I've been pretty quiet...

My animals are dying off and I am at peace with that. It's mostly the smaller ones with shorter life spans and they're all pretty elderly. I've lost quite a few this year and I imagine that in the next year or two I'll be down to mainly my dogs and the cat. I think I've only got about 20 right now down from 49 in the last couple of years. It's not like I WANT them to die or that I'm looking forward to it, but I know that none of them will live forever. I haven't taken in very many (in comparison to years past), because I AM looking forward to having less responsibility. It's a big job (and quite expensive) to care for so many little creatures properly.

In other animal news I've been fostering a dog for a few months now and he's finally going to his forever-home this week - in WISCONSIN. His name is Bug and he's a sweetie and SO funny to play with. He likes to chase the cat laser and when he rolls around playing with the other dogs he makes a REALLY funny sound. Maybe I'll put him up in my album for all to see. I can't say that I won't miss him - I'm sure I will, but I'll be glad to have one less. Shadow is pretty bummed that he's going away - he cried about it even though I told him up front that we weren't keeping him. I think fostering might not be my thing if he's going to get attached so easily. I feel terrible when he's sad over things like that. 😟

So anyway this is BugBug...

He's a sweet and handsome fella. 😊

I guess I've been pretty quiet. This might be a long post.

I used to tell the internet everything and I just don't anymore. I feel like a lot of me sharing so much with the internet was due to the newness of it all (it was pretty fun at first) and the fact that I was probably lonely on some level. It was also cool to find people that I'd lost touch with and it was certainly handy to stalk people with (to cure boredom or otherwise - don't act like you've never. 😂) Now I guess I've just lost interest with a lot of that - not to mention that a lot has changed with me over the last year or so. I'm not complaining, though.

Anyway, I'm awake tonight doing my laundry. I ended up sleeping A LOT this weekend so I'm not even a little tired right now. My bestie is probably doing things to his house, or sleeping, so I'm not going to disturb him. Nope - I'm going to blog. I've kept to mostly to myself so I have plenty I can say.

In Shadow-ish news - he's still a good kid. But he's getting an attitude. He's approaching double-digits - the "tweens" I believe it's now called. Holy shit and whatnot. These are the years that I've been scared of and I'm no less scared now that it's here. I've never really felt that I was cut out to be a parent, but I've always tried. And now I'm starting to feel like I'm in over my head. When he gets an attitude with me I usually yell at him. Which either a) makes him cry, or b) makes him angry. So I've been trying not to do that lately and talking to him calmly seems to work better, but I have to REALLY try hard to make that happen.

Not only that, but he's got this thing with video games - he likes them a lot and he gets upset when one stumps him. Also, that's pretty much all he talks about and that's kind of annoying. I'm starting to feel like I want to just get rid of all of them completely and let him find something else to be interested in, but I don't know. It's not like his grades are slipping or that he never plays with his other toys or picks up a book or anything. He does. I guess it's just a matter of how much is too much, ya know?

Along the lines of Shadow, but not really:   Pooh. I hear that he's back in town, but he hasn't contacted us. I sent him an honest (and probably somewhat hurtful) email at the end of last year and haven't heard from him since (well - until he admitted recently in a comment on one of my status updates that he was sort of stalking me). I don't really know what the deal with that is, although I suppose if I REALLY wanted to know I could ask. But I don't care to make contact.

I hear (which means it could just be some BS that was passed along to me) that he came back to be a part of Shadow's life... but after almost 10 years? Are you kidding? He's got 3 other kids in another state who are probably somewhat used to having him around so I can't wrap my head around ditching them and coming here to wreck the life that Shadow's gotten used to. But like I said I don't know the story - it may not be true at all.

Anyway, I've got a claim form that I need to fill out and send to Norfolk Southern - the railroad company who owns the tracks. The county met with them and they still say that there are no problems back here, but they did give a number to file a claim for damaged property. The county sent me a copy of the letter with that number on there so I've passed it on to my neighbors. I've gotta check and make sure that they file claims, too, so that those idiots at the railroad company might take us seriously. I have a feeling that if more than one of us speaks up we have a shot at getting something done with that ditch back there. Wish us luck.

So I just realized that it's been about a year-ish ago that me and my lover became "official." For those who are not all up in my business I will just tell you: As of about September of last year me and Nick were no longer together. We had a lot of issues and I'm just going to say that we were largely incompatible and leave it at that. We talk occasionally and I think it's safe to say that we don't hate each other's guts, so I'm ok with that. He doesn't like to be blogged about so that's as far into it as I'm going.

Back to what I was saying... it's been about a year and I've yet to be all, "Shaun is my boyfriend" in a public place (such as the internet). I think part of it is that we work together, but if the coworkers don't have a clue by now then they're probably not going to. It's never been a secret that we spend time together and stuff like that, but unless you're one of my close friends I doubt it's really come up. So anyway:  Shaun is my boyfriend and he is THE AWESOME-EST. I feel so lucky to have him in my life. He's so kind and thoughtful and helpful. And beautiful. And nice to Shadow and my dogs. And fun to be around. And SNUGGLY, OMG. I love him from his head to his toes - even the way he picks his nose. (I'm dead serious - it's so clean I'd eat out of there when he's done. I can't stand snotty noses).

