P. S.

Got fitted for a diaphragm. That was interesting. Dr. Daniels put one in, asked if it was comfy, then told me to get it out and put it in the sink. I guess it was a test.  He left the room, but Shaun was with me. I thought "Well, this is pretty undignified" so I asked Shaun to look away. He did, but I should have also asked him to cover his ears. 😂😂😂 It made a sound! A gross one. Haha.

Anyway, Dr. Daniels isn't into the copper IUD's - something about them causing abortion and his conscience. I can understand if he's uncomfortable and I'm not gonna push the issue. I do plan to look more into those and maybe see if I can find someone who does them. I think a diaphragm will be ok temporarily, but not for long term. I'm not entirely sure I'm comfortable with it's success rate.

Stabby stab stab, diggy dig dig, IUD is out.

Now I can make a pair of earrings.

Breathing a sigh of relief and patiently awaiting the return of my period. Doctor Daniels said to be prepared - it could happen anytime in the next 3 months. Ah, the suspense. 😂

So... I went to the mental health center this morning.

So... I went to the mental health center this morning. I like the lady I talked to. She mostly asked me questions. Didn't really diagnose me any kind of way, but she did say that it wouldn't hurt to remove my IUD. She wants to see me again mid-April to see how I am feeling after that is done. 

Right now I am at Dr. Daniels office. He tried to get my Mirena out, but he couldn't find it. I am currently waiting to have another one of those lovely sonograms. He also mentioned having to numb my cervix. I don't understand, really. He didn't trim my strings so short this time. 😕

He said that he would fit me for a diaphragm so that's something. I'm still going to ask him about the copper IUD, too. He wasn't into giving me that one 6 years ago. 

I Googled the "Mirena Crash" and I am hoping that I get off easy. That shit sounds terrible. 🙁

Also... It is so not fair, but there are baby chickens here. When they had them out I didn't have on pants so I couldn't see them. Then when I had pants on, they had put them away. Boo!  🙁

Former foster Dahlia looking quite happy.

Former foster Dahlia looking quite happy.  These kinds of photos make my day.  ❤

Internet, behold Chupi's BUTTSTACHE.

Internet, behold Chupi's BUTTSTACHE.

Pardon my pile of wood stuff.  I have been spring cleaning for months... which is to say that I've been making a bigger mess to clean up.  😛

OH MY. 😳

OH MY. 😳

Chupa's butt fenders are cute, generally speaking, but just now she looked like she had a blonde handlebar mustache on her ass. I really MUST get a photograph of her buttstache. That was awesome.

I keep forgetting that I have a gerbil now.

I keep forgetting that I have a gerbil now.  I don't even remember that she's here until she makes noise and startles me.  Geez.  I need to pull myself together.  😳

I have been guilty of this at Oxford Lake.

I have been guilty of this at Oxford Lake.  Maybe they should post some signs.

Wow.

Wow.  Looks like a lot of things are changing for the animals of Calhoun County.  Things might look bleak now, but hopefully not for long.

I don't even.  😕

https://www.annistonstar.com/view/full_story/24832261/article-residents-implore-county-to-pick-up-strays

This is wonderful news.

This is wonderful news.  Apparently the morning after pill is now available with no prescription.   I might have to run out and get a couple... because I'm starting to suspect more and more that my IUD is what's jacking me up.  I might have to get it removed.  I also have an appointment on Monday to discuss that.  I am not sure what kind of birth control I would switch to from there.  Lots to think about, but it's good know that this is an option now.  🙂

https://www.cvs.com/search?searchTerm=plan%20b

I have an appointment...

I have an appointment at the mental health center on Monday. After a very difficult day yesterday of talking to some people close to me it's pretty obvious that something is going on. I wasn't aware that anyone else could tell, but hearing that they could made it REAL for the first time. I think I needed that. Before, it was literally just all in my head.

I am nervous, but looking forward to feeling like myself again. ❤

Friends

Dawn:  I'm feeling weird tonight, health-wise. That's what I get for Facebooking Blu when she's feeling weird. 😛 Guess I should get some sleep--see if it gets me un-weird.

