Front-door friend. ❤️

Front-door friend. ❤️

Dat ass. 😂😂😂

Dat ass. 😂😂😂

"Hey, what are you doing?"

5:30 in the morning, Shaun clearly asleep...

Me:  Hey, what are you doing?

Him:  mumbles something unintelligible

Me:  You wanna go to the park?

Him: ... Why don't you just go?

Me: Ok.

(to the group chat with the kids because they are still awake [I have better shit to do than micro-manage their lives; don't judge me]): Hey, can I borrow someone's car? I wanna go skate.

Shadow:  It's too early for that, but sure.

Me, at the skate park at 6 am:  Got this whole damn place to myself. 😁😁😁

Ooh! Just found a camel spider in the kitchen.

Ooh! Just found a camel spider in the kitchen. How exciting!!!

I took him outside. But look at this dude. Too cool!

Not my photo, but check out that mouth!  SO NEAT!

Awoken in the best way. 😍

Awoken in the best way. 😍

Me and Shaun both rushed to the windows in delight to see them. Feels a bit like being a kid at Christmas again. We could see the people waving from the closer balloon.

Good morning from New Mexico. ❤️

I've been EXTREMELY low-energy all day.

I've been EXTREMELY low-energy all day.  I would almost say that I'm feeling a little depressed.

I got woken up early to help with a chore.  All four of us went to do it and that wasn't even necessary so I (theoretically) COULD HAVE gotten my rest.  After we were done we got breakfast on the way home.  Then I watched the other half of a movie that me, Shaun, and the kids started watching last night.  I wasn't into it and by the time it was over I was headed to my nest for quiet time.  I napped and then talked to Janet.  I wish both of us felt better, but regardless it was good to hear from her.

After I finally stopped hiding me and Shaun watched something on TV and then went to get some yummy food.  That perked me up a little.  Sometimes I just need to sit and look at his face.  We got home and I painted his fingernails while we finished watching a series, and then I shaped my claws.  I was trying out the oval shape, but it's just not for me.  I am aware that not everyone thinks short stilettos are cute, but I like them and even Shaun said they looked better.  Sadly, that is all I've had the energy to accomplish today.

I just realized that I might be feeling down because I looked at my memories on here yesterday and it was the anniversary of Booka's death.  The end of an era for me.  The last of my pack to pass away.  It was hard to read my post and not have feelings about it.  I am probably still sad.  ... Yeah.

Unfortunately for me, taking ownership of my content by checking memories every day this year and copying them has me re-living the best of times as well as the worst.  Some days it is very hard.  That was probably the case last night, but I was too exhausted and too distracted by the movie to realize that I probably needed to process that and have a little cry before falling asleep.  It is really crazy and amazing how the body responds to mental and emotional stress.

I guess I'm probably off to go (possibly) traumatize myself some more.  At least I'm going in bracing myself today.  Wish me luck or good vibes or something.  ❤

I'm having a day.

I'm having a day.

Spending some quiet time in my nest.

I spent most of the day with a friend and it was awesome, but...

I spent most of the day with a friend and it was awesome, but I think Boyfriend missed me. 😂❤️

Two Newses:

Two Newses:

1)  I have an interview.  It's for the holy-grail of my employment choices.

2)  Kira found the car she wants AND we got it locked down.  That's especially hard right now because used cars are selling fast.

Those are some pretty exciting things.

If you know me at all, then you know that excitement is terrible for me.  So... I got a migraine about it.  😂😂😂😭😭😭

I'm not going to say much about the interview until it's over and I know something, but I am qualified, excited, and willing to make some sacrifices to get the job.  I 100% could do this work and I'm pretty sure I'd excel at it.

About Kira's car - we started looking a little bit before Leon got sick.  When he got sick everything got put on hold.  Now that he's doing better (he's still got about 2 months of treatment left, but he definitely looks and feels better - thank goodness!) we started looking again.  Kira has done a lot of research and I'm proud of her.  She has test-driven the car twice now and did a thorough inspection of it with Shaun yesterday.  We did the paperwork and got a great deal; however, the bank was closed so we can't pick it up until tomorrow.  I'm excited and happy for her and kind of glad the search is over.  It has been work.

I don't know if all of that finally built up and decided to hit me all at once yesterday, but I got a migraine that just WOULD. NOT. QUIT.   I had to take my medication 3 times to get it to ease up.  That was a first for me; I've never had one so persistent.  Three doses of medication was all that I was allowed to take per the instructions on my prescription.  I was honestly scared that I was going to have to go to the ER for help.

