn't hurt for people to keep in mind:

• I do not want to be picked at.
• I do not want to be in public.
• I do not want to be alone (although I don't want many people around).

• I do want to be cuddled.
• I do want to be warm.
• I do want to be as comfortable as possible.

• I will cry.
• I will take things personally.
• I will get frustrated easily.

So, um... about the aloof or stand-offish thing that I get... I don't know how to explain that. I'm not necessarily unhappy, mad, sad, or whatever... I'm just something else that I don't know how to describe and that's just the reaction I've always had. I wish I knew what it was... I suppose I should do some research about that to see what I can come up with. Maybe I'll just use the word "down" to describe it for now... I'm not energetic or playful or tolerant... Ok, if anyone reads this and knows what I'm talking about please help me out. Tell me what it is. I would really like to talk to some people about this and see what we come up with... or maybe it's just me and I'm abnormal. Who knows.

... and the bafflement ensues.

Ok, well... I'm at work right now. I asked my boss this morning why he didn't tell me that we weren't working next week when I spoke to him on the phone last night and he said it's because some of us are. I happen to be one of the lucky few. The coworker who sent me the email was not (obviously).  I feel pretty good knowing that he needs me enough to keep me around (for now)... but I'm still worried about the future. I can't help but wonder if this company is going to go under. He keeps saying that things are going to get better soon, but I've been here for over a year and I just don't see that happening if he can't get our shit together. And besides - would he be honest with me? I don't trust him to do that. He's lied to me before.

I hate to feel so negatively about the situation, but it's really stressing me out. All in all this is not a bad job. It is my first "real" job out of school doing what I went to school for. Sure - I don't want to spend the rest of my life doing this, but I really don't feel like I'm ready to leave here just yet. And honestly I don't want to see this place go under. It has potential... we just need to get some things in order.

I guess my problem is that regardless of all that has happened I feel loyal to this place and I don't really think I can find anything better right now. It sort of "fits" - you know? I shall keep my eyes open, but I think until I can see more clearly what's going on I'm going to invest some time in myself. You can't go wrong with that. I'm not feeling that this is a good time to start making decisions just yet. Something (and by that I mean the little birdie in my guts) is telling me that if I start struggling now it's going to be in vain and that will just equal wasted energy.

I really would like to go back to school so maybe this would be a good time to start looking into that again. I hope so... I'm not quite ready for a change of this proportion so maybe I should be preparing myself for when the time comes. If not... well, I suppose I will lose my job and be forced to make a change, won't I? (Ooh, did you see my optimism?)

Part II - happy thoughts

Optimism (if I have any): In my short life I've noticed that when things need to change - if I don't take the steps I need to in order to get that done something always ends up forcing my hand and things usually turn out fine. I started to go back to school earlier this year (which I have been wanting to do), but I kept putting it off and making excuses. I was comfortable... we had all that we needed and I enjoyed getting off work and spending all my extra time at home or doing whatever else I felt like doing. I shouldn't have let myself get lazy. I definitely should've been looking for another profession that could satisfy me or at least be taking classes somewhere. Now it's starting to look like I may no longer have a choice. So I think I just need to do whatever feels right and go with it - as hard as that may be. (And be stressed in the process; suddenly not being secure is a pretty scary feeling).

Aside from that: This week was pretty good. I've been lazy this whole time... slept a lot, played on my computer a lot, spent a lot of time doing nothing in particular with my best friend, and things like that. It's been nice. Oh, and my awesome kid got his FIRST report card Wednesday and he's got "satisfactory" and "mastery" on all of the different little categories. And that's not all. On this reading program they're doing they monitor the progress of the kids to see if they are going to need extra help learning to read... anyway, the goal was to have a score of 8 and my baby had a 12. Yes, he rocks!!! 😁😁😁

