IYKYK.

IYKYK.

She terrifies me sleeping like this.

She terrifies me sleeping like this. She's face-down in the blankets.

She's on meds for some respiratory crud right now. Poor thing. ❤️

I had one of the weirdest wakeups ever...

I had one of the weirdest wakeups ever in the wee hours of this morning.

Scar and Adrian (cats) live in my bedroom and sleep with me. Scar sleeps on my pillow, snuggled up to my face.

I was sleeping on my side, Scar on my pillow close to my face. He must have stretched his arms and flexed his claws out, then relaxed. All fine and normal... except that one of his claws slid perfectly into my empty septum piercing and he had me hooked by the nose. 😂😂😂

It didn't hurt at all. My septum piercing at one point was stretched to an 8 gauge. A 10 gauge will still to this day go in with no resistance. That skinny little claw was nothing, but it was a weird sensation to feel when you don't expect it. 😂

I just flexed his claw and easily freed myself and went back to sleep. I'm glad I felt it on entrance, instead of waking up when he inevitably started snatching his paw in an effort to free himself FROM MY NOSE. 🫠 I'm sure that would've been a bit unpleasant. 😂

What are the odds of that happening? It's definitely not an experience I would have ever anticipated having. 😂😂😂

Who else wants to do things, but can't make yourself do the things?

Who else wants to do things, but can't make yourself do the things?

And how do you get yourself to do the things?

I want to skate. I watch videos. I have everything I need. But sometimes I just can't DO IT.

I don't even need a lot of space. I could do drills in my kitchen or garage or whatever. I literally have no excuse, but I'm fighting my brain.

Help?

This is one of my favorite ways to take pictures of the boys.

This is one of my favorite ways to take pictures of the boys. They're so damn cute! ❤️

Ooh, my first time charging away from home.

Ooh, my first time charging away from home. I needed to learn how to do this, anyway. Gonna do my DuoLingo while I wait. 😊

Edit: Well, that was easy. And cheap!

Today has been good! 😊

Today has been good! 😊

Caitlin went with me to the consignment stores and lunch today. I only sold 4 things total, but I found a few treasures. One is a neat-looking sweater. Another is a plain shirt, but very soft and will look nice at work. I also got a printed shirt. And the best one is one that Caitlin spotted. It's navy blue and so beautiful. I've never felt elegant one day in my whole life, but that shirt made me feel like a princess. Caitlin got it for me because we couldn't pass it up! (I'll get pics, but not today).

Then me and Shaun and the dogs went to a park. They walked and I skated. I had some stumbles, but no falls this time. I got about 30 minutes in before the dogs were done.

After reading about wheels with edges, I decided to try some tighter turns and that went well. I can definitely tell the difference in the precision. Also, I had Shaun install a back brake for me. I'm already doing better using it than I ever got at using toe stops. I usually stop without using brakes at all, but I wanted some kind of brake just in case.

I know I'm not supposed to look at my feet while skating, but it's helpful that I can look down and see if I'm holding my foot straight while using the back brake. Using a toe stop has my foot bouncing everywhere and lurches me forward, and it's behind me so I can't see the mistake I'm making to correct it.

Anyway, after that we went to a car wash and cleaned our cars. Both were super past due, so I feel happy to have that done. Now I'm just resting, or maybe doing my nails. We'll see.

I hope this Monday has treated you well, too! ❤️

Toebean has a T on his chest like he's a superhero or something. 😂

Toebean has a T on his chest like he's a superhero or something. 😂

I think Harley is ready for us to turn the lights off. 😂

I think Harley is ready for us to turn the lights off. 😂

I've gotten 3 boxes from Short Story...

I've gotten 3 boxes from Short Story, which is a company that sends clothes that fit petite, aka SHORT people. At 4 feet, 9 inches tall, the struggle is real. Almost everything I buy is too long, which results in me looking like a kid playing dress-up. I'm 43 years old and last week at the pet food store, one of the employees said "I hope Santa brings you something nice!" 😂😂😂 So yeah. I need the help. 🤷🏻

After losing almost 30 lbs this year, none of my pants fit. I looked so raggedy. I don't really consider myself to be a vain person, but it affected my confidence. It was also super uncomfortable hitching my pants up frequently. I don't use belts due to sensory issues, so I've had a pair of my pants zip-tied on the sides since August. 😂

(Side Note:  People really don't seem to love my genius ways of getting my clothes to stay on. This is reminiscent of the time I was taping a coat shut because the zipper was broken and a friend of a friend bought me a new one. I know I straight up looked homeless, and I was also much more broke back then - but I also really liked that coat, and yes I still have it. 😂)

Anyway, between Short Story, Halara, and a couple of pairs of Gap Curvy jeans, I've got petite pants now that fit. I feel so much better. Short Story has also sent me a few tops that I couldn't turn down. I have asked them in my next box to send some business casual tops and blazers. I'm excited to see what I get.