So of course I have a migraine hangover today.  I feel MUCH better than I did yesterday - but far from good.  I have chores that I usually do on Sundays that I'm unsure if I'm going to do today.  I guess I'm taking it slow and easy for now.  I'm about to check my messages and notifications because I just couldn't after a certain point yesterday.

I hope you all are doing well.  I'm not 100%, but the day isn't over yet.  ❤

When I say that I love it here...

When I say that I love it here...

I 👏🏻 FUCK 👏🏻 ING 👏🏻 LOVE 👏🏻 IT 👏🏻 HERE👏🏻.

I'm about to sign myself up for this.

https://www.abqjournal.com/2498866/calling-all-kitten-cuddlers-city-launches-new-nursery.html

Edited to add: If you don't want to read it the high points are:

•  The city spent $14,000 on an animal nursery
•  They are training volunteers to help raise orphaned puppies and kittens
•  They bought incubators for the babies and massage chairs for the volunteers

Shaun was loading the dishwasher...

Shaun was loading the dishwasher just now and dropped a plate and it broke in half. Then he said "I think I broke it."

You THINK?! 😂😂😂

Today Kira FINALLY got to see her new GI doctor.

Today Kira FINALLY got to see her new GI doctor.  I gotta say - I am pretty impressed.

It's no secret that she has been struggling with constipation since before we got her in 2017.  Once she was in our care she started seeing Dr. Eloubeidi in Anniston.  While they did some tests and tried to keep her comfortable I really don't believe that they got to the root of the problem.  They diagnosed her with "Chronic Idiopathic Constipation" which I kind of felt then and still feel is a cop-out.  I'm not saying that's not what she has, but they treated her with a rotation of IBS-C medications because nothing worked for more than a few weeks at a time.  They did do a colonoscopy, but aside from that - asking questions and mashing on her belly was pretty much the extent of their testing.  That could have been something specific to them or a Medicaid limitation - I don't know.  But I do appreciate that they kept her in samples to keep her bowels moving even after she aged off of Medicaid.

Anyway, her new doctor came in and got straight to it.  She's going to start physical therapy to make sure her muscles are doing the right things.  She's getting tests run on her blood and her poop.  She's also being referred to UNM for an imaging study.  For now she's been put back on Linzess and Omeprazole and was told to increase her daily Miralax as well.  The doctor asked very specific questions - like whether Kira still had pain when on the IBS-C meds.  (She did, which is another sign [besides the meds not working for long] that she may not have IBS-C or that her constipation could be caused by something else.)

Overall I truly feel like her doctor is trying to get to the bottom of this.  Our insurance pushed back on some kind of scan, but the doctor said that the other things she is doing should be enough to get that to go through at the next visit if it is still needed.  I am very hopeful that we can get her feeling all the way better.  That is one reason we're here - New Mexico expanded Medicaid and their doctors really seem to care.

You want to know something else that is blowing my mind?  Most doctor offices here have a whiteboard up that lets you know if your doctor is running on time or behind schedule.  I've never seen a doctor have more than a 15 minute wait here (unless you are a walk-in).  We'd barely sat in our chairs before they called us back to a room to have her blood pressure and all that done.  We'd spend hours waiting at doctor offices in Anniston.  I really didn't know it was possible not to wait like that before moving here. The efficiency! ❤️❤️❤️

What is he doing with his back feet?! 😂😂😂

What is he doing with his back feet?! 😂😂😂

He's sound asleep. So goofy. 😂❤️

My favorite thing right now...

My favorite thing right now might be taking this kid out in the morning for fresh air and sunshine, and playing "hide-and-sleep" with him in the evenings. He looks so comfy. Check out those splayed legs! 😂😂😂 I hate to disturb him, but I can't bear to leave him out all night. He's gotta come in where it's safe.

I feel like crap today - thank you, hormones.

I feel like crap today - thank you, hormones.  I have a list of chores that I'd like to be doing, but I seriously don't feel like it so I'm writing instead.  Oddly enough, this goofy-ass post is kind of related in a round-about way to what's going on with my body so I guess it's appropriate that I feel just bad enough to write it.  😂😂😂  A one, and a two, and away we go!

Before I get to my point I want to make the distinction between sex and gender.  Sex (not the act) is assigned at birth and is based on biology, anatomy, and chromosomes.  Gender is a social construct and is how a person identifies.  If you're determined to stay in the dark ages and believe that either of these things are binary (male and female only) rather than a spectrum, then you really aren't my friend.  You can't disrespect my existence (and the existence of many of my friends) like that while simultaneously claiming to care about me (or us).