Also, today was the fall festival at his school. He got his face painted like a skull and won some candy. He liked watching the kids dunk one of the school faculty at the dunking booth. I must admit it was pretty fun. Then we walked out to the playground. THAT was the best. We all enjoyed ourselves out there. I have pictures, (yay!). I may try to put a few up. Anyway, I had to be rescued from the climbing wall - I got up there and couldn't get down. Me and Nick tried to play on the see-saw, but it wouldn't work. He's pretty skinny, but I still didn't weigh enough to push him up. And we made quite an interesting observation about Shadow... when you chase him he's like one of those fainting goats. You get too close and he just flops down on the ground with his legs up in the air. He's so bizarre. 😂😂😂

Anyway, I feel better having gotten all the negative off my chest first and then giggling as I write the positive stuff here at the end. Ummm, thanks if you actually bothered to sit here and read this whole blog; I know this one was kind of lengthy and probably not very interesting... but I just needed to write and now I feel somewhat better. I hope all is well with you - whoever you are. *hugs*

Part I - officially bummed out

Wow... it's simply amazing how things have gone from bad to worse lately. Things are not good... here's a list. 😬

1:   Last week with all that happened - (If you read my last blog, then you know what I'm talking about) - I forgot to mention that I broke my glasses and have since been wearing an old pair that not only doesn't look very flattering, but are uncomfortable and are no longer the right prescription. I'm not very happy about this and I can't really afford to do anything about it at the moment, (see #3).

2:  Maybe it's from the stress, but my skin looks terrible. It hurts and no matter how nice you try to be - it's simply ugly. No way around that and that's ok. I have psoriasis and I know it's not pretty. While it's not as bad as it has been before it's coming up in obvious places, aka: MY FACE. And I'm getting these weird little zit-like bumps that hurt really bad also... ugh.

3:   Ok, and at first I was completely ok with this, but now I'm starting to freak out: I've been off work for two weeks... no - not vacation or any sort of paid time off - just off. The boss shut down for two weeks and I thought, "Well, money might be tight, but that's cool." Shadow was out of school last week for fall break so I got to spend that with him and it was nice. Then there was the funeral and everything that goes with it so I definitely would've taken off for all of that, as well. Then, since my boy was back in school this week it was like I had some time for myself and that was pretty awesome, too. But I just got an email from my coworker saying that we were going to be off for another week. That worries me.

Here's why: First of all - I can't afford to not work for three weeks. It was going to be hard enough doing it for two, but three is going to be too much. Second - I asked my boss straight up on the day he said we were closing if this was going to be permanent and he said no. That might have comforted me some if he hadn't lied to my face before.  😠

So VERY Grateful.

The last few days have been rough. One of my very dear friends lost a relative (suddenly in a car accident) and it's been so far the most emotionally trying experience I've had in a long time. She was only 16 with her 17th birthday coming on Monday. There's only one word I can think of to describe her - friendly. She was always so sweet to me and my kiddo and we're gonna miss her. I realize that I did not grow up with this girl or even know her that well, but the effects of her death have struck me pretty hard.

I've seen what the whole family is going through and it kills me to imagine what they are feeling. I've had nightmares before about losing my child and it panics me for days. I honestly don't know if I could survive something like that. It's like I just wish there was something I could say to make things all better, but I know that there is no such thing. I hate that so much. I plan to be around, give a lot of hugs, and do whatever else I can to help them cope...

This just really sucks... I'm very sad, too. I've cried a lot in the past few days. I'm crying right now, even. I don't even know what else to say. She was so pretty, all peaceful looking... and a ton of people showed up to see her. She seemed to really have a lot of friends. It's just so sad. ... I'm really glad that part is over with.

Today it felt absolutely wonderful to have my Shadow back (he's spent a lot of time at his grandmother's house while all of this has gone on) and to be back home with the people I love. It was such a relief to have them near me. I cannot express how grateful I've felt to still have them. When a tragedy like this happens it makes you think about how lucky you are and about how much you shouldn't take the people you love for granted. You never know what the future holds... and that's a scary thought at the moment.