Since I'm looking for a job and doing a bunch of networking around here, I want to look nice in person. Unfortunately, I've never been into styling myself; I have always just thrown on whatever was comfortable. So I'm a whole mess, is what I'm saying. 😂 In the boxes, they send a pamphlet with pictures of the clothes on models and that really helps me determine if the garment is fitting me correctly. It's also helped me start judging how the clothes I already have are fitting. I've discovered that most of my shirts are WAYYY too long and not doing me any favors when I wear them. 😬

Today after I got my box and did some trying on, I didn't stop. I have gone through most of my closet trying on things to see if I can make them look nice. I really hate tucking shirts in, but I've found that tying the bottom of my button-down shirts shows my waist and has a nice effect. I can leave the knot showing or roll it under for a cleaner look. That works for me.

There are a bunch of shirts that I probably need to have hemmed. I'm getting rid of almost every pair of pants that isn't new because they are too long and just all-around too big since I lost weight. I think I'm going to hit a few consignment stores this week and see if I have anything they'll take. I would just donate it all, but I haven't worked since April and could use some money.

So yeah, I'm still a t-shirt and leggings girl at home, but I need to cultivate a more polished version of myself for a professional environment. I'm pretty smart and well-spoken, but damn, do I look like a mess most of the time. 😂 It's not doing me any favors, but with a petite clothing box to help me, I can do better. I'm excited for this growth. It's long overdue.

Got all of the downstairs cats tonight. 😂

Got all of the downstairs cats tonight. 😂

Ooh, I am sore today!

Ooh, I am sore today! I think from the falls I took yesterday. My neck and shoulders hurt, which is probably from catching myself when falling.

For the last few weeks, my hips and knees have been hurting again. I think it's due to Psoriatic Arthritis. The Psoriasis on my skin has been pretty itchy and flaky, although it hasn't been too much of a nuisance in years. So... I've got a referral to a rheumatologist. I am going to look into starting treatment again. I can live with skin inflammation, but I really need to protect my bones.

So, I'm feeling pretty rough physically today. I'm definitely not skating this weekend, even though I really want to. I think I'm going to do some chores and take it easy.

I hope you all are having a nice weekend. Mine is going well, all things considered. 😊❤️❤️❤️

I took my new skates out for a ride this morning.

I took my new skates out for a ride this morning. It was fun, but I am wayyy out of practice. I have lost some stamina in my time off, as well as some muscle mass with my weight loss this year. I have plenty work ahead if I want to feel secure while skating again.

The wheels I have on are different than what I'm used to, as well. They have edges, whereas I've only ever skated with rounded wheels outdoors. I'm going to have to look up the difference between those. Also, there was a lot of debris out there. I was on a small basketball court that looks pretty unused, so if I go there again, I'll bring a broom. 

I fell 3 times, but I got right back up again. Pads are a necessity at my age. If only they stopped that awful jarring feeling when you land. I'll probably have a nice bruise on my butt, but other than that I was protected and have only have some minor scratches.

These were super comfortable to wear and my feet didn't go numb or start hurting. I didn't stay out super long since it was my first time back out in a while, but I'll build up to longer outings. 😊 Also, they're super pretty with their iridescent toe covers on!

https://www.facebook.com/blu.xenethos/videos/1319382706892296

Edit:  Added info about the wheels. Interesting.

I Googled. I started skating on rounded wheels because that's what came on my Chaya skates. I did feel like I had more control with these Jelly Roll wheels because of the edges, but it also felt like the debris was a bigger deal. I'm gonna give it some time and see how well I adjust before switching them out.

