Taking recommendations for a new Primary Care Physician. I really super like Dr. Hamer, but he's cancelled on me twice now. Also, his wait time is redonk.
Even if you've suggested someone before do it again so I don't have to go back and look, please.
I've officially ruled out Dr. Keel and Dr. Hamer so don't bother to suggest them.
Thanks. ❤
I picked up my cat Snaga who doesn't normally like to be picked up. She totally put her head on my shoulder and hugged me back. LOVE IT. 😃❤
Shadow was eating lemons and Emma REALLY wanted a piece so he gave it to her.
The look of betrayal was PRICELESS. 😂😂😂
Tort Baby is awake! SUPER YAY! 😃
Algebra was canceled because my teacher was sick. If I'd have checked my messages I would have known that before I got to the school, but I didn't. So I talked to people (go me!) and then went to my computer class super early and got some stuff done.
I'm feeling pretty good about things - still just crazy tired. I guess that is to be expected, though.
I gotta run. The sweetest tort ever is hanging out with me. Quality times! 😃❤
It's seriously only Thursday? 🙁
It's been a rough week. I haven't even hung out with Tort Baby since Sunday. Both of us have been too tired. I need a long weekend. Two days just isn't enough for housework, homework, AND relaxing before I have to do it all over again. 😕
Algebra dismissed early. 🙁 Now I'm in my car eating Cheetos. 🙂 I bet I have time to tell you about my sucktacular day.
Shadow was sick again today so I took him to the doctor. Who am I kidding? I only wish it had been that simple.
I took him to the last doctor's office he'd been to (a walk-in clinic), and when I got there they said they didn't take his insurance (Medicaid). I thought that was weird, but went to my car to call Medicaid to find out where I could take him.
Well, after 45 minutes on hold (with the most awful hold music blaring the whole time), I was told that my child does not have Medicaid. So I call AllKids because I'm fairly sure I'm not such a careless person that I've let my child go without insurance. AllKids says that I do not have a policy with them, but that he is, in fact, on Medicaid.
I explain to them that I just got off the phone with Medicaid and that they said he wasn't covered. She said "I can see it right here. Let me tell you the policy number."
So I wrote it down and called Medicaid back. When it became apparent that I would probably be on hold another 45 minutes I hung up and went online. Got registered to see his account and printed a proof of insurance so I could take him somewhere.
Apparently when I was kicked off of AllKids for being too broke they sent the application to Medicaid, (who approved me), but never sent a new card. So when I called Medicaid earlier and gave them the number on the card they were right - it had been cancelled. But you would think there would have been a way for them to see the new policy, too. Or that they would care enough to check and not leave a sick child hanging.
Anyway, then came the ordeal with the doctor appointment. Medicaid doesn't cover walk-in clinics so I guess Shadow went to one when he was on AllKids. So I had to find a doctor that could see him today (which was NOT easy since it was after noon at this point), then designate them to be his primary physician so that freaking Medicaid would cover his appointment.
Oh, and guess what's wrong with him? THE KID HAS A COLD. Looks like a gnarly one, but still.
I worked a whopping 2 hours today and got so frustrated with all the things I was dealing with that I was ready to tear my hair out - OVER A COLD - aka: something that no one can do anything about. 🙁
Dang. If I thought Monday was rough it's only because I didn't know what Tuesday had in store for me. I'll tell you all about it later.
Right now I gotta brush my hair, calm down, and get to class. 😳
Well, it's been a day. I had to get up early for class, but I didn't sleep well last night. To make it even more awesome, Shadow woke up nauseated and called me later to relay the glorious news that he had, indeed, barfed while I was at work. Way to go, son.
I got off work kind of early because I thought I'd take him to the doctor and get a jump on my homework, but when I got home he told me he'd barfed again and felt better. Of course. So I did homework for hours (yay for trying to get my brain smart!) and then we had dinner. And then Shadow promptly got nauseated again. 🙁
At that point Shaun used my reptile heat sensor thing on the kid's forehead and it went above 100 degrees. I don't know how accurate that really was, but he sure looked like hell and was shivering. Now if I'm not cold no one else in the room should be. So I take that as a pretty good indicator that something is actually wrong with him.
I guess if he's no better in the morning we really will head to the doctor. He can't miss 2 days of school unexcused. Speaking of doctors - I also made an appointment for myself for Friday. My freakin' hands hurt and I'm not down with it. My hips and knees are doing ok, but my hands are achy and non-cooperate-y. BOO!