But I've got my kiddo here - safe and sound - and my SOS was good when I left him at home so I don't really feel that I could ask for more than that. I think I can finally relax enough to rest now so I guess I'm going to bed.

uber-cuteness

Ahh, the cuteness. I bought two little gerbils today... that made me so happy - I've been missing having a fuzzy to love on. They are so freakin' adorable! I (of course) bought the one who bit the shit out of me yesterday... and I let my Shadow pick out the other one. He picked the smallest one they had and named her (or him - maybe his nuts just aren't visible yet), Toad. The name he considered before that was Laverta. ??? He's so strange sometimes. 😂

Anyway, his is a blonde color, very pretty, with dark eyes and ears. Mine is a sort of brown with a caramel-colored triangle on his lower back and on his head some... the only one in there who had such distinct markings. He was pretty easy to recognize and he came up to me when I put my hand in the cage before I bought him so maybe he recognized me, too. I suppose that's unlikely, but I'm gonna believe he knew who I was if only by taste alone. 😂 And speaking of distinctness... mine is definitely a boy. I've been trying to think of a name for him all night and I think I just came up with something. I shall call him Testiclees. YES! That's perfect! Testiclees and Toad... that works. 😁

Anyway, they are pretty friendly... no one has been majorly bitten (yet) and I'm so happy I got them. I'm going to get an aquarium for them tomorrow after work... right now they're in a temporary plastic thing, but they don't seem to mind. It's not too cramped or anything so I think they'll be fine until tomorrow. So yeah, I decided against a cage; I did a lot of reading today and learned that an aquarium would actually be more suiting because it would keep the drafts off them (they're desert animals), and keep them from making a huge mess (they dig and burrow a LOT). And a 10 gallon tank at Wal-Mart was about $10.00 so that's more in my budget - and it would be plenty of room for them so that's what I'm gonna do.

Well, that's about all I have to talk about... it was the highlight of my day; nothing else fun or interesting happened - I just went to work. Yay for work!? Nah. Anyway, maybe I can put up some pics of them soon and that way you can see the uber-cuteness for yourself. Laterz!

Ow, I'm confused. O_O

Here is the play by play of a conversation I just had with my boss (apparently, I was in outer space):

Me: Hey, is Martin Luther King Day the same as Good Friday?

Jack: *confused expression* ... Do you even know what Good Friday is?

Me: Umm, the day after Fat Tuesday?

Jack: *mouth drops in look of complete bafflement* Uh, no. Fat Tuesday is the end of Mardi Gras, I think. 

Me: Yeah, and Good Friday is the day you have to be good after you eat a lot on Tuesday, right? ... ? ... Wait, I'm thinking of Thursday. ... I'm confused.

Jack: Good Friday is the Friday before Easter. It's supposed to be the day that Jesus rose up from the grave... or something like that.

Me: *finally realizing how dumb I was being* Oh, so I take it Martin Luther King wasn't there?

*******************************************

Ok, maybe no one will think that was funny, but everyone in the office here had a good laugh (at my expense, of course). I must've been having a goofy moment or something.

Aahhh :)

Wow... just wow. I feel pretty happy lately. No, wait - I feel really happy lately; the good kind of happy... the content kind of happy (that's the best kind). You know what I'm talking about... when your guts feel relaxed and your heart feels light and your head can't interfere with any of it... It's amazing.

Last night was good; I spent most of the afternoon with Nick and his family. It was so nice. I've kind of been missing them, too, so it was good to see them. And there were puppies there (9 puppies!) so that made my day to be able to play with them. And they were so adorable!!! I miss having a fuzzy! But that was good enough. The weather was awesome and it was so relaxing to sit outside and play with cutie widdle puppy dogs. 😄 Then we went in and had chili. Grandmother made it - and you know anyone named Grandmother can cook so that was some good chili. A few more people were there that I haven't seen in a while and it was nice to sit there and eat chili and just catch up for a while. I felt like I was at home.