It's another skate post. 😂

It's another skate post. 😂

This is my current lineup of skates. Starting on the left are my speed skates that I'm terrified to try. When I had my skate birthday party here in Albuquerque a few years ago, the rink gifted me these. I've never skated in a flat shoe and I imagine it's not THAT different than skating with a slight heel, but I've still never tried it. Part of the reason is because those look like indoor wheels and I mostly skate outside. The other part is the fear. 😂 But I'll definitely try them out one day, hopefully soon. They're dressed up with iridescent toe covers to protect them and make them pretty. They also have dragon wings laced on.

The second pair from the left probably has hybrid wheels on them. I bought them in 2022 and I'd wear these indoors, as well. They were from an up-and-coming company the didn't last, and they were also Limited Edition. The company was called Moonlight Rollers and they usually had a moon cut out at the ankle, but these have hearts. I got them for a discount because of some imperfection I've yet to discover. They toe stop is heart-shaped and has cow print on it. They also came with cow-print toe covers, but that's not my style. I put some pretty, reflective toe covers on them because I thought it looked nice, and I also have pads to match.

The third pair are my new VNLA skates that I got from ebay. I put the toe covers on tonight and re-laced them, so I'm ready to roll! Hopefully I can take my first spin in them sometime tomorrow.

The fourth pair is my Love is Love Chaya skates, also toe-covered and re-laced. I got Shaun to change the wheels because I don't like touching them. We took off the Limited Edition wheels and put my hybrid light-up wheels (that I had on my holographic skates) on them for now.

The last photo is of the skates I'm going to sell. The first pair is speed skates that I bought used from ebay before I had any idea what I wanted... before I'd done enough research to know the difference between indoor and outdoor wheels. 😬 I never really used them.

The second pair is my holographic skates that I'd put rainbow laces and light-up wheels on. I used them for indoor skating. Since I'm selling, we put back on the stock laces and wheels. I bought them new and took great care of them.

The third pair is my set of Chaya Melrose. You can tell I skated in these because the wheels are dirty, but toe covers really make a difference in the condition of the boot. The pink toe covers that are now on my navy blue Chaya pair are what was protecting these, and you can definitely tell.

I'm going to try to sell these last 3 pairs locally, and if that doesn't work I'll list them on ebay, most likely. They are great skates and I really enjoyed them, but they are just too small (not too short; too narrow). None of them were able be worn comfortably for a skate session, so I just needed something a little larger. There are ways to deal with a small amount of extra length, but nothing really to be done with a narrow width. Even a boot stretcher didn't help, unfortunately.

I'm sad to be selling the skates that got me started, but I hope they find someone who can fit comfortably in them and will take them out more often.

I REALLY want to replace the holographic silver pair because they are so pretty, but literally I do not need 5 pairs of skates. I wish that was the end of it, but I'm gonna be fighting myself not to. I swear I'm a ferret in person clothing... I have a HARD time resisting shiny things. 😂 At least they aren't very expensive if I lose this battle.

The rabid tigers...

The rabid tigers that I share a bedroom with reacted with this when faced with seeing a quarter-sized empty spot in the middle of their food dish.

It's a bit dramatic, don't you think? 😂

Here's a photo from my birthday last month.

Here's a photo from my birthday last month. I was so busy that I didn't think to post it. A few of my friends from the bootcamp came over to have pizza and cake with me. It was a good time. ❤️

Shaun had a really delicious red velvet cake made for me. The pizza was from Dion's - it's always tasty. Can't miss with a 505 (green chili and pepperoni).

It was a quick and impromptu get-together after class, but I appreciated the company. Maybe next year I'll get to have a skate party again. 😊

These are my "birthday" skates.

These are my "birthday" skates. I'm so happy with them! 😁

On the left, we have VNLA Parfait and on the right, Chaya Melrose Elite "Love is Love." I got both of these from ebay advertised as "pre-owned" for the price a single pair went for brand new. They're previous generations of skates, but as far as I can tell, practically brand new. It looks like someone did a test skate in the Parfaits, and the white wheels of the Chaya are PRISTINE. The wheels on the Parfaits are a high-quality outdoor wheel that the seller had changed from stock. They sent the stock wheels with the skates, though, so that's great.

I used to skate pretty frequently these last few years, but with work and also my feet hurting, I ended up stopping. I think I'd bought my first couple of pairs of skates too small. 😬 I wasn't able to skate for long periods, and my feet always went numb while wearing them, and then hurt after I took them off. It got harder and harder to get myself to put them back on.