So... Waffle House last night.

So... Waffle House last night.  The food was good, the service was fine - we had no complaints.  When we arrived one of the guys was taking a smoke break and greeted us before we even got in the building.  Our server seemed a little distracted and she apologized and said that her husband was in the hospital - so we totally understood.  When we left the cook was out taking a break and wished us a good night.  So everyone was super friendly, which was nice.  The thing is, it seemed genuine (the two outside guys were on breaks, therefore not obligated to talk to us) - not like when you go to a fancier place and you know that the staff is required to say that stuff.  So that was really nice.

So when we left and got to the car a third guy who works there (maybe a server - I am not sure) followed us and asked us how the waitress was.  We said that she was good.  He was like, "Well then why didn't you leave her a tip?"

The thing is - we did.  Me and Shaun had this whole big conversation about it.  I was just gonna put it on my card, but he was like, "You should always leave cash if you have it!" so I was like "Ok" and left a $5 on the table.  So we told the guy that and he went back in and we sat in the car and watched to make sure he found it and he did - so we left.  It wasn't hidden or anything, but I guess not visible from where the waitress was standing - and they hadn't even cleaned off the table.  So they didn't even double-check before that guy ran out to our car.

How weird is that?  Has anyone else ever had that happen?  I mean - on the one hand - I GET IT.  If I'd done my job and not gotten paid it would have upset me, too.  I doubt I would ever run out to someone's car... or even have someone else do it, though.  And on the off shot I was having the kind of night where I would do such a thing I would be SUPER SURE that the money wasn't there first.

I guess the moral of the story is:  Waffle House in Anniston is nice, but don't stiff them on the tip.  They will send a non-threatening little white boy out to collect.  😂😂😂

I. feel. weird.

I. feel. weird.

I wish Waffle House delivered.  Since they don't, I have the best Shaun ever driving me there.  I don't think I'm ok to drive.  Silly Blu, thinking medicine will make you feel better - not weird.  I needs some food in mah belly.  Maybe that will help me back to normal.

Sad, but far too often, it's true.

Sad, but far too often, it's true.

Chupa hid the toast in my room...

Chupa hid the toast in my room WHEN I WASN'T LOOKING.  And now I don't know where it is... 😂

Chupa has snatched a piece of toast...

Chupa has snatched a piece of toast and is driving me crazy with trying to find a place to hide it.  She is so doofy.  😂

Shaun just told me...

Shaun just told me that there are no such things as ninjas in real life. I don't believe him. Who's right?

Jajuan, you probably know more about this than anyone. Tell me things.

Anyone going to Repticon...

Anyone going to Repticon in Huntsville this weekend?  I'd planned to, but I'm not sure now.

Oh man.

Oh man. I just saw the most beautiful big rat outside my house. I wish I hadn't scared him. 😕

LOOK HOW STINKIN' CUTE!

LOOK HOW STINKIN' CUTE!

My baby worms. First thing that's made me happy all day. ❤

Look at how TEENSY some of them are!

GUESS WHAT!!! I think I just had baby worms! 😳

GUESS WHAT!!! I think I just had baby worms!  😳

I accidentally ordered little mealworms instead of superworms a while back.  Koopa will eat them, but he didn't eat all 1000 of them.  My beardies aren't interested in such tiny food.  So, a bunch of them grew up into beetles.

WELL.  I didn't want to put the beetles outside because it was winter and I didn't want them to die or anything, so I kept them.  Yes, I kept them in the house and fed them and loved them and let them just live here.

And now I have EVEN TINIER WORMS.

That is like... whoa.  I knew that people bred worms somehow, but I didn't know how.  I didn't know it was that easy.  EASY ENOUGH TO DO IT ON ACCIDENT.

I might try this with the big ones if all I have to do is FEED THEM.

My day just got a little better.  🙂  I am officially excited.  😃

I am heading to the couch.