I realize that I probably sound crazy, but he makes my life better. It's kind of a big deal. We get along so well and like doing a lot of the same stuff. I guess it's not that we have a ton of specific interests in common, but more that we're both up for doing / trying whatever most of the time. Even when we're working around our houses and stuff it doesn't really feel like work. I don't know. I just find it absolutely amazing that I mesh so well with another person. My heart feels all glowy and I am HAPPY. 😊

I guess I'm done with laundry for the night and I can't think of anything else that I haven't already posted. I'm going to get ready for bed because I don't want to be late for work in the morning. I guess I'll catch all of yous later. ❤

Quickie... (Part 2)

I'd like to put it out there (and NO, this is not an open invitation to start flinging animals my way) that I'm down to 20 of my own + a foster dog. Nick finally took his hedgehog the other day, my last mouse died, and I did something I've never done before: I sent an animal away that I'd planned to keep. Fostering is one thing... I've done that a few times. But when I have plans to keep an animal I will usually keep them no matter what. If there are issues I'll train them or work around it somehow. But that just didn't happen this time and I can't say that I didn't try.

We have a kitten named Midna and she's a good girl. I went to my mom's and picked up one of her cats, Twilight, to keep Midna company (Midna was SO playful that she was driving me nuts!) Twilight had been outside all of her life, although she was only 5 or 6 weeks old - the same age as Midna. Well, this cat had litter box issues from the start. We cleaned the box every day and that didn't work. So I bought another one and that didn't work. So I confined her and I just felt bad about it. But it didn't work either. Not only that, but she wouldn't stay off the table or counters and she never cleaned her butt. She smelled TERRIBLE.

After the last few months of her peeing in my shoes, any available Wal-Mart bag, Shadow's bed, the floor, and the carpet, she finally peed on the love seat that I'd just steam cleaned. And that was the last straw. I really think that that cat might have been mentally stunted because she just made no progress in all the time she was here. I have a spray bottle that I squirt them with to keep them off the table and counters and Midna just won't go up there anymore. But Twilight would no matter what. I just really think she would be more suited to live outdoors and she can't do that here. I live too close to the road. So I sent her back to my mother's house. Shadow and Midna are taking it pretty well, (Midna seems happy, even), but I feel guilty. I've never just given up on an animal like that. Not even when Emma ripped up my floor and I was furious over that.

Well, Midna just jumped up in my lap and smells surprisingly sweet. I want to lick her, but I won't. I might try to find out what she's been into, though. I might be up for rolling around in it, too. 😛 Laters.

Quickie... (Part 1)

I think my car was robbed. I used to have a really cute Oscar the Grouch trashcan in there and it's gone. Also, I had a fairy necklace hanging on the rear view mirror and the crystal (pretty, but totally worthless) is gone from it. I cleaned my car rather thoroughly last week and I didn't notice anything fishy at the time - although I don't recall seeing my trashcan.

I'm not upset as much as amused... it's just so odd. I never lock my car and pretty often leave the windows down because I never have anything of real value in there. I don't know. I guess the only thing I wonder about the situation is where it happened... I think I'd be more upset if I knew that this happened at my house. I don't like to have my space invaded.

So anyway, that's all that's new with me. SOS has some pretty big news, but he can share that if and when he feels like it. All I'll say is that it kept me pretty busy all weekend. 😁

The FAST.

So, I did it. All of the 8 days. I did eat the night of the 8th day because I thought it might make me sick and I REALLY didn't need to be sick at work the next day. I guess I was pretty lucky - nothing bad happened.

I realize that everyone is different, but starting and ending the fast went nothing like I expected. I've read that you should taper off from eating before you fast - but I went to Mexico Lindo and ate until I was full. I read that you should only eat fruits and veggies when coming off a fast - but I had a salad, pizza, and some dark chocolate truffles. And I can't think of any complications from any of that. Well, after I ate again I didn't poop for a few days, but I don't like pooping anyway - so whatever. I don't think that I was necessarily clogged up so much as it takes a little time to get things moving again.

Coming off the fast was kind of emotional... when I was making my salad I kept thinking I wanted a bite of tomato, but that I shouldn't eat it. And then it was like, "Wait! I CAN EAT IT!" So I was fucking EXCITED. Like - I was shaking - I was so excited. Apparently, some of what I eat I eat for pleasure. Probably not the best habit, but I feel like that is the norm. At least now I have some idea of how much I NEED to survive versus how much I WANT because... well, I want it.

As for my skin this is what I'm going to try to do. I think I will still have a juice every morning. That is good for me and I like it. Maybe after that I will have some sort of organic cereal with vitamins and protein so that way the protein will keep me from getting hungry early in the day. Then, I can have all of the fruits, veggies, and nuts I want during the day, and then whatever for dinner. That's a pretty large amount of raw food which is supposed to be good for my skin (and probably the rest of me, too). I don't know. I don't have a hard time sticking to that when I come to work prepared. So I guess the biggest thing for me is to make sure I've got healthy food with me. Also, on the weekends I will try to be good, but no promises. If I'm good 5 days out of the week then that is the majority and fuck my skin if it can't deal with that.

I'm hoping that if I can eat more raw and maybe cleanse / fast 3 days a month that it will help. I'm pretty sure there's no way I'm giving up cooked / processed food entirely, but maybe if I can keep it down to 1 meal per day or so then it won't be like I'm just overloading my system with crap non-stop. Regardless, it will definitely be a change in my eating habits for the better.

Anyway, I guess that's all. And now I'm sleepy. ❤

Days 5 and 6 of my FAST

Well, days 5 and 6 have been about the same as day 4... mostly. Today I've been especially tired. I did get to bed later than I intended and I woke up early.

Taking care of myself = I'm doing it wrong. 😕

Unfortunately, in more ways than one.

I've realized that I almost never (like, EVER) go to bed when I'm tired. And I should. I'm tired for a reason - we all are. And when you're fasting you REALLY need to stick to getting your rest. I've done better this past week than I have in (most likely) my entire life, but that doesn't mean that I've had a perfect record of turning in when I need to. That's probably not great for me - especially since I apparently do have something not quite right with me.