Anyway.  My biology is pretty undeniably on the female end of the spectrum.  I have the lumps, am reliably hormonal once a month, have easily had a child, and have never really felt super out of place in my body.  My gender, on the other hand, has not always been so straightforward.

In general my opinion on social constructs is that they can get fucked.  I don't do the things generally associated with being a "mom."  Though I'm nurturing I like taking on more of a "provider" role in the home.  My personality is far less feminine than my physical body - which I do still struggle with sometimes. I haven't shaved my legs or armpits in probably about 20 years now.  I have shaved my head off and on for close to 17 years, though.  I stopped wearing make-up closer to 15 years ago.  As I've aged I've presented less and less feminine and have sought out comfort over looks.  Don't get me wrong - I think comfort and make-up and body-hair (and nail polish!) are for everyone, but society does not yet agree with me.  Therefore, I identify as genderqueer.

All of this is to say that when I got eyelash extensions a few weeks ago and Shaun literally laughed at me when he picked me up from the appointment - I should have seen that coming.  😆😂😂😂  Both of the kids (in a nice, roundabout way) said that I looked weird, too.  I also should have seen THAT coming.  😂😂😂

First of all, I asked for something that looked natural.

Big, long, BLACK eyelashes don't look that natural on pale, petite little me - but that is what I left with.  Secondly, they were so long that they were brushing into my glasses - blegh.  Third, they required me to adjust my sleeping habits (which is not gonna happen) AND they needed to be BRUSHED?  Ok - I don't even brush my head hair; I usually don't even have enough to brush.  And now I'm gonna brush my EYELASHES?  Ha.

They were pretty (if a bit dramatic) for a few days.  But after days of sleeping on one side of my face and them getting all twisted up and crazy and starting to fall out... yikes.  I knew early on that this was not going to be thing I keep up... but I also did not want to pay to have them removed.  The initial expense of having them put on was enough of an investment in this failed experiment for me.  😅

So... rather than pluck all of my eyelashes out I opted to trim them... with nail clippers.  The first round of that was not super pretty.  😆  I didn't really care, though - I wanted my comfort back.  After a few days of that I was feeling a little itchy... it might have been all in my head, but I wanted those things OFF.  So I turned to the handy-dandy internet and wound up trying to remove them with coconut oil and ended up with blurry eyes for a few hours that night and it was no fun.  So not long after that my natural eyelashes had grown out enough that I could trim them close to the root with my nail clippers and that is what I did.

So Shaun's over here with barely any eyebrows (those take a long time to grow back, apparently; I didn't realize!) and I'm over here with barely any eyelashes.  🤣🤣🤣  We are a sight to behold.  🤪

Y'all might be wondering what possessed me to try eyelash extensions in the first place.  Well, for one - my natural lashes are light and I'm not going to do something that requires effort every day - such as putting on and removing mascara or false lashes - so I was looking for a low-effort solution to that.  For two - eyelashes (to me) aren't inherently feminine because almost everyone grows them.  Also, I have no problem with enhancing a feature or looking nice; I'm not anti-pretty or anti-looking-nice for myself; I just want to do it on my own terms.

These were just not it. They looked especially goofy compared to my super-light natural lower lashes. I tried, and I failed.

Here is my "I done goofed." face for your enjoyment. 😂😂😂

The other day...

The other day Shaun found out that Cubba doesn't like his alarm. He's been teasing him for days by randomly playing it and watching Cub run around barking and looking for it.

A few minutes ago Shaun decided to show Cub what it was - and Cubba started howling. This whole situation was precious for 2 reasons:

1). We've NEVER heard Cub howl. Ever. Not with other dogs, not with sirens, not for any reason. It was so unexpected! And we love doggie songs!

2). Shaun was SO EXCITED to hear Cub howl that his eyes were huge and his mouth was in a wide-open smile. Look - Shaun is always laughing and smiling, but this was next-level excitement and joy on his face. It was so awesome.

Between the two of them my heart is happy today. 😍❤️

Someone must have enjoyed his lunch.

Someone must have enjoyed his lunch. Look at all the crumbs on his chin! 😂😂😂

It's ok, Boyfriend. I'm a messy eater, too. 😂

Kira's in the kitchen...