And on that note I'm going to bed. Goodnight, Internet. I hope Monday wasn't too hard on you. ❤
Not the best photo and also not the most impressive nails. Honestly, though, just having them done makes me feel happy. 🙂
I didn't really talk about this much when talking about my psoriasis / arthritis, but I very nearly lost my thumbnail (psoriasis will jack you ALL up). 🙁 That is why it's shaped kind of weird (it's almost grown back to normal - yay!), and also one major reason I stopped painting for a while. I'm not usually easily embarrassed, but that one got me for some reason. I am not super sure why.
I also noticed that when I tried to do my "look at all my nails" claw my hands don't want to do that anymore. Most particularly my thumb. I hate to admit that I hurt it trying to get it to do that... so maybe I'll be doing photos with bottles now. Or gerbils. Or lizards. Hell, I don't know. What I do know is that despite my arthritis pills my hands have been really sore and I should probably make time in my schedule (somehow!) to get back to the doctor.
Anyway. I'm going to try to do my nails at least once a week. It makes me happy and I should take some time out for just me. You know - to keep sane while I'm doing all of this other stuff. ❤
Gave myself the gift of staying in bed until 1 today. I do have homework this weekend, as well as housework and I would really love to do my nails. I'm also planning to go to Munford to see my parents so hopefully I can fit all of that into today and tomorrow.
Sorry to anyone I've been ignoring on the Internet. There is really not a lot of time for that these days. On the days I have class in the morning I take care of whatever housework there is that evening after work and then look at my books and hang with my guys / ani-pals. On the nights I have class I get home, may or may not eat, then pretty much go to bed.
Two weeks in and I'm still struggling to keep up with this schedule. That is not to say that I am miserable, though, because I'm not. I feel excited, alive, optimistic - lots of good things on top of being tired. I am really enjoying my classes and having something "out of the norm" to do. I think that just working is not enough for me because I nearly always have something else going on. Whether it's fostering animals, doing complicated nail art several times a week, making polish jewelry, going to school - I think I'm the kind of person who just needs something productive or helpful to do.
So anyway, I'm happy even if I've had to scale back on all the other stuff. I can still do those things - just not as much - and that's ok. I've got bigger goals right now and I feel focused and motivated and pretty good about it all. I hope I can keep that up! 😃
Anyway, I hope that everyone has a lovely weekend. I don't know if I'll be back on here and if I am it probably won't be for long. If you need me send me a message - I do check those, but not my wall and other notifications often. Ain't nobody got time for that! 😛😃❤
My goodness. Booka is rolling around in the floor - snorting and growling and huffing and just generally being weird. I wish I had a camera in here. 😂
I am unbelievably sleepy and in my bed. The whole house is quiet... except for the tiniest crunching sound. I gave Koopa and Peach some bugs for in the morning, but I guess one of them is up having a snack. *crunch crunch crunch crunch crunch* Pause, pause, repeat. 😂 Someone isn't going to want their breakfast!
ALGEBRA WORD PROBLEMS!!! 😃😃😃
Ok so I'm not perfect at Algebra yet, but I'm gonna go ahead and say that I'm digging this. I wish I had time to practice more. I bet there are tons of Algebra game sites that I can play on. 😳 I shall Google this later!
Ok, so I worked on Algebra for a while. I've got the easier stuff down (thank goodness), but I see that the positive and negative numbers trip me up sometimes. I used to HATE + / - in high school, but now that I'm a grown-up broke person if I think of it like money then I do a lot better. We'll just give credit to life experience on that one... unfortunately. But at least being broke has been good for something. 😂
I did an ass-ton of problems... I do have homework, but I did pages more than was assigned (not to turn in - just for me), to make sure I'm getting the hang of it. The answers to the odd questions are in the back of the book so I felt super-triumphant when I got them right. I actually didn't miss very many and the two that I got hung on Shaun helped me out with so now I've eliminated another mistake I was making. It's so tedious how you have to get every little detail right or the whole thing is just out in left field. But that's ok. I'm good at details once I know them all.
Anyway, I got most of my homework done in the midst of all the other stuff I was doing. I have 3 problems left, but my brain feels tired and class doesn't meet again until Tuesday so I'll knock them out tomorrow. 🙂
Now I'm calling it a night. I'm tired in my brain and everywhere else, too. No class tomorrow, but I still have to work - so off I go. Goodnight, Internet. ❤
I just found my favorite pencil from high school!