Maybe if I didn't push myself so hard I'd have time to heal. My normal routine is to do light housework after work, check my messages, make some food (well... not this week, but in general), etc. And then, when I get tired that's when I get up and REALLY do things. I can think of a million things I need to do before I go to bed so I wake myself up and do them. Then I crash later than I need to and do it all over the next day. I think a change is in order.

So aside from being tired and un-energetic today I've been (according to others) a little goofy in the head. I've thought it was raining and thundering all day and it wasn't. I've been cold (to be expected when you're fasting), but apparently everyone else was pretty warm today. I honestly don't know how off my temperature is seeing as how I'm usually a little colder than everyone around me, but a few people seemed shocked that I was wearing a big coat with the hood up. Also, I've been a little dizzy-headed at times.

I think all of this may have something to do with me not drinking as much juice as I should. You're supposed to feel energetic and buzzy after the detox period on a juice fast, but to be quite honest I'm tired of juice. I've not been having the same thing day in and day out, but I think I'm just tired of juice in general. I was drinking it daily anyway before the fast and now that's the majority of what I've been consuming for almost a week. So, I've not been drinking all that much - mostly water.

I've been drinking a glass in the morning and sipping some throughout the day (I usually don't even finish half of a glass Starbucks bottle during the day) and then when I come home it's pretty much water for me unless I feel like making orange juice or something like that. While I don't feel bad I don't feel wonderful, either, and I'm SURE that's why. I'm supposed to be drinking juice anytime I'm hungry or thirsty (along with water, but the emphasis is more on juice).

At this point I don't feel that I'm doing myself much good, but there's only 2 days left. I'm still going to try to make it to that. I do think I will break the fast on Thursday night rather than Friday morning (hey, I didn't eat while I was sleeping on Wednesday - so it balances out) just because I've read that even eating light can not only wear you out, but do some fun things to your stomach / butt. So, needless to say I'd rather be at home for that than at work and I am certainly not waiting until Friday evening to eat. I'll probably have a tomato... things like that and watermelon and any light fruit are all good to start back eating.

Anyway, all in all it's been an eye-opening experience - especially in regards to my relationship with food. I do believe that I will be doing a monthly 3-day fast (get past the detox and quit 😂) to hopefully keep things in check and remind me that I need less than I think I do. As long as I'm not just bogging my body down with utter crap I've read that a small monthly fast could be beneficial. So, I guess I'll get to find that out.

Well, I need to go grab a few more fruits and veggies to last me the next few days so I'm off to do that. I will let you know how the remaining days go.

Fasting, Day 4

Well, I must say that I'm pleasantly surprised with the results so far. The last 2 days were kind of rough (probably detoxing - which I deserved for not treating my body better), but today I feel quite nice.

I finally went to sleep around 3 this morning... I'd been lying around on the couch most of the day dozing and watching the tele so I wasn't exactly tired before that. Anyway, I woke up at 6:30 this morning to let the dogs out and I was feeling pretty energetic. Luckily, I had someone to take that out on and then I fell asleep again for another 4 hours or so. While I'm not bouncing off the walls I do feel energetic and not sick. No food cravings so far. All I've had today was a single orange (juiced) and some water. I'll probably make another mix before I leave to do some errands and I'll be fine for a while.

So, on to my skin. My face has pretty much cleared. What's left there is barely visible and I really only know it's there when I touch it. When I woke up today the skin on my belly and back wasn't sore at all. Usually the first thing I have to do is lotion it - it's dry and red and cracked and sore. But not today. It actually looks a bit lighter and is smoother, too. I still slathered down in lotion because it's dry skin nonetheless, but it's definitely improved. So I'm pretty excited about that. 😁

So far this has been a really neat experience. I guess when I'm done with my fast I'll try to eat mostly raw, but I doubt I'll be able to fully stick to that. I've read accounts of people fasting for 3 days a month to keep their bodies clean and I guess I could see that being a possibility for me - especially if it actually manages to clear my skin. If I clean myself regularly maybe the detox won't be so bad and I won't have to force myself to eat a 100% raw diet. I'm no good at "dieting" no matter what it's for.

Anyway it was a rough weekend, but the lovely boyfriend really took care of me and helped me through it. He's pretty much the best EVER and I'm a really lucky girl. ❤

One more thing: While on this fast I've realized that hunger is more in your head than your stomach. You would probably be surprised at how little of the right things you need to survive. After doing this I can honestly say that I believe we are over-fed and under-nourished.

More to come...

I'm on day 3...

So far today has been the worst. But I'm hanging in there.

Day 2 (yesterday) was not so easy. I was craving a salad SO hard. I tried to make a salad and juice it, but it was SO thick (I don't like that - I have texture issues - I'd never juiced a tomato before and that didn't go over so well [this is the main reason that green smoothies are not for me]) so I couldn't even get myself to drink it. I'm actually online looking for some more juice recipes... I just need some juice that is not so sweet. I am about sick of sweet juice and unfortunately that's about all I've ever made. If there is anything else that anyone could recommend for fasting - let me know. I'm up for suggestions.

The only other things about Day 2 that I noticed was a few bumps on my face and a bit of a runny nose. Also, I was a bit grumpy... food had been under my nose all day - all of which looked and smelled good. Oh well. Onward.

Day 3, (today) has been pretty rough. None of my juice was very appetizing and I ended up just having plain apple this morning. I promptly felt sick. I know that this was not the best thing to do, but I read (somewhere, among all of the reading I've been doing) that it was not TERRIBLE to do this: I had some chicken broth. And then I laid down. I felt much better when I got up, but I felt SO weak. I made some juice with apple / carrot / spinach / beet / lemon / celery... blegh... the celery. I might try that again minus the celery. It was MUCH stronger than I expected. Mostly drinkable, though.