I am heading to the couch.  Probably for another nap - which I can't seem to get enough of lately.

Before I go I just want to tell you all that I have the best son ever.

I have been SLOWLY but SURELY re-organizing the kitchen.  So, no big surprise that it's been a mess in there off and on recently.  This past weekend it got a little crazy in there - as I had about half of my cabinets emptied out all over the floor and counters.  I got a bunch of stuff put away last night so that was good.

This morning when Shadow was on his way to school he said to me "Thank you for cleaning that up."

Now if it had been any other mess and he'd thanked me instead of cleaning it himself I would have been pissed.  But nobody needs to touch anything when I am figuring out where I want shit.  That is a no-no.  😂

How many kids THANK their mothers for cleaning?  I'm betting not many.  🙂

I'm home. I went to work a little late and I left early.

I'm home.  I went to work a little late and I left early.  I just didn't have it in me today.  I slept last night, but I'm sleepy.  I feel like I've been fighting back tears all day.  That shit will wear you down.

Y'all - I don't know what's up with me.  Over the last year (maybe more), I feel like I've had a harder and harder time being happy.  I mean - my life is pretty good so that's dumb.  But that in itself is part of the problem.  I feel guilty for being comfortable while others suffer.

I'm having a really hard time dealing with the fact that life isn't fair, and that I can't always change the things that need changing, and that I can't help everyone, and that even though I help the ones I help it doesn't matter because we're all gonna die anyway - so what's the damn point?  Shaun says that happiness is the point, but I don't know.  Helping animals makes me happy, but at the same time the deeper I get into rescue or rehab the more I see how genuinely fucked up shit really is.  It is all very distressing.

Not only that, but when you really think about it - the fact that you exist means that some other creature or person has less.  The trees that built your house used to be someone else's home, the food that you are eating used to be a life or food for someone else.  No one can exist without taking from someone else.  The very idea of that makes me want to cease to exist.

I know that life is what you make it and all that jazz.  I know that I am not looking at the bright side.  I'm just finding that to be increasingly harder to do and it sucks.  I've never felt such despair in my life as I have over the last year or two.  It's not constant, but when it hits - it's rough.  I don't know if my view of life is shifting, or if I'm sinking into depression, or what.  Most days I am just fine.  But when this hits I am really really not.

I have no idea what to do with myself.  I think I need a nap.

I have a killer headache and I feel emotionally fragile today.

I have a killer headache and I feel emotionally fragile today.

I didn't even help the earthworms stranded on my porch this morning because what's the point? 

I am going to regret that later. 

Well, off to work. I don't know what else to do with myself, anyway.

I have been washing dishes...

I have been washing dishes... WITH MY HANDS.

My shoulders hurt from holding them all up in the sky (I think I'm too short - I need stool for hand-washing dishes) and my nails are UNHAPPY.  Yikes.

I am about to sit in my recliner for a while, take this nail polish off, and see where the night leads me.  😉

Aaand...

Aaand... Shadow is officially 14.

Happy birthday, my not-so-little boy. ❤

If you ever want to feel like you can work magic...

If you ever want to feel like you can work magic... FOSTER.

Look! it's Cookie in his new foster home!

Look! it's Cookie in his new foster home!

Hillary, have you seen this?

I am trying to sleep, but...

I am trying to sleep, but my right leg is hurting like whoa. I didn't do anything to it as far as I know. It's like a deep burning ache and it hurts worse if I bend it. My right butt cheek hurts and the pain in my lower leg is mostly in the front.  I've had this happen to my arm before, too.  I have no idea what this is or how to stop it. Have any of you experienced anything similar?

First thought upon waking:

First thought upon waking:

I shouldn't sleep in this garbage can anymore.

Was I Oscar the Grouch in my dreams last night?  😂😂😂

Yesterday made the 2nd time...

Yesterday made the 2nd time that I found something in my ice water from Jack's.  The first time it was something brown - maybe cardboard for all I know.  But yesterday it was DEFINITELY a bug.