And then there was this morning. WHOA. It was freakin' beautiful out. The sun was shining and there was a cool breeze... the kind that let's you know autumn is here (or about to be; I don't keep up with exactly when it starts). But it was the kind of breeze with the cold in it... very refreshing. Anyway, this morning was the kind of morning that made me want to call in to work and look for reasons to be outside enjoying the day. I hope this evening is just as nice... *sigh*

Well, I guess that's about all. Believe it or not I get this sappy a lot. I just don't always talk about it. Then everyone would know what a softie I really am. 😂

my toe = gross2k

Hey, so, um, well... this blog isn't about anything pretty. It's about my right big toe that I mangled up last week. I cut a big hunk off it with nail clippers - totally by accident. It hurt, but I just thought it would heal up so I left it alone. I think around Saturday it started getting infected. That's my guess as to when it started because I was out meandering about for a good portion of the day with my shoe on (rubbing it), foot sweating, blah blah blah. So it turned really red and started to swell. It just kept getting bigger and bigger until the wound actually turned inside out. I am not kidding. It looked like I was growing a tumor on it or something and it hurt so bad. It was actually pretty scary. (It made Nick cringe and that's hard to do). Anyway, I've been at work for two days in one shoe and a sock with my foot propped up under my desk because it hurt if I kept it down low... I'm guessing because more blood would flow down to it.

Today I finally broke down and went to the doctor. I'd had enough. Well, big surprise, guess what they wanted to do - lance it, of course. That didn't really bother me so much as what they had to do beforehand, which was give me two shots straight into my foot right near my big toe. *cringe* It really started hurting while he was giving me the injection and I said to the doctor that it felt like it was coming out the bottom of my foot and he replied, "It is." WTF?! On the left you can actually see where the needle either did, or almost did, come out the bottom of my foot. Ugh, and I felt it... no, I freakin' ENDURED it. TWICE. Not fun.

On the plus side I couldn't feel my toe anymore after that - which was a lovely change of pace from the last few days. Then I got to watch him cut it...very interesting, but disappointing. Yes, there was pus, but not much. After what I just went through, I wanted a freakin' RIVER of it to come out... that would have made it worth the shots. But no. Not much at all. I really hope it helps; otherwise I'll feel like I got shots through the foot for no good reason. And that would make me unhappy. Very, very unhappy.

For anyone who doesn't know me - I'm no stranger to needles. I have several piercings... I don't mind being stabbed on occasion.  But I'll admit that was rough. *cringes some more* On the upside I had a really cute nurse (the same one I get every time I go there... I wonder if that's a coincidence or if she has anything to do with it... hmmm) and I had Nick there to cringe with me. It was sweet of him to go... I know how much nail- and foot-related injuries get to him. I think the needles were the worst part for him, too. He said he almost couldn't watch. Anyway, yeah, if you don't believe me, he's my witness. He saw it all.

subject: hair

This blog is about haircuts. Me and my son both got ours cut this past week. My mom cut mine around Wednesday or so... I'm really digging it so far. 😀 Less hair, less trouble. Works for me. I really think this is the best haircut I've ever had. I always like whatever she does to my hair, but this one is super low-maintenance. And it reminds me of something you'd see on a short-haired pixie or something. I feel cute. 😊😄

About my kiddo's hair...well, that's something else entirely. It turned out great - don't get me wrong... it was just a tremendous change. This was the first time he's ever had it cut (he's 5). Needless to say it was very long. When it was down it came to right above his butt-crack. He had such beautiful hair. It was silky and black. It was so soft that no matter what I did to it, it just wouldn't stay put for long. Now it's less than an inch long. He had about a foot of hair cut off. Now he looks a lot older, but that's ok. I'll get used to it. 

 Anyway, his haircut was a bitter-sweet event. It was just more proof to me that my baby is growing up.  It happens so fast. But, I handled it pretty well... I didn't cry or anything, but my poor little mommy did - the whole time she was doing it. I really felt bad for her. From what I hear she's still not over it. I suppose it's just as hard for your grandbabies to grow up as it is your own kids... harder, even. I dunno. Ah, well, she'll be ok, I'm sure... On the bright side me and Nick were both pretty excited; and most importantly:  Shadow was happy. So that's good.

Long Blog About Vagina Things...