I got both of these pairs in a size larger, and so far they are much more comfortable. The VNLA in particular have been said to be better for wide feet, and that is holding true. There is a pair of VNLAs that I want pretty bad, but they're more expensive, so I'll wait and see how these break in before I even think about buying them. But VNLA might end up being my "fits like a glove" brand.

Both pairs currently have outdoor wheels on them, but I'm definitely changing the Chaya wheels. Those "Love is Love" wheels were Limited Edition as far as I know and they're so pretty that I don't want to mess them up. Those might end up being my indoor skates. I skate indoors far less frequently than I skate outdoors.

I really kind of want to go hard on the VNLAs to see if I actually needed a size larger or if I just needed a skate that would be comfortable on wider feet. I have heard great things about the brand, but I never bought them before because they cost more than I was comfortable spending as a newbie. But now that I know how much I love to skate, it feels more like an investment than a test.

Anyway, my too-small skates are in great shape and I can't imagine I'll ever wear them again. I guess I should try to sell them to someone with smaller feet. 😂 If you can wear a size 5 in women's shoes, let me know!

It's been a couple of weeks...

It's been a couple of weeks since I had time to peek in the greenhouse. Most of the plants are doing pretty well, if a little thirsty. I'll have time this week to clean up, tend them, and get them hydrated. I'm excited to spend some time with my babies. 😊

Cookies from yesterday.

Cookies from yesterday. Graduation was fun. 😊

I just woke up from a letdown migraine, because of course I did. 😂🫠

I just woke up from a letdown migraine, because of course I did. 😂🫠 I guess all of my great days have to find their balance. 😂😂😂

If anyone wants to see my Personal Website Project, here it is. I'm really proud how it turned out.  www.polishallthethings.com

I don't know if anyone is really interested in how it was built, but I used Flowbite components and styled it with Tailwind CSS. My Contact Form (for now) is made with EmailJS, but I do plan to switch over to React when I have time. There's also a lot I want to add, especially in regards to the Blog because I have years of nail content, but this is a great start.

I think it turned out pretty and fun. I love my semi-transparent menus and the gradient background. No, there is no store linked at this moment, but that's ok; everything is a work in progress. The last 10 weeks of the bootcamp were mainly focused on our capstone, so I wasn't able to prioritize this site.

Anyway, let me know what you think!

Tomorrow is my graduation...

Tomorrow is my graduation from the CNM Deep Dive Full-Stack Web Development program. It's been a fun 12 weeks and I've learned a ton.

If anyone wants to attend my presentation/graduation virtually, here is the Zoom link. I'll be presenting my personal website project, as well as our capstone web application.

Presentations start at 10; our team specifically will present at 11 Mountain Time/Noon Central.

https://cnm-edu.zoom.us/j/91677093789

I'm proud of this.

I'm proud of this. I've only used 2 streak freezes since I started.

Cub giving me puppy eyes...

Cub giving me puppy eyes while I'm over here in crunch time working on this website and presentation that are both due Friday.

I just want to stop and love all over him. ❤️ Come get your boy. I don't need this distraction. 😂

I'm stressed. And sad. And tired.

I'm stressed. And sad. And tired.

I'm about to get some sleep.

This is the last week of the bootcamp. I think we're officially done coding on Wednesday, then we have Thursday to work on our presentations... which is kind of a big deal because there will be employers there.

I ate too much junk food because of my birthday and I've got the inflammation to prove it. Psoriasis on my face before this presentation? Sure, why not. I will try to eat clean this week and hope it helps.

I did some retail therapy at like, 3 this morning. We don't have extra money right now, but I bought myself two pairs of skates. I haven't skated in at least a year. 😬😭 I miss it and I dream about it all the time. But Bear doesn't like the sound, so doing it at home is out of the question. When I was working, I found it hard to get to the skate park. After I was laid off, it wasn't on my mind. But after I started this bootcamp, I really started craving an outlet and some alone time, so that's probably why I've been dreaming about it. I love to put on some earbuds and just ride my feet.

