It's been a day.

It's been a day.

I had UI/UX class this morning. I was planning to meet my group partner at the library, but I felt rough when I woke up and have a cough and scratchy throat, so we decided to stick to online today. I'm not sharing the germs.

I left class early and also canceled other plans. Then I temporarily got stressed and got hit by a migraine. I took Tylenol and went to my room, but woke up sweating and feeling worse, so I finally took a migraine pill. I've been in a haze all day from that. Very drowsy and I want to sleep, but I want milk more, I guess. Shadow will bring some when he gets off work. I can wait 45 minutes. 😂

I didn't really get anything done today. I have a few things to do tomorrow, like watering my plants. Hopefully, I feel up to it.

The teacher of the class I'm in is neurodivergent, and she's so flexible and helpful. She spent some time talking to me the other day (outside of class), and it sounds like she does a lot of work to manage herself. And I think that's going to end up being me, too. I mean, if I want things to be different going forward, and I do.

One thing I really love about her is that she's kind of open about it, but not in an unprofessional way. I struggle so hard not to overshare. 😂 But she's like "I need written or verbal confirmation before I move on" and stuff like that. I find her very easy to talk to and understand. Hopefully, I can be like her one day.

The deeper into the neurospicy stuff we get, the more Shaun is identifying with it, too. I didn't realize that he ever struggled with Executive Dysfunction, but apparently, he does. He's like "It's definitely easier for me to do things if someone helps me or gets me started." He's always been MY helper, so I'm going to start helping him, too. It's not that I ever would NOT have, but he literally never told me that or indicated that there was a problem. ☝🏻 But now I know.

I'm pretty sure I'm struggling with ADHD, as well, but he doesn't seem to have that issue, thank goodness. He's the calm and regular and reliable one, and I'm the storm that comes through with energy and then disappears into nothing for a bit.

Anyway. I also have to do my business plan paperwork because I have a meeting on Monday. I had to give myself a deadline (by scheduling that follow up) or I wouldn't do it. I was going to do it today, but didn't have the brain for it on these migraine meds. But I'll try again tomorrow.

Goodnight, friends. ❤️

I have finally got up the energy to work on my calendar...

I have finally got up the energy to work on my calendar. I feel a little relieved to see how my To Do List is going to shrink over the next few weeks due to me checking things off.

I've tried very hard to to not overload myself. I've also put in quality time with Shaun, as well as 2 free skate days each week in the park.

Much of it is un-timed, which feels nice. More like I have a few specific daily goals, rather than rigid structured times to do things.

It feels like I have a plan to get my shit together. 😂 I have said that 100 times before, but I feel like this is actually is very do-able because I'm not relying on bursts of energy this time that will end in another crash and getting behind... rinse and repeat; rather, I'm pacing myself and seeing what consistent, steady progress I can make. I have only ever tried this strategy with getting on top of my finances and it worked, so I'm feeling optimistic (again). 😂

Anyway. I'm off to see if I can hit my goals for the day!

It's late, but class update:

It's late, but class update:

It was a 2 hour class. Zoom cut us off every 40 minutes. I had trouble bringing up my ServiceNow window even though I could see it minimized in my taskbar, so I feel like I looked really incompetent. No matter how much I prepared before, I still felt fumbly and like I had no idea what I was doing.

HOWEVER, the previous teacher was there with me and backed me up and helped out and answered questions that I couldn't. He told me I did great. The class was patient with me. And overall, it definitely could have been worse.

I don't know if we have an exceptionally talky group of students or what, but I felt really happy that everyone replied to me and asked questions and participated. I hate it when I'm a student and I'm the only one who speaks. So I'm really excited to see how this semester goes.

❤️❤️❤️

I teach my first class tonight...

I teach my first class tonight. I have NERVES. Wish me luck!

Also, I have just shy of 250 users on my app, and I got another subscriber recently.

I'm planning to get back to work on it next week.

Shaun was sent an evaluation...

Shaun was sent an evaluation from the place that's doing my assessment next month.

As he was working through it, he was like "Damn, if you have Autism, then I do, too." 😂😂😂

Like, buddy... I've had my suspicions. 😅 It's probably why we get along so well. 🤣

Shaun isn't feeling well...