DAY. IS. MADE. 😃
Ok, so I worked on Algebra while I was at the laundromat. I don't want to speak too soon, but the stuff we are doing is ALMOST fun. It's like number puzzles - and I like puzzles! I know it's gonna get harder and that's kind of scary, but I think once I'm sure of myself in the basics I'll feel a lot better.
So I didn't even start my actual homework - I just copied down the problems we did in class together and then tried to work them out to see if I could come up with the same answers. I think I got a little more than half right. 😳 BUT, that way I identified what questions I had and where I was getting hung up so I know what to work on. I think what it boils down to is that I just need to practice, which is ok. Since I haven't looked at this stuff in literally about 16 years I don't feel too bad.
Well, I'm off to practice Algebra! 😃
When I was a kid I had a big old bull doggie with maybe some mastiff in him... I really don't know, but he was huge with the floppy, slobbery cheeks. 😃 And if my brother ever picked at him too much the dog would push him down and sit on his head. It used to crack me up, but Cade didn't think it was so funny. 😛
OooOooH! Shaun is in trouble!
I just went to give the beardies their salad and when I looked in Mona's house what I saw was NOT a beardie. It was Scar, (one of our cats). Sitting there like he belonged. Mona was under her new bulb basking. Both just in there looking like "What?" 😂
Shaun must have left the door open after he changed Mona's bulb. I guess Scar decided it was a good time for a visit. It is SUCH a good thing that my kids get along!
Shaun, this stink eye is for you! O_o You are so bad at doors! 😂 But I love you anyway. ❤
Been done with my nails for a while. Nothing too fancy - just some stamping. Will probably get pics tomorrow.
I'm still on the couch because I'm just not done holding my Tort Baby. He is the most precious thing. If I didn't have to get up and let the dogs out to pee I'd sleep on the couch and hold him all night. ❤ I SO wish I didn't have to disturb him!
Ok, Internet, I'm un-grounded from here for the day. 😂 I have worked my butt off on the house almost all day and it looks fantastic. 😃 I feel much better. There are certain things I would normally do during the week, but I just didn't have time so I had some catching up to do.
I am going to relax and paint my nails for the first time in ages. I do have homework to do, but I'm exhausted so I will either take a look at it in a bit or tomorrow. I have some larger blankets and things that I am planning to wash tomorrow so I will have to take them to the laundromat and I feel like that would be a great time to get my homework done. No Shadow, Shaun, or ani-pals will be there to distract me and it will be entertainment since I will be sitting there for hours. 😃
Anyway. I bought new pencils at Wal-Mart today. They have super fat lead - 1.3 mm. I'm excited to try those out. Because I'm a nerd! 😃
I don't normally do this, but tonight I'm having a drink. I've been dreaming about Dr. Pepper for weeks. GET IN MA MOUF!
So I completed one official week of real college. GO ME!
Tonight we did real Algebra. I'm gonna be doing it all weekend to make sure I know how. The first problems were easy, but then she kept going until I felt like "Shit, now I'm gonna be confused again." There was really no time to practice in between new things so I felt like that moved faster than I was comfortable with. But, I'll get it all straightened out this weekend.
In computer class I was freaking out because I hadn't had time to read the 40 pages that the teacher assigned. Well I thought I'd skim over them before class so I wouldn't be TOO behind and then I LOL'd. Literally - part of the first chapter is "how to distinguish between desktop computers, laptops, and tablets." The rest was just simple stuff, too, like "Keyboards and microphones and mice are input devices." He went over it all during class so now I don't even feel bad that I didn't read it.
I'm not going to say that I can't learn anything from that class because just today I learned where the word "modem" comes from and how those things work (in a very basic sense), but I gotta say this one is moving slower than I'm happy about. I guess I'm just hard to please. LOL
Anyway, I think it's all do-able and manageable. I'm still a total grump every afternoon when I get home, but maybe next week won't be so bad. My schedule has changed pretty drastically from what it's been over the last few years so it's a big adjustment and I feel worn out. But I'm sure I'll get all sorted out soon. I hope!
So I've almost decided that I need two torts now. Since Tort Baby likes to hang in my jacket I think I could get away with taking them everywhere... if only I had two that were a similar size... 😉😜
Taking a quick break. I feel like I've been going non - stop all day. 😳
This morning in English we had to write an essay introducing ourselves. The teacher said to do it however you thought an essay was supposed to be written. It was an assignment that was meant to gauge where we are as a class.
Almost everyone finished before I did - I might have been the last one out of the class at exactly 9:14 when it lets out. 😂 I hope I don't look like I'm kissing ass. I just wanted to do a good job.
I gotta say - it was REALLY hard writing without emoticons. I guess I have to get used to that!