For what it's worth, I bought both pairs from ebay. They are barely used - seriously, the wheels aren't even dirty. 😳 I got them half off of retail, and one pair even comes with an extra set of wheels. 😳😳😳 They're both a larger size than my current outdoor Chaya Melrose skates, so hopefully they'll be more comfortable. One reason I stopped skating so much was because those skates made my feet go to sleep after a while, so that's probably not a good sign. 😂

I told Shaun today that I shopped, and he was like "Happy Birthday, I guess." 😂 He's so patient with me.

But also, I'm probably gonna sell my Chaya Melrose skates. They're in super great condition; I just feel strongly that they belong on smaller feet. I did measure my foot the way all of the videos said to before I bought them, but my feet are wide and the narrow toe box never loosened up enough. 🤷🏻

Anyway. I was just having a ramble to clear my mind so I can sleep.

Wish me luck. It's a big week.

❤️❤️❤️

We lost our precious Anansi today.

We lost our precious Anansi today. She'd been showing symptoms of DKS and it looked like things were progressing in a bad way. We wrapped her gently and put her in the freezer as a humane euthanasia. We couldn't bear to see her look so unwell.

Anansi was me and Shaun's first child together. He used to be afraid of spiders, but my logic was that he couldn't be afraid of his own child, and it worked. We got her when she was only the size of a dime. She grew into adult size and lived with us for 11 years.

I know many of y'all don't view creatures the way I do, and she wasn't cuddly like a cat or dog, but she is already missed. I look over at her house and she's not there, and it's an empty feeling. She was a beautiful and sweet tarantula and I'm sad that she is gone.

Pluribus, episode 4...

Pluribus, episode 4... That's our real mayor. 😂😂😂

Albuquerque is so funny. I love it here. ❤️

Cub is crashed out in the recliner next to Shaun.

Cub is crashed out in the recliner next to Shaun. Oh, to be so comfortable. 😂

Bruh.

Bruh. Not me sitting halfway through the first episode of Pluribus thinking, "I know Albuquerque is weird, but what's with all of the outer space stuff?" "What's the countdown for - Jimmy getting out of jail?" "Did Kim hate what happened with Jimmy so bad she quit law and is a writer now?"

I was so CONFUSED. 😂😂😂

Why did I think Pluribus was related to Better Call Saul!?

Something silly for tonight:

Something silly for tonight:

Kira just posted this in the chat:

Shaun's creation:

Yesterday was great...

Yesterday was great and I want to tell y'all all about it, but I'm still recovering from the let-down migraine I woke up with this morning.

Hopefully I will be have a regular day tomorrow. ❤️

We won 1st place at the App Contest!

We won 1st place at the App Contest! I'm so excited!

This is Denise's 2nd win this month - the first being the Hackathon!

I have a presentation today, so I tried to dress nice.

I have a presentation today, so I tried to dress nice.

When Shaun saw me, he said I looked like a little kid playing dress-up, then helped me find a shirt that looked better.

I kissed him before I left, then said "Your lips are crusty. I love you. Bye!" and went on my way. He's gonna balm those babies or something, I'm sure.

Are we the most tactful? No. But we are honest without malicious intent, and it works. ❤️😊

Toebean is invested...

Toebean is invested in watching me and Denise get ready for our presentation tomorrow. What a gentleman... When he's not being a menace. 😂😂😂

I think my anxiety is up...

I think my anxiety is up and has been for a few weeks. I haven't been able to stop picking my skin. I look horrible.

Also, I've jumped upon seeing my shadow twice in the last 2 weeks. I've never been that skittish in my life.

Fun times.

I put my estrogen patch on as soon as I got home.

I put my estrogen patch on as soon as I got home. My doctor said I could, but I was gonna do it regardless. 😂 I have too much going on to be feeling so bad.

I'm looking forward to feeling better soon.

I gotta call my doctor today.

I gotta call my doctor today. I don't think I can be off estrogen. I had hot flashes last night, joint pain for the last few days, and one of my shoulders started hurting this morning. I DO NOT want Frozen Shoulder.

This hormone stuff is so tricky to get right. And it affects EVERYTHING. 😭😭😭

I stayed in bed until around 6 pm.

I stayed in bed until around 6 pm. Here it is a mere 5-ish hours later and I'm already ready to go back.

I've been cramping for about a week, but no period. I took off my estrogen patch on Thursday as instructed, and now I'm having bone pain and hot flashes. I'll call my doctor tomorrow to let him know how I'm feeling.