Shaun isn't feeling well, so yesterday he didn't hug or kiss me so he wouldn't get me sick.

Because I'm ridiculous, of course I had nightmares last night that he divorced me. 😂

In general, I'm not a person who likes to be touched, but apparently he's not only my exception, but my necessity.

Shaun heard some noise, so he checked on Baby Bear.

Shaun heard some noise, so he checked on Baby Bear.

He's so comfy. He never rolls and stretches like this outside of his crate. This is his safe space. ❤️

Volume up for a little Bear snort at the end.

The way I feel like crying happy tears...

The way I feel like crying happy tears because I can read and understand this. ❤️😭❤️😭❤️😭

I had a mostly good day today.

I had a mostly good day today.

***

This morning Caitlin picked me up and we got lunch and went to see Judy P. at the rehab center.  We had some delicious bagels and then we hung out and I did her nails.  She said she hadn't had her nails done in 11 or 12 years!  Well, we'll make sure that doesn't happen again.  😊  She was so happy for the company and food and to get her nails done, and I had a great time chatting with her.  It was so fun hanging with the girls and I hope I'm doing as well as she is when I'm 98!

I came very close to enrolling in a nail tech program in December (because it has been pointed out to me many times that I should, and I finally agree), but I was unsure of what my employment situation/schedule would be once this year got started, so I didn't.  We also didn't have $6000 laying around for the course, which was also a big factor.  Hopefully financial things will ease up with my teaching gig starting this week.  We'll see.  But it's definitely on my to-do list this year or next, if I can make it happen.

I follow a lot of nail communities and I think my work is comparable to what many techs can do.  I just haven't studied all of the safety/cleaning stuff and don't have my hours working under supervision to prove that I can.  But if I had my credentials, I could do some volunteer hours and I think that would be fun.  It's just not something I would be comfortable doing without a license, (and probably isn't legal).

***

When I got home, Shaun had done some cleaning and things looked nice.  I wanted to watch a video on YouTube that comes out on Sundays; it's a series I follow and it's just like, 12-ish minutes, usually.  Then Shaun had a video to show me.  Then he wanted to order pizza.  Then that was waiting.  Then I could hear Tort Baby scraping around in the dining room (which is why I don't work in there, despite that being where my desk lives), and Shaun was watching a loud show, and the neighbor started making noise, which put Bear in Beast-Mode (running around roaring/growling because he hears something he can't identify), and I just... had to go upstairs and get in my bed.  Shaun is great and turned off the show when I told him I was getting sensory overload, but it was too late.  I woke up around 8.

When I woke up, I talked to the kids for a bit and then came downstairs.  Shaun wanted to watch something and have his ice cream, so we put on a show, then shortly after the kids came down and started talking to us (over the show).  Shaun didn't pause it fast enough and I started heading towards overload again.  And Kira wanted to use the blender to make nice-cream.  So I put in earplugs while she did that, then toughed out the show, and thankfully I am finally alone.

I have a couple of things on my to-do list today, but I still haven't accomplished them, because, well, I slept from 4-8.  Now the kids are upstairs, Shaun and the dogs are asleep, and the cats (except for Toebean) are being chill.  Toe is over here throwing paws because he wants attention/to get in my lap, but I need to update my resume and get some things ready for class to start this week.

***

I feel like this is pretty representative of my daily struggle, except that for some reason my sensitivity is turned up to 11 today.

I will have a list of things to do, but if I get trapped on the couch *with Shaun*, it's game over for me.  That sounds so stupid because I am about to do my tasks on my laptop, here from the couch where I'm comfortable and my legs don't dangle and I have my warm blanket and cat snuggles, but I am just more comfortable alone.

A lot of times he'll put on a headset and watch something or play a game in silence next to me and that's fine, but I really do hate how often he encourages me to get sucked into watching the TV.  He is a distraction.  A sweet one, but a distraction, nonetheless.  😆  I guess there are worse things he could be.  😝

I still haven't added a lot of things to my calendar like I've been meaning to, but maybe I can do some of that tonight after I do my two planned tasks.  Maybe I'll add quiet hours or focus hours or something, too.  I think that would be a good idea.

Anyway.  I'm off to check my things off my list, finally.  I just had to empty my brain so it could focus.