I'm sitting here with a tort stuffed in my jacket. He's crashed out and I'm crashing out. I have been missing the kids since I've been getting up earlier. I feel like Santa Claus when I'm leaving them food and they are still asleep every morning. I might have to adjust some timers so they are more on my schedule.
I'm so tired so I'm heading to bed after this even though I've been planning to paint my nails for days. I guess I have to keep my priorities in order. Blegh.Three things that made me happy today:
1) Tort Baby pooped on a puppy pad. I did not make him - he just did it.Hey Roger. I appreciate your willingness to be a part of the conversation. You sincerely asked me what I think, and I offer the following. As you read, I ask that you simply read it to try and understand it, not to think about arguments against it. I offer my thoughts as an explanation, and I’m afraid it’s a bit lengthy.
During my legal career I went to a variety of courthouses for various things well over 100 times. Every time I went I was wearing a suit and tie. With great regularity, (I’d estimate 75% of the time) I was either asked, “do you have your attorney with you?” or restrained in some way by a bailiff. I would often have to show my bar card to prove that I was allowed to go past “the bar” (the divider) in the courtroom. This happened to none of my white colleagues (yes, I asked them). It was clear that my race made me “defendant” in the eyes of the judicial system. The clear message for me is that my race makes me suspect – that it makes me lesser. I don’t believe that those people set out to target me because I’m black… I believe that their treatment of me is the conditioned response to blacks that this country’s history has instilled in us.
In college I was a “campus host” so 2 or 3 times a month I would spend time guiding a visiting guest around campus. We always had to make small talk, and inevitably, I would get asked if I was on athletic scholarship or what sport I played. I was never asked if I had an academic scholarship. The stereotypes are ingrained in us.
With regularity, I get followed through stores. Last month it was at a Target. I can only assume that the security officers believe that I am the person in the store mostly likely to steal something, solely because of my race, and so they follow me.
I have been stopped a number of times by the police (15-ish or so times). Sometimes it was because I was doing 1 or 2 over the speed limit, sometimes it was because I “seemed to be lost” (in a white neighborhood). In every case when I was stopped for what I believe to be driving while black, there were a couple of things that happened. First, the police officer drove beside me and looked at me before pulling me over, and second, there was a long conversation about something unrelated to the stated reason they pulled me over. The conversations were either about why I was in that neighborhood, or about the nice car I was driving. In each of those instances I put on my “happy negro” face and did absolutely nothing that might get me killed, because in my mind I knew that was a possibility.
When I cross a border into the US in a car, I am nearly always interrogated. Last spring, on my way to Boston I stopped in Detroit to see a dear friend. From Detroit I drove across Canada to Niagara Falls, because it saves about 2 hours on the drive. Coming into the US, I showed my passport, and he asked me where I was going. I debated in my head whether to tell the truth, because I knew where this was going, but I decided to. He asked where I was headed, I told him Boston. He asked why, and I told him I was teaching a class at Harvard. He clearly thought I was lying. He then searched my car. He asked me if I had a letter proving that I was teaching at Harvard, and then started asking questions about my car. I gave him the complete history of my time at Harvard, including my student ID, and after 30 minutes he let me go. I can only assume that had I been white, that would not have happened.
The above examples are just the tip of the iceberg. There have been times when I called to look at apartments that had vacancies, but when I showed up they suddenly did not. I often get ignored in higher end stores when the sales people are gracious and friendly to the white customers. Nearly every time I have bought a car it has been an extremely condescending experience. In most of my graduate school experiences, I have been excluded from study groups, assumed that I was there because of affirmative action, and mistaken for either food service or the custodial crew. I know these things because people told me. “I’m glad you’re here even though you bumped my friend out of a spot in law school…” “We only asked the people we knew would do well to be in the study group.” “Are you going to vacuum in here?”
I could go on and on, but the point is that nearly every day, I have an interaction with someone who says or does something that lets me know that person perceives me as lesser based on the color of my skin. It may be how I am treated by a cashier compared to the white person in front of me, or the looks I get for being in the wrong (meaning white) neighborhood, women clutching their purses or people crossing the street, or locking their car doors when they see me… It may be from hateful stuff that people post on facebook or on twitter… not about me necessarily, but about blacks in general, or calling the president nigger, or monkey, or some other racial slur and using lynching imagery to talk about him. All of these, overt and subtle, day in and day out, serve to send me (and most blacks) the message that to this society, I am not as smart, not as valuable, not as deserving of respect as the white people in this society.