Now I'm sure people eat bugs in all sorts of things all the time, but I don't usually see it so it doesn't bother me.  Like, I wouldn't KNOWINGLY eat something that had a bug mashed up in it or anything like that.

So today I'm doing breakfast at my house.  I have a little coffee pot, some cold water, and some cheese and eggs, and grits.  That's all I need.

Wish me luck.  I hate to cook and I am not good at it.  But I gotta do what I gotta do.  I was nauseated all day yesterday after I found that bug.  My stomach still turns when I think about it.  Yuck.

Today I bought something...

Today I bought something I should have had all of my life:  a step ladder. Why did that never occur to me before?!

Just made this payment to my mortgage company...

Just made this payment to my mortgage company. I didn't know I could pay that far into the past. I shall never pay a late fee again. Bluebird is awesome. 😛

It's a lovely day...

It's a lovely day, but my thoughts are exactly the opposite. I probably should not be left alone with them. There is a rage burning inside me. A delicious, beautiful rage. I am feeling a great need to express it, but not yet. That's ok - my time will come. I feel strangely calm and patient. And quite powerful. I am not alone. I never have been. I couldn't be if I wanted to. They are with me, always.

I had a much-needed day of relaxing. 😃

I had a much-needed day of relaxing.  😃

I spent a lot of the day on my ass watching Netflix.  Cheer's, of course.  While I was doing that I let Chupa and Emma play until I finally had to crate Chupa because she's just into ALL THE THINGS.  The last straw was when she jumped on my nail table, knocked down my nail repair glue without me noticing, and then chewed it until she came to me making a face that clearly said "I have something bad in my mouth".  She had punctured it, but just barely.  I've watched her all day and she's fine, but my nail glue is ruined.  I guess it's lucky for me that I have nubs right now.

After that me and Shaun went to Ft. McClellan to ride bikes.  We went more places than usual.  The weather was nice and my bike seat is positioned ALMOST perfectly.  I rode mostly in comfort.  😂

On Shaun's suggestion we went to the pet cemetery there.  I thought it was probably a bad idea because it would make me sad and I was right.  But it also made me happy to see such beautiful memorials to pets.  I figured it was just going to be a small, run-down kind of deal, but it was really nice with actual grave stones and looked like someone goes and tends it once in a while.  There is a memorial there dated as recently as this past November, (though most of the rest of them are much older), so I guess it's still active.

On the way home we saw some deer.  Like, a whole fucking flock of them.  It was pretty cool although probably sad.  Some fuckers think it's a great idea to mow down the trees at McClellan so the deer probably had nowhere else to be.  😕

Anyway, I hope that tomorrow is as nice.  I am planning to see my dad, and Shaun said he'd be up for walking Emma and Teyla tomorrow, so yay for that.  🙂

At the entrance of the Pet Cemetery on McClellan.

A shot of the Pet Cemetary on McClellan. It bends off to the right wayyy at the back. There is a stream off to the left that is nice. Shaun said he'd like to come back and move the rest of that limb. He got what he could today.

The flock of deer. This is pretty close to the Lowe's in Anniston. This is, sadly, what's left of the trees.

Emma just gave me her bone.

Emma just gave me her bone. I was the only one in the room without one.

She is so special. ❤

Data is on Cheers!

Data is on Cheers!

I didn't really sleep last night.

I didn't really sleep last night.  I am distraught.  Apparently, I was distracted, also.  I went to bed with a door not only unlocked, but OPEN.  Thank goodness Emma is the best dog ever because she could have left and not looked back.  😕

I left Lowrider in a crate all night when she was only in there to keep her out of my way momentarily.  She was SO THIRSTY when I let her out this morning.  Made me feel even more like shit.  🙁

Now that I'm home I've had a good cry and I feel like passing out.

That's dumb.  Shadow's gone and I could be spending quality time with my Shaun.  Or doing my nails.  Or something.

I went to Sally's today on my lunch break.  And guess what?  I didn't even care.  I didn't buy a single polish.