I've got a dull headache lurking around, but my skin didn't hurt or look as angry when I woke up today. I'm REALLY cold - but I'm wearing snow pants and a thick coat. Also, I'm sore. Like, "when you have the flu" sore. And weak - I'm supposed to be resting a lot so that my body can do the work. All of these are supposed to be signs of your body cleansing so all in all I'm feeling like something is happening, which is interesting.

I guess you could say that I broke my fast with the chicken broth, but regardless I'm not quitting yet. I'll cut myself some slack seeing as how this is my first time. Anyway, off to be a couch potato.

Fasting: Day 1

For anyone who doesn't know:  I'm on a juice fast as of today, officially. I'd like to stick it out until next Friday, the 9th. 8 whole days. I guess we'll see.

My skin is bugging the holy cow out of me (which is the reason I'm doing this. Doctors have never been able to help me and I'm kind of tired of just living with it). My scalp is all flaky (dead sexy, I know) and that is my absolute least favorite place to have psoriasis. When I scratch it (and I am GOING TO scratch it) it makes my hair all flaky (another reason bald was nice) and then when I try to make that go away I end up pulling out a ton of hairs... which hurts and makes me wonder "If I accidentally pull out the same hairs over and over will they just stop growing back? I don't want bald patches!" and then I get all paranoid and stressy over it.

I mean I'm just tired of it. And I feel like if I was healthy I wouldn't be so gross. So anyway. Fasting. I'm doing that. Btw, first time EVAR. 😳

I have to admit that I'm scared as hell about the detox that supposedly everyone who fasts experiences. I wonder how bad it will be? I don't do drugs or drink or smoke or even take much in the way of Ibuprofen and the like so I wonder how toxic I could be? I occasionally have caffeine, but that's about it. It's not like my diet is the best so I'm sure there will be something in the way of repercussions there. I dunno. I'm just nervous. And I don't want diarrhea. Or to be constipated. Or especially to vomit. Scary. 😩

So far today has been fine. Despite not eating I haven't been very hungry (or thirsty) at all. I've had about 2 bottles of water and maybe 20 ounces of juice by now. And a tiny bit of coffee. I don't consider that cheating since it's not food, but it's not something I plan to make a habit of. I just went to bed wayyy late and got up wayyy early and was not having an easy time waking up.

Anyway, most of what I've read online says to only do a juice fast for a few days at first. And also from what I've read the detox and fading of the hunger pains really starts after a few days... So my question is: Who wants to get to that part and quit? Seems like it would be defeating the purpose. I thought you were supposed to push through the rough to get to the good feeling. The website that got me interested in trying this is doctoryourself.com. If you look under "Psoriasis" and "Juicing" that's where I got most of my info to start with. But then I started Googling things and looking on YouTube at videos and I'm getting a lot of differing opinions. I mean, I'm going to do whatever works for me. I imagine that it's different for everyone (as with anything else).

So yeah. My first day has been good. Anyone have any fasting experiences they would like to share? Is it weird that I'm not really into food at the moment? I really thought that the first day would have been harder... I mean - there are chocolate truffles in the house. 😳

Anyway, off to bed. I need my sleeps. ❤

About fucking myself...

Normally when I'm concerned about something I keep it to myself (and maybe the few people closest to me). I have this bizarre fear that throwing it out into the universe will make things worse somehow. So, sharing this with you all is kind of not what I would normally do. But, I don't really believe that things could get much fucked-er, so why not?

If you don't know about this then the rest of this blog probably won't matter much to you. Or make any sense.

So, I filed a suit against the railroad companies and contractor (FINALLY). There are 3 that we're going after: Norfolk Southern, the railroad company, A & K Railroad (who are tied to Norfolk Southern somehow) and AllState Contractors (who did some of the work). Well, A & K Railroad wanted to settle for $5000 (half of what the lawyer is suing for), and at first I was going to take it. I was supposed to go sign the papers yesterday.

But then, it started raining.

Upon hearing the rain I looked out of the window at work and my stomach promptly tied itself in knots. This happens EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME IT RAINS ever since my house flooded. I panic because I never know if the water is going to come into my home again or just turn my yard into a swamp (like either of those are desirable options). And then I realized something:  The money wasn't going to fix the problem. Hell, after my lawyer's cut it wouldn't have even covered the damage done to my house. So I declined to settle for that.

I could tell that I upset my lawyer... he had the papers and the checks and everything right there waiting for me to sign. I'm so ready for all of this to be over with, but there's no point in fixing my home if I have to live in fear that it will flood again. So the lawyer says I should take some of that money and stop the flooding. Well, then what about my house? I didn't cause any of this. I really don't feel that I should be expected to come out of my pocket to fix someone else's mistake (not that I will ever have the money to).

I don't know. All I've asked is for the $5000 and for them to dig the ditch back out. I would be comfortable settling for that. If they won't do that then I have to decide whether to take the $5000 (which really comes out to be $2948 for me while the damage done to my home was estimated at $3200 - not to mention I'm out $200 in filing fees) and walk away or take this to court. And I'm not all that much of a gambler, but I really feel like I have a case. I mean, what idiot can't see that the "drainage ditch" is draining into my yard - not the other way around? I do have witnesses who have lived near this property for 20+ years who say this has never happened before, not to mention that I was here a year with no problems before the construction began.

Besides, who would want to live with this? (And yes, it's recent).

  

For me and you: My favorite juice recipes!

I keep discovering new ones so maybe I'll keep this updated. I've found so many good ones that I don't want to forget them. AND (although most of my friends are like, "Dude, you've lost it") a couple of people have actually expressed interest in my juicing - so that's all of the encouragement I needed. 😀 Here you go! Try to keep up with my really precise measurements, mmmk?

