Flowers from her grave.

Flowers from her grave. Yellow was her favorite color. 💛💛💛

I'm sitting here on the couch wishing that I was a tortoise...

I don't know if it's just utter exhaustion speaking or what, but I'm having one of those days where I feel like I can't do anything right.  I'm full of doubts today.

I woke up this morning having no idea what day or time it was - and therefore, no idea what I was supposed to be doing.  I'm so sad that I have straight up failed two Calculus tests.  My average in the class is a 91 as of right now, but that doesn't give me a lot of wiggle room for when we get to the final if I want to keep my A.  I'm gonna have to step it up a notch in there.

I'm also really sad that I couldn't figure out how to complete my programming assignment that was due at midnight.  I turned in what I had, but I felt like a failure.

Physics is just hard, but I feel that compared to the rest of the class I am holding my own.  I think most of us struggle and fail the tests so I take solace in the fact that it's not just me.

As bad as I feel like I'm doing it makes me wonder if I'm cut out for this kind of stuff.  If I think logically about it - then yeah, I'm probably going to be ok.  I'm trying hard not to base my performance in programming (even though I have an A in there, too) on the fact that it takes me time to figure things out or that sometimes I'm stumped.  HTML used to look scary, but just from years of dabbling and playing in it I know I can do some things if I really try - and a lot of it I just know out of my head.  So I'm trying to look at this class like an overview or exposure to it and not as though it's supposed to make me an expert.  I'm guessing that is why CS majors get better pay once they get some experience under their belts.

Anyway.  I'm sitting here on the couch wishing that I was a tortoise and that someone would just throw a blanket over me and turn out the light.  😂  I don't want to walk to my bed, or turn off the light, or clean my litter boxes, or load my dishwasher, or do anything but sleep.  I haven't yet decided if I'm going to be good or not, but we'll see.

I hope you all have a good night.  ❤

I came to the library...

I came to the library to work on a Python assignment between classes, but Python isn't installed here and I need an admin password to do it.  I don't see the library person, so... here I am.  I guess I will do my internet socializing now and my assignment when I get home.

I have grade updates.  I made an 84 on the re-take of the Calculus test I failed.  It's not great, but I can live with that.  Despite feeling great about the new test I made a 58 somehow.  I don't feel so great about that.  🙁  I also failed my Physics test.  I made a 45.  If I perfectly do the one problem he lets us fix I can make a 58, which is almost not failing.  Unfortunately, almost doesn't count.  🙁

This semester is legit beating me down, but I'm hanging in there.  Taking the extra day off of work has allowed me to regulate my stress levels and stay on top of things a little better (believe it or not with the grades I'm making).  All I can really say is that my classes are hard and I'm trying.

There is other news and I feel that it is Shaun's to tell, but I have a big mouth.  His mom passed away yesterday morning.  She had been battling cancer for a long time and honestly (I don't mean to sound callous), I am relieved for her sake because she looked utterly miserable the last few times I saw her.  I hate seeing anyone suffer.  Shaun is holding up ok, but his dad is not.  The rest of this week is going to be tough, but we'll get through it together.

Anyway.  For better or worse, that is what's going on in our lives.  Be well, friends.  ❤

When the answers to your problems look like this:

When the answers to your problems look like this:

5/16ln |16x^2+121| + 9/44 arctan 4x/11 + C

You know it's getting real.  😳

I'm awake early.

I'm awake early.  I got a whopping 4 hours of sleep, but I slept REALLY late yesterday so maybe that's ok.  I guess we'll see.

I think I'm up due in part to a tension headache starting, but maybe Ibuprofen will be my savior.  It could also be that maybe I haven't had enough water lately so I'm downing a bottle now.  One way or the other - I'm trying not to start this week off on the wrong foot.

I guess since I'm awake I will use this time to study Calculus.  I was starting to feel ok about it last night so hopefully I will do well on the two tests today.

I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to spring break.  This is honestly the hardest semester of my life so far.  I need a break during it, for real.

Happy Monday, friends.  ❤

My bottle of Cyber Punk is here and she's gorgeous. 😍😍😍

My bottle of Cyber Punk is here and she's gorgeous. 😍😍😍

I've been waiting since January for her arrival. WORTH IT.

If you can't tell what color she is, that's ok. She's every color. More than a holographic, more than a multichrome. I love her so much I want to tape the bottle to my chest and wear her that way. 😂😂😂

I know that I've been so involved with school, but I've kept an eye on my second love, nail polish. Polish is easier than animals because once they get here, they don't require upkeep. LOL

I woke up late and was pretty tired most of the day...

I woke up late and was pretty tired most of the day - thanks to the Excedrin keeping me up until 4 this morning.  But, today overall hasn't been bad.  I actually felt pretty good by about 5 this evening.  Went to class and had another robot lab.  I won't bore you with another video.  😂

I did some Physics pre-lectures and checkpoints when I got home and have started on my Python vocabulary.  I have two assignments to do, but I'm crashing hard and they aren't due until next week so they will wait.  I'm about to take my Methotrexate and get ready for tomorrow.  Hoping I can kick the brain fog in time to study for Calculus this weekend.

We've almost made it, y'all.  Friday is on the way!  ❤