Kira's in the kitchen... sounds like she cooking something up! It's nice to hear her back at it. She's barely left her room in weeks because she's been taking care of Leon.

Here's a photo of Leon from yesterday. Kira knows how to work the angles because little buddy is SKINT UP with all of his shaved spots, but you can't tell in this photo.

He has a Mohawk down his back for injections, a shaved wrist from his IV, a shaved tummy from the ultrasound and fluid draw, and his butt and tail are mostly shaved. He's a mess. 😂😂😂 But he's alive and doing much better and that's the important part.

Y'all show Leon some love. (I'm serious - Kira's gonna be offended if he doesn't get some compliments. 😂😂😂 Let her know he's beautiful!)

Boyfriend is packed and ready to go! 😂😂😂

Boyfriend is packed and ready to go! 😂😂😂

I don't know what either of these plants are, but...

I don't know what either of these plants are, but Kira says that the darker pink bush is "her roses" and tells Cubba that he "Better not pee on them!" 😂😂😂

Whatever they are, they're pretty! ❤️

Leon has pooped.

Leon has pooped. It's been almost 2 weeks and this was another piece of progress that we've been waiting for. I can't remember the last time I was so grateful for a turd. What a relief for us all - especially poor Leon. ❤️

I don't even care if I sound crazy

I don't even care if I sound crazy, but I'm pretty sure Tort Baby either knows his name or knows my voice. I haven't figured out which it is yet, but he definitely responds when he hears me talking or say his name.

Cubba af. 😂😂😂

Cubba af. 😂😂😂

This is another Leon update.

This is another Leon update.

I think our boy is going to be ok.  I say that with the hope in my heart that he continues to get stronger every day and that we get no more awful surprises.

He's moving around more and is far less wobbly than before.  He's still eating on his own - small amounts, but that's ok.  Kira got his treat bag out last night and he was so excited that he didn't wait for her to get one for him; he stuck his head right in and got one for himself.  His face looks far less miserable than it did days ago.  His eyes are starting to look clear and much more alert.  He pays attention to things going on around him now.  He's even gotten on her bed a few times on his own.  The improvements he's making are so welcome.

I cannot believe that just 7 days ago he was basically knocking on death's door.  (This week flew by because we were all scared and worried and sleep-deprived.)  For now he is still on pain medication, but I don't know if that's really necessary.  He is getting two injections per day from Shaun.  He's interested in food and not throwing up so we've saved his last nausea pill for in case we need it.  He's still on eye drops twice per day, which Kira handles well.

The good news is that he'll probably only need shots twice daily for a couple of more days and then we can drop down to daily.  The bad news is that the treatment he's getting lasts for 84 days - yes - eighty-four.  We may be able to switch to pills at some point, but in my experience it's not easier to make a cat swallow a pill than to inject them.  He'll also need to be closely monitored for relapse for another 84 days after his treatment ends so this is nowhere near over with, unfortunately.

We're finally starting to breathe and rest over here.  It is a much-needed change.  I think that for now regarding Leon, no news from me is going to be good news - but do feel free to check on him if any of you wish.  Better yet - message Kira and she'd probably be happy to tell you how wonderful and good and sweet he is and overload you with pictures.  She loves to brag on him and it would probably make her feel very loved.

I guess I'm about to get ready to help with his nightly injection and then get ready for bed.  I love you all.  Goodnight.  ❤

Another Leon Update:

Another Leon Update:

He licked some wet food, took a piece of turkey from Shadow, and tried a bite of tuna.  He also climbed up on the bed to be with Kira, and has head-bonked her at least once when she kissed him.  He also laid on his tummy a few times which is a lot nicer than seeing him splayed out on his side and not moving - which is all he's done up until today.

I still don't know that he won't take an unexpected downturn because this sickness is terrible, but I am feeling much more optimistic about his condition than I have all week.  I am so grateful for his improvement and really hope it continues. I really, truly think we got his not-FDA-approved drugs to him just in the nick of time.

Thank you again to everyone who's thought about us or checked on us.  ❤

LEON DRANK WATER BY HIMSELF!!!

LEON DRANK WATER BY HIMSELF!!!

It was just a few licks, but he did it and sniffed his food. We are so excited! The kids were smiling so hard.

Shaun was sleeping when it happened, but I slapped his shoulder (out of excitement) and told him the news. He smiled and thumbs-upped and hugged me.

I checked his gums and the color is returning. My heart is hopeful. I could cry.

Another Leon update:

Another Leon update:

He's still with us.  After being told on Thursday the he had only days left to live I am honestly pretty shocked he's still here.