I'm gonna make a small meal and eat, then go to bed.

I wanted to do my nails and water my plants today, but all I managed was a shower.

I don't know how I'm supposed to get anything done...

I don't know how I'm supposed to get anything done when he's so damn cute. 😂😂😂❤️❤️❤️

It's a beautiful day and Harley is RELAXED. 😂😂😂

It's a beautiful day and Harley is RELAXED. 😂😂😂

I got a lap full of 'Beans. ❤️

I got a lap full of 'Beans. ❤️

I'm having a ramble. Don't mind me.

I'm having a ramble.  Don't mind me.

I had my appointment to check my hormones today.  The doctor is switching things up for me, so hopefully I'll feel more like myself soon.

This morning I was rushed between 2 appointments, and I am so embarrassed that I said this, but I did:  "I love you move out the way." as I was trying to leave the house.  I brushed past Shaun with that shit coming out in one breath and IMMEDIATELY felt awful.  He's such a good person and didn't deserve that and I feel so unlike myself lately that I can barely function.  I did apologize immediately, and he is not taking this personally (THANK GOODNESS), but DAMN.

I don't know how well I'm even hiding it outside of the house.  Last week, two guys were talking through a presentation I was trying to hear and after I gave them a couple of looks, I finally just turned around,  threw my arms open and said, "Seriously, guys.  There's a presentation right now."  I didn't say "Sorry", or "Excuse me", or anything to soften it.  (They did apologize and stop talking, and the presenter carried on.)  But anyone who knows me knows that was pretty out of character for me.  Normally, the most I'd have done is "Shhh!" without even looking at them and hope for the best.

There is also this that has been happening for a while:  I've lost about half of the thickness of my hair since August.  I'm not usually very bothered by cosmetic shit; I guess growing up as a teen with psoriasis on your face will break you from being too obsessed with looks.  I don't even think it looks super noticeable, but my freaking head is cold!  And I'm seriously so sick of finding hair in my butt crack.

I thought it might be from the weight loss / Semaglutide, but the doctor said that if my thyroid is low, that could be a cause, as well.  I'm having a lot of other symptoms of low thyroid again, so he's upping my meds, and my testosterone, as well.  I'm going off Estrogen and Progesterone for a month so we can do bloodwork and see what my cycle is up to, as well.  He wants to hear from me about how I'm feeling in a week or so, and I'm grateful for that.

I've lost 20 pounds since I started Semaglutide earlier this year.  I look and feel a lot better, but my body has changed in unexpected ways.  I really thought my boobs would deflate; I remember in high school wearing a Playtex "Nearly A" cup bra, which is a thing that existed.  I thought I'd return to flat; however, I have retained the boobage and I'm overflowing my 34DD bra.

At the same time, I still have a booty, but my jeggings were practically falling off me.  So while we don't have extra money and my unemployment has ended even though I don't have a job, I had to invest in some jeans.  It was getting ridiculous and I looked terrible.  I have found one pair of jeans that fit so far.  I have some Gap Curvy's on the way, so hopefully they'll fit, too.  I'm not trying to spend too much in case I lose a few more pounds, but I desperately needed something that fit, especially with me leaving the house for the Web Dev bootcamp.  It's one thing to work from home, but to be perceived knowing you look like crap... eh.  I didn't care for it.

Anyway, that's all I've got for now.  Class is keeping me busy and exhausted.  I'll talk more about that later.  For now, I'm gonna go eat and rest up.  ❤❤❤

It's been a big day!

It's been a big day!

I have my website published. Though it's not ready to be revealed publicly, it will be soon. I'm super excited and can't wait to show everyone. 😁

Another big win for the day is that the app we're building as our capstone project was submitted to a contest and we're one of the finalists! Gotta give a big shout out to Denise for doing all the work on the submission. She really went hard and hopefully it will pay off!

Also, SUPER CONGRATULATIONS 🎊 to Denise and Srilatha for winning the Hackathon over the weekend. I was supposed to be there and I hate that I wasn't able to show up, but they ended up on the winning team and I'm so proud of them! ❤️❤️❤️

Tl;dr: Yesterday I ceased to exist.

Tl;dr:  Yesterday I ceased to exist.  I'm sorry if I did not show up for you.  It's not that I didn't want to; it was literally not possible.