1)

1/2 bag of baby spinach

2 small apples

4 regular carrots

When I'm trying to be SUPER-DUPER healthy I add in about a quarter of a beet and about 2 hands full of either black seedless grapes OR strawberries. It really takes the edge off the beet.

2)

4 carrots

2 small apples

1 hand full of strawberries

3)

4 carrots

2 small apples

1 pinch of ginger

4)

4 carrots

2 hands full of black grapes

That's all I've got so far. I'm expanding - slowly but surely. I just needed to start with things that I'm familiar with and that were pretty simple.

Also, anything like just plain apple or orange is really delicious... SO much better than anything you could buy in a store.

ALSO, Janet, if you read this: Do you happen to remember what you juiced at my house that night? Some weird thing... grapes and blueberries? I can't remember, but it was nice and sweet. 😊

Killing time while digesting. (Part 2)

There are a few new things with me.  First of all we have kittens.  They're pretty much Shadows and he's doing an excellent job caring for them.  Of course they both just found their way to me... spoke to me - I guess you could say.  I didn't plan to keep the first one, but Shadow really wanted her.  She's solid black and her name is Midna.  He promised that he would take care of her so I was like, "Well, ok."  Shortly after we fed her that first night I found her curled up in Shadow's lap asleep.  He was all, "I sang her to sleep."  Who could say no to that?!?

We ended up getting her a friend from my mother (because she was driving me [and the guinea pigs] CRAZY! - ever try to sleep with a kitten slicing you up?)  She just needed some companionship and someone to tire herself out with.  So her friend is solid gray and her name is Twilight.  They make a good pair.  I've had mixed feelings about having them around (one isn't consistently using the litter box and one of my dogs literally begins to water at the mouth when they come near her), but I think things will smooth out.  We're just having to be careful right now is all.

Well, I guess all of the news is not happy news.  Stella passed away last week and I'm really unsure why.  She was doing fine and then BAM! she was dead.  😢  It just made me sick.  Literally I felt nauseated.  Stella was too sweet.  I think anyone who's ever met her has at least teared up when they found out.  She was just a doll.

Aside from that things have been pretty good.  Moved things in the house around a bit and I think it looks nice.  Now I have a lot more space in my bedroom and now that the computer isn't in there I'm just less drawn to it.  The computer is really close to the dogs' room so when I'm sitting here ignoring them I feel really bad.  And then I get off my ass and go love on them.  I guess that's one way to keep my internet usage in check.  😂

Anyway, I think I'm done digesting my juice.  I have to pee like you wouldn't believe.  So I guess that's a good enough reason to get up and get moving.  😂

I hope everyone is doing well.  ❤

Killing time while digesting. (Part 1)

Yep, that's right. DIGESTING. I'm pretty full and don't exactly want to get up and do the things I need to do just yet so I thought I'd kill some time on myspace. I haven't been around much. I'm ok with that, but no harm in checking in every now and then. I noticed that they've done some upgrading on the messaging and stuff... it sucks that they JUST NOW got all the fancy messaging shit going. Because now I pretty much never use it, but I used to a lot. I DO NOT care for the whole "sending groups of people you never talk to chain messages" thing, though. Gross.

Shaun (and me - to a lesser extent) put the hall floor down. It looks AWESOME. I should post pictures, but I'm just not right now. If anyone wants to see it that bad you should just come and visit me. That is what I think. I might even let you walk on it. 😜

Also, we moved things in the house around a bit and I think it looks nice. Now I have a lot more space in my bedroom and now that the computer isn't in there I'm just less drawn to it. The computer is really close to the dogs' room so when I'm sitting here ignoring them I feel really bad. And then I get off my ass and go love on them. I guess that's one way to keep my internet usage in check. 😂

Shadow started 4th grade on Monday. So he's old. Yeah - Middle School next year. Time flies.

I bought a juicer a couple of weeks ago and I LOVE that thing. I'm having spinach / apple / carrot juice every morning and usually a glass of orange juice. Orange and apple juice - for the record - tastes SO MUCH YUMMIER when it is not store-bought. You won't find anything like this packaged. Another juice that is really tasty is carrot / apple / strawberry. I know some of this might sound really gross, but it's not. It is the complete opposite of gross, for realz. Come over one day and I'll make you some. I decided to get a juicer for my health (namely, my skin). I've read a lot about certain vegetables (that I would probably never really eat) being good for psoriasis and so now I'm juicing them. If you add fruit juice to juiced vegetables that you don't really like it changes the taste completely. I've gone through 3 bags of oranges, 3 bags of apples, 5 bags of baby spinach, 1 bag of carrots, and 1 container of strawberries in a week. That's more produce than I usually get in months.

My skin - for the record - is a little better. But I need to start juicing beets and adding that to the mix. I hear that it's one I'm going to need a lot of. So it's a learning process and whatnot. Aside from my skin I feel pretty good. Juice gives me tons of energy and not like the rise and crash of caffeine. If feels different - in a good way. I've also lost some squish... I don't have any idea if it even equals up to a pound (nor do I care) - I'm just saying that it's something I've noticed. So no complaints there. I'm actually considering trying to go mostly raw by the end of the year... currently, I'm only eating like, 1 cooked meal per day. Sometimes more, but not always. I've noticed that the more I eat raw veggies and stuff like that (and the more juice I drink) the more of that I want. So it's interesting how that affects you.