Obviously I have no idea what is going on inside his body, but we are seeing small signs that he might be feeling a bit better.  I personally don't think he's out of the woods yet; he's still either very lethargic or very sedated from his pain meds, his gums are pale, he still wobbles when he walks, and he is still not eating or drinking on his own.

HOWEVER, he still urinates in his litter box.  Kira said that he was a little less wobbly today.  He's begun looking at her face again and responding with a meow when she speaks to him.  He is swallowing better when we syringe feed him; actually, he's doing well enough with that that the kids are now doing that on their own and me and Shaun are basically on medication duty.  That is still a "''round the clock" type of deal, but it's a lot easier.  He has shown interest in water a couple of times, though he hasn't drank any on his own yet.

All in all, I am feeling CAUTIOUSLY optimistic that he might survive this.  At what cost to his future health - I do not know, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.  For now we're just taking it day by day and still doing the best we can.

I really appreciate the outpouring of love and support from everyone.  I am so sorry for not responding to individual messages and comments yet, but I'm in battery-saver mode at the moment.  We slept with the windows open the night before last and I got hit with a smoke+pollen combo yesterday morning that had me almost out of commission yesterday.  The air is clear now and I'm functional, but I'm saving my batteries for the family at the moment.  Shaun was the one who was up all night last night with the kids and the kitty because allergy meds put me down so I'm officially tagged in while he catches up on some rest.

Anyway, love to you all.  I hope you are doing well.  ❤

I would like to thank everyone...

I would like to thank everyone who's messaged us and responded to my last post.  When I have the energy I will definitely respond to everyone individually, but right now we're all running low on energy and using what energy we do have to care for Leon.

On Thursday we were told that Leon had only days to live.  From then he received nutrients via an NG tube and hydration via IV until we brought him home from the vet yesterday (Saturday) afternoon.  We received the "experimental" drugs for him yesterday and started him on them as soon as we got him home.  He's also on a painkiller and anti-nausea meds and eye drops as well as needing to be fed by syringe every hour or so because he isn't eating or drinking on his own.  Needless to say - it's a lot to do and we are all working around the clock.

The kids have alarms set for all of his medications.  Shaun and I are helping with the medicating and the feedings because the kids aren't as used to doing this type of stuff as we are.  To be frank, the kids look like shit.  Shadow is delirious from lack of sleep.  They are catching naps between alarms and not taking care of themselves despite me urging them to.  I've never seen them so stressed and it breaks my heart, but me and Shaun are supporting them and helping.  We just know that there is no pouring from an empty cup and are taking a little bit better care of ourselves than they are.  I have to out of necessity because I've been close to migraine territory for 2 days and I can't help anyone if I let myself get to that point.

I can't yet say if I think Leon will be ok.  His pain meds keep him pretty sedated so I can't tell how he really feels.  I'm still scared for him and don't know if any of this is actually helping him.  One thing I will say is that he seems to be swallowing better than before so that is improvement.  He's still getting up to pee in his box.  Other than that he's not moving much (hopefully because he is sedated).  I'm happy to take any improvement I can get, but I also know (sadly from experience - not with FIP specifically, but through fostering, rehab, and my pets) that things can look up and still not work out.

We are all very stressed, but glad to have him home.  Kira wanted to leave him at the vet on fluids and NG tube for nutrients while taking his new meds (which I thought was an excellent idea), but they wouldn't administer his not-FDA-approved drugs to him, nor allow us to do it while he was there.  Since this medication was our only shot at actually saving his life we chose to bring him home and do as much as we could ourselves.

Kira is still very optimistic and I think she is in denial about the very real possibility that Leon may not be with us much longer, but I am glad he made it home, at least.  I don't think she'd have been ok with him passing away at the vet without her there.  I think that him being home and all of us doing our literal best for him gives her something to do besides just worry about him, although she's still doing plenty of that, too.

Kira had a therapy appointment on Friday and I really thought she'd try to skip it, but she didn't.  I was grateful.  Her therapist scheduled her twice this upcoming week and also gave her some emergency numbers to call in case the worst happens and she can't deal.  I am grateful for that, as well.

I don't have anything else to report.  I'll update with Leon's status when it changes - for better or worse.  We're all hoping for better.  Until then if I'm quiet on here or slow to respond to messages then you all know that it's because I'm using my energy to take care of myself and my family - Gramson included, obviously.  Thank you all for the love and support.  ❤