Overall, I had a pretty good week, but I told myself before it was over that I was skipping a Hackathon this weekend because I was exhausted and needed to rest.  Then we had a Professional Development speaker on Friday who inspired me, and I decided that I was going to show up to the Hackathon.

That ended up being a lie.

I woke up on Saturday morning and I just could not manifest myself into personhood.  I never made it out of bed.  I had a bad headache, and the only thing I ate or drank for the whole day was Ibuprofen and the sip of water it took to get it down.  I did not eat or drink the rest of the day.  I only moved if my body started to ache from being in one position for too long.  Shaun came to check on me, and I barely responded to him.  I didn't even pick up my phone for any of that time.  I spent 30-ish hours in that condition.

By last night, he was in panic mode.  He was scared to leave me alone.  He asked if he needed to call 911.

The thing is, I wasn't going to hurt myself.  I wasn't going to move if I didn't have to.  And I didn't feel depressed or sad or bad.  I spent the time in and out of consciousness, sometimes asleep, sometimes awake, sometimes somewhere in between.  Sometimes my brain was taking me to past places, sometimes I felt it was working on a problem, sometimes it was just dreaming.  I felt numb, and sometimes lost in time or space.  I was sometimes vaguely aware of the animals or kids or Shaun, sometimes not.  It did not feel like a bad or scary experience.  It kind of felt necessary.

I woke up/got up today like it was a regular day.  I ate my usual breakfast and took my meds.  I don't feel like I am 100% here; I feel more like I am in ghost mode.  I can affect some things, but my brain is also still lingering in the halfway place.

I feel like this was an extended and deeper version of "I don't want to be a person yet."  Some of those days feel like a choice.  This was not.

So I don't know what happened, and from my Googling the closest thing I can find is Depersonalization/Derealization.  I do have depression and anxiety and am medicated for both.  It was a busy week and I did have fun, but I think that agreeing to do the Hackathon was too much.  There were also some other stressors, too.  More stressy stressors, actually.  So my theory is that I wasn't able to exist as a person on Saturday, perhaps because I needed to rest or because my brain was trying to protect me or because of hormonal fluctuations due to peri or a combination of it all.  It's all kind of messy right now and I'm working on figuring things out, but it's not easy.

My plan for the rest of this day is to do some homework, and otherwise a bunch of self-care and rest.  I seem to function MOSTLY fine during the week, but by the weekends lately I'm a mess.

I have an appointment on Thursday to see if my hormones need adjusting.  I will bring up whatever this episode was with my doctor, as well.  If they can't help me figure it out, it might be time to be referred to a psychiatrist.  I really didn't mind how I felt yesterday, but apparently I scared Shaun and the kids, and I also didn't take my usual antianxiety and antidepressant because I didn't eat or move, so that's not good.  I am usually very consistent with my meds, but it was not my choice and not possible yesterday.

I hope you all are doing well.  I'm going through some weirdness, but I've been through worse.  I'll be ok.  ❤

Harley's goof ass.

Harley's goof ass. He's purring so loud right now. 😂❤️

My day got better.

My day got better.

I walked with a friend to a café and we talked about me possibly getting to help build a website. It was a super nerdy and fun chat.

When I headed home from the city, the radio was playing all the good songs (Pony by Ginuwine, Creep by TLC, Dear Mama by 2pac) and it was nice.

I almost made it home without using Maps.

I felt alive and connected this afternoon/evening.

Now I'm crashing out and going to bed. I'm so tired. But today was worth getting up for. I gotta remember that.

❤️

My mood has eased up some. Thank goodness.

My mood has eased up some. Thank goodness.

But I do think it's time to check my hormone levels and up the doses because I have not been feeling like myself lately.

TMI post. I really don't care. You've been warned.

TMI post. I really don't care. You've been warned.

I'm struggling this morning. I think it's getting close to my period (I hope this is the TEMPORARY reason for my extra-foul mood), but this peri hormone rollercoaster has gmfu even worse. I am not fit to be around anyone today. I've been rude to my animals, I've told Shaun "Please don't make me tell you again that I don't want to talk to you." and I have to leave my house and deal with people.

I'm gonna be masking so hard all day. Wish me and my non-existent patience luck, because we're gonna need it.