Why, hello there. (Part 2)

A couple of weeks ago I got a phone call from a friend... her husband had run over a rabbit hutch with the lawn mower and there were babies in it. 😭 One died instantly, but there were 3 left. Of course I took them. They looked to be about a week old - they still had their eyes shut and everything. Despite me and Shaun reading up and doing our best to be good bunny parents they all died within a week. 😟

One acted strange from the start... it seemed like that one might have had internal injuries or was just traumatized. It was the first one to die. The second one I thought was probably ok, but it wasn't as curious or aware as the third. It died next. The curious one did really well for most of the week and I actually thought that one might make it... however, we were not so lucky.

From all of the reading I've done online baby bunnies are REALLY hard to keep alive. But AMC wouldn't take them unless they were really sick or obviously injured and the last time I spoke with the museum they said that they didn't do much rehabbing these days so I thought I'd give it my best shot. My main problem was getting them to poop... gosh, I really can't tell you how much time I spent wiping bunny ass. It was a lot, though. Anyway, they were really cute. This is Noggin, the last one to go. Here is a video:

Why, hello there. (Part 1)

Well it's been a while. Real life has yet again sucked me in. Speaking of not being around the 'space much let me know if you want my email address. I check it daily, usually. But I won't give it to you unless you PROMISE to not spam me with BS chain letters, political junk, or "Jesus loves you" shit. You can only write me if you're writing ONLY to me because you have something to say. Deal? 

Overall things have been good for me. I'm happy. But that's not to say that there hasn't been some negative thrown into the mix just for good measure. For instance: Take nine people who all have issues and dislike each other, throw them into a small house together, let it fester in the heat for a few months and what do you get? My neighbors!

Yeah, I've had a lot of trouble with those people since I've lived here. They just can't seem to get their shit together. Aside from the animals and the nine-year-old that they don't take care of (who has fortunately moved out), most of the drama stays contained over there. But when you bring a strange man into the home and he starts assaulting the teenage girl in the house (who I happen to care something about), that's just not cool. So then I do what I think is best and then she ends up placed here by DHR for a weekend.

She knows I love her and that I'm here for her, but it was kind of a disaster and I'm glad to have my house back to myself. I think I've learned that either A) I'm not ready to share my living space with another person yet, or B) I can only share my living space with specific people. I think it leans more towards B because some people I can have around for days on end with no problem, but they are rare. 😂

Aside from all of that I've been up to making button barrettes. It's fun and it keeps me busy. This is a picture of my first batch:

If anyone out there wants to donate any old buttons to the cause I'd love to have them. I'm not selling them or anything (although I've been told that I should). I guess I'm just pretty much doing it for fun and because now I have hair to put them in. 😀 Yeah, I know that I'm goofy. Anyway, what's been up with you peoples?

P. S. Meet Big Al:

Forgive me.

I just woke up. I haven't been sleeping well as of late... I've had a lot of things going on and life has taken a turn for the stressful at this moment. I haven't spent a ton of time on myspace lately, but I'd planned to at least log in and acknowledge the mom's on their day and that just didn't get to happen. You were all in my thoughts; however, I haven't quite learned how to send those yet so you didn't know it. In any case, Happy Belated Mother's Day. I feel so lame for that. Also, thank you to everyone who thought of me.

Well, I don't really care to go into much detail (as the situation is sad and I should really try to get back to sleep), but my grandfather passed away on Sunday. He was pretty much the backbone of the family and things are just... not good right now. I guess that's to be expected. I really regret that I didn't have more time with him, but some things are out of your control - especially when you are a child. I really enjoyed the time I did have with him in more recent years, though, and I am thankful to have at least had that.

For anyone who feels neglected or upset with me due to my absence here or in person:  I'm sorry. I've really had a lot going on and sometimes there is just not enough of me to go around.

Love to you all,

Blu

Shaun hugging a goose.

Shaun hugging a goose.

Goose hugs!  I wish I could hug a goose right now.  Or a Shaun.  Either way.  🙂

Renaissance Fair in GA

Wooly Bear

So this is Natasha. I never formally introduced her to the internet, but I've probably had her for about 6 months or so. She's my final doggie. I will not be taking in anymore dogs. I say that a lot, but I'm for real this time. SEVERIOUSLY. 😳 See, she was the exception. I was done after Scruffy, but I've loved Natasha since we met a couple of years ago and when I found out that she needed a forever home it was like, "Well, if this works out..." which... so far it has. 😊 For her to be such a sweet dog she's had a rough time finding somewhere permanent to live. She's been through 3 or 4 homes that I know of. Despite her size she's really great with kids and she's SUPER protective, which I really appreciate.

I recently shaved her down so she's pretty funny looking, but she needed it. Her coat needed some pretty extensive stripping from what I've read and it would have a been a huge chore to do that with all the hair she had. I was just like, "Sorry, Wooly Bear, but we're starting over." So my wooly bear isn't so wooly anymore, but it will grow back all nice and curly and I'll keep the undercoat stripped and she won't get too hot or matted and it will be good. Also, I took her to the vet last Friday because of some nasty matting in her ears that she had before I got her and they had to sedate her to get all of it out. It would've hurt too bad otherwise. 😔 Poor baby. But she's on antibiotics for her ears and skin now (she had some flakiness, which the vet said was probably due to bacteria; he also said that shaving her and letting her skin get some air would do her good). So I think she's on the right track. She really seems to feel better in just a week's time and I'm happy about that.