Since I have kept you waiting for so long I will go ahead and post the "I Can Piss Standing" and "Vagina Cups" blogs all in one. Before I get started I would like to say that I will put links, names of websites, etc., at the end of this blog. So, where to start? I suppose the story of how my fascination began is as good a place as any.

One day in the ever-exciting Wal-Mart while shopping for pads (because tampons are bad for your vagina) I came across something very... interesting. They were called Instead Softcups. The box claimed that they could be worn for up to 12 hours - no leaks, no smells, no threat of TSS, no discomfort if inserted correctly. They don't absorb - they catch so they aren't bad for ya. Fun fact:  They can also be worn during intercourse. They sit up under your cervix like a diaphragm (which is meant to be worn during sex in case you didn't know) so they don't get in the way. I thought that was pretty impressive. Needless to say - I bought a box. (It was about $6 for a box of 14).

I didn't use one for months - they were kind of scary looking and I was intimidated. But one sad day my ass was chapped from the pads I had grown to trust and accustomed to using and there was no way I was going to go to work and sit all day on another one so I put in a cup instead. I was totally amazed at how easy insertion was and blown away by how comfortable I felt. Once I realized that the box wasn't lying and there were no traces of what was going on in my panties - I was hooked. Now for a corny (but true) statement: That was the first time I had ever felt "free" during my period. Normally I feel really self-conscious - I've always been able to feel whatever product I chose to use (thus reminding me about the task at hand), but that was not the case with these. And it made me wonder what other goodies I had been missing out on. So I turned to the trusty internet to do some research. 

And that's when I found the most awesome website ever. It had tons of info on everything vagina-related. That's where I learned that there were a few different kinds of cups, (menstrual cups is what they're really called). The Insteads that you get from Wal-Mart are disposable. But there are also some non-disposable cups as well (available via internet only). They are made of silicone and they last 10 years. The cost is about $30 but if you divide that by 10 years that's $3 a year on period protection. Not a bad deal, really. But the down-side to those is that they can be messy, they make a weird pop!squeak noise when inserting (which can be trickier in my experience), and they sit lower in the vagina (like a tampon), so there's no sex while wearing them. The one I have is a Mooncup.

Now, about pissing while standing:  I have felt for a very long time that it sucked for women to have to "hover" and cover the seat with TP and do all of the other things we do in order to protect ourselves from a nasty toilet. In my head I'd always thought that there had to be a better way. And there was - I just didn't know it yet. Thanks to the site mentioned above I know now. There are things called urinary devices... you just put them against you in the right spot and piss. And Ta-da!!! - you've pissed standing. It really is that easy. You don't even have to take your pants down (if you are that confident, that is). It functions like the penis you never had... urine wise, of course. 😁

Mine is called a Travel Mate, (but there are other brands / models). It goes everywhere I go. I love that thing. If you ever see me out and want to see my shenis - just ask. I'll be glad to show ya. I'm not ashamed. 😉 About the website... it's called "All About my Vagina" and it's definitely worth having a look at - especially if you are the proud owner of a vagina. It has tons of information (more stuff than I could possibly post here) and it's very well presented. It's not vulgar, although there are articles about sex, pissing, toys - you name it. It's really informative. She's pretty well got it covered. That's where I learned about a lot of the things in this blog (among other research). And there are a bunch of cool links, too. I love that site. Vaginas ROCK!!!

Now for the links and such:

All About my Vagina - www.myvag.net

Instead Softcups - www.softcup.com

The Mooncup - www.mooncup.co.uk

The DivaCup - www.divacup.com

The Keeper - www.thekeeper.com

TravelMate - www.travelmateinfo.com

****** For anyone who reads this I would definitely like to hear your feedback. Leave me comments or send a message if you want. I would like to hear the perspectives of different people on the subjects mentioned above. I hope it was helpful - and that maybe I even introduced you to a few things ya didn't know about. ******

Happy Vibes!!!

