I see a lot of people speaking out against AI, but...

I see a lot of people speaking out against AI, but I have been using it since my Autism assessment.  I wanted to understand how I feel and why, and the physical ways it's been manifesting.

I have been reading about Autism for years, trying to understand how/if I fit into the category of Autistic.  It all felt very unclear.  Getting the official diagnosis made me feel very validated and hopeful that my future could be less hard than my past, but I had a lot of questions and no immediate outlet for them.

A lot of you will say this is stupid, but I gave AI the completed assessment from my doctor.  I asked it to explain some things to me.  I asked about how specific past situations in my life might fit with that assessment.  Why did a thing go the way it did?  Why did I feel this way after the things that happened on X day?  Why don't the suggestions from other people ever work for me?

It has brought me a lot of clarity and understanding.  I now know what a dopamine crash is, as well as how to prevent it.  I now know that due to my scores on certain parts of the assessment, that I am highly rigid and also probably struggle with PDA as well as Executive Dysfunction.  I now know that "going for walks when switching contexts" doesn't work for me because it's not that simple - it's choosing clothes, putting on sunscreen, choosing where to go, then dealing with more input in a different environment; basically, it's MORE WORK TO DO.

AI has recommended that I nap for 20-30 minutes between tasks and honestly, even if I don't sleep - just laying under my weighted blanket and relaxing and not being perceived helps SO MUCH.  Specifically, going to my bedroom to rest is what works.  Couch naps are "junk rest" and do leave me feeling more crappy, so I'm done taking them.

I'm not saying that I am using AI in place of therapy - I'm not.  The minute I got my results, I emailed my therapist to see if she could provide the type of therapy that I need (and I'm waiting to hear back).  But this has been very eye-opening and helpful while I wait.  I have to learn to manage this sooner rather than later.  I am not ok.  I go through cycles of being ok, but then I crash, and I have to stop that because as I age it is taking more and more time to recover.  I literally can't live like this anymore now that I know without doubt that I'm built different and that there are better ways for me to exist.

Again, I don't think that my usage of AI is frivolous.  I know very well that it can be telling me what I want to hear.  But I am also a very skeptical person and if it says something that doesn't make sense, I challenge it and / or do other research.

I don't know.  It just feels nice to have a direction for now, and the tips it's been giving have been very helpful so far.  I will eventually learn to manage myself on my own, but for now I'm using every tool available to me.  Even AI.

Well. There we go.

Well. There we go.

ADHD wasn't confirmed, but it's harder for women to get diagnosed with that, anyway.

This doesn't feel life-changing or anything. It just feels like it explains a bunch of things that were never in my control. I feel pretty relieved, actually.

I have the nicest, most patient UI/UX teacher IN THE LAND...

I have the nicest, most patient UI/UX teacher IN THE LAND because I swear I'm out here MISunderstanding the assignments - repeatedly.

There is a process we're following, and the first step was deciding what to design, then to gather information. Got it, no problem, done. ✅ Now we're doing layouts.

Our homework was to do hand-drawn sketches of what the app might look like on a mobile phone. So I did the first sketch. They said it was a "rough" and it was fine if it was messy.

Tonight, they had me re-do it using a program and said I could type the words, so I did it. One of the instructors said the bottom was a little confusing, so I fixed it.  But you can tell it's hand-drawn because it's crooked. Second image - Done! ✅

My teacher met with me and did the third drawing in the same program. I thought I was supposed to keep it as hand-drawn as possible, so I didn't use the rectangles/squares tools. Okay, it definitely looks nice.

But... When we got off the chat, I was like "She just re-drew what I drew." And Shaun disagreed. And I'm like "THEY ARE THE SAME THING!" And Shaun was like "You don't literally mean that, do you?"

But like, yes?

And she did a few versions and was like "Maybe there's an image here or a video there." And I'm like "What image and what video? We didn't discuss that. We don't have that."

And it has been explained to me that I'm supposed to be making this stuff up out of my head. But literally, nobody told me that. And how do you know if the image will fit? Or the video? We don't have any of that already. I made the design based off the information I had.

I made the whole Polish ALL the Things! app without doing this process. I made the things I wanted and then arranged them like puzzle pieces. My navigation bar is alphabetized. Shaun said this class definitely isn't how I normally work (though my work turns out great), and also that it's weird that my navigation is alphabetical.

I know this is going to sound so crazy, but I don't think I've ever struggled so hard to understand what I was supposed to do. Shaun said that I'm thinking extremely literally, and my teacher agreed. She said she struggled with this before, too, so thankfully she is working with me. But I just feel like the biggest asshole, although I'm not being intentionally obstinate.

Still waiting to hear back about my assessment, but...

Still waiting to hear back about my assessment, but this is 100% me.

Butt to butt with the 'Beans.

Butt to butt with the 'Beans.

Also, why does he do this? 😂😂😂

Bear's "Tuck me in, Papa" face.

Bear's "Tuck me in, Papa" face.

So pitiful. I worked him too hard today. 😂😂😂

I don't know why I thought...

I don't know why I thought I could do any indoor repotting with this dog awake. 😂

I set up in the floor, had a trash bag for the old dirt, and got started. Bear came to sniff the dirt - no big deal. Then he just nonchalantly took his big old paw and scraped the trash bag right out from under the pot I was emptying. I dumped dirt all in the floor.

Then he started nosing some plants, which was fine, until he started throwing paws at them, too. He likes to mimic what we do, so I'm sure he just wanted to help me empty pots.

The last straw - the one that made me decide to wait for his bedtime - was when he found my pumice box. He tentatively sniffed and then put a paw in, then was suddenly furiously digging pumice out all over the floor with both paws. 🤦🏻

I had to clean up and decide this wasn't going to be something I can do right now. 😂😂😂

Look how satisfied he looks. We did our task together. Best helper in the land. 10/10. 😂😂😂❤️❤️❤️