❤❤❤

Last night was a little rough.

Last night was a little rough.

Scar, my kitty cat, has been having some tummy trouble for a while. He has IBD and the manufacturer of the food he was doing really well on shut down. I switched him to the most similar diet I could find, but he's been having diarrhea and vomiting.

Last night was the perfect storm, I guess. He usually sleeps on my pillow. I woke up to the techno beats that indicate a vomit was on the way, so I sat up and grabbed a hand full of tissue to catch it. (I hate moving them when they're in distress like that. I always worry I'll move them at the wrong time and they'll choke or something.)

Anyway, I managed to catch most of his vomit, but when he heaved, he also squirted diarrhea onto me and the bed. So at 1:30 this morning I was cleaning the cat and changing the sheets.

I've taken his dry food up since that seems to be what he vomits up. I'm going to give him a few days on wet food only, and if that doesn't help, we're heading to the vet. I'm also considering trying to cook for him. It's ridiculous because I can barely feed myself, but it's so much easier to care for others than it is to care for me.

One of my friends posted a helpful video...

One of my friends posted a helpful video that said to have "default foods" ready for when I'm not functional.

Since probably August, my unintentional default breakfast has been protein toaster waffles. I have some egg powder that I need to try again, but that's gotta wait for a day that I have more bandwidth available. Maybe I'll see if I can make them tomorrow.

Anyway, the rest of the day is a toss up and usually ends up being junk. Since I have the energy today, I've started some black beans and rice. I would love it if I could make food for myself most days, but I don't know how that's gonna go. Maybe I can add making rice to my breakfast routine so I at least have that to fall back on later in the day. One thing I don't do is skip my morning routine. No matter what time I get up, I do the same things. 😅 Plain rice would definitely be a healthier dinner than cookies and milk. 😬

Anyway, I've done most of my laundry today and not much else. I have energy, so that's probably not going to be a good thing at bedtime. But I gotta learn how to navigate this cycle somehow. Hopefully, the night doesn't end with me deep-cleaning the whole house or whatever. It's usually something like that when I feel this way.

I'm probably gonna watch a show with Shaun and then start putting tasks in my calendar. Even skate days and times. We'll see if that can feel ok or like something I'll try to stick to.

I got up before noon. I showered. I started some laundry.

I got up before noon. I showered. I started some laundry.

I'm about to do a little more laundry (including putting things away!), then do some scheduling on my computer.

I feel like I want to do everything on my list RIGHT NOW, but I'm trying really hard to be cognizant of the fact that that's how I go into burnout. I want to stop the cycle. I'm not super sure how, but being aware and mindful is hopefully a good start.

I was never one to be hyperactive daily, but the way I'm itching to move my body today makes me think that I am in bursts, and that's when I have tended to get things done. Instead of putting all of my focus on tasks that need to be done (like I have in the past), should I do some self care? Should I go skating?! I always put self-care last and then it tends not to happen, so that would definitely be a change for me.

I don't really know how to manage myself, and my assessment is still a couple of weeks away, but this go-hard/crash-and-burn cycle is so exhausting and unhealthy. I really want to be better. I just don't know how yet.

I accomplished a few small things today...

I wish I was only tired in the way that sleep helps...

I wish I was only tired in the way that sleep helps. But it's in my bones.

I slept late, napped for 3 hours, and I'm about to go back to bed.

Still haven't made it upstairs once before I'm tired. I can't even do my action steps yet.

I hate this part of the cycle.

A kick and a toothy kiss from Bear. 😊

A kick and a toothy kiss from Bear. 😊

Kiss him back!

I found a place that is going to assess me for Autism/ADHD...

I found a place that is going to assess me for Autism/ADHD on March 3rd.

I spent 5.5 hours doing the preliminary forms last night. I started after class and finished at 2:30 this morning.

How Bear was lookin'...

How Bear was lookin' when I was vacuuming out the greenhouse the other day. He noped all the way across the yard. 😂😂😂 Lookin' with the big eyes so the vacuum doesn't get him. 😂

I have to figure myself out.

I have to figure myself out.