There are some things wrong and they are really getting to me.  I don't get why people don't care and show no interest in doing better.  I'm sorry, y'all, but that is all I can say about it right now.  All in due time, I suppose.

Send me good vibes and will me the strength to handle a situation that is SO MUCH BIGGER THAN ME.  I would appreciate it.  ❤

I thought it would be a good idea...

I thought it would be a good idea for Chupa to play with another doggie so I introduced her to Emma. They got along just fine. Here is a photo of them taking a break. 😛

I am heading to bed shortly. Wish me luck. 😟

I am heading to bed shortly.  Wish me luck.  😟

I had nightmares last night.  Or one long one, really.  I don't usually remember dreams and for that - I am thankful.  Last night's was weird.  I'll tell you.

SO... I had this big group of girlfriends (which is SO not IRL me).  We were going to this vacation house which was like, a lake house.  For whatever reason we had an activity planned.  That activity was shooting each other with harpoons.

So we get there and start hunting each other and the first girl gets shot, and then about half of us decide that is a bad idea.  But the other half wants to keep going.  And we, (for whatever reason), can't just leave (unless you get harpooned.  That means you HAVE to leave.)  So we're just there - hunting and fighting and hiding, trying to harpoon our friends, but not get harpooned.

Before I go any further let me just say that we weren't FATALLY harpooning each other.  We were going for like, arms and legs.  So there were rules.

So that was scary as hell.  Even though these girls were my friends I didn't know who I could trust.  I think I hid under the porch a lot.

Anyway, on the inside of the house we had dead Michael Jackson in a box.  But not like, embalmed MJ.  It was like, slimy, rotting-in-a-glass-box MJ.  I think we were going to try to Frankenstein him or something, but I am not certain.  I woke up before I got there.

Here's hoping that I DON'T finish that dream.  😳

The rest of the house is back to normal.

The rest of the house is back to normal.  My room is ALMOST finished.  I just have a couple of boxes left of things to put away.  THANK GOODNESS FOR THAT.  I HAVE FOUND MY SANITY.

Lizard news:

I saved a floor scrap and we put that down in Mona's house today.  She had flooring down, but it was not as great as my floor.  I guess it was cheaper stuff because it stained easily and was thinner and not as pretty.  So now me and Mona having matching floors.  😃  Teyla's matches Shadow's room because we did his floor last year and had her first.  And yes - I'm well aware that I am a dork.  😂  BUT there are practical reasons for this, as well, so whatever.  😛

Koopa is all moved into his new tank.  I thought he'd freak out because it's glass, but he's not climbing the walls.  Yet, anyway.  I'll see how he's doing in a couple of days.  I like being able to see him without opening a box and looking in.  I hope he likes being able to see out.

Everything I read said that horned lizards stress easily and not to handle them, but I've been holding him more lately with the move and all of that and he seems just fine.  I've also been transferring him to a different tank to eat roaches and worms because they hide in the sand and then he can't find them to eat them.  And when I pick him up he doesn't run.  Half the time he tries to go up my arm.  That doesn't feel to me like I'm stressing him out.  He's still eating and using the bathroom.  He's still much thinner than I'd like, but I'm starting to think that after all of this time he might have a parasite or something.  I ordered him some meds, but I want to make sure he's settled before I go and give him anything. JUST IN CASE.

Anyway, that's about all I have to say.  I think I'm gonna head to the couch and do my nails.  Nothing fancy, but at least really paint them.  It's been about 2 weeks.  Now that most of my handy-work is coming to an end it might do them some good.  🙂

Just got this in an email:

Just got this in an email:

"On March 1, 2014 Alabama Fish and Wildlife rescinded their new policy. Alabama can rehabb all wildlife again! You all helped with this decision! Thank you to everyone of you for all your help! And thank you F/W for showing that you do indeed have a heart! The babies of Alabama thank you also!"

Thanks to everyone who signed and spoke out.  Opossums and raccoons all over the state thank you, as well.  ❤

My house is finally tolerable.

My house is finally tolerable. Not totally done, but I can finally relax a little. Woo!