Ahhh, what a day. It's b-e-a-u-tiful outside. You can tell that the fall is coming. It's been a good day although nothing extraordinary has happened. It's just one of those days that I happen to be in an awesome mood (not too infrequent, I think) and the weather only encourages me. Also, I feel pretty happy with the relationships in my life right now. I don't think I'm on bad terms with anyone; at least - I don't know about it if I am.

Work is good - I think my boss was impressed with me last week when the other worker in the office was absent all week and I picked up all of her slack; my parents seem happy with me - I haven't done anything stupid in a while; I'm going out a bit lately and just relaxing - meeting people and making friends; and me and my best friend have been getting along exceptionally well for quite some time. I think that's one of the bigger things that has my spirits high now.

Here in a few more days it will be four years that I've known him. In a way it doesn't seem like it's been that long, but on the other hand I don't think I could imagine my life without him. We've been through a lot. Most people - they don't know about us. They think they do, but they don't. And I think I rather like it that way. 😉

Anyway, I just felt like posting... I don't do it often anymore. But I feel good and wanted to spread my happy vibes all around. Hope you day is awesome, as well!!!

 
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*pixie dust, pixie dust for you!*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

OhSoClose

Well, I missed my chance. 😐 It sucks. Me and The Nick went to Gadsden just for the hell of it, I guess. As we were meandering about we went into the mall and into Spencer's. I found a hat I wanted, but I'm broke. I actually think The Nick might have bought it for me, but that's not really what my story's about.

Back on track:  I don't really wear hats much, but I tried it on, thought it was cute, and then took it off. The man working in there told me to put it back on and I asked "Why?" and he said "So you can wear it out of here." I told him I couldn't because I was broke and because I don't really wear hats much anyway. I told him the only way I would get it is if my head were shaved and I needed something to keep it warm. So he replied, "Then lets shave your head. Do it here in the store and I'll give you the hat for free."

We haggled about it and then he actually started to put some money on it as well. I thought that was a pretty sweet deal since I've wanted to shave my head for years now. But I told him we were going to go eat lunch and that would give me time to really ponder this and we would come back and talk more about it. So we did and I'm pretty sure I was gonna do it; I was all excited and stuff, but he was gone.

Apparently he had convinced someone else who had come in to dress up in a costume and for that he took them to Ruby Tuesday's (the catch being they had to wear the costume in the restaurant). I was tired and it was getting late and I didn't want to wait an hour for him to come back so we just left. The moment was gone. And that sucks.

On the bright side when we came back the second time (after lunch), the employees were asking women to shave their heads for a free costume. There were no takers as of yesterday evening. So anyway, I think I started something. And that, my friends, is pretty cool. 😁

I made it. *sigh of relief*

Yay - we survived my Shadow's first day of school!!! 😁 I feel so relieved; today went over pretty smoothly. I was pleasantly surprised, although it was bittersweet. We (me, Shadow, and The Nick) were all excited, but I think I was the only one who was a little sad about it. I guess that's the mom in me. We never want our babies to grow up. That's a really hard thing to deal with sometimes because you know you have to let them go no matter how hard it is to do so. But I'm really proud of myself - I didn't even cry. OK... well, I did a little on the way to work, but I contained myself better than I thought I would. I think that was mostly because of Shadow - he was all smiling and happy so I knew he'd be fine. 😊

Now to brag a little:  I got a call from his teacher a few hours after I got home and she said he was the best student in the class. She was telling me that he used good manners and did what he was supposed to do without being told more than once. And she said she looked forward to having him in her class the rest of the year. That freakin' made my day. 😁😁😁 My kiddo ROCKS!!! 😁😁😁

Allergic reaction, perhaps??

Well, I've had a pretty rough week. I've been all stressed out over my kiddo starting school (tomorrow's the big day) and so I haven't been sleeping much... it sucks and it helps nothing. I've been broke for two weeks and that's never good. This morning I discovered that I had no more toilet paper. And on top of all that I found out my rent was increasing - which made me believe that my head was just going to explode right on the spot.