Before I get into that, I'm starting a new job this month. I'm going to be teaching the ServiceNow Certified System Administrator course at CNM. I'm super excited and grateful for the opportunity; although a bit nervous because this will be my first time leading a class. Everyone seems to have a lot of confidence in me, though, so I think it will be great.

It's an evening class and it's a part time gig, but that gives me time to complete the UI/UX class I am currently taking. So Monday - Thursday evenings will be classes I'm taking or teaching, as well as Saturday 9-1. This leaves most of my days flexible, but not necessarily free.

I met with the NMSBDC (New Mexico Small Business something something) yesterday about BluPrint Design. They helped me with a lot of information and next action steps to complete to be fully in compliance with state and federal laws. We'll follow up in 3 weeks about what I've checked off the list and what comes next.

The thing I need to figure out about myself is how to function as my own boss (in regards to BluPrint).

I have no formal diagnosis yet, but I am certain that I'm neurodivergent. I basically have two modes:  On, and off.

For example, from December to the beginning of February, I was "On." I ate, slept, and breathed the PolishAllTheThings app. I didn't spend quality time with Shaun, the kids, or the pets. I ate like shit and slept like shit. Time ceased to exist. It was all a blur.

Then I got it mostly to where it needs to be, and now I'm "Off. " I'm sleeping a ton, doing nothing, not getting out of bed unless I have something in the calendar. Yes, some other stressful things have been going on, but I haven't touched the app or checked how many users I have in over a week. I've been eating my usual breakfast, but other than that, having Oreo's and milk for other meals if Shaun doesn't make us something. Still not spending quality time with anyone, even when I miss them.

Neither of these states of being are very healthy for me, but this is how I exist when left to my own devices. I need to find a way to exist in the in-between. I need to work on things most days, and eat and sleep and wake up consistently. But I'm tired of beating myself up over this. I'm tired of feeling like I'm failing at life because I struggle to live it like "everyone else."

Working full-time for a company has always felt like a prison to me. Maybe being my own boss in some capacity will allow me the space to explore what can work for me. Maybe I can find a way to work WITH my brain instead of against it. I'm hoping so.

For now, I've given myself some action steps to take.

1. Go upstairs to my bedroom and do my night routine before I'm exhausted and fighting Executive Dysfunction. Just be ready for the tiredness that inevitably comes every day and be ready to accept the rest I need. This is the opposite of what I've done my whole life, which is stay busy until I can't keep my eyes open, then go do my night routine which wakes me up, then read until I'm finally tired again.

2. If I intend to do it, it goes in the calendar. Watering my plants. Skating. Taking a class. Changing my sheets. Teaching a class. Friend dates. Work for BluPrint. Things I want to accomplish around the house. If it's not in my calendar, it doesn't really exist, so I don't wake up and I can push things off instead of doing them when they need to be done.

I know that's only 2 things, but this is where I'm starting. Lists are usually my go-to, but without a time constraint to get things done, they can just keep growing and growing, which is the situation I'm finding myself in now.

I had to text Shaun to help me wake up today. He came up and talked to me and helped me with some chores. Then I got dressed and wrote this. I'm about to head downstairs for breakfast (yes, at 2:30 pm). I am 100% aware that I'm a mess, but it's ok. I love me and I've managed to do some cool shit despite bullying myself into functioning "normally." Now I'm privileged enough to try a new approach and that's gonna be acceptance, gentleness, and love (and maybe medication if I can ever get diagnosed).

If y'all have any suggestions for me, I'd love to hear them. I'm just out here trying my best. ❤️

Am I so obviously traumatized...

Am I so obviously traumatized that Facebook is advertising this to me?!

🤣🤣🤣

I have a job lined up. I don't think I need to join the Twerkforce just yet. 😂

Some flowers from today.

Some flowers from today.

We lost a family member this morning. She would've liked these.

I spent most of my day working in the greenhouse because it needed work and felt like the right thing to do.

I went to the greenhouse today...

I went to the greenhouse today. I have some flowers. Also some mealy bugs. 🫠 I have some serious work to put in out there soon.

Can anyone tell me what my Huernia Zebrina is doing? That growth looks far too large for how they usually flower.

Check out this website...

Check out this website we took a look at in the UI/UX class I'm in.  It's, uh... it definitely makes a point.  😆🫠

Can you make it to the last screen?