I am as educated as one can get, and I am squarely in the upper middle class, but I know that when I leave the house, in this society I am seen as “lesser”. I have complete control of my temper, and as an attorney, I know exactly where all of the legal lines fall when I do interact with law enforcement, but every time it happens I wonder if this will be the time when I get beat or killed.
Lets just assume for argument’s sake that most black people in America are having the same types of interactions with the larger society that I do. That the interactions they’ve had with the police have been at least as negative as mine, if not moreso. How many times do I have to get stopped for doing nothing before I am allowed to express my anger? (And for the record, I usually get a name and badge number and report it, but as best I can tell it doesn’t make a bit of difference). How often do I have to get searched or harassed, or detained by law enforcement before I have a right to stand up for myself and say, “enough”?
So if I get stopped for “looking like I was lost” and I’ve had enough, and decide not to show the officer my ID, what happens? I get arrested, and maybe beat for being uncooperative, and after the fact, charged with something stupid like “hindering an investigation”, and then resisting arrest, when the officer should not have stopped me in the first place. But, I got stopped because I looked suspicious by virtue of the color of my skin.
Roger, this happens all the time. This happens, in part, because there is an unconscious bias (sometimes conscious) in American culture that blacks are up to no good, and of lesser value. So, when these negative police interactions occur, there are some police officers who are perfectly willing to immediately escalate to full force, even when it is not necessary.
One of the disconnects for many whites is that it is difficult to believe that this may be happening with any regularity, but it is. And if, for argument’s sake that you believe me when I say it happens all the time that police harass, intimidate, and wrongfully arrest black people, especially black men (often because they protest being harassed) then some of the reaction to the Ferguson shooting makes more sense.
There are some who say Michael Brown broke the law as if that excuses the whole interaction. The questions that come up for me are things like, if the officer had more respect for Michael Brown would he have gotten out of the car to address him instead of just yelling at him from his car window. If the officer had actually gotten out of his car to address Michael Brown, would the interaction have gone differently? The issue for me isn’t whether Michael Brown broke the law, I’m perfectly willing to say yes, he did. The issue is whether the police officer could have approached the situation in such a way that Michael Brown would not be dead, and if the police officer had seen Michael Brown as having more value, would he have treated him differently from the beginning of the interaction.
In theory, the police are supposed to protect and serve, and are specifically trained to de-escalate a situation. In the situation with Eric Garner he didn’t attack the police, he didn’t run, he just didn’t want to be arrested, but the officers didn’t try very hard to have a conversation with him, they just jumped him and put a choke hold on him, for allegedly selling cigarettes. That clearly could have been handled differently, but if the police have little regard for a black man, why bother spending time trying to deescalate… simply wrestle him to the ground and don’t concern yourself with whether he can breathe or not.
The above examples are clouded for some by the underlying crime, so I would point to a few other examples that happened recently and were caught on tape. In September Lavar Jones was shot by a police officer. Mr. Jones had stopped at a convenience store and gotten out of his car. The officer followed him into the parking lot and asked him for his ID. When Mr Jones leaned back into his car to get his ID, the officer panicked and shot him. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XFYTtgZAlE
In August, John Crawford III. went to Walmart to buy a bb gun for his son. While in the store, holding the bb gun he was on the phone. Someone in the store called the police, and when they showed up, they ran in and shot him. http://www.theguardian.com/.../ohio-shooting-walmart-video
In both of these cases, I would argue that the police could have approached it differently, but did not in part because of the race of the individuals (which is the larger issue). This is the experience of many black people in America, and the Brown and Garner cases are just extreme examples of what we experience every day.
There are protesters who damaged property – they are wrong. That doesn’t excuse the behavior of the police. There is black on black crime. It is an issue. It doesn’t excuse the behavior of the police. This is a single issue that needs its own attention, and the other issues can be dealt with separately, and they do not justify or excuse this issue.
The Justice department just released the report of a 2 year investigation of the Cleveland Police Department. This is a majority white police department in a majority black city. The report (https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/1375050-doc.html) documents the pattern and practice of using excessive force.
There are lots and lots of examples that I could cite, and lots and lots of statistics that I could point you to, but ultimately I believe that the issue comes down to stepping outside of ones own experience and trying to understand the experiences of others. If most black people have had the experience of being treated as lesser based on race, then perhaps there is something to it, and it needs to be addressed.
Here is some research on perception data: http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/.../chapter-1-i-have-a.../...
Here is some research on how bias works in our brains: http://billmoyers.com/.../science-cops-shoot-young-black.../