And now, a video:

Hedgie update... not a happy ending, unfortunately. :(

TRIGGER WARNING:  Animal Neglect, Self-Harm
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Ok, so the hedgehog had to be put down. It was really sad (especially after getting my hopes up that she'd be fine). After the initial vet trip she did really well for a few days and we all thought she'd just heal up and be 3-legged, which was cool. But suddenly she started eating another leg. SEVERIOUSLY. Jeni took her to the vet again who put her on antibiotics, but by that night she'd pretty much destroyed that leg. She chewed it all night and screamed the whole time. 😨😭

I slept on the couch with the tv on, but I could still hear her and I felt pretty sick that I couldn't do anything for her right then. By the next day when we finally got her to the vet to be put down she'd finished that leg and started ANOTHER. The vet said that all he could figure would be nerve damage from the initial wound... so that sucked. She pretty much felt that she was in pain the whole time and I really hate that. Not that it's much of a plus, but it was pretty interesting to see her walk on two legs, both on the same side. She totally did and I was kind of amazed. So yeah... that's the story.

Shadow

Shadow turned 9 last month. 9. That's almost double-digits, yo. That's half-grown. That's... it's like "whoa." I think I say that every year. 😂 It is (of course) exciting and scary and a little sad. Every year he gets a little older and little farther away from being a kid. It's crazy. He's taken on a whole lot of responsibility lately and I'm super-proud of how well he's handling it. Not only that, but this year he had to get some "older" stuff for his birthday. Like his own deodorant and body-wash - and not the kind with Spiderman or the Hulk or something on it. GROWN stuff. That's kind of like, well, "whoa." 😲

His father didn't call him on his birthday this year and I think it's my fault. After a cordial enough phone conversation I was left thinking, "Really? He really thinks it's like that between us?" Well, it's not like that at all and after all this time I finally decided to be frank with him. I don't think I was overly mean or whatever, but I just had to let him know how I felt. Every time he calls it's all about him and his songs and the trouble he's in or the new babies he's made, or (because this is important) what I look like now, or occasionally Shadow. I just had to tell him. And I told him he was welcome to call or *gasp* visit, even, but then we didn't hear from him this year. I guess that might not mean much... he could be in jail again. It didn't ruin Shadow's birthday, though, so whatever.

Where I've been...

Right here, pretty much. Well - not so much in this chair... but home, for sure. I've been working in the yard, mostly... for a lot of reasons. First of all - there is a lot to be done. Second - sitting on my ass in front of the computer isn't doing me much good. Well, maybe it is right now because I need to stay awake long enough to finish my laundry...

A few weeks ago we finished the fence. Me and Shaun planted a li'l baby willow tree. I bought some hummingbird feeders and I plan to also put up some bird houses on my fence posts. It's the least I can do since I had to cut down some brush to expand my fence. We also dug a trench in my yard so the water would drain some and not stand - making my yard all swamp-like. I learned to cut grass today - I had really never once in my life done it before. I like it. I'm going to do it some more. 😀 I will not have a jungle-yard this year! 😁

Anyway, I'm sort of making earth-friendly plans to handle the water situation in my yard. I think I'm going to dam up one end and make a rain garden type thing happen. Better to have a nice little stream coming through with a small pond-ish area than a whole yard of SWAMP. I think it will be nice. Maybe I can get a little bridge since the stream will go right though the middle of half the yard. I guess I'll just have to see how it goes. But one thing is for sure: I'm tired of fighting the land. Apparently, water will come through so it's up to me to do something cool with it. That is what I think.

Seems like there's always work to be done, but at the moment I'm totally fine with it - it just doesn't leave a lot of time to sit around on the computer. I know I've not replied to quite a few messages, but I'm sure I'll get around to doing it soon. I've just been really busy and I'm really enjoying being out in the air with my soul-mutts running around and Shadow singing Linkin Park at the top of his lungs on the porch... I just feel more connected when I'm taking care of my place. It is good.

Hedgie Update

My good friend Jeni took her to a vet that she was familiar with... he said that her leg was just dead tissue so she's not in pain. He snipped it off for less than it would have cost to have her euthanized and said the tissue would grow over the place where her leg used to be. We just need to watch her appetite / energy levels. So she's getting a second chance. I have to say from the look of things the other night I really didn't think that would be the case, but I am relieved. Aside from a noticeable hobble when she walks (there's completely no leg there at all), you'd never know anything was up with her. So yay!

She'll be here until I'm certain that she's fully recovered, but after that sweet little prickly pear has to find a new home. I will try to post some pictures soon.

Putting it all out there.

TRIGGER WARNING:  Animal Abuse, Animal Neglect
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I've got mud all over me... on my pants, my jacket, in the creases of my fingernails. I'm tired. We've been working in the yard all day, all weekend. All of last weekend, too. My better fence is finally up so that means my little doggie won't be getting out again anytime soon - which is awesome. I think I'm about the only person in the entirety of fucking Anniston who gives a shit about their animals. Oh, I feel a rant coming. This is not what this blog was going to be, but I have a feeling everything I say will lead back to it so why not just let it out. Maybe I'll feel better if I don't hold it in.

Last year I put a fence up. It wasn't the best fence ever, but it was keeping MY dogs in MY yard so that was good enough for me. Well the neighbors to the side of me have a weenie dog named Fred and he began chewing his way in which in turn let my smallest dog out. Believe me when I say that that will not work for me - I've been late to work, I've been out in strange neighborhoods half-dressed in the fucking cold / dark / rain chasing my dog down. I've had to ask directions back to my own house because I've chased him so far. I've walked in the middle of the road so that cars will slow down in case he runs out into the street (that may seem like overkill, but fuck it's a small residential road - people shouldn't be driving so fast anyway). The point is I do these things because I love my dogs and I couldn't live with myself if I didn't do everything in my power to protect them. The moment I took each of them in that was my promise to do whatever I had to to keep them safe, healthy, and happy.

Anyway, I talked to the neighbors several times about keeping Fred in their yard and they said they would, but they didn't. I patched that hole I don't even know how many times. I finally called and filed a police report, because it was getting ridiculous and they finally started chaining their dog when he was out almost all of the time. But we all know almost doesn't count, right?