Today is a self care day.

Today is a self care day. I slept for most of the last 2 days. I'm doing nails and MAYBE checking in on my app later. I haven't touched it in days.

I needed to chill. I went so hard for all of January. It was a blur and I barely remember any of it. It was time for a rest.

At this point I'm trying to learn to accept how I exist and not beat myself up over not functioning like neurotypicals. It harms me to try to fit into that box, so I'm not gonna try anymore. I go hard and then I rest. It's fine. It's different, but not wrong.

I hope y'all are doing well. I know a lot of us aren't. Someone I love is in the hospital and it's not looking good. I'm sad about it, but I can't handle Alabama again yet. She wouldn't know I was there, anyway.

Stay warm. ❤️

I'm medicated and going to bed.

I'm medicated and going to bed.

At my last check, I had almost 200 users, plus that one subscriber. Lots of positive feedback, a few bugs found, and several requests for this to be a mobile app. There are already listings on the Marketplace. I've been told it's pretty intuitive and easy to use.

Honestly, it has gone better than the train wreck that I expected. I don't know why I thought it wouldn't be ok. But so far it is, and I'm happy. So happy that I'm literally sick over it, but that's ok.

Goodnight, y'all. Hopefully I'll be ok-ish tomorrow.

Someone subscribed to my app for a year.

Someone subscribed to my app for a year. I'm crying and trying not to puke. What is going on!?

Look at this cat in my puke bowl. She's in the danger zone. 😂😂😂🫠🫠🫠

This is my app launch release.

This is my app launch release. I can't write another thing because migraine, but let's see how it goes!

--------------------------------------------------------

Hey y'all! It's release day!

TL;DR:  app.polishallthethings.com

This project was started with the intent to be a collection management app, so it has core features like storing polish information, photos, wish list polishes, etc.  I have tried to make it easy to get started by adding spreadsheet imports with smart photo matching, AirTable imports, as well as the ability to add individual items.  There are some pretty comprehensive search/filter features, and a module to digitally swatch photos so that you can search by color, as well.

I tend to go hard when I decide to do something, so there are a lot of other things on the site, as well.  There is a marketplace for destash items, and under Explore > Discover, there is a Dupe Finder and Search By Color feature.  Those features are limited to items that are already in the collective database, so they will only improve as we add to the database and digitally swatch our items.  I've been so busy working on the app that I've only digitally swatched about 80 of my polishes, so please be patient with those features.

The profile page is optionally public, as well as the information that shows on it.  It will display your collection data with stats.  There is a link near the polish stats that will allow you to categorize / auto-categorize your brands as indie / boutique / mainstream.  That is a feature that is also in progress.  I will be adding more brands to the auto-categorizer as the database grows.

There is also a WIP page that will show you Collection Health data, such as which items are missing data, what items need to be swatched, what names might be dupes, etc.

Brand pages / Brand dashboards are a work in progress.  Brands can upload collections / items and have verified pages, meaning that they are run by the actual brand.  Unclaimed brand pages will be flagged as "community" and will pull data from collections.  Brands can also use the Calendar feature under "Explore" to add releases / events that can be copied to user calendars so they never miss a launch.  Additionally, Brand items can be copied to a user's collection or wishlist.

To address this right off, on every photo there is a place to add swatcher credit and a link to their socials.  If a swatcher does not want their photos used on this app, there is a link so that they can report the photo and ask that it be removed or credited.  I will follow the DMCA process to address those issues if / when they come up.

From here, what this app turns into will be based on the needs and wants of the community to the best of my ability.  I am the sole creator and maintain-er of this project at this time.  It is a passion project that has been in the works in my brain for literal years.  I am so excited to share this with all of you.  Please, please, please, give me your feedback.  Report bugs.  Request features. (via Contact Us or on Discord)  It can't grow if I don't know what is missing.  But please be patient with me; this is my first solo project and I am learning a lot of things as I go.

There is an Announcements section under Explore where I will keep everyone posted on upcoming features.

Without further ado, head on over to the site and let me know how it goes!  Please expect bugs and for things to not be super perfect yet - it's pretty functional from the testing we've done, but without doubt there will be some hiccups and growing pains.

Thank you so, so much for reading! 💙