As if all of that is not enough I turned into a giant freak in front of Nick and one of his friends. She just walked up to us in the mall - didn't say or do anything out of the way - and I proceeded to have a panic attack or something... I don't know what the hell it was or what it was about. But I didn't like it. All I know is that I couldn't breathe well, my heart was pounding, I felt very hot and started pouring sweat, and my whole body felt tense. It baffles me. I don't have any negative feelings towards this person - she seems really sweet... maybe I'm just allergic to her. I know - that was a dumb thing to say, but it beats the alternative of thinking that I'm so stressed that it takes absolutely nothing to put me over the edge. (That was me trying to remain optimistic).

On the bright side one of my good friends took my son to Fuji last night and had some pretty funny stuff to report back. We learned that my Shadow is afraid of fire; I was told he spent most of the evening hiding in my friend's armpit. He also doesn't like sushi. Probably the funniest part was when Shadow told me he didn't want to go back there because they threw food at his head. 😂 My friend told me that they tried to ring his mouth about six times, but kept hitting him in the head and once in the eye. I can barely type this I'm laughing so hard. Now I feel a little better. 😊

THE END

"... so I vacuumed his head."

Today when I picked up my kiddo from daycare some stupid kid had thrown sand all in his hair...if you've ever seen my kid you would know how much that sucks. His hair is pretty long. It was too early in the afternoon to give him a bath and wash his hair and put it back up and we had something to do so I opted to vacuum his head instead. Before you start thinking "child abuse" know that I used an attachment; I didn't actually run his head over with the vacuum cleaner. 😝

Speaking of my kid - he starts school next Thursday. Orientation was last night and I cried. Three or four times. I'm really excited, but at the same time it's like I'm losing my baby. And I feel overwhelmed at the thought of it all. It's going to be a big change for the both of us, but he's really excited too so I'm sure we'll survive. I just can't believe he's old enough to go. Damn. 😕

But on the bright side I have the lovely Nick backing me. He was at orientation with us and he seemed really happy / excited, as well. He always makes me feel better. I really appreciate all of the support he gives us - he's one of those friends who's there - and I don't know what I'd do without him. Hey, Nick, if you're reading this (which you had better be since it's your fault I'm here) I appreciate you and you were really super-sweet the day of orientation. That really meant a lot; thanks again. 😊

***** A word from the wise (and by wise - I mean me):   Most people don't hear that they are appreciated nearly enough. That's something you should make a point to tell the important people in your life once in a while. It makes a difference. I'm for real. And I'm done. Later, cupcake.

Anniversary

Today is the anniversary of my first accounting job out of college. Yay me. I've managed to keep my job for a year. That's a record for me, but I've only been a part of the working world for about four years - one of which I spent mostly in college. So anyway, I'm pretty happy about it. That's all.

the end

Boxers or Briefs?? (You too, ladies.)

So how's about some answers to this all-important question? Boxers or briefs? Personally I find the hybrid - known as the boxer-brief - to be quite comfy. Did you know that they make those for the ladies now? Every girl should own a pair. They don't get in your ass the way panties tend to. And they don't bunch up under your clothes like regular boxers. And I love the fact that I don't feel like I'm scarring my kid for life when I walk around the house in them. I'm hooked. 😀

I know the thought of female boxer-briefs may sound really un-sexy at first, but I feel pretty attractive when I wear mine. They don't come down to your knees or anything. They're really short actually; they have just enough leg in them to keep 'em from crawling your ass or flashing body parts when you sit certain ways or bend over. Most definitely a worthy investment I would say. If you read this and decide to go look for some I have also seen them advertised as "boyleg panties" and "boyshorts" but they all have the same basic concept. Anyway, I just felt the need to share something relatively new and awesome with whoever reads my stuff and maybe even get an answer to the eternal question:  "Boxers or briefs?"

