I've read about this from more than one source...

I've read about this from more than one source and find it both distressing and helpful.

Simply resting more was really not bringing me back to a more functional state. When I say things like "I don't know how to exist/be a person anymore." this is exactly what I mean.

I have functioned one way for 43 years, and it no longer works for me. I literally don't know exactly what steps I have to take to get back to some version of "ok", but I know that whatever my future looks like, it will have to be different from the past. That is infinitely vague. 😅😭

Hermiting has helped a bit. As a recovering people-pleaser, being less socially available has reduced demands a lot, but as a social creature with "golden retriever energy" (per my son), it's also not sustainable. I have to learn to protect my energy while still maintaining friendships, and I don't know what that looks like. I'm starting with shorter hangouts and not taking any tasks, but will my people still feel loved? I don't know, and that's scary.

I am (hopefully) going to be working full-time again within the next few months. What does that look like? Will people want to work with me still if I don't/can't agree to everything? Small talk drains my life force with a quickness. I prefer written instructions vs. verbal. How do I navigate that?  Give me a prioritized list and I'm great. Is it ok to just say it? Is that asking for an accommodation and what if my manager doesn't like it?

There is so much I don't know. It feels like a lot to untangle. It is a lot to figure out. And I'm trying, but it's baby steps.

The struggle is real, but I love you and appreciate you for sticking with me through this mess. I hope that whatever relationship we have when I come out on the other side is intact in a way that still works for us both. 💙