Hey, you want to hear a story about a cat now? Fred's owners have a lot of cats at their house. One night like at 2 am I went to take out the trash and I saw this black and white kitten come up to me. I reached down to pet her and she started purring. I turned to walk away and she tried to follow me and I realized that she couldn't walk. She was dragging herself with her front legs. Apparently, she'd been hit and no one was going to take her to the vet. Her bottom was swollen and raw from dragging on the ground. I freaked out and took her into my house. "Pet me, love me, don't treat me like I'm worthless." That's all she fucking wanted. She was the absolute sweetest kitten. She would drag her nasty, swollen, leaking bottom up into your lap and roll up and purr like she was in heaven already. Do you know how much it fucking killed me to have to have her put down? And you know what else? Her owners didn't even ask where she was.

Despite living REALLY close to the road it didn't seem to bother Fred's family that they let him run loose and that he could be smashed into dead pretty easily. Same with the neighbors across the street. Their little dog, Molly, met her doom last night. I knew it was coming and I shooed her out of the road every single time I saw here there. After weeks and weeks of hearing tires screeching and horns honking I knew she wouldn't be so lucky forever. My heart broke a little for Molly, but I was more angry at her people for letting it happen. It was completely preventable. She was an indoor dog, but no one bothered to chase her down when she would get out.

Animal rights, animals laws, why didn't I do something? Because all of that shit is imaginary in Alabama. Believe me I've tried to get something done. Oh yeah - there are leash laws which is why I was able to file a report on Fred's family, but mostly it was because he was damaging my property. As for the cat the officer told me that there are no leash laws for cats and that it wasn't cruelty for not getting her medical attention or having her put down because (and I quote) "It's not like they're out there kicking her in the head or something... they just don't have the money." And animal control? Yeah, you call them and they'll tell you that animals are property and they have no jurisdiction over animals that are "owned." "It would be like stealing their car." And yes that is EXACTLY what animal control said when I called.

Hey, but what about exotics? Guess what I have in my house RIGHT NOW. A hedgehog who has chewed her arm into complete mush. Her foot got cut on some glass is what I hear... and the owner didn't have the money to take her to the vet. I understand that - to an extent. But it costs like less than $50 to have such a small animal put down and while that may be a tough call to make it sure as hell beats letting them suffer. So I have her now and it's up to me to figure out what's to become of her. She has rotten, dead flesh hanging from her shoulder. It is MUSH - there is not even bone left. I was trying to clean her and I thought it was poop on her, but then it would NOT come off and upon closer inspection I realized that that is what's left of her goddamn cute tiny paw. (Have you ever seen hedgie feet? They are srsly the cutest). I just picked her up tonight and what I need to know is how you let something get THAT out of hand.

Not that I have the money to be doing all of this, but she's going to the vet in the morning. If there's no help for her at an affordable price then she has to be put down. I'm a single fucking parent with a mortgage and creatures of my own to care for and people come at me with all these sad stories knowing that I will fucking take on their responsibilities because I can't stand the thought of an animal being mistreated or neglected, or suffering. I know I can't save the whole world, but damn it I can help that one. That's my attitude and it gets me into heart wrenching situations EVERY FUCKING TIME. I'm starting to think I'll never learn.

On the off-shot that there is help for her there's a cute, sweet, albino, 3-legged hedgie up for adoption. My house is absolutely packed so she can't stay here for long. If you might be up for taking her or chipping in on her medical bill write me and let me know. I'm going to bed, but I'll check back here in the morning.

P. S. Guess I'll save my happy blog for another day. 😕

Just watch...

I’m eating a fizzy lollipop.

That's not going too bad. It's been forever since I've eaten a lollipop at all. It might have been some more forever before I'd eaten another, but I think I was intrigued by the fizzy aspect. It's more tingly than anything... I'm not like, foaming at the mouth on the keyboard right now or anything (though that might be a bit more entertaining).

I caught my sweater on fire the other night trying to light some cone incense (THANK YOU very much, JANET). Luckily Shaun put me out. Then we both promptly cracked the fuck up. I mean - how does that even happen? I wasn't like trying to light it WITH my sweater or anything dumbass like that. I don't know. I just saw a flame travel up my arm and that's about when I started to be all, "WhatthefuckI'monfire!?!?" and then Shaun saved my life. So I guess I'm lucky. He stopped it at my shoulder. If it had gotten to my hair that could have really been bad. I hear that shit burns pretty good.

Anyway, to all of my friends waiting for me to get off my ass and reply to your messages:  I promise that I will soon. The last few weeks for me have consisted of going to work, sleeping, hanging out with my besties, sleeping, having the occasional [planned, for the record] fire, sleeping, watching movies, sleeping, playing games, sleeping, and living off pizza and cereal. Oh, and it is THE LIFE.

It feels so nice to just slow down and chill. There was a time last year when I was always running... being torn this way and that. Working 3 jobs, taking care of Shadow and the fur kids, driving wayyy too much, volunteering with the animal shelter EVERY WEEKEND... it was fucking ridiculous all that I was trying to do and eventually I got tired. A lot has changed for me in the last few months and I'm grateful for it. I feel like I'm finally settling in and calming down and finding my own rhythm - and it is good.

Well, I'm off to take a shower. Despite not sleeping much last night I had a wave of energy that I put to some good use cleaning and re-arranging (yet again) the pets' room. So, I'm quite funky and need to handle that ASAP. I just wanted to sit and wind down for a few and I figured I could stop being anti-internet-social and say hello. I hope '09 is turning out to be fabulous for y'all... but even if it's not, remember that every day is a new day. It doesn't have to be an entirely sucky year. ❤