***** Ignoring the fact that you can now have the best of both worlds - my answer would be boxers. ***** Later! 😁

Crap and "Hello Kitty" Kotex

So I think I enjoy writing crap and posting it for the world to see. Well, for anyone interested I just spent an entire hour of my life trying to figure out how to re-size pictures so that they would fit on this site. It's cool though; I like to learn stuff. Knowledge is power. I'm for real. 👀

And now - on to my Hello Kitty Kotex. I bought them off eBay. I should take a picture of that for ya. It's so bizarre to think that other countries put cartoons on pads. (They came from Hong Kong). That seems a little weird to me. By the time you are old enough to get your period are you still into cartoons enough to want Hello Kitty on your pads? Or maybe they're, like, training pads... kind of like pull-ups for toddlers. But who would want to drown poor Kitty with old uterus? That's just sick. But, well, kids don't mind peeing and pooping all over their favorite cartoons, so... Ooh! Hey! Or maybe it's just a clever pun. As you pull up your panties you could be all, "Hello, Kitty" (as a reference to your vagina, that is).

*****You should acknowledge your vagina daily.*****

Or maybe I'll just finish it Saturday...

Hey, what was up with not being able to log back in last night? That sucked. I was going somewhere with my babbling (I'm sure of it). But now it's gone forever. Oh well.

Anyway, I've had a chance to look around here some and I guess this is ok. Kind of neat. But what's up with all the "I'm bored" blogs? That seems like a dumb name to give a blog. Yeah - I'm going to read something entitled "I'm bored." That sounds so interesting. Boredom.... uh, great. Have fun with that.

I rarely ever get bored. It's hard to get bored when you have a 5-year-old to take care of / play with. Example:  My son just informed Jessie (my sister-in-law) that he "nailed his GI Joe." See, he's playing with one of those nail / pin toys that make the impressions - like they have in Spencer's. I still thought it was funny.  😂

But, anyway, I'm too easily amused to get bored. And it's like there's always something I need to be doing. And when I have nothing I'm just content to have nothing to do (mostly because I never have that - life as a single working mother keeps you quite busy). Or I dance or tap on my new set of drums (which I still haven't posted a picture of. Sorry. Maybe I'll work on that soon).

Well, I guess I will be done with this one. Stay tuned for "Hello Kitty Kotex," "Vagina Cups," and "I Can Piss Standing."

Later,

Blu

So glad it's Friday.

Well. I am so freakin' glad the week is over. You have no idea. I'm finally feeling more like myself and that's awesome (because I am, you see). Normally, I feel really good... wake up dancing, can't be still, have tons of energy - all without caffeine. Take that, caffeine junkies. I do it naturally. I'll finish this in a moment.

Blogging from work. Bad me.

I felt so bad the last time I wrote that I didn't even mention that I bought a set of drums. They're beautiful. 😍👀😍 I was so happy that I cried - right in the store. And all the way home.

See, for anyone who doesn't know much about me I marched percussion in high school. And I've wanted a set for as long as I can remember. So that was a huge deal for me. Now I just have to learn how to play them because I've never actually been behind a set until Saturday. So... any cute drummers out there willing to teach me? I'm kidding (mostly). I couldn't pass up lessons if they were offered.

Anyone digging my dorky picture? All the pictures of me I have - I have to take myself. No one else really photographs me unless I'm brushing my teeth or bending over or something like that. Anyway, I have a picture of my kid up, too, and maybe later today I will put up a picture of my drums. Maybe. If I have time. They're quite pretty. You really should see them. It's just a small 5 piece set, but it's enough for me. 

Well, since I'm at work and supposed to be working I think I will go before I get myself fired. Later!

My Very First Blog!

Hey!  For anyone who cares - this is my very first blog. And you have Nick (lovely Nick that he is) to thank for it. 😀

So, anyone care about my day? It wasn't so great; I spent most of it pretty sick. I threw up a few times. Ugh. That's my least favorite thing to do - EVER.

Well... someone, anyone, should post a comment or whatever it is you do around here and let me know if I'm doing this right. Talk shit if you want. I don't care. Yeah, I said it.

Anyway, as much as I would like to stay and search out people to befriend me - single mom has to get up and go to work in the morning so I bid you goodnight (or whatever time of day it is when you happen to read this).

*** Brilliant idea - you find me.

Hello.