We had a pack of visitors last night. I love seeing them! ❤️

We had a pack of visitors last night. I love seeing them! ❤️

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1AMmHSaW5R/

They're never too big to be held. ❤️

They're never too big to be held. ❤️

I did these nails on Tuesday...

I did these nails on Tuesday, and then I put the ghosts on the night before Halloween.  I don't do holidays, so my nails are the closest I get to acknowledging that they exist. 😆

I really feel like these turned out great.  I used a dark blue gel and then an aurora chrome powder over it.  The chrome is still looking great, with no tip-wear, which is almost a miracle because I type a lot.

I don't have much time for nail art these days with the Web Dev bootcamp.  I don't have much time for anything.  But Monday starts week 8 of 12, so we're getting closer to the end.  For now, I'm keeping things simple.  I just threw on these vinyl ghost decals that I made in September and called it done.

For the second Friday in a row...

For the second Friday in a row, I've come home from the Web Dev bootcamp and almost immediately gone to bed.  I slept and I'm awake now (temporarily; I'll be going back to bed soon). I don't know why I'm so wiped out these past two weeks, but it's intense.  Week 7 of 12 is officially complete!  It's crazy how fast it's flying by.

I'm still learning a ton and still having a great time.  Our focus for the past two weeks has been on the back end, which is exciting because it's my first exposure to it.  I don't know what I thought it would look like, but it's not this.  So far, it makes a lot of sense.  It's a bit complicated, but not impossible like I always imagined it would be.

I'm kind of barely keeping up with my plants and nails lately.  It's getting cold here, so the plants are all moved into the greenhouse and getting sleepy.  They are slowing down on water, so that's good timing for me.  I've been doing barely anything to my nails, so no fancy nail art and no press-ons for the shop.  There is just not enough time or energy for everything, and that's ok.

Anyway, I'm going to work a bit on my Personal Website Project for class until I get sleepy again.  All of our class time recently has been spent working together on the Capstone project, so I'm going to have to finish the PWP outside of class.  It's coming along nicely.  I can't wait to be able to show it to you all. 😊

Albuquerque friends, check this out!

Albuquerque friends, check this out!

https://rparra23.github.io/halloweentrick

🤦🏻 Seven weeks ago...

🤦🏻 Seven weeks ago I lost a pack of crackers with cheese pieces that I packed for the bootcamp.

This morning, I found them in my backpack. It was gross.

But, mystery solved! 😂

Happy Friday, y'all!

Bear was enjoying his legs this morning. 😊

Bear was enjoying his legs this morning. 😊 It's so funny to me that he goes around kicking things now that he's got new knees. He's making sure to use them, I guess! 😂😂😂

Happy Monday from Cubba and Bear! ❤️

Happy Monday from Cubba and Bear! ❤️

Some flowers from today. 😊

Some flowers from today. 😊

I'm so behind on my life, but thankfully succulents are quite forgiving of a little neglect.

To do:

Went to class ✅

Came home ✅

Kissed my puppies ✅

Hugged the husband ✅

To do:

Get in bed to dissociate

See y'all later. It's felt like a long week.

Scar, not so patiently waiting for me to give him his inhaler. 😂❤️

Scar, not so patiently waiting for me to give him his inhaler. 😂❤️

At least he's pretty cooperative.

Toebean is kneading with all the paws tonight.

Toebean is kneading with all the paws tonight. He's being super snuggly and cuddly. ❤️❤️❤️

I woke up this morning at 4 with a migraine.

I woke up this morning at 4 with a migraine. I think it's the first one I've had in about 6 weeks. We're 6 weeks into the Web Dev bootcamp (halfway through!) and I can't recall having one since we started.

My teachers recorded the part of the class that I missed, so I'll watch it this weekend. I joined the class Zoom meeting halfway through the day. My migraine meds knock me out and I took them around 7 after trying hard to not need them, so I was knocked out for the first half.

When I joined, I was sluggish and my vision wasn't great, but the teachers were super patient with me and I completed the day.

I'm feeling mostly better now; I just hate how the meds leave me feeling slow and sleepy. I'm gonna shower soon and call it a night. Some extra sleep will do me good, probably.

I hope your week is going well. ❤️

Harley is squeezing in for a snuggle...

Harley is squeezing in for a snuggle no matter how cramped the space is. 😂